Chapter 13 ~ Questions without you.
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"Take all the goods from all the bads and tell the people that you've gone away."
"Safe" Travis
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No one had slept well that night. Thoughts had plagued everyone's mind and they were still stuck in them as they gathered in the kitchen for breakfast.
Buffy stood by the sink sipping at a glass of orange juice, staring into space as thoughts of Giles and what he had seen weaved their way through her mind. How was she going to fix this?
Tara stared at the pancake she was making for Dawn as it twisted into a shape that looked like a duck if you tilted your head slightly to the left. And if you tilted it to the right it kind of looked like a vampire. She frowned as she flipped it in the pan before it burned. The silence in the kitchen was odd for morning in the Summers' residence but everybody was mulling things over, but she had done all the thinking on the subject that she wanted to do. She was just worried for her sweetie, who's brow seemed to be creased in a permanent frown as she tired to figure things out. What would happen if she lost Willow?
Dawn picked at the first pancake Tara had made for her not really all that hungry. She had other things on her mind. Things such as her sister being alive again and how she wasn't going to stay. She couldn't understand it. She let the pancake drop onto the plate as she pushed her chair back angrily. Why the hell would they allow her sister back, only to take her away from her again? It wasn't fair.
Dawn stormed out of the kitchen, stomping her feet loudly,
"Dawn?" Willow called after her, leaving her own pancake to follow the teen. She knew where Dawn was coming from. Willow felt like getting up and storming out of the house as well. It wasn't fair to have Giles and Buffy back and then realize that she wasn't allowed to keep Buffy, or probably Giles. She knew it was selfish, but somehow she just didn't care.
"Dawn?"
"I'm going to college." Dawn said coming back down the stairs, her bag and coat in hand,
"I'll be back later."
"Dawn?" Willow questioned again as she caught hold of the troubled teens arm,
"What!?" she shouted in the witch's face, anger on her face, trying to hide what she really felt,
"What?" she said more timidly, her features softening.
"You don't have to go. Special circumstances yah know?" Dawn shook her head at Willow, tears threatening to fall.
"I can't. Willow I just -" Willow nodded, understanding her need to be away from the house and away from the confusion the last day had brought,
"Ok. Just take care. Yeah?" Dawn nodded, putting her jacket on, before embracing the witch in a hug,
"If you need to get in touch I've got my phone." Dawn said, patting her trouser pocket,
"I'll call at lunchtime?" Willow asked,
"I'll leave it on." Dawn said going out the house and closing the door gently behind. Willow sighed, standing in the hall for a long moment. She couldn't hear anything else in the house except for the hiss of pancakes in the pan and the running of the shower up the stairs. It was disturbing. The house was so full of people and yet no one laughed, no one giggled, no one shared sarcastic comments or a joke; no one even spoke.
She moved back into the kitchen, as there was a shrill ring, which made her jump. She soon realized it was the phone as Xander moved towards it, indicating to it without a word and Willow nodded.
"Hello, Summer's res-" he broke off, his mock cheery voice disappearing as a grave expression passed over his face,
"No I'm afraid she's-" Willow frowned watching her best friend as the basement door opened, revealing a paler than usual Spike. Anya smiled awkwardly at the vampire who only nodded slightly, going to the fridge, his eyes stuck on the floor as he did so. He pulled a mug of blood from the fridge, turning as he closed the door, his eyes meeting Buffy's for a moment. He stopped, stock still as he watched her before he reverted his eyes, bringing the mug away from his lips and going back to the basement door. It slammed shut behind him, resonating throughout the house as Willow heard the shower go off upstairs,
"Yeah. Course I will." Xander's voice brought Willow's gaze away from the spot on the ceiling she had been staring at as if she could see Aura through it, almost crying to herself in the bathroom.
"Is there anything that we can do?" Xander was asking the person on the end of the phone. Willow didn't know who it was, but she could hazard a guess,
"Right." Xander raised a hand to his head, turning away from the questioning eyes of his wife and best friend. Buffy was still staring out the window, lost in thought and Tara was still making pancakes. His hand stopped on the way to scratch his neck, lowering back down to rest at his side,
"Can't - I'm sure that we can look after. Yeah I got that but-" Xander was becoming exasperated with whoever it was on the phone,
"You can't say that. He's not- NO!" Willow could see Xander's knuckles going white as he held the phone in his hand,
"You're just going to lock him up?" All eyes seemed to fall on Xander at those words. Buffy's glass of juice she had been drinking was pushed onto the kitchen island as she went to Xander, taking the phone from him,
"Lock him up?" she shouted down the phone as Xander stepped away to lean on the sink, staring out the window. Anya went to him, rubbing his arm, watching as his muscles tensed as if he was about to punch something. Tara turned off the grill looking at Xander before sharing a look with her sweetie as Buffy continued to talk on the phone,
"You can't someone needs to - I thought he wasn't in his right state of mind?" Buffy was becoming agitated as Anya tried to coax what was happening out of Xander. His knuckles were stark white as he gripped the edge of the work surface, then suddenly he let go, turning away,
"They want to put him in a mental institution." He said before leaving the kitchen. Anya followed him, casting a glance between the two witches before passing Buffy who was still on the phone,
"Can't someone look after him?" she was silent for a moment before all the colour drained from her face.
"He wouldn't - Giles wouldn't do that." Willow's eyes went wide, as did Buffy's. She couldn't hear what was going on but it was causing her to panic. Giles in a mental institution, what had he done?
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"Xander?" Anya called following her husband down the path. She caught up to him while he was putting his jacket,
"Where are you going?" she asked, looking at him concerned,
"You're not going to kill the doctors or something crazy like that are you?" he stared at her angrily for a moment before the facade faded,
"No Anya." He said, taking her into his arms before kissing her on the head,
"I'm going to work. I need to talk to the crew. But I'll be back later."
"Your promise? You promise you won't try to rescue Giles or get yourself killed or leave me?" he frowned, watching her for a moment, confused by her questions,
"Anya I wouldn't leave you for all the money in the world." She smiled faintly for a moment before reaching up for a kiss, causing Xander to oblige gratefully,
"I love you." He said softly,
"I love you too." She said as she watched him turn to go. What would she do without her Xander?
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Aura's eyes shifted awkwardly about the room almost as if she was drunk as she tried to take it all in. Giles in a mental institution. Her Rupert crazy. She shook her head again, almost in disbelief, but she had heard it enough times in the past hour since she had come down from her shower to find Tara, Willow and Anya huddled round an exasperated Buffy on the phone to the hospital. She couldn't quite see him assaulting a nurse and calling her the things he had. She could never imagine the kind hearted gentle man she had come to love ever doing anything like that.
"Are you sure?" she asked for the umpteenth time as she continued to look at Buffy.
"They said that they moved him to the psychiatric ward last night after he hit the nurse. They said he was babbling something about her being the devil and that someone would come and she would pay." Buffy sighed,
"He wasn't making a whole lot of sense. The doctor came to see him this morning and decided he would be better off in Kingfisher." She stood up, unable to sit still anymore,
"They said he's a hazard to himself and others. They think time at Kingfisher's would do him good." She rubbed the back of her neck, looking at Willow for a moment, before turning back to look at Aura,
"They're moving him this afternoon. They've done all they can for him physically." Aura nodded slowly, still unable to take it in.
"They said you can come see him off, and then you can arrange a time each week when we can visit him." Aura nodded dumbly again, hot tears welling in the backs of her eyes. She felt them sliding down her face as comforting arms wrapped around her. What was she going to do without Rupert?
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There was a little girl in the waiting room. She sat crossed legged on one of the grey armchairs, her chin resting on her hands. She was no older than about five and she seemed to be dressed up in her best clothes. Her red woolen coat looked brand new and the red ribbons in her hair looked crisply pressed. Her red patent shoes gleamed brightly in the hospital lighting and Buffy couldn't help but smile as she sat opposite the girl. She didn't seem to be with anyone though, but neither did she look lost. She stared intently at Buffy for a long while, smiling back at the lovely woman with the halo of blond hair. Buffy blinked as a doctor went by and when she looked back to the little girl she was gone from the chair, her hand now placed firmly inside her father's who was moving down the hall with her.
"I was watching the Angel daddy." She heard the little girl say. The man stopped and bent down to his daughter, meeting the little girl's gaze,
"What Angel sweetheart?" he asked softly. Buffy realized the man reminded her of Giles, only younger. The little girl pointed at Buffy, and Buffy almost blushed as the man turned to look at her.
"She's got a halo and wings and she's here to help her friends. She doesn't want them to die. But one of her friend's is really sick and he might not get better. But he will, won't he daddy? So the Angel doesn't have anything to worry about?" The man smiled fondly at his daughter before picking the little girl up in his arms,
"I'm sure the Angel won't let her friend die baby." He said kissing the girl on the head as he smiled at Buffy. Buffy didn't smile back as she watched the little girl and her father disappear down the corridor. She was confused as to how the little girl knew so much by just looking at Buffy. Maybe it was the fact she was a child or maybe she was clair-whats-her- name. The word that Giles used to describe people who could see things others couldn't. She couldn't remember and she wished she could ask Giles, but she couldn't. Maybe she could ask him tomorrow, the time to go and see him she had arranged with one of the doctors who had come to collect Giles. She couldn't wait until tomorrow to see him, she needed so badly to see if he was all right, see if she could fix the mess she had made of things.
She could go now, she would just catch them, but she had wanted to give Aura and Giles their privacy. But she wasn't even sure Giles would recognize Aura by what the doctor had told her on the phone. She couldn't shake the guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach and as Aura came down the corridor, hurriedly trying to wipe away the tears in her eyes the guilt seemed to double.
"He's on his way." She said sheepishly as she sniffed, holding back more tears,
"Buffy he didn't even know who I was. He was just - he wasn't there." She sniffed loudly,
"And he didn't even know who I was." She repeated as a hand went to her eyes to try and stop the tears,
"I'm sorry I'm just being stupid." She said after a moment while she continued to try and compose herself. When she looked up she found Buffy crying as well.
"No you're not. But you're not the one who screwed up." Aura watched Buffy for a moment, unable to argue with the small blond. Buffy was right she was the one who had screwed up and because of that Aura felt hostile towards her. But it hadn't been Buffy who had set about the end of the world again, nor had it been Buffy who had forced Giles to fight in it or pushed him through the portal. She had tried to stop him from being pulled through, and she had failed. Aura had failed to protect him as well.
Everyone was carrying guilt on their shoulders at the moment.
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"Take all the goods from all the bads and tell the people that you've gone away."
"Safe" Travis
*********************************************************************
No one had slept well that night. Thoughts had plagued everyone's mind and they were still stuck in them as they gathered in the kitchen for breakfast.
Buffy stood by the sink sipping at a glass of orange juice, staring into space as thoughts of Giles and what he had seen weaved their way through her mind. How was she going to fix this?
Tara stared at the pancake she was making for Dawn as it twisted into a shape that looked like a duck if you tilted your head slightly to the left. And if you tilted it to the right it kind of looked like a vampire. She frowned as she flipped it in the pan before it burned. The silence in the kitchen was odd for morning in the Summers' residence but everybody was mulling things over, but she had done all the thinking on the subject that she wanted to do. She was just worried for her sweetie, who's brow seemed to be creased in a permanent frown as she tired to figure things out. What would happen if she lost Willow?
Dawn picked at the first pancake Tara had made for her not really all that hungry. She had other things on her mind. Things such as her sister being alive again and how she wasn't going to stay. She couldn't understand it. She let the pancake drop onto the plate as she pushed her chair back angrily. Why the hell would they allow her sister back, only to take her away from her again? It wasn't fair.
Dawn stormed out of the kitchen, stomping her feet loudly,
"Dawn?" Willow called after her, leaving her own pancake to follow the teen. She knew where Dawn was coming from. Willow felt like getting up and storming out of the house as well. It wasn't fair to have Giles and Buffy back and then realize that she wasn't allowed to keep Buffy, or probably Giles. She knew it was selfish, but somehow she just didn't care.
"Dawn?"
"I'm going to college." Dawn said coming back down the stairs, her bag and coat in hand,
"I'll be back later."
"Dawn?" Willow questioned again as she caught hold of the troubled teens arm,
"What!?" she shouted in the witch's face, anger on her face, trying to hide what she really felt,
"What?" she said more timidly, her features softening.
"You don't have to go. Special circumstances yah know?" Dawn shook her head at Willow, tears threatening to fall.
"I can't. Willow I just -" Willow nodded, understanding her need to be away from the house and away from the confusion the last day had brought,
"Ok. Just take care. Yeah?" Dawn nodded, putting her jacket on, before embracing the witch in a hug,
"If you need to get in touch I've got my phone." Dawn said, patting her trouser pocket,
"I'll call at lunchtime?" Willow asked,
"I'll leave it on." Dawn said going out the house and closing the door gently behind. Willow sighed, standing in the hall for a long moment. She couldn't hear anything else in the house except for the hiss of pancakes in the pan and the running of the shower up the stairs. It was disturbing. The house was so full of people and yet no one laughed, no one giggled, no one shared sarcastic comments or a joke; no one even spoke.
She moved back into the kitchen, as there was a shrill ring, which made her jump. She soon realized it was the phone as Xander moved towards it, indicating to it without a word and Willow nodded.
"Hello, Summer's res-" he broke off, his mock cheery voice disappearing as a grave expression passed over his face,
"No I'm afraid she's-" Willow frowned watching her best friend as the basement door opened, revealing a paler than usual Spike. Anya smiled awkwardly at the vampire who only nodded slightly, going to the fridge, his eyes stuck on the floor as he did so. He pulled a mug of blood from the fridge, turning as he closed the door, his eyes meeting Buffy's for a moment. He stopped, stock still as he watched her before he reverted his eyes, bringing the mug away from his lips and going back to the basement door. It slammed shut behind him, resonating throughout the house as Willow heard the shower go off upstairs,
"Yeah. Course I will." Xander's voice brought Willow's gaze away from the spot on the ceiling she had been staring at as if she could see Aura through it, almost crying to herself in the bathroom.
"Is there anything that we can do?" Xander was asking the person on the end of the phone. Willow didn't know who it was, but she could hazard a guess,
"Right." Xander raised a hand to his head, turning away from the questioning eyes of his wife and best friend. Buffy was still staring out the window, lost in thought and Tara was still making pancakes. His hand stopped on the way to scratch his neck, lowering back down to rest at his side,
"Can't - I'm sure that we can look after. Yeah I got that but-" Xander was becoming exasperated with whoever it was on the phone,
"You can't say that. He's not- NO!" Willow could see Xander's knuckles going white as he held the phone in his hand,
"You're just going to lock him up?" All eyes seemed to fall on Xander at those words. Buffy's glass of juice she had been drinking was pushed onto the kitchen island as she went to Xander, taking the phone from him,
"Lock him up?" she shouted down the phone as Xander stepped away to lean on the sink, staring out the window. Anya went to him, rubbing his arm, watching as his muscles tensed as if he was about to punch something. Tara turned off the grill looking at Xander before sharing a look with her sweetie as Buffy continued to talk on the phone,
"You can't someone needs to - I thought he wasn't in his right state of mind?" Buffy was becoming agitated as Anya tried to coax what was happening out of Xander. His knuckles were stark white as he gripped the edge of the work surface, then suddenly he let go, turning away,
"They want to put him in a mental institution." He said before leaving the kitchen. Anya followed him, casting a glance between the two witches before passing Buffy who was still on the phone,
"Can't someone look after him?" she was silent for a moment before all the colour drained from her face.
"He wouldn't - Giles wouldn't do that." Willow's eyes went wide, as did Buffy's. She couldn't hear what was going on but it was causing her to panic. Giles in a mental institution, what had he done?
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"Xander?" Anya called following her husband down the path. She caught up to him while he was putting his jacket,
"Where are you going?" she asked, looking at him concerned,
"You're not going to kill the doctors or something crazy like that are you?" he stared at her angrily for a moment before the facade faded,
"No Anya." He said, taking her into his arms before kissing her on the head,
"I'm going to work. I need to talk to the crew. But I'll be back later."
"Your promise? You promise you won't try to rescue Giles or get yourself killed or leave me?" he frowned, watching her for a moment, confused by her questions,
"Anya I wouldn't leave you for all the money in the world." She smiled faintly for a moment before reaching up for a kiss, causing Xander to oblige gratefully,
"I love you." He said softly,
"I love you too." She said as she watched him turn to go. What would she do without her Xander?
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Aura's eyes shifted awkwardly about the room almost as if she was drunk as she tried to take it all in. Giles in a mental institution. Her Rupert crazy. She shook her head again, almost in disbelief, but she had heard it enough times in the past hour since she had come down from her shower to find Tara, Willow and Anya huddled round an exasperated Buffy on the phone to the hospital. She couldn't quite see him assaulting a nurse and calling her the things he had. She could never imagine the kind hearted gentle man she had come to love ever doing anything like that.
"Are you sure?" she asked for the umpteenth time as she continued to look at Buffy.
"They said that they moved him to the psychiatric ward last night after he hit the nurse. They said he was babbling something about her being the devil and that someone would come and she would pay." Buffy sighed,
"He wasn't making a whole lot of sense. The doctor came to see him this morning and decided he would be better off in Kingfisher." She stood up, unable to sit still anymore,
"They said he's a hazard to himself and others. They think time at Kingfisher's would do him good." She rubbed the back of her neck, looking at Willow for a moment, before turning back to look at Aura,
"They're moving him this afternoon. They've done all they can for him physically." Aura nodded slowly, still unable to take it in.
"They said you can come see him off, and then you can arrange a time each week when we can visit him." Aura nodded dumbly again, hot tears welling in the backs of her eyes. She felt them sliding down her face as comforting arms wrapped around her. What was she going to do without Rupert?
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There was a little girl in the waiting room. She sat crossed legged on one of the grey armchairs, her chin resting on her hands. She was no older than about five and she seemed to be dressed up in her best clothes. Her red woolen coat looked brand new and the red ribbons in her hair looked crisply pressed. Her red patent shoes gleamed brightly in the hospital lighting and Buffy couldn't help but smile as she sat opposite the girl. She didn't seem to be with anyone though, but neither did she look lost. She stared intently at Buffy for a long while, smiling back at the lovely woman with the halo of blond hair. Buffy blinked as a doctor went by and when she looked back to the little girl she was gone from the chair, her hand now placed firmly inside her father's who was moving down the hall with her.
"I was watching the Angel daddy." She heard the little girl say. The man stopped and bent down to his daughter, meeting the little girl's gaze,
"What Angel sweetheart?" he asked softly. Buffy realized the man reminded her of Giles, only younger. The little girl pointed at Buffy, and Buffy almost blushed as the man turned to look at her.
"She's got a halo and wings and she's here to help her friends. She doesn't want them to die. But one of her friend's is really sick and he might not get better. But he will, won't he daddy? So the Angel doesn't have anything to worry about?" The man smiled fondly at his daughter before picking the little girl up in his arms,
"I'm sure the Angel won't let her friend die baby." He said kissing the girl on the head as he smiled at Buffy. Buffy didn't smile back as she watched the little girl and her father disappear down the corridor. She was confused as to how the little girl knew so much by just looking at Buffy. Maybe it was the fact she was a child or maybe she was clair-whats-her- name. The word that Giles used to describe people who could see things others couldn't. She couldn't remember and she wished she could ask Giles, but she couldn't. Maybe she could ask him tomorrow, the time to go and see him she had arranged with one of the doctors who had come to collect Giles. She couldn't wait until tomorrow to see him, she needed so badly to see if he was all right, see if she could fix the mess she had made of things.
She could go now, she would just catch them, but she had wanted to give Aura and Giles their privacy. But she wasn't even sure Giles would recognize Aura by what the doctor had told her on the phone. She couldn't shake the guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach and as Aura came down the corridor, hurriedly trying to wipe away the tears in her eyes the guilt seemed to double.
"He's on his way." She said sheepishly as she sniffed, holding back more tears,
"Buffy he didn't even know who I was. He was just - he wasn't there." She sniffed loudly,
"And he didn't even know who I was." She repeated as a hand went to her eyes to try and stop the tears,
"I'm sorry I'm just being stupid." She said after a moment while she continued to try and compose herself. When she looked up she found Buffy crying as well.
"No you're not. But you're not the one who screwed up." Aura watched Buffy for a moment, unable to argue with the small blond. Buffy was right she was the one who had screwed up and because of that Aura felt hostile towards her. But it hadn't been Buffy who had set about the end of the world again, nor had it been Buffy who had forced Giles to fight in it or pushed him through the portal. She had tried to stop him from being pulled through, and she had failed. Aura had failed to protect him as well.
Everyone was carrying guilt on their shoulders at the moment.