The Second Best Bed
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Nothing is as it seems. Everything's eventual. Something will happen...
Pairing: To be discovered...
Disclaimers: These characters aren't mine they belong to Aaron Sorkin and John Wells productions etc.
Notes: This is our first cooperative fan-fiction, and it is in the form of a screenplay. This will be posted in five parts (Teaser, Act 1....)
Notes2: Some characterizations may seem a little off. Believe us! Stick with it! It's deliberate!
SPECIAL NOTICE: Lance Armstrong has WON his record SIXTH TDF! Cheer! Be happy! Okay, now read.
ACT ONE
INT. JOSH'S OFFICE—THE NEXT DAY
DONNA grimaces as she watches Josh kicks his air conditioner vent violently.
DONNA
I don't think that's working
JOSH stops and stares at DONNA
JOSH
Thank you, Columbo
DONNA
Columbo? We used to watch that all the time at band camp.
JOSH
What did you do at band camp?
DONNA
Well, we took flutes and...
JOSH
WHAT! Donna smiled mischievously
DONNA
Well, actually Tubas too...
JOSH
Oh my god
DONNA
And we played them!
JOSH
Donna, I don't want to know anything else about how
You used to spend your long, hot summers.
DONNA
(giggles) But why not.
JOSH
Donna!
DONNA
Hey, have you heard about Lance Armstrong.
JOSH
Yeah didn't he win again
DONNA
Well that too... but he got a new girlfriend!
JOSH
And I care why
DONNA
Don't you want to know who it is
JOSH
Sure
DONNA
It's me...
JOSH
God help the president
DONNA
Well not really it's Whitney Houston!
JOSH
Really?
DONNA
No Silly! Its Stephi Graf
JOSH
The reason I watched tennis last year?
DONNA
No Silly Joshie, tennis is for kids!
JOSH
Donna, what are you talking about?
DONNA
Josh, you're late for your meeting!
JOSH
Donna?
DONNA
Josh, you shouldn't drink that much, you have a sensitive-
JOSH
Oh no. Donna...
DONNA
Typing leads to...carpal tunnel...syn...syn...
JOSH
DONNA!
Donna collapses to the ground, sparks flying out of her. Her movements are jerked and awkward, smoke rises as she stops her movements.
JOSH
(humming to himself) Someone's going to emergency...some
one's going to jail....
CJ appears in the doorway, arms wide, singing loudly like she's on broadway...
CJ
And it's the FAAAAAL! That's gonna KIIIIIIILL!
JOSH takes CJ's hands and begins to waltz as they sing the last note together
JOSH/CJ
YOOOOOOU!
They relax. CJ looks down at Donna.
CJ
Shame. Is that the third robo-assistant to break this
week...already?
JOSH
Yeah. Short Circuits. Crime, boy, I don't know.
CJ
Josh, if you every wonder about this, it was "Crime, boy I
Don't know" when I finally decided to do your...
CJ takes Josh and gives him a hard kiss, pushing him to the floor as she slams the door. ROBO-DONNA remains motionless
CUT TO:
INT. SAM'S OFFICE—LATER ON
SAM sits studiously at his desk, writing by hand an obviously important speech. He mumbles words to himself.
SAM
Comma, no...semi-colon. Nooo, comma. Yeah, commas
First, then semi-colon. Perfect!
TOBY appears standing in the doorway.
TOBY
SAM! Periods only! You know the president hates all that
Haughty punctuation.
SAM
Toby...you weren't there a minute ago...how do you do that?
TOBY
Same as Donna. I apperate. How's the speech?
SAM
Speechless. I'm still...distracted.
TOBY
By what?
SAM
Listen, Toby...About Last Night-
TOBY
(interrupting)
-Is a naughty movie!
SAM
No, Toby. Last night...was wonderful.
TOBY
Sam, we just went to the bar. You're still thinking about the beer?
SAM
No, Toby. I'm thinking about you.
Sam Starts to Sing as a jazz tempo carries the two away
All day long you're asking me what I see in you. All day
long I'm answering but what good does it do? I have nothing
to explain.
TOBY looks at SAM as he saunters over and takes his hand
I just love you love you and I'll tell you once again.
TOBY looks at Sam and Sings
TOBY
Tell me Then they continue to sing
TOBY/SAM
I don't know why I love you like I do I don't know why I Just do
TOBY
You never seem to want my romancing
SAM
The only time you hold me is when we' re dancing
TOBY/SAM
I don't know why I love you love you I do
SAM
I'll tell you again,
TOBY
DO tell
SAM
But this is the end I don't
I don't know why I just do
The lights start to fade as the two come closer
I just do
I just do
Sam holds out the last note as TOBY Shuts the door as the screen goes black
CUT TO:
INT. OVAL OFFICE—AROUND SAME TIME
BARTLET sits in one of the comfy oval office chairs. MANDY sits across from him.
BARTLET
Ms. Hampton. Please tell me again why you're here.
I do hope this is not a job interview, because I fired you
For a reason.
MANDY
Sir, I told you, I'm doing this as a favor.
BARTLET
Go on.
MANDY
The report made a few years ago, about a fifth of the West Wing
Doing some Mary Jane?
BARTLET
(slightly agitated)
Yeah.
MANDY
I have evidence that reveals that accusation to be entirely
Correct. In fact, it's worse.
BARTLET
What are you talking about?
MANDY
Sir, members of your senior staff are getting high.
In fact sir...
BARTLET
Get out. Now!
MANDY politely stands up as she exits the office. BARTLET looks around, then goes to his desk, opening his drawer and pulling out a very incriminating looking "cigarette".
BARTLET
Don't you worry. I'm not gonna leave you guys behind. My wife
Hates me. You are my only friends. You've got a friend in me!
Song carries through throughout black out, Bartlet's mad crazy yet friendly voice does not stop until the first bits of dialogue of the next scene.
CUT TO:
INT. BARTLET BEDROOM--DAY
ABBEY has a suitcase on the bed. She stuffs clothes haphazardly into it. Her mascara runs down her eyes, dried for over an hour now. LEO enters the room
LEO
I'll met by moonlight, proud Abigail.
ABBEY
Leo...
LEO
A fair vestal, throned by the west
ABBEY
Leo...
LEO
Over hill, over dale....
ABBEY
Leo, take your goddam Shakespeare and shove it up your
LEO
Abbey, Sorry... I wanted to try something new.
He looks around
LEO
Where are you off to in such a hurry?
ABBEY
Manchester. Hopefully without my Man. And your going to
stay here.
LEO
You were going to leave without saying goodbye?
ABBEY
Well, I wanted the proper send off.
A now sober Leo looks at Abbey with regretful old eyes. He had taken advantage of her in her emotional distress, and now she's clung to him. And how he wanted it again. But Jed, what would he do, when would he find out...
LEO
Abbey, I can't....
Abbey walks over to the door behind him, shuts it and locks it.
ABBEY
Did anyone see you come in here?
LEO
No one except...except...
Abbey runs her hand down his tie
ABBEY
Except who, Leo?
LEO
No one.
Abbey pushes him down on the bed.
ABBEY
And to Leo...I leave my second best bed.
LEO
Oh, Abbey
END ACT ONE
Emergency author notes: If you were just disturbed by what you just read, worry not. It disturbed us as well as we wrote it. But all will turn out dandy and be explained by the end of this screenplay. So please, keep reading, and worry not.
.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Nothing is as it seems. Everything's eventual. Something will happen...
Pairing: To be discovered...
Disclaimers: These characters aren't mine they belong to Aaron Sorkin and John Wells productions etc.
Notes: This is our first cooperative fan-fiction, and it is in the form of a screenplay. This will be posted in five parts (Teaser, Act 1....)
Notes2: Some characterizations may seem a little off. Believe us! Stick with it! It's deliberate!
SPECIAL NOTICE: Lance Armstrong has WON his record SIXTH TDF! Cheer! Be happy! Okay, now read.
ACT ONE
INT. JOSH'S OFFICE—THE NEXT DAY
DONNA grimaces as she watches Josh kicks his air conditioner vent violently.
DONNA
I don't think that's working
JOSH stops and stares at DONNA
JOSH
Thank you, Columbo
DONNA
Columbo? We used to watch that all the time at band camp.
JOSH
What did you do at band camp?
DONNA
Well, we took flutes and...
JOSH
WHAT! Donna smiled mischievously
DONNA
Well, actually Tubas too...
JOSH
Oh my god
DONNA
And we played them!
JOSH
Donna, I don't want to know anything else about how
You used to spend your long, hot summers.
DONNA
(giggles) But why not.
JOSH
Donna!
DONNA
Hey, have you heard about Lance Armstrong.
JOSH
Yeah didn't he win again
DONNA
Well that too... but he got a new girlfriend!
JOSH
And I care why
DONNA
Don't you want to know who it is
JOSH
Sure
DONNA
It's me...
JOSH
God help the president
DONNA
Well not really it's Whitney Houston!
JOSH
Really?
DONNA
No Silly! Its Stephi Graf
JOSH
The reason I watched tennis last year?
DONNA
No Silly Joshie, tennis is for kids!
JOSH
Donna, what are you talking about?
DONNA
Josh, you're late for your meeting!
JOSH
Donna?
DONNA
Josh, you shouldn't drink that much, you have a sensitive-
JOSH
Oh no. Donna...
DONNA
Typing leads to...carpal tunnel...syn...syn...
JOSH
DONNA!
Donna collapses to the ground, sparks flying out of her. Her movements are jerked and awkward, smoke rises as she stops her movements.
JOSH
(humming to himself) Someone's going to emergency...some
one's going to jail....
CJ appears in the doorway, arms wide, singing loudly like she's on broadway...
CJ
And it's the FAAAAAL! That's gonna KIIIIIIILL!
JOSH takes CJ's hands and begins to waltz as they sing the last note together
JOSH/CJ
YOOOOOOU!
They relax. CJ looks down at Donna.
CJ
Shame. Is that the third robo-assistant to break this
week...already?
JOSH
Yeah. Short Circuits. Crime, boy, I don't know.
CJ
Josh, if you every wonder about this, it was "Crime, boy I
Don't know" when I finally decided to do your...
CJ takes Josh and gives him a hard kiss, pushing him to the floor as she slams the door. ROBO-DONNA remains motionless
CUT TO:
INT. SAM'S OFFICE—LATER ON
SAM sits studiously at his desk, writing by hand an obviously important speech. He mumbles words to himself.
SAM
Comma, no...semi-colon. Nooo, comma. Yeah, commas
First, then semi-colon. Perfect!
TOBY appears standing in the doorway.
TOBY
SAM! Periods only! You know the president hates all that
Haughty punctuation.
SAM
Toby...you weren't there a minute ago...how do you do that?
TOBY
Same as Donna. I apperate. How's the speech?
SAM
Speechless. I'm still...distracted.
TOBY
By what?
SAM
Listen, Toby...About Last Night-
TOBY
(interrupting)
-Is a naughty movie!
SAM
No, Toby. Last night...was wonderful.
TOBY
Sam, we just went to the bar. You're still thinking about the beer?
SAM
No, Toby. I'm thinking about you.
Sam Starts to Sing as a jazz tempo carries the two away
All day long you're asking me what I see in you. All day
long I'm answering but what good does it do? I have nothing
to explain.
TOBY looks at SAM as he saunters over and takes his hand
I just love you love you and I'll tell you once again.
TOBY looks at Sam and Sings
TOBY
Tell me Then they continue to sing
TOBY/SAM
I don't know why I love you like I do I don't know why I Just do
TOBY
You never seem to want my romancing
SAM
The only time you hold me is when we' re dancing
TOBY/SAM
I don't know why I love you love you I do
SAM
I'll tell you again,
TOBY
DO tell
SAM
But this is the end I don't
I don't know why I just do
The lights start to fade as the two come closer
I just do
I just do
Sam holds out the last note as TOBY Shuts the door as the screen goes black
CUT TO:
INT. OVAL OFFICE—AROUND SAME TIME
BARTLET sits in one of the comfy oval office chairs. MANDY sits across from him.
BARTLET
Ms. Hampton. Please tell me again why you're here.
I do hope this is not a job interview, because I fired you
For a reason.
MANDY
Sir, I told you, I'm doing this as a favor.
BARTLET
Go on.
MANDY
The report made a few years ago, about a fifth of the West Wing
Doing some Mary Jane?
BARTLET
(slightly agitated)
Yeah.
MANDY
I have evidence that reveals that accusation to be entirely
Correct. In fact, it's worse.
BARTLET
What are you talking about?
MANDY
Sir, members of your senior staff are getting high.
In fact sir...
BARTLET
Get out. Now!
MANDY politely stands up as she exits the office. BARTLET looks around, then goes to his desk, opening his drawer and pulling out a very incriminating looking "cigarette".
BARTLET
Don't you worry. I'm not gonna leave you guys behind. My wife
Hates me. You are my only friends. You've got a friend in me!
Song carries through throughout black out, Bartlet's mad crazy yet friendly voice does not stop until the first bits of dialogue of the next scene.
CUT TO:
INT. BARTLET BEDROOM--DAY
ABBEY has a suitcase on the bed. She stuffs clothes haphazardly into it. Her mascara runs down her eyes, dried for over an hour now. LEO enters the room
LEO
I'll met by moonlight, proud Abigail.
ABBEY
Leo...
LEO
A fair vestal, throned by the west
ABBEY
Leo...
LEO
Over hill, over dale....
ABBEY
Leo, take your goddam Shakespeare and shove it up your
LEO
Abbey, Sorry... I wanted to try something new.
He looks around
LEO
Where are you off to in such a hurry?
ABBEY
Manchester. Hopefully without my Man. And your going to
stay here.
LEO
You were going to leave without saying goodbye?
ABBEY
Well, I wanted the proper send off.
A now sober Leo looks at Abbey with regretful old eyes. He had taken advantage of her in her emotional distress, and now she's clung to him. And how he wanted it again. But Jed, what would he do, when would he find out...
LEO
Abbey, I can't....
Abbey walks over to the door behind him, shuts it and locks it.
ABBEY
Did anyone see you come in here?
LEO
No one except...except...
Abbey runs her hand down his tie
ABBEY
Except who, Leo?
LEO
No one.
Abbey pushes him down on the bed.
ABBEY
And to Leo...I leave my second best bed.
LEO
Oh, Abbey
END ACT ONE
Emergency author notes: If you were just disturbed by what you just read, worry not. It disturbed us as well as we wrote it. But all will turn out dandy and be explained by the end of this screenplay. So please, keep reading, and worry not.
.