Chapter 11 ~ Fallen Tears.
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"Hold on if you feel like letting go, hold on it gets better than you know."
"Hold on" Good Charlotte
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Dust particles danced in the early morning light, casting a stream of light across the bed as Willow stood at the door of Giles room, watching both Buffy and Giles. Her eyes passed to their hands, Buffy's resting on top of the large Watcher's. They were both back, but Willow knew there was a bigger picture that she couldn't see.
She knew that Buffy was not back merely because her friends had wished so hard for her, even though Willow would like to think otherwise. Xander had told her she had specifically asked for Giles when she first arrived, as if she already knew what had happened to him. There was something imperative about keeping Giles alive, apart from him just being alive and to save her and the others more grievances. She guessed that was the reason Buffy was here. The only reason Buffy was here.
Tears stung at the back of her eyes and it was not long before she felt them falling. She scrunched up her eyes, trying to stop them, turning away from the door.
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"I thought I'd lost you." Buffy said grinning widely at the man who had once been her protector, roles reversed now. He looked up at her confused, as he still felt her hand holding his,
"It - it w-was you." He said after a moment, suddenly realizing how similar the hand that held his felt,
"Me? What did I do?"
"You lead me - lead me to -" he suddenly realized he didn't know where he was. Was it heaven? Was it hell? He certainly wasn't alive - Buffy was here,
"To - here." He said after a moment.
"The ambulance brought you here. I was with you - I - Giles you're in hospital." She said, watching his confused face for a moment before continuing,
"You remember the portal? You remember something pulled you, and I - I tried to pull you back." She watched his face for some recognition that he knew what she was on about. Giles eyes seemed to glaze over at the mention of the portal and Buffy felt that familiar pang of guilt again,
"I'm sorry Giles I tried so hard, but I couldn't - whatever it was had such a grip on you - It was stronger than me. I just - I couldn't. I'm so sorry." Buffy looked away, hurt by the expression he had on his face. She wondered about all the pain and turmoil of the things he had seen. Buffy had only caught a passing glimpse, but what he must have seen - She watched his eyes close in resignation to stay conscious and she let him go. He seemed more peaceful in sleep, and Buffy wanted to keep it that way.
She turned away from him; her hand grasping tighter over his cold fingers and she caught sight of Willow by the door. She watched the form of the red head shy away and Buffy stood, reluctant to leave Giles at first. She squeezed his hand again, letting her lips brush against his clammy forehead,
"I'll be back." He was dead to this world, but somehow she knew he could hear her. She left the room, quietly closing the door,
"Willow?" her best friend stopped halfway down the corridor, pausing for a moment before she turned back,
"I - Are you alright?" Buffy realized as soon as she asked it how stupid a question it had been, and Willow confirmed it for her. Moving back down the corridor she started to shake her head, smiling slightly,
"Not really." She said, blue-grey eyes meeting green ones,
"God Buffy. You're supposed to be dead. I watched them bury you three years ago and now here you are all bright and breezy as if nothing's happened. And Giles - he just ups and leaves because he can't bear to be without you, can't bear to be around us anymore, scared that he'll loose us the same way he lost you. Because you know Giles, blames everything on himself. And now he turns up three years later at your grave, beaten to a bloody pulp. I mean, I haven't even heard the whole story and yet you seem to know what's going on and you've not even been in this world." She stopped to breath, not even realizing that tears were rolling down her pale cheeks,
"How do you think I'm supposed to feel? I'm happy - God I'm so happy that I've got you both back. But there are questions - fears that Giles won't make it. That you'll go away again. Why you're both here? What happened? God I don't think I could get my head round it if you told be what happened." Tears continued to flow as sobs started to escape the witch's lips,
"What kind of question is, 'Are you alright?'" Buffy moved forward and encased Willow in her arms, hoping to take away all her fears and hopes, take away the pain for just one moment,
"I'm sorry Will." She said after a while,
"But answers will come. I promise you. Answers will come."
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"Ok Xander, thanks." Tara put the phone down before she turned to Anya and Spike who were perched on the stools at the kitchen isle,
"He's awake and the doctors say he should be fine." She picked up her juice, clasping it in her hands,
"Aura's in with him at the moment, but Xander said they'd all be coming home soon for some sleep. Everyone's tired." She said, leaning against the counter and sipping nervously at her juice.
"Yeah." Spike said getting up from his stool quite forcefully, causing it to clatter to the floor. He stooped and picked it up,
"I'm gonna head off myself. Been a long night n' all." He said gesturing in the direction of the basement before he opened the door to it, leaving Anya and Tara.
He closed the door behind him and padded down the stairs, pulling one of his boots off when he reached the bottom. He threw it at the wall, the second one following moments later,
"Bitch!" he shouted at the wall, before falling to his knees, tears falling from his eyes. It had been three years and he had kept his promise, looking after Dawn for Buffy and slowly he'd gotten over it. Or at least he'd kidded himself he'd got over it. But how could he really? Not one of them had gotten over it even he could see that.
Watcher had up and left. Bit seemed to get on with things just to prove to everyone it wasn't affecting her, but he had heard her crying herself to sleep some nights. She'd lost her sister and her mother in the same year and then Giles bloody ups and leaves too. What was the girl supposed to do? He had caught her with her nose in a book several times looking at resurrection spells, but never had she gone through with it. And Xander, well he'd almost stayed the same. He'd finally grown up though, got married and had a steady job for once in his life, didn't mean the guy didn't miss Buffy any less.
God it even hurt to think about her name, but she was back now. It should be good, everything back to normal. Yet as Spike sat on the floor crying he knew that she wasn't staying long.
'Bloody selfish of her,' he thought. But she wasn't even supposed to be here.
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Aura's hand found Rupert's easily as she pulled up a seat beside the bed. She smiled warmly at him as he turned to face her,
"Hi." She said meekly as she watched him. Her soft brown eyes fell on his green ones, but there was something different about them. She could see everything in those warm green eyes, but somehow there was nothing there anymore. He looked lost. As if someone had set him down somewhere and never come back from. As if he had been abandoned.
"How are you feeling?" He blinked a couple of times, looking up at her. He frowned, watching her for a long moment before turning away from her to the window, closing his eyes,
"I'm tired." He said, a sign that he wanted her to leave. Aura frowned, shocked by his reaction to her,
"I'll - uh -" she stood up letting go of his hand,
"I'll let you rest." She said leaning over to kiss his forehead. He didn't even react when she did that and it scared her. She moved away from the bed to the door. She paused as her hand rested on the door handle, looking back at him. She opened her mouth to say something again, but left it, opening the door and leaving him in his solitude.
As he heard the door click too his eyes opened, staring at the open window where the blind had been pulled down. His head rolled back over to face the door, but he couldn't see Aura through the window. He blinked a couple of times as tears slipped from beneath his eyelids, sorry for what he had just done.
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"Aura?" Willow asked moving down the corridor to the crying form of the woman. She placed a hand on her shoulder,
"Hey, it's ok." Aura turned, sobbing into Willow's shoulder,
"He'll be fine." Willow said making hushing noises,
"You heard what the doctors said."
"He's not. He's - Oh God -" a fresh wave of tears came and Willow put her arms round the crying woman, comforting her,
"He looks so lost. Like he's not there anymore." Aura said in a strangled whisper. Willow felt tears slipping from her own eyes as Aura spoke. She just wished they knew what had happened to him, and then someway they could do something. But he wouldn't tell, or couldn't tell. He looked like he couldn't bare the pain anymore; it was almost like he had given up fighting. Giles had given up. That was scary in itself,
"I think we just need some sleep." Willow said after a long pause, pulling away from Aura and wiping her eyes discreetly as Aura did the same,
"We'll leave him to rest. Come back tonight?" Aura nodded, sniffing as she tried to stop fresh tears coming as the two witches headed back to the waiting room and the small group that were concerned for him.
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"Hold on if you feel like letting go, hold on it gets better than you know."
"Hold on" Good Charlotte
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Dust particles danced in the early morning light, casting a stream of light across the bed as Willow stood at the door of Giles room, watching both Buffy and Giles. Her eyes passed to their hands, Buffy's resting on top of the large Watcher's. They were both back, but Willow knew there was a bigger picture that she couldn't see.
She knew that Buffy was not back merely because her friends had wished so hard for her, even though Willow would like to think otherwise. Xander had told her she had specifically asked for Giles when she first arrived, as if she already knew what had happened to him. There was something imperative about keeping Giles alive, apart from him just being alive and to save her and the others more grievances. She guessed that was the reason Buffy was here. The only reason Buffy was here.
Tears stung at the back of her eyes and it was not long before she felt them falling. She scrunched up her eyes, trying to stop them, turning away from the door.
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"I thought I'd lost you." Buffy said grinning widely at the man who had once been her protector, roles reversed now. He looked up at her confused, as he still felt her hand holding his,
"It - it w-was you." He said after a moment, suddenly realizing how similar the hand that held his felt,
"Me? What did I do?"
"You lead me - lead me to -" he suddenly realized he didn't know where he was. Was it heaven? Was it hell? He certainly wasn't alive - Buffy was here,
"To - here." He said after a moment.
"The ambulance brought you here. I was with you - I - Giles you're in hospital." She said, watching his confused face for a moment before continuing,
"You remember the portal? You remember something pulled you, and I - I tried to pull you back." She watched his face for some recognition that he knew what she was on about. Giles eyes seemed to glaze over at the mention of the portal and Buffy felt that familiar pang of guilt again,
"I'm sorry Giles I tried so hard, but I couldn't - whatever it was had such a grip on you - It was stronger than me. I just - I couldn't. I'm so sorry." Buffy looked away, hurt by the expression he had on his face. She wondered about all the pain and turmoil of the things he had seen. Buffy had only caught a passing glimpse, but what he must have seen - She watched his eyes close in resignation to stay conscious and she let him go. He seemed more peaceful in sleep, and Buffy wanted to keep it that way.
She turned away from him; her hand grasping tighter over his cold fingers and she caught sight of Willow by the door. She watched the form of the red head shy away and Buffy stood, reluctant to leave Giles at first. She squeezed his hand again, letting her lips brush against his clammy forehead,
"I'll be back." He was dead to this world, but somehow she knew he could hear her. She left the room, quietly closing the door,
"Willow?" her best friend stopped halfway down the corridor, pausing for a moment before she turned back,
"I - Are you alright?" Buffy realized as soon as she asked it how stupid a question it had been, and Willow confirmed it for her. Moving back down the corridor she started to shake her head, smiling slightly,
"Not really." She said, blue-grey eyes meeting green ones,
"God Buffy. You're supposed to be dead. I watched them bury you three years ago and now here you are all bright and breezy as if nothing's happened. And Giles - he just ups and leaves because he can't bear to be without you, can't bear to be around us anymore, scared that he'll loose us the same way he lost you. Because you know Giles, blames everything on himself. And now he turns up three years later at your grave, beaten to a bloody pulp. I mean, I haven't even heard the whole story and yet you seem to know what's going on and you've not even been in this world." She stopped to breath, not even realizing that tears were rolling down her pale cheeks,
"How do you think I'm supposed to feel? I'm happy - God I'm so happy that I've got you both back. But there are questions - fears that Giles won't make it. That you'll go away again. Why you're both here? What happened? God I don't think I could get my head round it if you told be what happened." Tears continued to flow as sobs started to escape the witch's lips,
"What kind of question is, 'Are you alright?'" Buffy moved forward and encased Willow in her arms, hoping to take away all her fears and hopes, take away the pain for just one moment,
"I'm sorry Will." She said after a while,
"But answers will come. I promise you. Answers will come."
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"Ok Xander, thanks." Tara put the phone down before she turned to Anya and Spike who were perched on the stools at the kitchen isle,
"He's awake and the doctors say he should be fine." She picked up her juice, clasping it in her hands,
"Aura's in with him at the moment, but Xander said they'd all be coming home soon for some sleep. Everyone's tired." She said, leaning against the counter and sipping nervously at her juice.
"Yeah." Spike said getting up from his stool quite forcefully, causing it to clatter to the floor. He stooped and picked it up,
"I'm gonna head off myself. Been a long night n' all." He said gesturing in the direction of the basement before he opened the door to it, leaving Anya and Tara.
He closed the door behind him and padded down the stairs, pulling one of his boots off when he reached the bottom. He threw it at the wall, the second one following moments later,
"Bitch!" he shouted at the wall, before falling to his knees, tears falling from his eyes. It had been three years and he had kept his promise, looking after Dawn for Buffy and slowly he'd gotten over it. Or at least he'd kidded himself he'd got over it. But how could he really? Not one of them had gotten over it even he could see that.
Watcher had up and left. Bit seemed to get on with things just to prove to everyone it wasn't affecting her, but he had heard her crying herself to sleep some nights. She'd lost her sister and her mother in the same year and then Giles bloody ups and leaves too. What was the girl supposed to do? He had caught her with her nose in a book several times looking at resurrection spells, but never had she gone through with it. And Xander, well he'd almost stayed the same. He'd finally grown up though, got married and had a steady job for once in his life, didn't mean the guy didn't miss Buffy any less.
God it even hurt to think about her name, but she was back now. It should be good, everything back to normal. Yet as Spike sat on the floor crying he knew that she wasn't staying long.
'Bloody selfish of her,' he thought. But she wasn't even supposed to be here.
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Aura's hand found Rupert's easily as she pulled up a seat beside the bed. She smiled warmly at him as he turned to face her,
"Hi." She said meekly as she watched him. Her soft brown eyes fell on his green ones, but there was something different about them. She could see everything in those warm green eyes, but somehow there was nothing there anymore. He looked lost. As if someone had set him down somewhere and never come back from. As if he had been abandoned.
"How are you feeling?" He blinked a couple of times, looking up at her. He frowned, watching her for a long moment before turning away from her to the window, closing his eyes,
"I'm tired." He said, a sign that he wanted her to leave. Aura frowned, shocked by his reaction to her,
"I'll - uh -" she stood up letting go of his hand,
"I'll let you rest." She said leaning over to kiss his forehead. He didn't even react when she did that and it scared her. She moved away from the bed to the door. She paused as her hand rested on the door handle, looking back at him. She opened her mouth to say something again, but left it, opening the door and leaving him in his solitude.
As he heard the door click too his eyes opened, staring at the open window where the blind had been pulled down. His head rolled back over to face the door, but he couldn't see Aura through the window. He blinked a couple of times as tears slipped from beneath his eyelids, sorry for what he had just done.
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"Aura?" Willow asked moving down the corridor to the crying form of the woman. She placed a hand on her shoulder,
"Hey, it's ok." Aura turned, sobbing into Willow's shoulder,
"He'll be fine." Willow said making hushing noises,
"You heard what the doctors said."
"He's not. He's - Oh God -" a fresh wave of tears came and Willow put her arms round the crying woman, comforting her,
"He looks so lost. Like he's not there anymore." Aura said in a strangled whisper. Willow felt tears slipping from her own eyes as Aura spoke. She just wished they knew what had happened to him, and then someway they could do something. But he wouldn't tell, or couldn't tell. He looked like he couldn't bare the pain anymore; it was almost like he had given up fighting. Giles had given up. That was scary in itself,
"I think we just need some sleep." Willow said after a long pause, pulling away from Aura and wiping her eyes discreetly as Aura did the same,
"We'll leave him to rest. Come back tonight?" Aura nodded, sniffing as she tried to stop fresh tears coming as the two witches headed back to the waiting room and the small group that were concerned for him.