A/N: This idea came to me while I was watching a MASH episode. Some of the ideas for the chapters will come from the show and maybe even some of the dialogue. I will put a where there is direct dialogue from the show.
Chapter One: The Teacher from Hell
It was September 1st and the Great Hall was buzzing with excited students and nervous first years. The sorting ceremony went about the same as usual. A rather jittery young first year would sit, have the hat placed on his or her respective heads and wait anxiously as the hat would announce the name of the house that they were to be placed in for the duration of their stay at Hogwarts. Everything was about as normal as ever except, to the Slytherins' dismay and everyone else's delight, Professor Snape was not seated in his accustomed chair. In fact, he was nowhere to be seen. Instead, a tall, slightly balding man with a rodent-like face was sitting in Snape's usual chair. The Slytherins, as well as the entire population of the school, anxiously awaited Dumbledore to announce who this new teacher was and what he was to be. After what seemed to be an eternity waiting for the last first year to be sorted, Professor Dumbledore stood up and claimed the attention of the entire room.
"I would like to take this opportunity to inform the students on a few changes that have been made in the faculty."
"I'll bet Snape finally got the sack." whispered Ron Weasley to his two friends, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger, which in turn laughed quietly.
"It grieves me to inform you that Professor Snape will no longer be teaching at Hogwarts...."
Many faces lit up into smiles and much excited murmuring rippled through the throngs of students. They did all that they could to refrain from cheering. Only the members of Slytherin seemed disappointed by the news of having lost their favorite teacher.
"I knew it!" whispered Ron again, "Dumbledore fired Snape!"
"The Slytherins don't look too pleased." Added Hermione. Ron and Harry turned to look at the table full of Slytherins who indeed looked angry.
Dumbledore raised a hand in order to quiet the room. "I know that this news grieves you. Over the summer Professor Snape received an offer to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts at Durmstrang and accepted it. We will miss him here at Hogwarts."
There were many audible snickers.
"Now I would like to take this opportunity to introduce to you our new potions master, Professor Frank Liken." At the mention of his name the new professor stood up and nodded to the students. He smiled at the students as he did so, or what seemed like a smile. His lips were very thin, almost unnoticeable, his mouth looking very much like a mere slit on his face. Many of the Slytherins appeared very unimpressed as they looked upon their new potions master; some even gave a look of contempt and disdain.
"I would also like to add to the Slytherins that Professor Liken will be your new head of house."
Professor Liken gave them a short nod and then sat back down.
"Now, without any further ado, let us eat." With that, Dumbledore sat down and the tables were instantly covered in large quantities of the best food imaginable.
Dinner was soon over and the students were now heading towards their common rooms.
"So, what do you think of our new head of house?" a dark haired boy by the name of Blaise Zabini asked Draco.
"Well," Draco said in answer to Blaise's question, "He looked like a scared rabbit sitting up there."
"Yeah, no kidding. Did you see the way he nibbled at his food during dinner?"
"Yeah, and did you notice the way his eyes kept shifting from side to side like he's watching out for a potential predator?" Several of the Slytherins laughed as they heard the comments.
Soon they all reached the Slytherin entrance and proceeded into the gloomy common room. As they entered they could see all of the first years seated in the chairs and on the couches. As the older students advanced further into the room they saw Professor Liken standing right in front of the fireplace, hands held behind his back in a military fashion.
"Thank you all for finally joining us. Now if you all would take a seat I would like to get started."
"Get started with what?" asked a Slytherin prefect. "We were not informed that there was to be a meeting tonight."
"Well, I am informing you now, so please, take a seat." Professor Liken received several glares as the students obeyed. "Now, you have all been informed as to who I am. So, being your head of house I expect the utmost respect and obedience from each of you."
Draco and Blaise looked at each other and scowled. Who did this guy think he was?
"There are going to be some changes made around here." At this the students looked at each other with confused expressions upon their faces. "There will be no more of these, rule breaking, devil-may-care attitudes that I have heard that you all possess. From now on, fun time is over. I am cracking down on all of you. There will be bed checks every night and lights out will be strictly enforced. Any attempted shenanigans will be severely punished..."
Blaise looked over at Draco and mouthed the word "shenanigans?" Draco just shrugged.
"There will be no more late night visits to the rooms of the opposite sex..."
At this there was an angry outburst amongst the students; however Liken quickly held up his hand to quiet them.
"You will all focus extensively upon your studies and each one of you will report to me every week so that I can observe your progress and make sure that you are not slacking off."
"What?! You can't do that!"
"Oh, I assure you I can. And believe me, you will need to work hard as I have very high standards and you will discover that I do not play favorites. Also, if I hear of any pranks or other acts of hooliganism, the perpetrators will be severely punished and if the antics continue then the whole house will be punished."
Many of the students voiced their protests but they fell upon deaf ears.
"So, this is a warning to all of you nare-do-wells in here, I will be watching you. Now that that is finished I will wish you all a goodnight and say that you had better be in bed soon as lights out is at ten o'clock."
"What?!!!!!!" came the chorus.