AN: I hope you'll like it...
Part 13
"Do you think she suspects something?" Mac asked Harm as she started taking out the ingredients for the chocolate cake she was going to make for the next day.
It was the evening before the last day of school for Mattie and they had decided to throw a party for her. They were really proud that she had gotten through the year and wasn't going to have to do the year over like some of the teachers had predicted. She had also missed out on having a birthday party in November so they thought they'd catch up on that too. They had invited her closest friends from school, but also some of their and Mattie's adult friends like the Roberts-family, Sturgis, Varese, Admiral Chegwidden and Meredith. So far Mattie supposedly didn't know anything about it. She thought Mac was over in Harm's apartment working and baking a cake for the office.
"I hope not. Maybe," Harm tried to guess. He was busy making a pasta salad, which was for tomorrow as well. Some of the food they had already ordered from a restaurant since they knew they wouldn't have time to do all of it themselves.
The phone rang and Harm went to pick it up.
"Rabb," he said and after the person on the other side said something he said;. "Hold on a second. Mac, it's for you. It's Webb."
Mac's mouth opened and closed. For over two months now she had been anxiously waiting for this particular phone call. Those months hadn't quite prepared her for it though. She walked over to where Harm was standing with the phone and took it.
"Hello."
"I'm glad you're back," Mac closed her eyes and then opened them again. She felt like she should turn away from Harm, but she wasn't sure for whose benefit and so she remained standing looking at him. "I'll try... yeah. See you."
"That was Webb," she said unnecessary after she had hung up the phone. "He wanted...He's at home. I thought I'd go over there later if it's OK, I know we were supposed to do this all," she motioned towards the kitchen and the yet untidy room "together, but maybe I could leave later on..." Mac went back to the things she had been gathering for the cake, but when she stood in front of them she didn't know what to do with them.
"Mac, go please. Just go... now. I'll take care of this," he motioned towards the kitchen and the rest of the room.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I mean, are you?" he said worriedly. Maybe she was really having second thoughts about Webb.
"Yes, I am," she pulled herself together in a second "I've never been more sure."
"I'm glad you came," Webb said as he let her into the apartment. He looked tired and worn out, but otherwise he seemed to be OK. He gathered Mac in his arms, but when he leaned in to kiss her Mac turned her head so all he got was her cheek.
"You've been gone for a long time. Where have you been?" she asked him still in his arms. He didn't want to let her go.
"Can't say," Webb quickly answered "Sadik's dead..." he added after a few seconds. He took a step back and gathered her hands in his just standing there watching her.
Mac nodded, she understood "We need to talk," Mac told him seriously. She didn't want to play this charade any longer.
"OK," Webb swallowed. "Come on in." He offered her and then followed her into the living room. He motioned for her to sit down wherever she wanted to and then asked her if she wanted to have something to drink. She said she didn't so Webb just poured himself a whisky.
"Clay, please. I don't want you to be... Can you just come here and sit down too?" she said from her place on the couch when she saw his glass.
He looked at the glass and then put it down and walked over to sit down on the armchair opposite where Mac was sitting.
"You wanted to talk," he stated.
"Yes, I did. I do," Mac made a pause to gather her thoughts before she started talking. "I'm not in love with you."
"I know."
"I need to be... I can't be with you anymore."
"I know," Webb said again.
"You do?"
"I do. I knew it was only a matter of time until you wouldn't need me anymore," he looked at her trying to smile, but failing.
"I'm sorry."
"You've got nothing to be sorry about, Mac. I knew what I was getting myself into and... I'll admit that I had other reasons... feelings... for wanting to be with you, but the truth is I also needed you for the same reason that you needed me. Right then I couldn't handle being alone. I needed someone, anyone."
Mac swallowed. This was news to her. She had thought he was with her only because of romantic feelings. In fact that was what she had thought about herself too at the time. She hadn't seen the real truth back then. Knowing Webb had had similar fears as she had, made it easier for her to talk about it and to be honest with him.
"There's something else I need to tell you. I want you to hear it from me and not from anyone else. It's about Harm. We... we've figured some things out. We're going to try to be together."
Webb looked at her not very surprised at the statement, but at the way she said it "You don't sound so sure."
"Oh, I am. It's just... I'm sorry. I don't want you to think I planned this."
"I don't. And I'm sorry I stopped being your friend. Remember I said I thought you already had the right guy. I should have pushed you back in the right direction instead of taking advantage of your problems."
"If you had pushed me away in that direction there wouldn't have been anyone there to catch me. I had already made certain of that."
"I think you're underestimating Harm there."
Mac was quiet for a moment not knowing if he was right. She had made all those phone calls and left all of those messages on Harm's answering machine without any luck to get hold of him, but if she had really needed him of course he would have come. There was no doubt about that, she realized that that that was her true belief deep down. It was just as true for her. She would have come for him too. Maybe the bigger problem then would have been to admit that she did need him and not just anyone.
"Are you sure you don't want anything? How about some coffee? We can talk and I'll be the friend I should have been last summer when we got out of Paraguay."
"And so will I, Clay," she smiled genuinely at him and walked with him out to the kitchen.
Two hours later when she drove up and parked the car in front of her home, she could see the lights still being on in Harm's bedroom. She got out of the car and walked up the stairs to the apartments. She had barely knocked on the door before it was opened. Harm wanted to take her into his arms, but he sensed that it wasn't really what Mac needed right now.
"I just wanted you to know that I'm home."
Harm nodded and though he was curious to how it had gone he didn't ask anything.
"I'll tell you about it tomorrow, OK? I need some time to... I don't know take it all in maybe."
"You were there for a long time," Harm stated. His curiosity was bigger then his good sense.
"We had a lot of things to talk about... You did tell me I could go."
"I just didn't think it would take so long."
"What did you think I was going to do? Pop in, tell him it's over and leave?" Mac wondered. She was tired and drained of energy and that made her annoyed and irritated, most of all with herself for getting annoyed and irritated.
"That's not what I meant," Harm answered her very defensively.
"Harm, I just need to be alone right now. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
When he nodded in understanding, she turned around and walked over to the door of her apartment. There she turned around and looked at him.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow," she said once more and this time there was obvious warmth in her voice. "I'm sorry."
"Tomorrow," Harm said.
TBC
Part 13
"Do you think she suspects something?" Mac asked Harm as she started taking out the ingredients for the chocolate cake she was going to make for the next day.
It was the evening before the last day of school for Mattie and they had decided to throw a party for her. They were really proud that she had gotten through the year and wasn't going to have to do the year over like some of the teachers had predicted. She had also missed out on having a birthday party in November so they thought they'd catch up on that too. They had invited her closest friends from school, but also some of their and Mattie's adult friends like the Roberts-family, Sturgis, Varese, Admiral Chegwidden and Meredith. So far Mattie supposedly didn't know anything about it. She thought Mac was over in Harm's apartment working and baking a cake for the office.
"I hope not. Maybe," Harm tried to guess. He was busy making a pasta salad, which was for tomorrow as well. Some of the food they had already ordered from a restaurant since they knew they wouldn't have time to do all of it themselves.
The phone rang and Harm went to pick it up.
"Rabb," he said and after the person on the other side said something he said;. "Hold on a second. Mac, it's for you. It's Webb."
Mac's mouth opened and closed. For over two months now she had been anxiously waiting for this particular phone call. Those months hadn't quite prepared her for it though. She walked over to where Harm was standing with the phone and took it.
"Hello."
"I'm glad you're back," Mac closed her eyes and then opened them again. She felt like she should turn away from Harm, but she wasn't sure for whose benefit and so she remained standing looking at him. "I'll try... yeah. See you."
"That was Webb," she said unnecessary after she had hung up the phone. "He wanted...He's at home. I thought I'd go over there later if it's OK, I know we were supposed to do this all," she motioned towards the kitchen and the yet untidy room "together, but maybe I could leave later on..." Mac went back to the things she had been gathering for the cake, but when she stood in front of them she didn't know what to do with them.
"Mac, go please. Just go... now. I'll take care of this," he motioned towards the kitchen and the rest of the room.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I mean, are you?" he said worriedly. Maybe she was really having second thoughts about Webb.
"Yes, I am," she pulled herself together in a second "I've never been more sure."
"I'm glad you came," Webb said as he let her into the apartment. He looked tired and worn out, but otherwise he seemed to be OK. He gathered Mac in his arms, but when he leaned in to kiss her Mac turned her head so all he got was her cheek.
"You've been gone for a long time. Where have you been?" she asked him still in his arms. He didn't want to let her go.
"Can't say," Webb quickly answered "Sadik's dead..." he added after a few seconds. He took a step back and gathered her hands in his just standing there watching her.
Mac nodded, she understood "We need to talk," Mac told him seriously. She didn't want to play this charade any longer.
"OK," Webb swallowed. "Come on in." He offered her and then followed her into the living room. He motioned for her to sit down wherever she wanted to and then asked her if she wanted to have something to drink. She said she didn't so Webb just poured himself a whisky.
"Clay, please. I don't want you to be... Can you just come here and sit down too?" she said from her place on the couch when she saw his glass.
He looked at the glass and then put it down and walked over to sit down on the armchair opposite where Mac was sitting.
"You wanted to talk," he stated.
"Yes, I did. I do," Mac made a pause to gather her thoughts before she started talking. "I'm not in love with you."
"I know."
"I need to be... I can't be with you anymore."
"I know," Webb said again.
"You do?"
"I do. I knew it was only a matter of time until you wouldn't need me anymore," he looked at her trying to smile, but failing.
"I'm sorry."
"You've got nothing to be sorry about, Mac. I knew what I was getting myself into and... I'll admit that I had other reasons... feelings... for wanting to be with you, but the truth is I also needed you for the same reason that you needed me. Right then I couldn't handle being alone. I needed someone, anyone."
Mac swallowed. This was news to her. She had thought he was with her only because of romantic feelings. In fact that was what she had thought about herself too at the time. She hadn't seen the real truth back then. Knowing Webb had had similar fears as she had, made it easier for her to talk about it and to be honest with him.
"There's something else I need to tell you. I want you to hear it from me and not from anyone else. It's about Harm. We... we've figured some things out. We're going to try to be together."
Webb looked at her not very surprised at the statement, but at the way she said it "You don't sound so sure."
"Oh, I am. It's just... I'm sorry. I don't want you to think I planned this."
"I don't. And I'm sorry I stopped being your friend. Remember I said I thought you already had the right guy. I should have pushed you back in the right direction instead of taking advantage of your problems."
"If you had pushed me away in that direction there wouldn't have been anyone there to catch me. I had already made certain of that."
"I think you're underestimating Harm there."
Mac was quiet for a moment not knowing if he was right. She had made all those phone calls and left all of those messages on Harm's answering machine without any luck to get hold of him, but if she had really needed him of course he would have come. There was no doubt about that, she realized that that that was her true belief deep down. It was just as true for her. She would have come for him too. Maybe the bigger problem then would have been to admit that she did need him and not just anyone.
"Are you sure you don't want anything? How about some coffee? We can talk and I'll be the friend I should have been last summer when we got out of Paraguay."
"And so will I, Clay," she smiled genuinely at him and walked with him out to the kitchen.
Two hours later when she drove up and parked the car in front of her home, she could see the lights still being on in Harm's bedroom. She got out of the car and walked up the stairs to the apartments. She had barely knocked on the door before it was opened. Harm wanted to take her into his arms, but he sensed that it wasn't really what Mac needed right now.
"I just wanted you to know that I'm home."
Harm nodded and though he was curious to how it had gone he didn't ask anything.
"I'll tell you about it tomorrow, OK? I need some time to... I don't know take it all in maybe."
"You were there for a long time," Harm stated. His curiosity was bigger then his good sense.
"We had a lot of things to talk about... You did tell me I could go."
"I just didn't think it would take so long."
"What did you think I was going to do? Pop in, tell him it's over and leave?" Mac wondered. She was tired and drained of energy and that made her annoyed and irritated, most of all with herself for getting annoyed and irritated.
"That's not what I meant," Harm answered her very defensively.
"Harm, I just need to be alone right now. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
When he nodded in understanding, she turned around and walked over to the door of her apartment. There she turned around and looked at him.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow," she said once more and this time there was obvious warmth in her voice. "I'm sorry."
"Tomorrow," Harm said.
TBC