It's weird how some things work out. I didn't have any time at the beginning of the week but my teachers all seem to be ill or off, so I've had hardly any lessons, so plenty of time to do revision and write some more of this. I don't own anything, and I have no idea how to look after a baby so bits maybe wrong.
Chapter 8 - Don't Leave Home
"I said do you want some tea?" the voice called through the door.
"Sure, just give me a minute to finish with her." I was bathing Leah at home, just before her bedtime. Maggie was in the kitchen clearing away the dishes from dinner.
She'd been here for two days, helping me sort myself now we we're both at home, she'd been a great help actually, we'd managed to have a talk after she had gotten here and sorted some things out between us. It was weird, it seemed to have helped not seeing each other for over a year.
I lift Leah out of her little bath and lay her down on a towel. She's doing really well, it's great to have her at home, I get to spend all day with her, it's amazing I never thought my life would feel this complete, but it does.
She opens her little mouth and has a silent yawn "You're a sleepy little thing aren't you?" I give her a smile as I dress her and carry her out into the kitchen to give her a last feed before I put her to sleep.
"How's the little angel?"
"Sleepy, like her mom." I reply with a yawn.
"Let me take her while you have your tea." She takes her from my arms and I collapse on the couch.
"Would you mind looking after her for an hour while I go and visit Susan tomorrow? She goes home in the morning, and I just want to see that she's all right."
"I think I'll manage!"
"Thanks. Do you really have to go at the end of the week?"
"I need to get back to work, honey."
"I know, I've just really enjoyed having you here." She turns her head quickly to look at me I meet her gaze. I see her smile, and feel myself doing the same. It feels good to have my mom back. Though I don't know if I'd ever call her mom again. She looks away again.
"I need to get back to Eric as well, check that everything's OK. I've left him in sole charge of Dumpy, so I hope he's all right!" Thank God Eric didn't come with her, I don't think things would have gone quite the same if he had been here.
"Yeah." I look down into my cup.
"I'll come back soon, I wouldn't want to miss out on this little princess growing up."
"I'll send you pictures, I promise. And when she's a bit older we'll come visit." I stand up, putting my cup down on the coffee table and taking Leah from her arms.
"I'll just go feed her and put her down."
I wonder into the kitchen, thinking about Maggie, about everything that's happened over the last few years. I glance into the living area and see her slumped on the couch, head bent down. I wonder what she's thinking about. The phone on the table in front of me rings and I answer it quickly. It's Susan.
"Hey Suze!"
"Hey Abby, sorry, I know it's quite late, but I was bored!"
"I know the feeling." We talk for a while about her coming home and when I'm going to visit her.
"Sorry Susan, I'm going to have to go I need to put Leah to bed."
"Oh, all right, I'll see you tomorrow, bye." She hangs up; I place the phone back on its charger and move Leah into my bedroom. She's practically asleep as I put her down in her cot, I stay with her for a while, soothing her to sleep, until I know she's gone. I head back into the living room. I sit down opposite Maggie, her eyes are red, smears of mascara running down her cheeks. I move over so I'm sat next to her, picking up a box of tissues as I do so.
"Hey, what's all this?" I ask gently, putting an arm around her shoulder and passing her a tissue. She bursts into tears again, I don't know what's the matter.
"I'm sorry." she gasps between sobs.
"It's all right." I rub her back with my hand trying to comfort her. She calms down a bit, turning to look at me, wiping away the tears from her cheeks. She looks a mess, black streaks across her red cheeks, shiny red eyes still threatening to shed tears.
"I'm sorry." she repeats before going on "It's just that I made such a mess. Seeing you with Leah, I know you're going to be a brilliant mother to her. You really love her don't you?" I nod wondering where this is going.
"I messed up, with you, with Eric. I tried but not hard enough. I look at you now and I can't believe you turned out as you did. You should have been screwed up because of me, but you have your life sorted, you seem happy."
I want to laugh, how doesn't she realise I did screw up my life, not because of her, because of me, because of the way I am. Yet she's right I am happy, happy with Leah, not necessarily with my life, single mom, father not even on the same continent, half way to becoming a doctor, living on hardly anything, with a loan, signed by my ex-husband, to get me through med. school. She continues having composed herself a little more.
"I'm sorry about all the things I put you through, Thanks Giving, trying to commit suicide, all the times I disappeared, turning up wherever, you were always there, you never left, you were always there when I needed you, like you were for Eric. I'm sorry that I always came off my meds, I'm on them now. I'm staying on them, I want to be there for Eric, for you and Leah, like a mother should be, I want to make it up to you." For the first time I think I believe her, I think she means it. I hope she means it.
"I don't want to leave you, I'll be abandoning you again, leaving when you need me."
"Maggie, it's OK I understand, Eric needs you more. I'm fine, me and Leah will manage, we have each other, Eric needs someone else, someone other than Dumpy." I laugh, making her smile. I put both my arms around her. She seems surprised, I'm surprised at myself, this isn't something I'd normally do. Yet it feels right. She responds and wraps her arms around me. We break away, she looks worn out.
"You should try and get some sleep." she nods meekly. I get up and pull out her bed. She lays down, exhausted. I cover her with a blanket and switch off the sidelight.
"Thank you Abby, for everything." I nod and she closes her eyes. "I love you."
"I love you too..." I reply in a whisper "...mom."
A few days later she's gone. I miss not having her around, after we talked we seemed to relax around each other more. Those last few days were good - mother, daughter and granddaughter altogether, as a family.
She phoned when she got back, Eric was fine, Dumpy was still alive. She said thank you and promised to visit soon. I said the same and we went back to our separate lives, me and Leah, her and Eric.
*~*
A/N I don't know what you will think of this as an Abby/Maggie conversation. If you don't think it was very realistic, I'm sorry but I didn't know how else to write it.
Chapter 8 - Don't Leave Home
"I said do you want some tea?" the voice called through the door.
"Sure, just give me a minute to finish with her." I was bathing Leah at home, just before her bedtime. Maggie was in the kitchen clearing away the dishes from dinner.
She'd been here for two days, helping me sort myself now we we're both at home, she'd been a great help actually, we'd managed to have a talk after she had gotten here and sorted some things out between us. It was weird, it seemed to have helped not seeing each other for over a year.
I lift Leah out of her little bath and lay her down on a towel. She's doing really well, it's great to have her at home, I get to spend all day with her, it's amazing I never thought my life would feel this complete, but it does.
She opens her little mouth and has a silent yawn "You're a sleepy little thing aren't you?" I give her a smile as I dress her and carry her out into the kitchen to give her a last feed before I put her to sleep.
"How's the little angel?"
"Sleepy, like her mom." I reply with a yawn.
"Let me take her while you have your tea." She takes her from my arms and I collapse on the couch.
"Would you mind looking after her for an hour while I go and visit Susan tomorrow? She goes home in the morning, and I just want to see that she's all right."
"I think I'll manage!"
"Thanks. Do you really have to go at the end of the week?"
"I need to get back to work, honey."
"I know, I've just really enjoyed having you here." She turns her head quickly to look at me I meet her gaze. I see her smile, and feel myself doing the same. It feels good to have my mom back. Though I don't know if I'd ever call her mom again. She looks away again.
"I need to get back to Eric as well, check that everything's OK. I've left him in sole charge of Dumpy, so I hope he's all right!" Thank God Eric didn't come with her, I don't think things would have gone quite the same if he had been here.
"Yeah." I look down into my cup.
"I'll come back soon, I wouldn't want to miss out on this little princess growing up."
"I'll send you pictures, I promise. And when she's a bit older we'll come visit." I stand up, putting my cup down on the coffee table and taking Leah from her arms.
"I'll just go feed her and put her down."
I wonder into the kitchen, thinking about Maggie, about everything that's happened over the last few years. I glance into the living area and see her slumped on the couch, head bent down. I wonder what she's thinking about. The phone on the table in front of me rings and I answer it quickly. It's Susan.
"Hey Suze!"
"Hey Abby, sorry, I know it's quite late, but I was bored!"
"I know the feeling." We talk for a while about her coming home and when I'm going to visit her.
"Sorry Susan, I'm going to have to go I need to put Leah to bed."
"Oh, all right, I'll see you tomorrow, bye." She hangs up; I place the phone back on its charger and move Leah into my bedroom. She's practically asleep as I put her down in her cot, I stay with her for a while, soothing her to sleep, until I know she's gone. I head back into the living room. I sit down opposite Maggie, her eyes are red, smears of mascara running down her cheeks. I move over so I'm sat next to her, picking up a box of tissues as I do so.
"Hey, what's all this?" I ask gently, putting an arm around her shoulder and passing her a tissue. She bursts into tears again, I don't know what's the matter.
"I'm sorry." she gasps between sobs.
"It's all right." I rub her back with my hand trying to comfort her. She calms down a bit, turning to look at me, wiping away the tears from her cheeks. She looks a mess, black streaks across her red cheeks, shiny red eyes still threatening to shed tears.
"I'm sorry." she repeats before going on "It's just that I made such a mess. Seeing you with Leah, I know you're going to be a brilliant mother to her. You really love her don't you?" I nod wondering where this is going.
"I messed up, with you, with Eric. I tried but not hard enough. I look at you now and I can't believe you turned out as you did. You should have been screwed up because of me, but you have your life sorted, you seem happy."
I want to laugh, how doesn't she realise I did screw up my life, not because of her, because of me, because of the way I am. Yet she's right I am happy, happy with Leah, not necessarily with my life, single mom, father not even on the same continent, half way to becoming a doctor, living on hardly anything, with a loan, signed by my ex-husband, to get me through med. school. She continues having composed herself a little more.
"I'm sorry about all the things I put you through, Thanks Giving, trying to commit suicide, all the times I disappeared, turning up wherever, you were always there, you never left, you were always there when I needed you, like you were for Eric. I'm sorry that I always came off my meds, I'm on them now. I'm staying on them, I want to be there for Eric, for you and Leah, like a mother should be, I want to make it up to you." For the first time I think I believe her, I think she means it. I hope she means it.
"I don't want to leave you, I'll be abandoning you again, leaving when you need me."
"Maggie, it's OK I understand, Eric needs you more. I'm fine, me and Leah will manage, we have each other, Eric needs someone else, someone other than Dumpy." I laugh, making her smile. I put both my arms around her. She seems surprised, I'm surprised at myself, this isn't something I'd normally do. Yet it feels right. She responds and wraps her arms around me. We break away, she looks worn out.
"You should try and get some sleep." she nods meekly. I get up and pull out her bed. She lays down, exhausted. I cover her with a blanket and switch off the sidelight.
"Thank you Abby, for everything." I nod and she closes her eyes. "I love you."
"I love you too..." I reply in a whisper "...mom."
A few days later she's gone. I miss not having her around, after we talked we seemed to relax around each other more. Those last few days were good - mother, daughter and granddaughter altogether, as a family.
She phoned when she got back, Eric was fine, Dumpy was still alive. She said thank you and promised to visit soon. I said the same and we went back to our separate lives, me and Leah, her and Eric.
*~*
A/N I don't know what you will think of this as an Abby/Maggie conversation. If you don't think it was very realistic, I'm sorry but I didn't know how else to write it.