AN: Hi everybody! I wanted to update this week-end but I was sick and in no state to go on the computer. But now I'm fine!

Thanks to all my reviewers ! I write this for you (for myself too, ok, but mostly for you ;-) ), you're the best ! For those who wonder how Harry managed to run away, just assume that it was Mundugus' turn to guard Harry and that he was not really paying attention (maybe he wasn't even in the neighborhood). Harry has not tried escaping from Snapes Manor because there are protections on the Manor which prevent him from leaving ( Harry saw Snape cast them).

By the way, I won't write longer chapter, simply because I'm not able to do so right now... but I hope updating frequently will make up for it!

WARNING: This chapter is not betaed ( 'Again?', you ask . I know, I know... I'm sorry. Life can be complicated sometimes.) so, don't kill me and if it is not understandable, tell me. Thanks !

What am I

Chapter 4

A knock on the door. Harry lowered his book, slowly got off the bed and let his potion teacher in.

"The headmaster has required that I test you in occlumency. Should you not pass, we would resume our occlumency lessons."

Snape was looking as if he would rather throw himself under a bus, and although Harry felt pretty much the same, he nodded without complaining. He had made himself swear he would try not to cross the man again. After all, he only had to bear the man for a week, after that he would probably never have to face the man again ( given that he was not likely to have got an O at his potion exam ). Besides, if he managed to convince Snape and Dumbledore that he was back to his old docile self, maybe, just maybe they would lower their guards. It would be his chance to escape. Harry inwardly smirked at the idea of fooling his professors. Sometimes, it was nice to be part Slytherin, not to mention very useful.

"We'd better get this over with. Come, Potter." Harry followed the man through the corridors, suppressing his strong desire to remind the man that he was probably NOT a Potter.

They entered an almost bare room. A table in one of the corners was all the furniture. As usual, Snape didn't give the slightest warning before barking 'legilimens'.

Harry felt Snape's mind crawl into his. He visualized a wall between Snape's mind and his own, just like he had done when Snape had interrogated him. But this time, it was harder to keep in place. And then, one of the brick that was part of the wall exploded, leaving a hole in his security system. And then another. His whole wall was shaking. Harry concentrated on throwing Snape out before the situation got out of hand. He felt a rush of power, and a second later, the pressure on his mind stopped. Snape jerked slightly as he was thrown out of Harry's mind, but he quickly composed himself.

"Well", started Snape, "it was not as poor as it could have been, however it was far from acceptable."

He sneered when he saw the badly concealed disbelief on his student's face. "You didn't empty your mind, yet it shouldn't be such a difficult task for a brain as hollow as yours." Snape sent him a disdainful look but went on before Harry could try to defend himself, "You merely locked your thoughts behind a wall, thus forcing a confrontation. Once the confrontation has begun, it's only a matter of time before your wall crumbles under the pressure of your opponent's power. You can't win this way, Potter. As I've already told you countless times before, you have to actually empty your mind. But I'm sure you don't see the difference, do you, Potter?"

Harry shrugged, trying to appear unfazed by the professor's words .

"It's common knowledge that I do not have any subtlety, Sir," he retorted. Harry mentally berated himself. His plan was to act like a scared and submissive boy, NOT like an angry teen who had recently developed a 'fuck-authority' attitude. Even if this last description sounded definitely like him...

Snape briefly looked like he was going to shout but he quickly bottled his anger.

"Watch your tongue, boy. We will try again," he said, his voice deadly quiet. "Legilimens !"

Snape's attack was so strong that Harry felt like he had been punched in the guts. His wall didn't even last five seconds, and soon, his memories came back in a great torrent of pain. He was four and was being thrown in a cupboard. He was ten, eyeing enviously his cousin's plate. He was sixteen, alone and bleeding.

And then it stopped. Everything hurt, his head, his limbs and his heart. His pain, his doubts, his longing for love, for affection, they had all come back, bringing a whole lot of sorrows along.

He didn't know where he was, but the floor was cold, and it soothed his aches.

He didn't want to open his eyes. He just wanted to lie there, and rest for a long, very long time.

Harry heard footsteps and he froze, not even daring to breath. Someone was standing over him, he just knew it. It wasn't good, what if this person wanted to hurt him ? As soon as he felt a hand touching his shoulder, he rolled away and stood up, ready to defend himself if the need arose.

His eyes met two pools of black and turbulent waters, and he realized where he was.

Severus started in surprise when the boy suddenly bolted away from him. The boy had unconsciously assumed a feral stance, his eyes scanning the room, checking for any possible threat. Though Severus' face revealed nothing more than usual, he mentally frowned. The boy had been mistreated. This was not something he had expected. Judging by the confused look on the boy's face, he was probably in the process of remembering what had led to this situation, but even as the memories came back to him, the boy didn't relax and kept his protective position.

Snape regretted his earlier actions. Pushing and aggressing someone who had been abused was not a smart move, especially when you needed this person's trust. Why hadn't he realized sooner what was going on with the boy ? Slytherins were known to be skilled in the art of reading persons, of knowing their secret, their inner fears, and Snape was no exception. He always praised himself for his meticulous study of his enemies ( and of his allies), but somehow, he had not known the Potter boy. In fact, it occurred to Snape that he still didn't know anything about him. This child had been and was still an excellent actor, a skill not commonly found in Gryffindors. Or maybe Severus just hadn't cared to look closely.

Not liking to dwell on his mistakes, Severus returned his attention to the boy standing in front of him. He had regained his composure and was now looking at his feet as if they were the most interesting things in the world. Severus prepared himself for a difficult conversation. It wasn't going to be easy to convince the boy to speak with him about the abuse he received, but Severus knew he had no other choice. Judging by the force of the returning memories, he supposed Potter had been hiding them for quite a long time, maybe even from his own mind.

"Were your relatives the ones abusing you ?" asked Snape in what he thought was a kind voice, but was in fact a neutral tone. Severus mentally cringed. Somehow, he had planned on being more... subtle when asking this, it hadn't come out the right way.

"Why should you care?" came the bitter answer. The teen did not trust him and , for once, Severus couldn't blame him.

"You need to talk to someone," answered Snape calmly, not taking offense. The boy only sneered, his eyes full of barely suppressed pain. At this moment, he strongly reminded Severus of someone, someone he had known when he was young, but it was just a fleeting impression, nothing precise.

"Oh" said the boy in a hypocritical voice, "pardon me, sir, I just didn't realize I was supposed to run to someone who gets his fun from humiliating me, and talk to him about my lousy childhood."

"You need to talk to someone," repeated Snape, "otherwise you might explode, and I am the only adult available, so please Potter, stop acting like a brat." It was hard to talk some sense into this boy. Or maybe it was just hard for Severus. After all, he was a nasty potion master, a greasy git, not a nice and sensitive mother-hen, and insults came more easily to him than words of comfort.

"Explode?" asked the teen in a slightly hysterical way, "Wouldn't that be the end of your problems ? 'Famous Harry Potter died from head explosion, probably due to his lack of brain and the swelling of his ego.' It's what you would say, isn't it? It's what they would all say!"

'Yes' thought Severus, 'that's what I would say'. Not judging it safe to voice his thoughts in the present situation, Severus only barked, "Stop acting in that selfish way of yours, Potter! A lot of people care about you and they have been worried to death during your little escapade ! Your sniveling will get you nowhere. If you want to be treated as an adult, you should start acting like one !"

Harry lowered his head and his cheeks took an appropriate shade of red, not from rage but from shame. He had been an insufferable brat, and he knew it. But the shock of the memories and the pain emanating from the subject that Snape was trying to discuss were just too much, and he had instinctively raised his shields. Besides, Snape was really the last person with who he wanted to discuss his life at the Dursleys.

Deciding that the hard approach was working much better than the nice one, Severus went on, "I am your professor, you're living in my house and you are under my responsibility. Therefor you will answer my question." Snape then added in a slightly threatening voice, "unless you want to taste Veritaserum again..."

"Honestly Profesor," said Harry in a calm voice, "do what you want, I don't care." Alright, so he had gone slightly hysterical a few seconds before, and he was sorry about what he had said, but it didn't mean that he would all of a sudden share secrets he had never revealed, with Snape of all people.

Snape let out an exasperated sigh, "When you stop sulking in your dark corner Potter, you can come and talk to me." Snape stalked out of the room , and just as he turned in the corridor, he heard an angry voice yell, "I am NOT a Potter !"

Severus stepped into his lab and took a look at the paternos potion. It was still in the early stages and could not be used yet, but it would take less than two days to be ready. It had taken less time than Severus had anticipated. He realized he had worked exceptionally fast, but he had had reasons to do so. The sooner they knew who the brat's father was, the sooner Potter would leave this house.

And what a relief it would be. He wasn't qualified to deal with the boy's issues, these were much to similar to his own not to be affected by them. Besides, he wasn't exactly on good terms with the teen, thus transforming any kind of conversation into an argument. The boy's return was an absolute secret, only himself and Albus knew about it, but Potter wouldn't speak with the headmaster either, Severus was fairly certain of this.

The potion master continued turning the problem in his mind while he worked on the paternos potion, and concluded that as long as they didn't know who the boy's father was, they would find no solution to this problem. Another good reason to finish the potion as soon as possible.

Severus glanced at the clock and saw that it was pointing toward 'dinner' .

When he stepped in the dinning-room, he saw that Harry was already seated, a heavy book ( Severus recognized 'Shields and Wandless magic' ) in his lap. The boy didn't tear his eyes from the book, not even acknowledging Severus' presence, strongly reminding Severus of his own behavior .

As they were eating, the potion master broke the silence with news that he knew the teen wouldn't like.

"The headmaster sent me your schoolbooks and asked that we use the time you spend here to put you up to date on the 6th year program."

"What if I don't want to, sir ?" asked the boy, clearly not thrilled by the idea. "What if I don't want to go back to Hogwarts ?"

"That is not for you to decide, boy. You're not of age, therefore your legal guardian should decide for you."

"I see." Harry was hitting his lips lightly with his fingers, a thoughtful expression on his face. "But I'm sure my legal guardian would not want me to go back. After all, the Dursleys didn't even want me to go to Hogwarts in my first year." The teen was conversing lightly, trying to hide the fact that he was truly alarmed at the idea of returning to Hogwarts.

"I'm not talking about your pathetic excuse for relatives, Potter!" Harry noticed the way the professor grimaced from disgust when he talked about his relatives and curiously, he liked it.

"I'm talking about your magic guardian," clarified Snape.

"Oh." A pause. "And who might be my magic guardian ?"

"As long as we don't know the identity of your father, Headmaster Dumbledore is."

Harry gritted his teeth and lowered his gaze inside his plate, muttering something along the lines of "how convenient".

"Well," he said as nicely as he could, "I guess I don't have a choice then. It's not like I'm not used to being controlled and ordered around... If I may ask, sir, how is the paternos potion going?"

Severus was a lot of things, but an idiot was not part of them, and he knew a diversion when he saw one, but he chose to let it go and answered.

"It should be ready by the day after tomorrow. We will operate the test in Dumbledore's presence, this way we will be able to effectuate the necessary formalities in order to find another place for you to stay. Do not believe that I would keep you under my roof a minute more than is strictly necessary."

The boy shrugged and rolled his eyes, seemingly unaffected by the potion Master's words.

"As if I didn't already know that," he muttered under his breath.

"Now that we have fulfilled your uncanny curiosity, I suppose we may go back to the previous subject." Harry growled but Severus went on, "I suggest your read the five first chapters of each of your schoolbooks. Expect a test at three o'clock tomorrow afternoon."

Harry looked at his professor as if Snape had just proposed him. "Are you joking ?" the boy chuckled in incredulity.

"I assure you, Mister Potter, that I am not joking at all," said Snape in a stern voice.

"But that's impossible! Even if I read without stopping from now to three o'clock tomorrow, I wouldn't even be halfway through what you assigned me !"

"It is certainly not my fault you decided to run away. So don't whine about having to be brought quickly up to date. Now I suggest you start studying promptly. As you said yourself, time is not on your side."

Harry glared at Snape, stood up quickly and stormed out of the room. He grabbed one of the books which were waiting for him on his bed, angrily opened it, and started reading and memorizing as fast as he could. This was a challenge, and he would NOT give Snape the satisfaction of seeing him fail.

AN: That's it people! I had trouble writing this, and I don't really like it, soooooo... Is it bad ? Is it good ? Tell me , please !