For some reason, ff dot net kind of cuts off bits of my chapter, so sry in advance.
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Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto
Driver's Exam Permit
Guests: Ibiki (The first chuunin examiner dude, if you have forgotten.)
Itachi beamed, which is rather difficult to picture, but go ahead, you can do it!!!
Today was the day where he was going to test for his basic license. Meaning if he passed, he would never have to ask any of the other Akatsuki members for rides ever again. And in addition to that, Itachi could also crash wild parties, spy on chicks making out, and even turn to committing car related crimes instead of the usual Akatsuki kidnappings and the original "I committed genocide at 13" stuff.
Come to think of it, the whole genocide thing was getting a little old for Itachi and no one really cared except Sasuke, and people who thought it might affect his stability, namely all the Jounins.
Itachi whistled random show tunes while he waited in line at the Konoha DMV, thinking of all the key stuff that Kisame had taught him. In order to disguise himself from the Konoha citizens, he had taken off his coat, let down his hair, put on some makeup to conceal the lines under his eyes, painted his nails blue, and put on blue contacts, thus making his Sharingan a lovely shade of purple. (Yes, I love the Uchiha brothers, they're so kakkoi!)
Incidentally, back at the Akatsuki's lair, Kisame closed his eyes and deeply prayed for Itachi to pass, without being sued for damages, but in his heart, he knew that was too much to ask for. The rest of the Akatsuki merely patted him and gave him their sympathies before going out to perform their daily tasks.
Kisame and Orochimaru (when he was still there) had been coerced to teach Itachi to drive, while the rest of the Akatsuki left rather quickly, muttering something about visiting their sick mothers, dead pets' graves and what not.
Of course Kisame was left to teach Itachi after Orochimaru had forfeited his place in the Akatsuki for reasons most likely due to "someone" constantly driving over curbs when making left turns. Or it could have been the fact that he was very afraid since Itachi had already trashed 3 of Kisame's Lexus's all in 1 day. Either way, it was Itachi's fault.
But even if Orochimaru had gone back to the Akatsuki, he wouldn't have been able to continue to teach Itachi seeing how his arms were rendered useless by the sandaime. No use of Orochimaru's arms meant no one to pull the emergency brake. And of course no emergency brake meant a 75% increase of "accidents" in the 10 mile radius within the car.
Luckily Orochimaru isn't with the Akatsuki anymore, so lets get back to our story.
Itachi looked at the long line in front of them. It was probably gonna be another hour til it was his turn. Oh well, might as well.
"Tsukiyomi" he whispered.
Although Itachi had only meant to induce half of the line in front of him to 96 hours of pain and torture, the blue contacts had magnified the mangekyo sharingan's power, thus the whole line ahead of him collapsed and writhed, being influenced into thinking that an 18 wheeler was running over them for 96 hours. Oh, well.
"Next," said the chuunin lady, who had been rather oblivious to the previous incident, "name?"
"Um....." Itachi looked around trying to make up a name, since he couldn't use his own. He spotted had spotted a fan, but since he wasn't that stupid, he tried to search else where.
"bingo" he thought, as he saw someone reading an Icha Icha Paradise novel. It had reminded him of a particular "someone".
"Uh.....Hatake.......Itachi"
"...Hand in your forms and proofs and follow me..."
Itachi did so, and followed the Chuunin lady to the parking lot, filled with cars that had...er...certain damaged areas. But no matter, Itachi was going to pass, he knew it.
"Here's the applicant, Ibiki-san, and absolutely NO MENTAL TORTURE!"
"But the kids have to deal with this thing I tell you, just look at that Uchiha Sasuke kid."
"NO MEANS NO!!" And with that, the Chuunin lady left.
Itachi raised an eyebrow, "The captain of the torture and interrogation unit, has been reduced to a driving examiner?"
Normally this would be funny, however in Itachi's case, Ibiki was bound to pressure him with his mental torturing techniques until he cracked. The fact that Itachi was a wanted S-class criminal and a bad driver did not help either.
"Ok, before we get started, I'm going to give a chance to back out. Because, if you fail, you can never take this road test ever again!!" Ibiki, smiled at his own genius.
"...The pamphlet said you could take the text in 2 weeks again if you fail." muttered Itachi rolling his eyes.
"...Damn, ok you past the first test" replied Ibiki, looking a little dejected. This was a tough cookie.
Itachi backed out the car smoothly and drove out of the parking lot. Then he proceeded to drive outward.
"Hatake Itachi....Are you by any chance related to Hatake Kakashi?"
"Err.....yes actually....I'm his cousin?"
"...oh....hm...in my opinion you look more like an Uchiha...too bad that Sasuke Uchiha's psycho brother wiped them all out, I mean honestly, I would have killed them, and taken their money and/or forbidden scrolls, and THEN run."
"So...uh...did they catch this uh...guy yet?" Itachi had to admit, the man had a point, he should have taken the money.
"Nah...but time will come-hey!!!! What the!!!"
Itachi who was too busy trying to think of a way to steer (pun intended) the conversation away from the Uchihas, unfortuneatly had just run over a curb near the crosswalk hurtling the car dangerously near an absent-minded Shikamaru who was probably thinking of clouds and about to cross the street. But at the last minute Itachi swerved into the left street just missing Shikamaru by a couple of inches, and waking him up from his trance.
"...walking across this street is too troublesome...and apparently dangerous" so he turned around and decided not to cross the street, sitting down on one of the benches.
"That's minus 230 points for almost running over the kid and driving over the curb!!" Ibiki clutched his clipboard in one hand, and put the other one on the emergency brake. But Ibiki was glad, for he had discovered that conversation was the key to failing the boy. Oh but it was for his own good, I mean a driver must drive well under all conditions and must not get distracted. Awakening the "sadist" side in him, Ibiki formulated a plan.
Itachi silently cursed. But he regained his demeanor, by remembering what Kisame had told him to do. Sing West Side Story Songs in his head. Itachi sighed, why couldn't he have picked some other genre? Oh well here goes, Itachi made a K-Turn just near the Ichiraku and began to sing in his head. Ibiki on the other hand, began to commence with his plan.
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gayyyyy..." Itachi stopped, this was so ridiculous, he made a mental note to punish Kisame later.
"So you're 18?" asked Ibiki.
Itachi nodded, "and I pity, any girl who isn't me today…DAMN its stuck in my head!!".
"Got a girlfriend?"
Itachi shook his head, "I feel charming, oh so charming, oh so charming, its alarming how charming I feeelllll—…"
"Boyfriend?"
Itachi suddenly snapped his head toward the instructor in reaction to his question and at the same time, slammed on the brakes in front of the traffic light. "...Do I look gay to you?"
Ibiki shrugged and smiled a sadistic smile, "Hey, well you're the first guy I've met who wears nail polish, besides the Akatsuki guys which I'm sure you're not apart of, besides, I won't tell...oh and by the way, you get a –60 points for not braking fast enough...and another –50 for not looking at the road."
"Chikuso..." muttered a fuming Itachi making a left when the green light flashed, "Bah!!...I'll Tsukiyomi him later"
"Okay, parallel park in that space" said Ibiki, "yes you're almost close, no no, too close, NO, now you're too far away, no no, now you're at weird angle, yes, that's its, no go slower—.."
By that time, after being accused as a gay, distracted to the extent of almost running Shikamaru over, and tricked into having most of his points taken away, Itachi had had enough. Imprudently out of fury he slammed on the gas pedal sending the battered car, into the one in front. In panic and frustration Itachi, impulsively shift the gears in reverse and pressed the gas pedal backing up the car into the Konoha bookstore.
Ibiki, who was incidentally calm the whole time by the way, pulled up the emergency brake. He was having a party in his head, since he had succeeded in finally cracking this Itachi kid. But, before he could subtract the rest of Itachi's dwindling points, he felt himself being grabbed by the Jounin vest collar and stared at with some bloodshot, mangekyo purple eyes.
"...You will pass me, in this exam..."
"...I will pass you, in this exam..." Ibiki muttered, in a trance.
"...You will pay for all the damages..."
"...I will pay for all the damages..."
"...You will then replace the images of this whole test, with happy bunnies, and green fields..."
"...I will then replace the images of this whole test with happy bunnies and green fields..."
"...You will enjoy those images for the rest of your life..."
"...I will enjoy those images fot the rest of my life..."
"...You will quack like a duck when whenever you see Asuma..."
"...I will quack like a duck whenever I see Asuma..."
"...When I count to 3 and snap my fingers, you will awake and carry on with your duties..."
"...When you count to 3 and snap your fingers I will awaken and carry on with my duties..."
"1..2..3...-snap, snap-..."
"Eh? Congradulations YOU PASSSS!!!!!" exclaimed an unmindful Ibiki awake from his trance, You're license should be mailed to you the next day.
Itachi merely smirked, put his hair back in a ponytail and disappeared into the smoke, ninja style.
Meanwhile, Kisame who was pacing back and forth nervously, jumped out of his...er...shark skin when Itachi poofed next to him.
"AIEEEEEHHHH!! Don't scare me like that!!!!!!! So how didya do? How didya do?"
By then, most of the Akatsuki had returned and was also eagerly awaiting an answer.
"I....PASSED!!!!!!!" exclaimed a happy Itachi, bouncing around the room. "Now I can take you guys places!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"No damages?"
"NOPE!!!!!!!"
"HELL YEAHHHH!!!! My prayers have been answered!!!!" Kisame punched the air.
Itachi looked at Kisame and the Akatsuki, "Ahhhhh....they look so happy...maybe I shouldn't tell them that I hypnotised the examiner into giving me a license..."
The rest of the Akatsuki, looked at each other quizically and bolted toward their rooms, shivering out of trepidation. From now on, they're gonna have to travel by trees far away from the road as possible. Because...Itachi had gotten his license!!!! DUM DUM DUUUUUMMMMMMMMMM!!!
But back to Ibiki, he had just paid for the bookstore damages, when suddenly Kakashi and Asuma walked by.
"My CARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!" cried Asuma, clutching a beer bottle, "Whooooooo has done this to YOUUUUU!!!!"
Kakashi looked up at the approaching Ibiki, who merely quacked at the crying man and handed him, wads of cash. Then Ibiki turned to Kakashi while Asuma just stared at Ibiki.
"Did the man just quacked at him?" Then Asuma looked at the beer bottle, maybe this drink was starting to get to him.
"Hey, Kakashi!!!!! What brings you here?!!!!"
"...Uh, I was going to pick up the latest copy of Make-Out Violence but I guess they're all destroyed." He replied in his sleepy voice, picking up a smoldering Icha Icha book, that had flew at his head earlier. "And was it just me, or did you quacked at Asuma?"
"Hmmm......I don't know...the last thing I remember was crashing into Asuma's car and then crashing into the bookstore after your cousin Hatake Itachi passed the road test."
"Uh...Ibiki?"
"...Yeah?"
"I don't have a cousin..." said Kakashi looking at Ibiki funny, "my parents didn't have siblings."
"..." Ibiki froze, as all his memories came flooding back to him.
"You know...I think we should take you to the hospital...that crash might have done something you know..." Said Asuma, who had somehow magically soberred up.
"...Quack quack!"