Woe is JK Rowling!
ALBUS DUMBLEDORE
Old Dumbledore the headmaster
Is really not that old,
Why he should grow that long white beard
We're never really told.
He's keen of eye and keen of ear,
A perfect set of teeth,
He grows the beard because he wants
To hide what's underneath.
HARRY POTTER
When Harry came into this world
He most likely didn't know
That the death of his loving parents
Would put on quite a show.
He tried to make his life worthwhile
He didn't get too far—
The only things we care about:
His glasses and his scar.
RONALD WEASLEY
Though Ronald Weasley eats a lot
From morning till the night,
Through years of growing big and tall
He isn't very bright.
He reads few books, his grades are poor,
He's really rather dim.
If his parents change their budget they
Should really start with him.
HERMIONE GRANGER
Hermione came to Hogwarts and
A note was all it took.
She plans to study hard and
Get her nose stuck on a book.
Of all her friends and housemates
She's the smartest witch in town,
The only bad thing is her hair
Goes up instead of down.
DRACO MALFOY
Though Malfoy is the villain and
More useless than his dad;
The many backfired plans he made
Are really really sad.
Just recently when he turned to
A cousin of the squirrels—
But even if he doesn't win
He'll never want for girls.
LORD VOLDEMORT
Old Tom for all his arrogance
And power he did hold;
Can kill entire families
But not a one-year-old.
It's not his fear of guilt, if
He should turn on his deathbed—
The Lord did try to kill him, but
The child killed Him instead.
SEVERUS SNAPE
Snape wears black clothing all the time
(He's sadly colorblind),
He thinks if he's in black then he'll be
Much harder to find.
The marauders he's still afraid
Would come, he'll know not where,—
He took to learning potions to
Protect his messed up hair.
JAMES POTTER
Of all his friends the Marauders
James had the shortest life,
He saved his son, but the others gave
The credit to his wife.
Perhaps Rowling felt sorry so
She wrote of him instead,
To the point where he is living,
And his son's the one who's dead.
LORD VOLDEMORT II
In legends and in myths he is
A funny work of art,
He's not as great as Sauron as
He isn't very smart.
In all his power, glory, he gets
Killed by a little child,
And when he's back to try again
The pressure drove him wild.
If we should use him as the lead
And calculate the sum,
We'd find that many Slytherins
Are actually quite dumb.
ALBUS DUMBLEDORE II
Though Albus taught for many years
Including You-Know-Who,
He could kill Dark Lord Number One
But can't kill Number Two.
In fact, he doesn't even know
Where the Dark Lord is.
For such a great and wise old guy,
What kind of thing is this?
I know ferrets are not considered relatives of squirrels, but technically if Charles Darwin is correct, they are very very distant cousins.