AN: Hey there ! Finally, the big chapter has come ;-). The POVS might (once again) be a little confusing, but I'm sure you're smart enough to get it anyway !
By the way, I know that it's annoying when authors begin their chapters with long boring notes but I realized that I had not answered some reviews since the beginning of this story so I guess the time has come ! Feel free to skip this part and go straight to the story ;-)
Chapter 1 : Nicoletta-- Harry's conscious that not taking his invisibility cloak is not a strategic move, and he knows that the Dursleys will destroy his belongings but it was more of an emotional decision, you know ? He simply cannot take anything that might remind him of the magical world. His wand is the only exception.
Chapter 4 : Molly Morrison—Harry doesn't try to escape because he's seen Snape putting up some security charms. As to what the order members were doing when Harry ran off, let's just assume that Mundugus was on duty ;-) (I admit I hadn't thought about that... shame on me)
Nicoletta—Hermione and Ron will appear later on, but they won't be very important to the story (sorry) .
Amber 16—Harry is not leaving his friends behind, he's just trying to protect them as well as himself by going away.
Chapter 5: Leggylover03: Harry's attitude comes from a few months spent in the streets, the poor boy can't help it ;-). Ron and Hermione will appear, but not much.
Chapter 6: RAFfreak: I'm sorry if the story drags a little, but it's because I'm trying not to rush things so we can see Harry/Snape interaction evolve in a realistic way... I hope.
Lady Lily: er... thanks... I'm blushing :-)
Chapter 7: Lady Lily3—I agree, my chapters' titles are sometimes cryptic, but mostly ironic ;-). You're idea is good, but they won't necessarily mention the incident aloud, however, Snape will remember pretty well that Harry tried to help him, and who knows , he might finally see the light ??
Scary Person—my intention was not to make Harry look like an idiot, not at all. But I want his progress to be obvious, though not rushed. He has a lot of potential but has never been told how to use it. And I know that he's not a coward, but he THINKS he is !
Barbara Kennedy—one review is better than no review at all ! Thanks.
SlythCat19—thank you for pointing that out !
And for everyone who has reviewed, once or several times, THANKS A LOT ! You know that I love you, right ? By the way, I have discovered that I have a problem with beta readers... hum... yeah so thank you for those who have offered their help (Narnian princess for example) and... er... don't kill me for not having betaed this ????
Finally, you can read the actual chapter: ENJOY !
What am I
Chapter 7
The following morning, not much was said between the professor and his student, both preferring to avoid another confrontation. As they were about to step inside the fireplace, Harry's guts twisted in anticipation. He was going to learn the identity of his father. Maybe he had a whole family waiting for him somewhere ... However, Harry didn't dare raise his hopes up. Even if his father was still alive, what if he didn't want to claim him ?
"Finally," said Snape as he took a handful of floo powder, "I must say that it's quite a relief to be rid of you, Potter."
"The feeling is mutual, sir." Harry answered absentmindedly , too engrossed in his own musing to really put any hardness in his voice.
Soon, they were stepping out of the fireplace into Dumbledore's office. Severus put a small cauldron full of a clear potion on the desk beside a small silver dagger he had produced from one of his pocket. The Headmaster, his ever-cheerful smile on his face, greeted Severus and Harry warmly. Harry frowned slightly when he heard a hint of trepidation in the old man's voice. His life seemed to be more entertaining than any Muggle TV show, he thought sarcastically. Once again, the Headmaster's behavior was making him feel uncomfortable, the forced joy not matching with the pain he felt in the pit of his stomach.
"We'll effectuate the test immediately," said Dumbledore animatedly, "Harry, if you could please make a small cut in one of your fingers and let the blood fall into the cauldron."
Harry took the dagger and held it numbly over his index. "Does it matter how many drops fall into the potion ?" There was no way he would let anything ruin the test, he needed to know who his father was.
"Three should be enough," said the Headmaster in a perfected 'kind voice', "no need to make you bleed to death."
'Not funny', thought Harry, even if he did appreciate the attempt at lightening his mood. He let three blood drops fall, and watched the potion turn a vivid purple. Harry felt he could have fainted. He was barely breathing, his eyes not leaving the potion for a second , not even to blink. But nothing happened.
Harry sent a puzzled look at the potions Master . "What happened ? Why isn't it working ?"
"It IS working, you idiot boy, the potion is merely not instantaneous !" barked Snape, indignation obvious in his voice.
How dare the brat insinuate that he had made a mistake ? He was not just a teacher, he was a Master. The best Potions Master of England for Merlin's sake !
"Whoever happens to be your father," growled Snape under his breath, still irate, "let's hope he won't commit suicide when he learns just what his son is!"
"Now, Severus," reprimanded the Headmaster, "no need to –" but Dumbledore forgot his words when he saw blurry letters appearing slowly in the purple mixture. 'Lily Suzanne Evans,' was already distinguishable, but the other letters were still too blurry to be correctly understood. Harry squinted his eyes, trying to make out the three other words. Suddenly, he heard someone inhale sharply. Harry glanced at his teacher, and saw that his skin had turned pasty white, instead of its usual yellowish color.
Harry quickly looked back into the cauldron and gasped. The words were still a little blurry but one could already read, 'Severus Armunus Snape.'
Nobody could look away from the cauldron, where the words were appearing more clearly with each passing second. All three of them were hoping that the letters would suddenly rearrange themselves, that they were just misunderstanding the message that the potion was throwing in their faces.
After a few minutes of starring, the words were clear and sharp, and there was no way to deny what the Paternos Test was declaring. Dumbledore sat behind his desk , observing the two younger men.
"I must have made a mistake," said Snape curtly.
Harry was experiencing a weird feeling : it seemed that his body had become numb, and he had the distinct impression that he was 'collapsing' on himself, that each of his limbs were detaching themselves from the rest of his body. 'I am being deconstructed,' thought the boy who didn't know who he was anymore.
"You know that's not true, Severus," argued Dumbledore, not noticing Harry's slightly dazed look.
"THERE IS NO WAY HE CAN BE MY SON, ALBUS !" shouted Snape in a slightly hysterical way, his pale cheeks now wearing symmetrical patches of scarlet.
"Severus, you're overreacti—"
"HE-IS-NOT-MY-SON !" yelled the Potions Master, "I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS LITTLE—" but it was his turn to stop in the middle of a sentence. He had been cut in his tirade by what was unmistakably a chuckle. Severus turned around swiftly and saw the stupid boy smiling dumbly. Another chuckle escaped his lips, and then a big laugh erupted from the boy's throat. Severus really couldn't see what was so funny about their situation, and the insane smile on the boy's face was irritating him to no end.
"What's so funny Potter ?" snapped Severus, "That's one of your joke, isn't it ? Another immature prank ?"
Harry was now howling with laugher, but he still managed to say in a taunting voice, "Not Potter, professor, not Potter but Snape !"
"Are you deaf, you stupid boy ? I'm not your father !"
"No," said Harry between two laughing fits, "you're not my father. You can't be, since I'm deaf like my father, stupid like my father, arrogant like my father..."
"That's enough !" yelled Snape, "Shut up, just shut up ! You're not my son, put that in that thick Gryffindor head of yours. I am, in no way, related to you, boy, don't even dare think otherwise !"
But Harry was still laughing nervously, and Dumbledore grew concerned when the boy started having trouble catching his breath.
"Drink this, Harry," Dumbledore placed a green potion into the teen's hand, "otherwise you're going to hyperventilate."
Harry downed the drink and sobered almost instantaneously. "Alright, Harry, take a deep breath. How do you feel ?"
The potion had done its job, and had gotten rid of Harry's nervous laugher. 'Time to use the situation to my advantage,' thought Harry before answering, "Not very good... I think I'm going to throw up..."
"Do you want to see Madam Pomfrey ?" Harry only nodded.
"You may go . Most of the students are in Hogsmeade right now, except the first years, so you should not meet anyone you know. But if you do, go on without stopping, it would be reckless to talk to any of your old friends, is that understood ?"
Harry nodded again, his eyes half closed, a hand clamped over his mouth. He was inwardly surprised that he had managed to escape that easily. The headmaster must really have wanted to talk with the greasy git alone...
The door clicked shut after the teen left the room and Albus Dumbledore pierced his employee with his steely gaze.
"Severus, my dear boy, I think we need to talk."
As soon as he had closed the door, Harry crouched and gently pressed his ear against the door. At first, he heard nothing, until :
"THE BRAT IS NOT MY SON, ALBUS ! AND EVEN IF HE IS, IT IS BY ACCIDENT, I DON'T WANT HIM ! I CAN'T AND DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE BLOODY BOY-WHO-LIVED AND YOU—"
The voice stopped abruptly and Harry guessed that Dumbledore had put a silencing spell on Snape, or had, at the very least, reinforced the sound shields on the room. After all, some secrets were better left unrevealed, right ? Either way, it didn't change anything, since Harry already knew everything he had to know.
Snape was his father ? Snape didn't want him ? Fine, he didn't want the greasy git to be his father, anyway. It was better to be an orphan than to be the son of a sadistic bastard. But even through his hatred for the man, Harry could feel an agonizing pain worming its way into his heart. Damn it, why did he have to be so weak !
Trying his best to ignore the pain, Harry turned around and walked silently down the stairs.
"Why are you so adamant on saying that Harry is not your son, Severus ?" Dumbledore had managed to cast a silencing charm on the room, and almost simultaneously throw a calming charm on the Potions Master.
"I remember that Lily and you used to be quite close at a time," he added.
"We were, but then she went with Potter, end of the story." Severus had regained most of his composure, thanks to the Headmaster's charm, but bitterness was still very much present in his voice.
"You never...er... had something else with her later on ?"
"No."
"Are you sure ?" Dumbledore's voice was unusually firm.
"Do you know something, Albus ? Because if you've got something to say, say it now and be done with it."
"I'd rather you admitted your relationship with Miss Evans first. How did it happen Severus ?"
Severus sighed and let his head fall into his hands.
"Do you remember when Potter," he stopped, and clarified, "when James Potter went missing and we all thought he was dead ?" Dumbledore nodded and Severus went on, "Lily was desperate. I tried to comfort her as well as I could but I only knew one thing which had the ability to make me forget my troubles : alcohol. One night –I don't even remember which one—we drank a fair amount of Firewhisky and we... got a little carried away, I'm afraid. In the morning, I didn't even feel bad about what we had done, since I believed that Potter was dead. Lily felt guilty and ashamed. She didn't even like me all that much, she had just slept with me on an impulse induced by the Firewhisky flowing in her veins. I chased her remorse away, arguing that Potter wouldn't have wanted her to stop living because of him."
Severus stopped and took a long breath, "Potter reappeared a week later. He was severely injured—he spent two months in the hospital wing, I guess you remember that much—but alive all the same. Lily immediately went back to the man she loved and made me swear to never tell a soul, which was fine with me, since I didn't want to be hunted down and killed by the possessive James Potter. I just broke my oath, Albus."
"Yes, you did, but given that you did it in order to protect your son, I guess you're forgiven."
Severus shook his head, a derisive smirk on his lips. "It can't be me. It happened a year and half before Potter's birth."
Dumbledore rubbed his beard, and a triumphant twinkle appeared in his eyes, as if he had just solved a very old mystery.
"One day when James was in the hospital wing," he said, "Lily came to talk to me. She wanted to know something about the Timusni charm. She wanted to know whether it could work on a fetus." Snape swallowed, clearly uncomfortable with the news, but the Headmaster went on, "I assumed that she was pregnant, and that the baby was not James'. She wanted to cast the charm on the boy so that it would stop his developement, and would only begin growing again nine months later. I told her that I didn't know how to cast the charm without making it apply on the mother too, but apparently, she found a way."
"You mean," breathed Severus, as much for Dumbledore as for himself, "that Lily carried my child twice the normal time so that the supposed date of the baby's conception would leave no doubt as to who his father was ?"
"Indeed, Severus," said Dumbledore in a sad voice, "she was very good at charms. She even managed to put an enormous glamour charm on the boy, one which lasted sixteen years."
Severus closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You knew." This was a statement, not a question.
"I suspected," corrected the Headmaster.
"And you've let me be a total git to my son for all those years !" spat Severus. Unbeknownst to Dumbledore, Severus' anger was directed more at himself than at the older man.
"I'm not the one who humiliated him, Severus. You had no problem with your behavior when you thought he was James' son."
Ouch. It was only too true. A wave of guilt overflowed the Potions Master as he whispered, "He's been abused, you know ? By his relatives. From what I gathered, he's been starved and beaten."
Dumbledore winced. "Yes, I more or less knew that. But you have to understand that he had to be brought up by Muggles."
Severus understood. "He needed to know the Muggle world to be inclined to save it one day. I understand, however I do not approve. With what he's endured, it's a wonder he didn't sided with Voldemort to take over the world. The abuse left some nasty scars on the boy, and not only physical scars. I don't know if he will ever trust anyone again."
"You HAVE to gain his trust, Severus." Albus Dumbledore's blue eyes were cold. They held no twinkle, only strength. "You have to bring him back. We need him for the coming war. If we want him to play his role and be of any use at all, we need his total and utter confidence in us."
Severus felt a hint of disgust toward the old man.
"If I ever gain his trust," growled Snape, "I do not intend to give it away to you, just for the sake of your war."
Harry was running. He had reached the forbidden forest but didn't care, he just kept on running. He hadn't met anyone on his way out, or maybe he had just not seen them through his tears. He didn't even know why tears were covering his face, it was not like he actually wanted the bastard to be his father.
He was running and crying. The branches whipped his face and arms but he barely noticed. The only pain he felt was the one in his chest. It felt like his ribcage was going to break from the pressure.
He was running and crying. He didn't know why he was running, but somehow, he had the impression that as long as he would keep running, nothing would harm him. He was running away from the truth, away from his past. He was running away from abusive relatives, away from a manipulating man who had once been a grand-father figure in his life, away from a forsaking father... no, Snape was not and would never be his father. The man didn't want him, and the feeling was reciprocal.
Harry stumbled on a root and fell, twisting his ankle in the process. He stood up, ignoring the pain, or maybe not feeling it at all, and started running again. He heard his name being called, far behind, but didn't turn back. He wanted to find a place of peace, a place where he belonged, and maybe if he kept running long enough, he would find it.
The voice was getting closer. 'No way,' thought Harry as he wiped the tears away from his face, 'I won't go back.'
"Potter ! Harry ! Stop running, we need to talk." It was Snape's voice.
"Go fuck yourself !" yelled Harry, really not in the mood to respect the proper code of respect. "I don't have anything to say to you !"
"For Merlin's sake, boy, stop running or I'll be forced to hex you !"
Harry took no notice and only ran faster. He heard spells being thrown his way but he managed to dodge behind some conveniently placed trees.
After sending a quick glance behind his back, Harry started running again, only to be tackled to the ground by the imposing Potions Master. Harry struggled against his attacker but Snape was way heavier than him.
"Stop fighting, boy, it will get you nowhere !"
"Leave me alone !" yelled Harry just as his reflexes finally kicked in. He didn't know how to fight like heroes do in movies, he didn't know any martial art, but the street was still a good though hard teacher. Harry finally managed to free one of his hand and used it to send an unexpected punch in his professor's face. He used Snape's surprise to crawl away from the man and scramble to his feet.
Unfortunately for Harry, just as he stood up, a hand grabbed his sprained ankle and pulled hard on it, effectively making him lose his balance. Harry fell flat on his stomach, uncomfortably aware of the root digging into his ribcage, grazing his skin. The throbbing pain in his cheekbones was attributed to the rock on which he had hit his head. Harry tried to get up once again but the vicious hand was still holding his ankle in a firm and painful grasp.
Snape managed to get hold of Harry's hands and held them behind his back, thus preventing the teen from escaping again.
"Stop moving ! You'll only hurt yourself, you idiot boy !" Far from calming him, the harsh voice only made Harry struggle harder.
Face pressed against the forest's ground, Harry could feel some earth entering into his mouth and into his nose as he breathed frantically. Twigs were grazing his cheeks and the sharp root was still hurting his chest. He was suffocating, panicking, he couldn't breath.
His sight blurred and waves of black, gold and green filled his vision. He was barely aware of someone shaking him and calling him back. But he couldn't go back. The green was too intense, and it was angry. It was trying to detach itself from the golden wave, and where it had succeeded, there were small spots of black. Harry watched the struggle until it became too painful, and then, everything became black.
AN: There ! I understand that the end of this chapter may be a little confusing but it's the beginning of gasp a plot ! And you'll understand in later chapters, anyway... So what do you think ? I had fun writing this chapter, and I'd like to know your opinion, so, review please !
Oh, and as usual, if you find mistakes, it would be nice to point them out ! :-)