The Treasures of Nibelheim's "Hell House" (aka Shinra Mansion)

Yes, it's a house filled with evil and darkness and whatever. And guess who owns it? Yes! Shinra Inc! Anyway, there's rumors of some valuable treasure in this hellhole, but who's brave enough to get it?

"I'll go for it!" Yuffie exclaims as she hears this announcement on TV.

Yuffie seems eager to go to the Shinra Mansion and loot the whole frickin' place of all its cursed treasures.

"Yuffie, no... there's too many monsters in that mansion. And Sephiroth may be in there again." Tifa warned.

Even Vincent has been kicked out of the Shinra Mansion. There's something going on in there. Something very bad.

"I'll beat the crap outta them!" Yuffie exclaims as she runs outside and goes closer to the Shinra Mansion.

A huge scary mansion is what decsribes this hellhole perfectly. Even scarier is the guard out front who is holding a large laser rifle. Yuffie creeps closer. The guard spots her entering the yard.

"Stop! Or I'll make you stop!" the guard yells as Yuffie jumps at him and kills him. She takes the laser rifle. "Shinra Samurai" is written on the side of the weapon.

"Cool! A laser gun!" Yuffie shouts as she enters the dark scary mansion.

In the mansion, Yuffie sees guards patrolling, all holding the same laser rifle, "Samurai". Yuffie picks one off with her own rifle and the others instantly take notice.

"Dammit! You damn bastards!" Yuffie cries as a guard gets closer.

The guards crowd Yuffie. One raises his gun just as a mysterious person appears on the stairs. He is completely in the shadows, but one thing can be seen: his Golden Shinra P2K. He picks off the guards one by one with the golden handgun.

"You... you saved me.." Yuffie says, confused. The man just nods. "The name's Bond. James Bond" he says as he puts away his gun. "That's a fine weapon you got. Looks like a Shinra Samurai."

Yuffie remembers the weapon she is holding. "Oh, this? I got it from a guard." she explains.

"That thing can get hot, so watch out. Now... I have to stop Shinra from killing some animals near Kalm. So long, may we meet again." Bond says as he throws down a Smoke Bomb and disappears. Yuffie goes further into the mansion. No more guards. Suddenly, a voice is heard.

"Stop! You are trepassing on Shinra property! Leave this place at once" it bellows. Yuffie looks around and see nothing. Just then, Sephiroth appears behind her. "Foolish child! None of you fools have realized that I now own Shinra, Inc.! And this mansion is my base!" he explains. Yuffie tries to shoot Sephiroth but he steals the Samurai from her and rips out the energy source. Yuffie escapes into another room and looks for a new weapon. Sephiroth pursues her. "You cannot escape!" he threatens as Yuffie finds a Shinra Type 80 Submachine Gun. "Says who!?" Yuffie says as she pumps Sephiroth full of bullets. Sephiroth falls. "Defeated.. ? Can't be.. ?" he says weakly. Sephiroth quickly dies.

"Not much of a fighter anymore... fool." Yuffie says. Yuffie looks around for the famous treasure. Sure enough, all the treasure is in the basement. She heads down the winding staircase, mutilates a YingYang monster and a few Black Bats, and enters the lab.

"Cool! Shiny!" Yuffie exlaims as she starts gathering the treasure. She takes most of it upstairs where the others are waiting.

"Wow! This stuff is valuable!" Aeris exclaims.

"These weapons are cool!" Vincent says as he examines an S-80.

"I wonder if the Highwind could have somethin' like this? Cid says as he picks up the Samurai. "I could probably make a f--kin' bigger one!"

"What the hell is this!?" Cait Sith asks as he opens a black briefcase and gets blasted by the machinegun inside.

"The Shinra Ronin. Machinegun-in-a-briefcase." Cloud explains.

"And there's more than 1 million gil here!" Tifa exclaims after counting the gil they brought up.

"We're f--kin' rich!" Barret shouts.

"I still would like to know what this is..." Nanaki wonders as he examines a suit of body armor.

"Oh, it's just armor. It protects you." Cloud explains as he puts the body armor on Nanaki.

"Oh... like a Protect Vest... yes, I feel my Vitality rising!" Nanaki exclaims.

"See? I told ya that I could do it! And I met someone in there! He said his name was James Bond or something!" Yuffie happily explains.

"James Bond... ? Why didn't he come with you?" Aeris asks.

"He said he was needed somewhere near Kalm." Yuffie explains.

"Oh well! I'm sure we'll see him soon!" Aeris says cheerfully as everyone packs up the treasure and heads back to Midgar where they will store it all. Barret made a safe underneath the 7th Heaven that is empty, until now. Now it is full of this strange but valuable treasure.

So, Yuffie did get the treasure like she said she would. But why was Sephiroth so weak? Could he have been weakened from the final fight at the Crater? Oh well, all's well that ends well. Stupid Yunsung! Got me talkin' like him! That pretentious little bastard! ....damn you, Astaroth!! Shikizokuzeku! And you, too, Yoshimitsu!!

Oh well, I guess this is...

[THE END]