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This time of year is always rough for Dick, luckily Wally is there to pick up his slack
"Well it's your birthday M'gann, so what do you want to do?" Zatanna asked her for the third time that day.
They'd all been trying to figure out what the martian wanted to do for her birthday but had not gained much ground in figuring it out. All they'd gotten is she just wanted to do something everyone would enjoy.
"I honestly don't care." M'gann replied. "As long as everyone is together. That's all I want."
"You know that isn't very helpful right?" Robin asked her. "We can all be together. We've established that much, we still need you to pick what we're doing."
"I know there's this Magician that is supposed to perform in Central City next Wednesday." Wally offered. "That could be fun."
"Yeah, I'm just gonna veto that right now." Zatanna countered.
"Okay, so no magic show." Wally held his hands up in surrender. "Just a suggestion."
"Hello Megan." She snapped her fingers. "I just remember there's supposed to be this circus coming into town, they have shows on my birthday. We could do that."
"If that's what you want, sure." Artemis agreed. "That sounds fun."
"Yeah, okay." Zatanna nodded, leaning back in her seat. "I haven't been to a circus performance in years. That could be fun."
Wally hesitated. "The circus? Have you been to a circus on Earth?"
"Other than the one we performed in as a cover? No." M'gann answers. "All the more reason."
Robin didn't miss Wally's eyes flickering towards him when the idea was offered. He didn't know how to feel. He'd be okay under normal circumstances but her birthday was extremely close to the anniversary.
"Sounds fun." Robin finally added after a moment.
"Alright, then it's settled. The whole team will be attending the circus for my birthday." M'gann announced.
"Okay, I'll secure the tickets." Zatanna offered.
Robin felt off.
He knew he needed to step away for a moment. He excused himself. He needed to be alone, to think.
This week had been long and continued to drag on. Only adding to the fact was the anniversary coming up. It always threw him through a loop. He was confident that any other time, any other day, this wouldn't bug him. But, this time a year had him feeling off.
He was afraid of how he might react. He didn't want to scare anyone or make anyone feel bad that he can't go but he also wants to accommodate M'gann's wishes for her birthday
"Hey!" Wally called out as he jogged to catch up. "Are you gonna be okay?"
"What? Yeah I'll be fine." Robin told him easily even though it felt like a lie.
"You sure? You just- you don't seem like it'll be fine. I'm sure we can come up with something else."
"No, it's fine. I'll be fine."
Wally didn't seem convinced and Dick certainly didn't feel convinced.
He spent the next week and half feeling absolutely miserable. Dick knew he should tell them he really wasn't up for this but he couldn't bring himself to disappoint any of them. Especially since they would ask a reason and Dick definitely doesn't trust himself to provide one.
What made it all the more annoying was that it wasn't the same day. The anniversary was three days after. It made him feel irrational. He hadn't been this bad in a long time.
The night before was filled with restless sleep. He kept waking up to the horribly familiar sound of bodies hitting the ground.
The plan was to meet up at the cave and go to the event together as a group. He didn't feel like himself.
"Hey," Wally caught his arm. "Are you sure you're okay? You look terrible."
"Thanks," Dick replied drily.
"I'm serious. If you're not up for it you don't have to go, you don't have to explain yourself either."
"I'm fine, Wally" Dick held back the bitter tone, just barely.
Wally wanted to argue.
"Okay." M'gann floated slightly above everyone. "Are we ready to go?"
"As I'll ever be." Conner grumbled, mostly to himself. A bad mission earlier in the week had soured his mood.
Unlike everyone else, Kaldur had noticed the exchange between Robin and Wally. He was watching closely.
Dick tilted his head more upward to hide the sick feeling growing in his throat. His plan was to slip out when the lights went dark. He already knew he couldn't handle the performance.
"Alright." Raquel clapped her hands together. "Let's celebrate your birthday."
Robin hesitated following the group. It must've been that point that made up Wally's mind.
"Crap." He said, relatively loud. He wanted to make sure everyone heard him.
"What?" Artemis asked him.
"I just remembered I have a calculus thing due tomorrow and if I don't get it done I fail, and then I'm benched for the foreseeable future"
"Are you serious?"
"Why not just speed do it?" Zatanna asked him.
"I can't just 'speed do it' unless I know what I'm doing. Which actually…" Wally turned towards Robin. "I could really use your help with it."
Dick's brain stalled. What was he doing?
"Really? Both of you?" Zatanna asked.
"Only if Robin wants to." Wally looked him dead in the eye. "Please agree. I will fail without you."
Robin glanced between Wally and the group.
Other than Kaldur everyone seemed to be buying it. Kaldur was playing along.
Wally was giving him an out. One that wouldn't be questioned.
"Sure I guess." Robin finally agrees. "I'll help."
"Sweet. You can help with my French homework too."
"I didn't agree to that."
"Wally, the plan was for all of us to do something together." M'gann sounded disappointed. It felt like a gut punch.
"I know, I'm sorry." Wally did at least have the decency to sound genuine. "Hey, we've still got dinner and cake here afterwards so we'll all hang out together after the circus. You guys have fun."
"Robin, are you sure you want to help the poor planner?" Artemis asked, her tone only a little sharp.
"Yeah." Robin sighed. "He'll fail without me. And we can't afford him being benched for that long."
"Well if you both insist." Kaldur stepped in. "We'll see you afterwards."
They both watched everyone leave.
"You didn't have to do that." Dick finally told him after several minutes of silence.
"Yes I did. You're my friend. My best friend. You needed help, so I helped." Wally explained it like it was the easiest thing.
Dick smiled. Wally really was the best friend a guy could ask for. "Do you really have calculus homework you need help with?"
"Oh definitely not. But I do actually have French homework you can help with. With you being fluent in French and all."
Dick scoffed. "Normally I'd say no. Barbara pulls the same crap with me but- considering the events of today I suppose it's only fair."
"You guys missed out." M'gann immediately told them upon entering the common area of the cave. "It's way more fun when you're not working a case."
"Yeah it usually is." Wally laughed.
"I'm still mad at you for letting yourself get so far behind." Artemis scolded. "Not only did you miss out on team building but you made Robin miss out."
"It's okay, I've been to the circus before." He attempted to reassure her.
"They were all really good." Zatanna slid in to sit next to Dick. "It was an international circus."
Dick knew it wasn't Haly's Circus, he'd made sure beforehand, but hearing her say that didn't stop his heart from skipping a beat.
"Yeah, where were they from?" Raquel continues Zatanna's train of thought. "They told us but I can't remember."
"They were from Berlin." Robin answers.
It got him some weird looks.
"I looked it up before." He continues. It seems to appease the weird looks.
He does feel bad for making Wally miss out on what clearly had been a lot of fun for everyone else. He trusts them but couldn't bring himself to tell them anything for reasons he doesn't even understand.
Sure initially Batman had instructed him not to tell anyone. But it was a dumb rule. Especially now, after everything.
"I was curious if I knew any of them." Dick adds after a moment to test the waters. See how they respond.
Wally is definitely confused.
"How would you know them?" Zatanna asks, taking the bait.
"Well I was in the circus for a while." He answers, attempting to keep his tone light. "You meet a lot of people."
"You mean for the case-" Artemis interjects trying to follow what he was getting at.
"No, it was before Robin."
"Now I really wish you would've come." Zatanna nudges his shoulder slightly. "Could've had some of your colorful commentary."
"Probably wouldn't have been that colorful." He counters.
She seems to notice his mood shift ever so slightly.
"Why'd you stop? If you don't mind me asking."
They were all very tuned into the conversation. Dick had never willingly divulged into his past. He was very aware that they didn't know much about him. It was out of character for him to just be open like this.
Dick wasn't sure how to answer her question. He hates to turn the whole tone of the evening so dark.
"Was it Robin?" Raquel asks.
"Kinda." He decides on. "Everything kind of happened at the same time, but I was done before Robin."
"What happened?" Artemis asked, she was a little more confident. "Was it one of those career ending injuries?"
"You could say that." Dick swallowed, this was as good a time as any. "It's hard to be a part of a family act when your whole family is dead."
Maybe not the best way to say that.
You could hear a pin drop.
All the color drained from Artemis' face. "I am so sorry."
Dick tried to smile as reassuringly as he could muster. "No, it's okay. It was a long time ago."
No one had been expecting the conversation to go that way. Even Wally was shocked and he knew. He knew everything.
Zatanna seemed to recover. She took hold of his hand. "Robin I- I wish I knew what to say right now."
"Say it backwards." Dick offered.
She laughed lightly. It seemed to help everyone recover a little bit.
"Way to bring down the mood boy wonder." Raquel jokes.
"Well, you guys did ask."
"We didn't ask you to share that though." Conner tells him.
"Is that why Wally said he had homework and he needed your help specifically?" M'gann remembered.
Wally opened his mouth to answer before Dick cut him off.
"It's not your fault." He reassures. "This time of year is always rough for me. This year, for whatever reason, has really just held on."
"I still wish you would've told us, Robin. I mean we could've done something else." M'gann seemed worried.
"It's actually Dick, and it's fine, M'gann. Honest." He tells her.
"I'm sorry." Artemis picks up what Dick says immediately. "What's actually Dick?"
"That's my name." He explains grinning widely. "Dick Grayson."
"That is old fashioned." Zatanna laughs. "What are you, an eighty year old man?"
He laughs as pulls off the shades, no point if he's giving away his secret identity. "Maybe"
"Oh my god, Dick Grayson," Artemis seems to have come to a realization. "You're in my math class."
"Yes." He replies enjoying the scene that was unfolding in front of him.
"With Barbara Gordon."
"Yep, really good friend."
"You took a picture with me when I first started."
"I did do that. I still have the picture too."
"Can I ask?" Zatanna pipped in. "Why now?"
"Why not." He replies easily.
I know I did a Dick centric one recently but this one was just too good for me not to do. I'll have something fresh for tomorrow