I DON'T ANYONE IN THIS SERIES!*
Zee had have it, and went to court to sue Suction Cup Man!
Commissioner Gordan: All rise. Honorable Judge Carter presiding. Court is now in session.
Judge Carter: Thank you, you may be seated. Our first case today is case 10-4-16. The Zatanna magic show buisness versus- Suction Cup Man. Does the plaintiff' manager have an opening statement?
Giovanni's manager: Yes, your Honor. We are filing a lawsuit against Mr.Cupman for tresspassing and causing damage to the Zatanna's property.
Judge Carter: Thank you Counselor. Does the defense have an opening statement?
When he looks to see Suction Cup Man, he wasn't there.
Judge Carter: If the defense has an opening statement you have the floor.
Suction Cup Man: No! I got the ceiling! Look at me go!
Turns out, he was hanging on ther ceiling.
Judge Carter: Mr.Cupman, please get down.
Suction Cup Man: NO!
Judge Carter: Sir, I am prepared to hold you in contempt of court!
Suction Cup Man: Are you prepared to hold DEEZ NUTS?!
Judge Carter: Do you even have an opening statement?
Suction Cup Man: Do you even have DEEZ NUTS?! [as they look at him angerly] Uh... Yes. [falls down] Your highness, I never damaged this dummy's house I only smudge her windows. I find her guilty of being a bitch.
Judge Carter: Mr.Cupman, will you please refrain from-
Suction Cup Man: OBJECTION! [jumps back to the ceiling] You can't tell Suction Cup Man what to do!
Zee: You cannot deny that you tresspass on my house by my room almost every day!
Suction Cup Man: You cannot deny DEEZ NUTS!
Zee: I HATE YOU!
Giovanni: Zee, let your father take care of him.
Judge Carter: [hitting desk with mallet] Order! Order in the court!
Suction Cup Man: Order?
Judge Carter: Yes, order!
Suction Cup Man: What are we ordering? I didn't know this was a food court!
Judge Carter: [angry] Suction Cup Man [writes on paper] I find you guilty of all charges! You are hereby BANNED from owning any climbing-grade suction cups! Your suction cups will be SEIZED! And auction off! [crumbles paper and throws it at him] Court is adjoured!
Suction Cup Man: [looks at paper] WHAT?! FUCK YOU!
Judge Carter: No, [slams mallet on desk] fuck NO! [to cops] Officers, remove him from my ceiling!
Soon, Commissioner Gordan and the officer beside him got him off the ceiling and seized this suction cups.
Kara: Ha, sucka!
Suction Cup Man: You may have taken those suction cups. But I have tons more back at my place! So HAH!
Zee: What?
Soon...
Suction Cup Man: [as the Commission opens his door] No wait! Don't! Eh-
Commissioner Gordan: [sees pile of suction cups] [shocked] Wow, you really love suction cups.
Later...
Suction Cup Man: HEY! STOP! HEY FUCK YOU! PUT THAT DOWN! HEY!
Turns out, people were putting the suciton cups in boxes and packing them into the truck that they were in.
Man: Yeah, this is the last of it.
Suction Cup Man: [stops him] You can't do this to me! I'm Suction Cup Man! I- [pulls out magazine] I was Climb Magazine's climber of the year!
That's when he give the last one to another man, grabed the magazine, turns to a page of him flipping him off, gives it back to him angerly, and drives off.
Suction Cup Man: GET BACK HERE YOU SWASHBUCKLING SWINES! They wanna play hard to suck, huh? Well game on, assholes! YOU CAN'T KEEP SUCTION CUP MAN DOWN FOREVER!
[encouraging montage music]
Soon, he reseasch of "how to climb withouth suction cups" on the computer, and went to work. But no matter on what he used, he couldn't get to the top. Later that day, he sat on a bench, looking sad.
Man: [walks and sits besided him] You know... The way I look at it... Some people never find their purpose in life. Something to... make life worth living. But you! You had your purpose! And now... You don't. Like... You have nothing. Literally nothing. [leaves him] Good bye!
The next day, he was in a store in Gotham City, looking at ropes. Then he went to the front of the til to buy it.
Suction Cup Man: [weird voice] Just this please.
Woman: Alright, that's one Rock Bottom Bondage Beginner Set. Do you have any question about this product?
Suction Cup Man: [weird voice] Does it fuction as a rope?
Woman: It, is a rope. You came... here for a regular rope?
Suction Cup Man: [weird voice] Hardware store closed. I'm trying to find new hobbies. Knot tying perhaps.
He then knots the rope to a hanging rope!
Woman: [shocked] Are you good?
Suction Cup Man: [regular voice] [throws rope] THEY TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME! I USED TO BE SUCTION CUP MAN! Maybe you heard of me?
Woman: No-
Suction Cup Man: NOW I'M JUST MAN! No suction cups!
Woman: Why can't you just get more suction cups?
Suction Cup Man: I got sued by a girl that does MAGIC!
Woman: Okay?
Suction Cup Man: The judge said I was: "BANNED from owning any climbing-grade suction cups." And that's BULLSHIT!
Woman: [rubs his head] Hmm... Just climbing-grade?
Suction Cup Man: That's... What the judge said.
Woman: Uh huh... Well! I think I might have a catalogue [pulls out magazine] you'll be interested in!
Suction Cup Man: [sniffs] Oh yeah?
The next next day, Zee was just getting out of the shower and was dressed for the day.
Zee: [sighs] What a day. Just got out of a nice hot shower, and it's so quiet here. [chuckles]
Then he was brushing her hair, when...
[distant sucking noises]
Zee: Huh?
[dramatic music]
[louder sucking noises]
She then looks out her windows to see what that noise was.
Zee: [looks out last window] Huh?
Turns out, it was Suction Cup Man, but it wasn't suction cups that he was using. It was...
Penis Man: [opens window] I'M PENIS MAN!
Zee: [shocked] [angry] NO! NO WAY! YOU ARE NOT!
Penis Man: YES I AM!
Zee: Oh yeah! I'm calling the cops! [dials phone] You're not allowed to have those!
Penis Man:Oh no no no! You might recall the judge said "Climbing-Grade Suction Cups." Do these look climbing grade to you?
Zee: Well- Not technically! But-
Penis Man: [throw paper at her] SLAP! As per the court order from your lawsuit: I am legally following your rules!
Zee: [shocked] That's- But- You're getting caught up in sementics!
Penis Man: By the way, have you heard the sound these things make? [shakes one of them] That's what good Mac n' Chees sounds like!
Zee: I don't care what it sounds like! You can't just put those things on my windows!
Penis Man: Why not? Now there's cocks inside and outside!
Zee: WHAT?!
Penis Man: Hey! [pulls out guitar] I wrote you a song!
Zee: What?!
Penis Man: It goes a little something like this: [singing] Penis penis penis penis penis penis penis.
Zee: STOP SAYING THAT WORD!
Penis Man: Penis!
Zee: [growls]
Karen: [walks in] Hey, Zee, how's it going?
Zee: I'm fine penis! I mean uh- Karen!
Penis Man: I'M PENIS MAN!
Karen: Huh?
Commissioner Gordan[walks in] We're here!
Zee: Oh thank goodness, the cops.
Commissioner Gordan: We came as soon as we heard all the screaming.
Penis Man: That's a weird thing to come to.
Zee: He can't use those, right? [give paper to Commisisioner Gordan] He can't legally own suction cups.
Commissioner Gordan: Hmm... [looks at paper] Lemme see. The judge said "Climbing-Grade"... Are those climbing grade?
Penis Man: [shake penis]
Commissioner Gordan: I don't think those are climbing grade. Sorry, Ms.Zatanna.
Zee: Well, then I'm taking you back to court, you bully! i'm gonna get you banned from using any suction cups FOREVER!
Penis Man: You just don't get it do you? You're really gonna ban me from all suction cups? Plungers can be used as suction cups. So can dent puller for fixing dents in your cars! Mounts for your phones that stick to your windshield! Those little rubber base shower hooks! Foam darts with the sticky ends. Your mom! Suction cup therapy, DO NOT look that up! Have you EVER considered the human mouth as a suction cup?! I can and will climb with all of these things IF I MUST!
They all looked at him in shocked!
Zee: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?! I just want you off my house, okay?!
Penis Man: Well since that ain't gonna happen. Would you rather me climbin' with cups or cocks!
Zee: Fine. I'll drop the case but you can only climb my house when I'm not here.
Penis Man: Deal! Hurry! I'm Suction Cup Man! [floats away on parashut] LOOK AT ME GO!
Karen: Zee, are you serious?
Zee: Well, it's either cups or those things, Karen?
Later, Suction Cup Man was letting the people who took the suction cups back to his house, when he realise...
Suction Cup Man: [opens his door] [looks inside his house] Oh yeah. I stocked up.
Turns out, he still has filled his house with them.
Suction Cup Man: Ah- Just- Just leave them outside. I'll get rid of these.
Turns out, he put them in Zee's room.
Zee: [muttered] I hate this guy!
End