Act IV - Hokey Religions and Ancient Weapons
Season: 5
Spoilers (Very slight here) 207- Message in a Bottle, 221- '1969', 503 - Ascension
Author's Notes: Author's Notes: Once again, this is for Roxie. Just as it was her idea to write about a Barista story centered on Kira's birthday, so too, did she imagine this particular 'Behind the Scenes'. It does read a little like a Barista story I'm afraid- what can I say? I found the format comforting. ;
Forget confessionals. If you want a real glimpse into the human psyche, all you have to do is follow a person to their local video store. Are they the sort that heads straight for "Family Entertainment"? (Conventional and Safe) Or do they like to meander up and down the "New Release" aisles? (Enjoys being entertained, or Habitual Movie-Watcher) I've seen college frat boys (anything with Bruce Willis or Meg Ryan), lovers (Tampopo, anything with French sub-titles), exhausted parents (Babe, Toy Story) and more than my fair share of creepy perverts (I don't want to give you any ideas, so I'll just keep those titles to myself).
But nothing really prepared me for Murray.
June, 1998
I noticed the big guy as soon as the pair walked through the front door. Oh sure, we have our fair share of African-American customers, but something about this guy made him standout, you know? Maybe it was the way he was looking around – kind of like he was casing the place, although not quite. Or maybe it was the fact that he was wearing a knit stocking cap during a heat wave in late June—whatever it was, I took notice.
"Hi there, Welcome to Mountain High Videos," I say amicably to Hat Man and his normal looking friend with the military haircut.
"Good Day," Hat Man says, formally bowing his head slightly. He takes a long moment to look around the store before turning to his left and heading off towards the overly sparkly hand-made "Science Fiction Films" sign.
"Ah, come on T…k, "his friend says, choking on Hat Man's name. "You don't really want to watch any of that crap, do you?" Normal Guy was nearly pleading with his friend to check out some different videos. I refrain from sighing aloud as I peg Normal Guy as another one of those anti-science fiction sorts; the kind who tends to think in Black and White instead of shades of gray. Maybe if these guys got out a little more, they'd realize there's some interesting life outside of Colorado Springs, USA. Maybe not intergalactic life, but you never really know….
"Indeed I do, O'Neill," Hat Man says as he picks up a copy of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and begins reading the back cover.
"Well, that one was pretty good anyhow." O'Neill admits grudgingly. "I remember taking Sara to a drive in to see that. Man, she was so freaked - she was practically sitting in my lap by the time the film ended!"
"Drive-in?" Hat Man asks, turning towards his friend and raising a solitary eyebrow. Wow! Cool trick.
"Outdoor movie theater," O'Neill explains, "One you would just drive your car to, and then park and watch the movie from the privacy of your own car. Too bad they are all mostly gone- drive ins were wonderful places to make out."
Hat Man opens his mouth to say something more, but O'Neill beats him to the punch. "Ask me tomorrow T'."
Hat Man proceeds to pick up several different science fiction films as O'Neill walks around the store and checks out the latest sports videos.
"You sure I can't interest you in watching last year's Stanley Cup?" O'Neill asks hopefully, holding up a "Highlights Of Hockey" video.
"I do not understand your sports." Hat Man says simply as he goes back to systematically reading the back of science fiction video boxes.
"Our" sports?
"How can you not understand hockey?!" O'Neill asks irritated. "Have you been talking to Daniel again?"
"I speak to DanielJackson almost daily," Hat Man states in that weird monotone voice of his. This guy both exudes tranquility, and scares the shit out of me at the same time. I don't think I want to get on his bad side.
"Ah, never mind," O'Neill says putting back the hockey tape almost reservedly. "I've already seen it before anyhow."
"Why would you wish to be entertained with something you have already viewed?" Hat Man asks as he picks up the widescreen edition of Star Wars and adds it to his stack.
"I believe Captain Carter mentioned this film to me in passing," Hat Man says as he gives O'Neill the stack of films.
"You know," O'Neill begins as he wrinkles his nose in distaste at "Spaceman" and "E.T'", "you aren't going to really like these." O'Neill says with authority.
"And why is that, O'Neill?" Hat Man asks cocking his head to one side as if daring his friend to tell him more.
"Because of your job, of course," O'Neill explains, rolling his eyes.
"I believe these will entertain me." The big guy says with finality as he walks up to the counter and patiently waits for his friend.
"Oh for crying out loud, let's at least get something decent!" O'Neill then heads towards the "Action-Adventure" area and grabs a Clint Eastwood film. "Now Eastwood is a great actor," O'Neill explains as he adds it to the pile. "Just don't let Carter talk you into watching that Madison Bridge picture," he says shuddering. "Major chick flick." Hat Man just looks at him oddly and says nothing.
"Ask Carter or Daniel," O'Neill mutters as he reaches for his billfold. Turns out Colonel Jack O'Neill has an account with us. I quickly bring up his account and can't help but notice that he hasn't rented any videos since… whoa! Since the stone age apparently. He's had an account with Mountain High since 1991, but hasn't rented anything since 1995 and that was waaaayyy before computers. Or at least computers that actually worked!
"That'll be $19.29," I say ringing up the six films.
"Damn!" O'Neill says in disbelief. "Videos have gone up a bit since the last time I was in here." I wisely choose not to say anything as I hand him back 71 cents.
"The movies are due back in 5 days," I say as I pick up the stack of videos and move it to the other side of the security gate. You really don't want to know how many people try to walk out of here with movies down their pants.
"May we return them earlier?" Hat Man asks cordially as he picks up the stack of videos. "We will not be in Colorado Springs in five days time."
"Of course!" I say a little surprised at the question. Odd guy this strange Hat Man.
"Don't worry 'T, we have three days of downtime before we're scheduled to ship out. That should give us plenty of time to watch 'Alien', 'E.T.', 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind', 'Spaceman', 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' and 'Star Wars'.
"I look forward to it, O'Neill." Hat Man says gravely, as he picks up the videos and once again gives me a polite nod.
"Glad one of us does." O'Neill mumbles as he follows his friend outside.
August, 1998
I was actually in the back of the store inventorying some new videos when I heard his voice again.
"Are you sure Jack has an account at this place?" someone asks.
"Indeed I am DanielJackson," a somber voice replies. Hat Man! I peek around the corner, and sure enough, there was Hat Man wearing a rather impressive looking Stetson cowboy hat.
"So, what should we get?" Daniel Jackson asks. At least I'm assuming that's his name. I decide to head on out and see if I can be of any help.
"May I help you?" I ask politely, as I approach the somewhat nerdy-looking guy in a tweed coat and the always impressive Hat Man.
"Our friend has just been released from an infirmary, and we thought we'd surprise him with pizza and some movies tonight."
"I believe O'Neill asked for beer as well," Hat Man adds seriously; his friend just clicks his tongue and shakes his head.
"No way! Dr. Frasier said no alcohol," Daniel says adamantly. "You may not be afraid of her needles T-Murray, but I am. Jack should be as well."
"O'Neill will be very displeased if we show up without a fermented beverage."
Fermented beverage?
"Yeah, well, Jack can just be pissed off then. Who knows what the hell that thing did to him, and I'm going with Janet on this one. He isn't getting anything from me." Daniel pauses for a moment before continuing, "And you don't have a driver's license yet, so it's doubtful you'll be able to buy anything either, no matter how much Jack complains."
"Why do I need a driver's license to purchase alcohol?" Murray née Hat Man asks.
"You need to prove you are over 21 to purchase alcohol in Colorado."
Well, duh!
"I am well over 21 years of age, DanielJackson." Murray says almost condescendingly.
"I know that T..Murray," Daniel says forlornly, "but the rest of Colorado does not. Still," he says brightly as something occurred to him. "You probably could purchase whatever you want right now. If I were a 20-something convenience store clerk, I'm not certain I would card you."
As interesting as all of this was, I couldn't help this poor O'Neill guy with his alcohol, but I might be able to do something about the movies.
"So you want to pick up a few movies for your friend," I say bringing the conversation back to something I know a little about.
"That's right." Daniel replies, grateful for the topic to be off potentially illicit 'fermented beverages'. "Jack likes movies that are light on the plot and heavy on the explosions."
"We just got in 'Titanic'," I offer. "Think he'd like that?"
"God, no!" Daniel replies nearly laughing. "There might be a lot of explosions, but I don't think he'd appreciate the love story part of the tale." I nod in agreement. From what I remembered, I didn't really think O'Neill was the 'Titanic' sort.
"What about this one?" I ask showing them a copy of Wesley Snipes in 'Blade'.
"What's it about?" Daniel asks looking at the back of the video box.
"It's about a guy who is half mortal and half vampire and how he becomes the protector of humans by killing as many bad vampires as possible." Daniel Jackson makes a face and rubs the center of his forehead.
"I don't think that one will work."
"I concur," Murray adds.
"All right," I say putting "Blade" back on the shelf and reaching for something else. "What about this one?" I offer showing them 'Rush Hour' with Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. "Not a lot of explosions, but a lot of really cool fight scenes."
Daniel reads more on the back of the box and makes another face. "God, I would hate this," he mutters mostly to himself. "Jack, however," Daniel says looking back up to me, "will probably love it."
"We should acquire this as well," Murray says holding up a letterbox edition of 'Wizard of Oz'.
"I don't think he'll really like that, sir." I say tentatively.
"Oh, trust me," Daniel says breaking into a grin. "He's going to love this!"
I help them pick out a Sports Bloopers vid (for when 'Jack' was alone) and a Discovery Channel documentary on worm holes. Murray does this really cool thing with a single eye brow as he appears to question Daniel's decision.
"I do not believe O'Neill will enjoy this DanielJackson," Murray says as we begin walking up to the counter.
"We're going to pretend that this is the only video we picked up," Daniel explains to his friend. "Besides, while Jack may grouse about all this "science stuff", he actually does have a pretty good interest in astronomy. If he doesn't want to watch it, I'm sure Sam will."
I'm about to ring them up, when Murray suddenly spies something in the corner of the store and goes to retrieve it.
"We will also take this movie as well," Murray says placing a copy of Star Wars on top of the pile.
"Star Wars?" Daniel asks, confused. "Didn't you see that a few months ago?"
"Indeed I did DanielJackson," Murray replies. "I wish to see it again."
"Oh, Jack is going to love this." Daniel says with a smirk as he pays for the videos.
"I do not believe you are correct DanielJackson," Murray states somberly. "O'Neill has repeatedly informed me that he doesn't appreciate science fiction."
"Which is pretty damn funny, don't you think?" Daniel asks as he opens the door for his friend.
"I don't believe it is humorous," Murray replies sounding a little (for Murray) confused.
"You're right Teelk," Daniel says as the door slowly closes behind them. "Jack isn't going to find it funny at all."
Teelk?
April, 1999
Murray continued to visit the store throughout the winter, albeit it in rather sporadic bursts. He would come in twice in one week, and then we wouldn't see him for nearly a month! We knew he worked with Colonel O'Neill and often speculated over lunch (or red vines), what it was that Murray did for the military; I was convinced he was a sniper.
Occasionally he picked out "traditional" guy-films (Hunt for Red October, Die Hard, 12 Monkeys), but more often than not, he would select science fiction films. Scary, cheesy, black and white—Murray didn't seem to have a preference. After returning the first 'Alien', Murray insisted (much to Colonel O'Neill's displeasure) on renting the next two Alien movies. He went through the entire "Battlestar Galactica" television series in less than a week and rented all four Superman videos in one go.
He told me he thought the cylons were unrealistic and he questioned the plausibility of a human with superhuman powers. I kid you now, this is what Murray said to me.
What really got the employees talking however; (besides his odd selection of hats) was Murray's love of Star Wars. He had rented the entire trilogy at least twice, but continued to rent the original Star Wars nearly ever time he walked though our doors. After the last rental (number 5), I had explained to Murray that he might as well just buy the film. After all, everything was coming out on DVDs now, and the video tapes really didn't cost that much.
Murray wasn't interested.
I was selecting films for our "$1.99" showcase when Murray and Colonel O'Neill came through the door. Today Murray seemed to be wearing a simple dark blue fishing-style cap.
"Are you sure about this, big guy?" Colonel O'Neill asked his friend as he hovered near the front of the store. "I have obtained a license to drive, O'Neill," Murray says solemnly as he reaches into his cargo pants and retrieves a rather new-looking wallet. He frowns slightly as he opens up the billfold and takes out a plastic card.
"Yeah, but Daniel taught you to drive T'!" O'Neill grouses as he grudgingly takes a look at the license. "Daniel hasn't even mastered the art of a manual transmission yet!"
"Isn't it more difficult to drive a 'stick-shift' automobile, than an automatic one?" Murray asks patiently.
"Oh, I suppose," O'Neill agrees grudgingly. "Still, it just isn't normal for a guy to have learned to drive a stick when he was 11, and only learned about there BEING automatic cars in the last year or two. For a genius, Daniel knows shockingly little about cars."
"I do not believe automobiles are an interested to DanielJackson," Murray replies.
"You've got that right," O'Neill agrees, nodding. "Now, Carter on the other hand—Carter likes cars just fine. To this, Murray just raises an eyebrow.
"You sure you'll be all right?" O'Neill asks giving me an uncalled for evil look. "I can always add you to my account..?"
"I wish to have my own, O'Neill."
Jack nods and clamps his hand on Murray's shoulder. "I'll just be across the street picking up dinner," he says. "If you have any problem, just have them ring me on my cell." Jack hands Murray his business card and then leaves the store. I swear, Murray almost cracks a smile as he watches Jack drive away.
"Good Day," Murray says solemnly to me as his head in greeting. "I wish to open up an account with you."
"Sure, "I reply, setting down a copy of 'Turner and Hooch'. I've seen you in with Colonel O'Neill several times, so I'm sure there will be no problem.
"I will then select several films and return to you." Murray says almost regally as he gives me a small nod.
Maybe he is regal!
Murray returns a few minutes later with the first two Terminator movies and Total Recall. Ah, I guess it's time for Murray to experience Arnold Schwartzenager!
"I think you'll enjoy these," I say taking the three movies from him, "no one can kick alien ass like Arnold!"
"Indeed." Murray says granting me the tiniest of smiles.
"I just need to see your I.D, and I'll set you up in the system," I explain. Murray hands me his license, and I try to be nonchalant as I check out his "stats".
"Chulak is an unusual last name," I say conversationally as I type in Murray's name and address. "Is it Polish?"
"It is not," Murray replies giving me absolutely nothing to work with. He continues to stand and stare at me (in a polite sort of way) as I finish entering his information. I find it weird that he listed his home address as a military base, but if it was good enough for the Department of Licensing, it is good enough for me.
"You sure don't look 35," I say conversationally as I record his birth year into our system." Murray just gives me an enigmatic smile and a slight nod. I bet he gets that a lot.
"That should do it," I say as I hand him back his freshly minted I.D. I pick up his videos and scan them into the system.
"I couldn't help but notice that you just received your license," I say as I run the videos through the scanner so they don't beep as they go out the door. "Did you pass on your first try?" Unfortunately, not enough time had passed for me to have forgotten my miserable first attempt at obtaining a driver's license. I passed the written with flying colors, but failed the driving by one miserable point. Stupid parallel parking…
"Indeed I did," Murray says collecting his movies on the other side of the partition. "A friend of mine taught me to drive on a 'road trip' to New York City."
"I've always wanted to see New York," I reply truthfully.
"I recommend visiting the Space Conservatory," Teal'c says.
"Uh, I'll remember that," I answer a little confused. The conservatory? Why would I want to go all the way to NY to look at stars that are more easily observed here in Colorado?
"Do not forget your sunglasses," Murray adds sagely as he leaves the store. "It is dangerous for human eyes to view solar observances unobstructed."
"Thanks for the tip," I reply. I mean, what does one really say to something like that?
"You are very welcome, MichaelSullivan." And with that Murray leaves. Just as I begin to feel Goosebumps rising on my arms, I chide myself for being silly, and look down at my name badge. D'oh! Forgot I was wearing that.
So much for my theory that Murray is really a mind-reading alien!
July, 2001
"Good day MichaelSullivan," Murray says as he walks into the store.
"Hey Murray," I reply glancing up from my book. Summer time is not a boom time for video rental in Colorado.
I can't help buy smile as I take in Murray's cowboy ensemble. Once again he's wearing that rather impressive Stetson cowboy hat. His friend, Colonel O'Neill is with him and I notice that the Colonel's hair has seriously gone gray in the last year or so. Usually, the Colonel comes in wearing a baseball cap of some sort.
The pair takes a few minutes to walk around the store, and return to the counter with 'Armageddon' and 'Deep Impact'. I unsuccessfully attempt to raise a solitary eyebrow in question.
"Feeling apocalyptic?" I ask.
"Our friend is an Astrophysicist and we wanted to take her something to cheer her up," Colonel O'Neill explains.
"And a couple of films about the potential annihilation of the human race would do that?!" I ask incredulously.
"Carter, will think it's funny," the Colonel explains, although not sounding quite so sure of himself.
"I am not so certain of this O'Neill," Murray adds.
"Ah, come on! At the very least, Carter will come up with at least a half a dozen ways she would have saved the planet differently—that's gotta cheer her up!"
"Well, just in case it doesn't," I add bringing out a new acquisition, "may I interest you in a brand new, never before viewed copy of 'Star Wars'?" Murray takes hold of the offered video with gusto and places it on top of the other two.
"Haven't you seen that movie already?" O'Neill asks, wrinkling up his forehead as he attempts to remember how many times. "I know we've watched it at least twice as a team."
"I have seen Star Wars eight times, O'Neill," Murray remarks proudly as I ring up their selections. O'Neill insists on paying and is grousing about Murray's Star Wars fixation all the way out the door.
"Star Wars?" O'Neill mutters mostly to himself, "hokey religions and ancient weapons if you ask me…"
Completed, Sept. 9, 2004.
The End! Yes, I could continue with all sorts of different vignettes from outsiders view points, but rather than write them all in one continual 'Behind The Scenes' series, I'll just post them independently. I'm dying to read and/or write something about the secret life of Chevron Guy! Do let me know if you enjoyed these stories, because, unlike Teal'c, I'm only human and thrive on feedback.