Lunatic: I would like to offer thanks to all of you who waited patiently and to the lovely reviewers.
Ok I would just like to explain something.
In my version of Raven's Nevermore, Raven (the blue one) inside her mind, is a representation of her entire consciousness. This should include her heart. When she denied her love for Robin, her heart and her mind fractured to become Blue Raven and White Gold Raven. This created the shift in the Balance and caused her other emotions to get stronger etc. etc. So there should NOT have been a white gold version, that was the whole problem, see?
That night, Raven remained in the Med. Lab, by Cyborg's command. The other Titans were very enthused to see her, even Beast Boy leapt forward to offer a hug. She had been mildly surprised by their level of concern.
In the darkness of the proceeding night Raven was left alone with the medical facilities and various equipment blinking wearily in the darkness. She gazed blankly at the multi-colored blips, silently contemplating the weeks behind her. How quickly everything had come about, and yet the agony had made it seem so slow.
She rolled onto her side, debating whether or not it was worth staying.
Her logical self told her that the issue with her heart should be resolved, the balance restored and her emotions settled now that she had reabsorbed her softer, more vulnerable self. She now felt to the fullest extent her love for Robin.
She didn't believe that it helped at all.
Even if her emotions were no longer out of control and unbalanced due to the split in her consciousness, she was still in love. And that was one thing she could never safely indulge in. It was like a pitiless cycle: even if she did satisfy her heart and acknowledge her feelings, she could still never act on them and that created the same rift between her and her heart.
Leaving again was not an option. At least, not until she truly experimented with the consequences of recent events. If she was to honestly believe that she was a threat, then she needed to prove it. If she could indeed control her emotions around Robin, then she could remain a valuable member of the Teen Titans. Nothing more. If she became a hindrance rather than an aid, then she would be forced to abandon her life at the Tower once again.
All she had to do was keep away from Robin.
Within her, she felt the fire of her Rage get hotter. Part of her desperately wanted to blame Robin for everything, part of her wanted to hate him for everything he had ever done to make her love him.
"Why him?" She whispered desperately.
"Because," the reflection of her raised its head and looked at the true Raven, their noses barely touching, "he is everything… you are not."
Sighing, Raven summoned around her a more complete darkness than the shadows of the Med. Lab and teleported to the roof. There, she might find a calmer setting, and find out what time it was. She needed fresh air.
Starfire was easily the most joyous member of the Teen Titans. She had a cheerful, loving heart and wasn't as dumb as she looked. In fact, she could be rather perceptive.
This being so, Starfire had begun to realize that there was more between Robin and Raven than was being said. It worried her, and inspired within her an ugly flame of jealousy. Such things happen when one is in love.
She paced within her room, hands clasped not in front of her chest, but behind her back. It was an unusual state for Starfire to be in. Generally the young Tamaranian would be hanging her head off the end of her soft, round bed, snoring soundly at this hour. But her troubles were keeping her awake.
She contemplated going to Robin's room and awaking him. She wanted answers and she trusted that Robin would be an accurate source from which to receive them. But she couldn't bring herself to disturb him at five in the morning. He worked so hard, and had obviously been through much within Raven's dark mind.
Instead, Starfire headed to the Med. Lab. She was certain that Raven would be awake: the dark girl never slept later than necessary. Perhaps the silent, isolated Titan would be willing to relieve Starfire's mind of its troublesome assumptions.
Raven relished a deep breath of fresh air as the darkness faded around her and revealed the slight tinge of dawn on the horizon. A faint cerulean color was leaking into the edge of the world, creating a domed illusion on the sky.
Around her, the water lapped sleepily on the Tower's rocky base and the citizens under her protection slept on. Raven, reminded of this duty, sighed and paced to the edge of the roof.
A predawn mist made the ledge wet and the air felt heavy with cool sleep. Raven felt soothed, and her mind cleared considerably.
She could survive without having Robin as a lover, if only she concentrated on what was truly important. She was alive, and her friends were safe beneath her feet in various states of slumber. She had a home, and although she must sacrifice much for it, she was happy.
She smiled gently at the warming horizon, marveling at the simplicity of her thoughts. The calm and the gentle breeze, the cool color of the sky: all of it helped to brush away her troubles with the utmost ease.
She had just relaxed into the simple joy of the moment, when the door to the roof opened with an urgent slam. If she hadn't taught herself not to, she might have jumped. Instead she searched the aura behind her, and was a little surprised to find that Starfire was shaking worriedly behind her.
"Starfire?" She asked, turning around to face her friend. "What's wrong?" The look on the Tamaranian's face was most unusual. It consisted of relief, abating fear, and anticipation.
Starfire floated forward with amazing speed and crushed the half-demon in a hug. "Oh friend Raven! I was most worried!"
"Uhm…" She waited with cool bemusement until Starfire finally let her breath again to ask her next question. "Why?"
"I went to the 'Lab of Healing and Medicines' to see you. When I discovered that you were not there, I became… concerned." Now the red head stared at the ground, as if ashamed of what she had been worried about.
"No, Star. I don't plan on running out again."
Not for now at least. She thought separately.
"I am… glad." Starfire's face was conflicted, as if something were still troubling her. Raven was in no mood to dig into her friend's mind. She turned back to the sky, and waited patiently for Starfire to collect herself.
Starfire joined her at the ledge, the morning wind tugging playfully at her long, cherry-red hair.
"Friend, Raven?" She bit her lip. "May we do the 'girl-talk'?"
Raven spared the lighter girl a dark glance, irritated. "Now, Star?"
The alien girl only seemed to become more determined as she answered. "Yes, I must speak with you now." She said firmly.
"What about?" Raven sighed, resigning herself. She would have no more peaceful contemplation with the twilight.
"Robin."
Raven's heart constricted considerably, and she felt light-headed. Surely there was no more blood reaching her brain, not with these invisible hands holding her chest. She closed her eyes briefly, and adopted a forced calm.
"Yes?"
Again Starfire chewed her lip, green eyes never leaving the mysterious shape of her friend. Raven didn't meet her gaze, but continued to stare apathetically at the slowly rising sun.
"I wish to know… what is between you and friend Robin?" She asked, her voice getting stronger as she went on.
"Nothing Starfire. Robin is a friend, and leader." The dark teen recited monotonously.
"You are sure? There is nothing more than this?" Starfire pressed.
Raven was shivering with tension, trying to keep her cool. Denying this was going against everything that she had just spent a month trying to fix. She felt her newfound stability crumbling. When she answered, she was sharp, and fairly frantic.
"NO. There is nothing between us Starfire." She hissed.
"Glorious!" Starfire jumped, and clapped her hands, oblivious. "I am sorry if I have offended you with these assumptions." Starfire said brightly, and touched her shoulder briefly as she returned inside.
Raven shuddered, concentrating everything on keeping her powers in check. She closed her eyes and chanted: Azarath, Metrion, Zhinthos. Azarath Metrion, Zhinthos.
"I'm sorry." She whispered to no one in particular.
When Raven finally made it to the living room hours later, the other Titans had already argued, ruined, remade and eaten their breakfast. Cyborg and Beast Boy were once again fighting over the controller to their favorite video game. Starfire and Robin were exploring a board game, the pieces spread out over the table and Starfire reading the instructions upside down. Raven tried to find that optimism that she had been so briefly acquainted with on the roof, but it had long since fled her.
She avoided looking for too long at the pair trying to set up the board game. Starfire was a kind girl, if not overly exuberant with her optimism. Robin seemed genuinely happy around her, rather than aggravated and confused.
Shaking her head at her own self-pity, Raven headed to the kitchen. She needed tea; most definitely she needed tea.
She searched the cupboards for her favorite mug. "Beast Boy did you use my mug again?" She never dared ask for what.
"Mmf." The green shape shifter replied, around a handful of snacks. She glared angrily at the back of his head.
She was about to levitate him off the couch when she noticed Robin watching her. The lamp over the kitchen sink exploded before she could stop it.
"Geez Raven I'm sorry!" Beast Boy interjected, obviously mistakenly assuming her outburst was caused by his insufficient reply. "It's in the dishwasher!" He shouted distractedly.
She tore her eyes away from Robin's, nonchalantly grabbing the black mug from the dishwasher and putting a kettle on the stove. While she waited for the water to boil, she tried desperately not to feel the masked eyes boring into her back.
So much for that. She thought darkly. Obviously her powers could not be contained when Robin was around. She was a threat once more.
The piercing whistle of boiling water made her jump. Frowning, she made her tea and took her usual spot in the corner with her book. She never read a word of it.
"Robin? It is your turn." Starfire said gently.
They had finally managed to get the game under way, when Robin took the instructions from the Tamaranian and read them himself. He jerked out of his trance, and looked at the board. Why had he ever agreed to play Monopoly?
Rolling the dice, he moved his metal piece (the dog yay!) the number of spaces.
"Uhm… Robin, that is four spaces too many." His companion corrected, moving the piece back. Robin blushed.
"Ah sorry. I wasn't paying attention." He said sincerely, this being the honest truth. Since Raven had come into the room, he hadn't been able to concentrate at all.
"Friend Robin, is something troubling you?" Starfire queried, forgetting about the game for the moment. Robin chanced a glance at Raven. She hadn't turned the page in close to thirty minutes.
"No. I'm fine." He said, shaking his head. He'd talk to Raven later, when there were no prying ears around. Starfire beamed at his reply.
"I am glad then." She said enthusiastically. She then purchased a large amount of real estate. Robin focused as best he could on the game, sensing that victory was at hand.
An hour later, Robin could be found glowering sourly as the boy wonder stalked the hallway toward Raven's room, the sting of defeat grating his nerves. Robin hated losing more than anything else. He still had no idea how she did it either.
Good thing I'm not a business man like Bruce. I don't know anything about that sort of thing.
He stopped in front of the door that emanated darkness and foreboding. Even if he had never been in Titans' Tower before, he still would have known that this was Raven's room. It just gave a creepy impression, much like its owner.
Sometime during his game with Starfire, Raven had run off. He didn't expect to catch her in the living room anyways: Cyborg and Beast Boy never left the gaming system longer than they had to. He gulped and prepared to knock.
"What?"
Startled by her abrupt appearance and her sharp tone, he stood there with his fist raised in the air and stared at her. "Uh…"
She stared at him in reply, one eyebrow raised expectantly. "Well? It took you long enough already to knock."
"What?" He let his fist fall to his side, chiding himself at forgetting her tendency toward the uncanny and unpredictable.
"You've been pacing outside my room for ten minutes. I could hear you grumbling to yourself." She explained darkly. Her hood was up around her eyes, shadowing her face with its usual mystery.
"I wanted to talk to you." He said, ignoring the fact that he'd been pacing again. He could see the way her eyes narrowed, whether out of suspicion or plain dislike.
"Obviously." Sarcasm dripped on the word like water off ice. He glared at her, even though he was used to this behavior. Why did he think he deserved a little better?
"I'm serious Raven. I… I want to know exactly what's going to happen from now on." He couldn't bring himself to mention what was really distracting him. What was he so afraid of?
He was afraid she was going to leave again.
Raven opened the door a little further, allowing him to see her fully. He caught a glimpse of the room behind him before she grabbed his arm and pulled him inside.
"I'll tell you." She hissed angrily.
Robin, trained so well as a cautious fighter, discreetly surveyed the room by habit. Everything seemed to be repaired. It no longer looked like a bomb had gone off; the dark decorations and patterns were restored to their former glory. He remembered her talent for fixing things with her telekinesis; it had come in handy more than once.
"Well?" He demanded, freed from her grip. She stood in front of him, hidden beneath that damned cloak, her eyes narrowed.
"We're not going to talk about it, and we're not going to act any differently. Which means you'll stay away from me. Your coming to me to satisfy your curiosity is not worth the risk."
"The risk of what?" He snapped. He was offended by her tone and the way she seemed to be addressing him as if he were a child.
"If I lose control: everything."
She spun away from him, back to her bed where he guessed she had been meditating. He couldn't leave it like this, but he didn't know how he could stop her without touching on that risk she was so fond of warning him about.
"Get out of my room." She said tonelessly, climbing onto the bed and assuming her lotus position. He watched her, unmoved. He couldn't make himself leave, not yet and not on her terms. Finally, she opened an eye to glare at him.
"Robin, I said get out."
"Why are you acting like this?" He asked angrily. He felt the tension spreading through the room, like baited breath.
"Like what?" She replied in the same aggravating monotone. "Ask Beast Boy: I always act like this." He tried to imagine the tinge of regret in her voice, and felt that it didn't fit with her heartless exterior.
"You know what I mean." He spat instead.
"No." She got off her bed, and he could see the anger running through every line and movement of her body. She strode toward him, and he tensed as she stopped inches from him. "I don't know what you mean, Robin." There was nothing in her voice, but behind them, a vase exploded.
"THIS!" He gestured heatedly toward the shattered glass. "Your powers, your attitude; why are you acting like you hate me?" He yelled.
"Should I have a reason not to?"
He stared at her. This was too reminiscent of- how could she say that? Hadn't he just done everything he could to help her out? Hadn't he risked his own life and faced all of her fears in order to save her? He could almost see the red cloak on her shoulders, the hateful expression on her face. In reality, there was nothing there. There was never anything there.
"I don't understand you Raven." He shook his head, eyes narrowed in hurt and confusion.
"That's the difference between us." She snapped. "You're an idiot."
"I don't know why you're doing this."
"I'm not doing anything Robin. I told you to stay away from me and I meant that."
"I'm NOT going to just walk away from this!" He yelled. The only thing was, he had no idea why this was so.
"ROBIN. It's not like you have anything to lose!" She shouted back.
"That ISN'T true! I-"
"Robin?"
Both Titans whipped around to see Starfire standing in the open doorway, hands clasped in front of her chest. Her expression wasn't kind and confused: it was angry and suspicious.
"Friend Robin, what is going on?"
ALTERNATE ENDING Y'ALL!
(I had to. I mean, her draggin him in there…? Come on.)
Raven opened the door a little further, allowing him to see her fully. He caught a glimpse of the room behind him before she grabbed his arm and pulled him inside.
"I'll tell you." She hissed.
Robin barely had time to realize that the door had slid shut behind him before he suddenly found himself with his back against the wall, thrown by dark telekinesis. He stared at her in shock, masked eyes wide. She pressed herself against him and he was accutely aware of certain parts of her body where they touched his.
"Raven?" He asked tentatively. What was she-?
She put a finger to his lips and smiled discreetly. "Shhh," She whispered, her breath trickling down his neck, "let me tell you."
She began to gently tease him with her lips, pushing aside the fabric of his cape to reach the sensitive skin beneath. He shivered, a light-headed sensation numbing his senses to anything else but her.
Raven's mouth found his, and she began to kiss him in earnest. She was aggressive, deftly using her tongue to part his lips. Robin found himself kissing her back, removing his hands from the wall where they had been supporting him and putting them on her hips.
She smiled against his lips and tangled her fingers in his hair. Their bodies pressed close together, the intoxicating scent of lavendar all around him; Robin found he couldn't think straight. He was shaking again, his fingers caressing the curves of her body.
Suddenly she broke the kiss. Robin opened his eyes blearily, confused. She smiled deviously and a moment later they were enclosed in darkness. She deposited them on her bed, the dark covers spread around them.
She straddled his waist, her violet hair hanging down around her face as she watched him struggle to regain control of himself.
"Raven, I-" Again she put her finger to his lips, silencing him. She ran her hands over his chest, leaning forward to kiss him again.
Robin eagerly accepted her, giving up on reason. He wrapped his hands around her shoulders and pulled her forward, deepening the kiss. She moaned gently, her fingers tangling in his hair.
Again she stopped, smiling at him with wide eyes. "Robin! Is that a bird-a-rang in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
Robin stared at her, blushing profusely. He didn't have a chance to retort because her mouth was on his again, slow and passionate. He closed his eyes, whimpering slightly when she moved her hips against him. He face was flushed again, but not from embarassment. He groaned again, feeling the curves of her body when suddenly:
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"
Both Raven and Robin leapt, Raven off of his waist and Robin into a sitting position at the end of the bed. He didn't dare stand up. Damn these spandex pants. (Haha. Serves you right.)
Starfire stood in the doorway, her face flushed with anger and embrassment.
"Friend Raven! You have lied to me! You LIED!" She screamed angrily, small tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. She didn't even dare look at Robin.
Raven had the decency to blush, looking at the ground.
"You are a manipulative, sneaking, back-stabbing, unfriendly person! You are a- a- a-" She ranted several Tamaranian words (to spare my poor spell check) some of which Raven obviously recognized because she gasped and stared in shock.
Starfire stormed out of the room, her hair flying around her.
"Star! Wait-" Robin sighed, realizing that his interference with her right now would be a bad idea. "What did she say exactly?" He asked Raven.
Raven didn't answer at first, still staring at the empty doorway. Her eyes flickered to Robin. "I- " Her face constricted, looking pained and stunned. "I didn't even know she knew those insults…"
"What?" He asked.
She shook her head and stood. "Get out of my room Robin." She answered coolly. Robin stared at her. Back to square one?
When he didn't move she rounded on him, four red eyes glaring at him from beneath her cowl. "I SAID GO!"
Robin ran, and stood panting in the hallway, wondering how everything had gone so right and then so wrong, so soon.
Lunatic: Man, now I have to up the rating. But I love that alternate ending hahaha! Now the 'shut-up-and-kiss-already's (if I have any) will be happy!
Yes, I know exactly what's going on (finally!).