5th November
Oh dear. I'm sorry this is all smudged. Tears you know. Harry had a vision, a really, really bad one. He was just lying in bed, sleeping... when Voldemort tapped into his head or something. He attacked a Muggle block of flats in York. 306 people were killed or injured. Most of them were killed. Harry... he just started screaming and yelling at the top of his lungs – woke up all of Gryffindor Tower – he was screaming for about five minutes before anyone could get through the charms he puts on his bed. He was just lying there... all twisted in his bed sheets, sweating, his hair plastered to his forehead, and his scar was an angry red. He had sore, red scratch marks all over himself, where he hurt him self, especially his eyes and face. He tried to scratch his eyes out, and scratch his scar off his very head. The things he was seeing were that bad... he... oh God. I hope he's OK. He'll be OK. He has to be OK. He'll be OK. He's in the Hospital Wing at the minute, Dumbledore came and just swept him, up, he was still asleep, clutching his forehead. He just took him out the tower, ordered us to bed, and took him to the Hospital Wing. Me and Ron will go and see him as soon as we can in the morning. It's just now... I need to sleep.
6th November
Harry hasn't woken up yet. He... he's in some kind of magical coma. Noone really knows why he's in it, or how he's in it. It's something to do with Voldemort though (obviously). I think that maybe Voldemort sent a curse through their link... or it could just be all the stress Harry was under. I hope it was stress. Otherwise... he could send the Killing Curse... couldn't he?
Sirius and Remus have been told, but they're on a mission of some kind in Russia. Why I don't know, but they check in every day to see how he is if there's been any progress. Sirius seems terribly guilty. No idea why, but he is. I think that he thinks that he's already failed Harry enough in one lifetime, while he was in Azkaban, now he's injured when he's away, he blames himself. Total bollocks if you ask me. It's just like Harry blaming himself about Cedric, nothing either of them could have done about anything. Prats. No... have to be nice to Harry while he's in hospital. Well... have to be nicer in general really...
I don't know how Harry does it. He has the weight of the entire world on his shoulders, and he just takes it. There's nothing else he can do... well he could break down completely and become a recluse that lives in a cottage, in the country, with loads of snakes and no TV or phone. But Harry wouldn't do that. Actually I bet he'd like a snake. I couldn't do what Harry does. If I was in that situation I ... don't know. I couldn't do it. I don't think at the moment I'm a strong enough person to handle everyone's expectations of me. I couldn't be Harry.
Now I'm sitting here by his bed, with Ron. We're supposed to be at lunch, but I can't eat while Harry's just lying here. God he looks so young when he's asleep. So innocent and vulnerable. So not Harry. I miss him so much. Where has the cheeky, clever boy that was with us such a short time ago?
10th November
I haven't had the heart to write in my diary. Harry is still in the Hospital Wing, he only regained consciousness once, three days ago. But the same night he had another vision. It was just a single man being tortured this time – he awoke long enough to tell us that, but he felt everything. This man was tortured for hours and hours on end before he was allowed to die. And Harry felt every single blow, cut, punch, kick... and every Crucio.
The Ministry still hasn't acknowledged his return. How he can deny this, with what Harry ahs seen, the disappearances, and the fucking great Death Eater attack (minus Dark Mark – bloody cowards). If Harry were awake he'd send the Minister a Howler I think. Maybe I should do it for him. Ron and I haven't been able to concentrate in lessons properly. We're still researching the Animagus transformation, for when he wakes up and is better again. Ron is carrying on the DA lessons, well we both are. But it's not going... it's fricking crap without Harry. There was a Slytherin/Hufflepuff Quidditch match yesterday. Slytherin won, 180 – 30. Oh... God what's the point? My heart isn't in this... I'll write again when Harry is awake. I can't seem to write my worries down at the moment. I'll try again... but... well.
1st December
Harry woke up two hours ago, this time Dumbledore thinks it's for good. He had several more relapses since I last wrote, but in general he had been steadily getting better. It's just what he found out from his visions that has really scared us all, Dumbledore especially.
Apparently Voldemort is planning on resurrecting Salazar Slytherin to help him in his bid to 'take over the world'. Until last year I would have thought it was a stupid idea, with no hope of working. Seen as Voldemort was resurrected last year, my words mean crap all. Voldemort needs a book that was written by Salazar Slytherin to do it though, seen as Slytherins spirit isn't just floating around like his was. He needs the Dark Arts curse to pull his soul out of hell (literally), then he can use the same method as he used on himself to resurrect Slytherin, using his bones, which handily, noone knows where they're buried.
Now Dumbledore knows he can work it all out, and then use a potion to dissolve the bones, so he can't be resurrected. But this potion is legend in Slytherins book, which is missing in action. It really is a race to find this book really. Which is handily written in Parseltongue.
Oh Harry's asleep. It's different now though, it's just sleep, not the magical sleep he was in before. Oh, to stop his visions Snape has developed a potion to stop his visions. It's a mix between Dreamless Sleep Potion (which we're making next week) and the Vision Potion, which is used to stop the visions of Seers. It must have been ever so hard to make. Snape really is an excellent Potions Master – even if he appears to be a complete and utter bastard.
Ron has been handling Harry's unconsciousness very well. If I'm honest, better than I have been. He's been very good about all the time we've been in the Hospital Wing and in the Library researching this. Not that we found much. Curse scars connected to Dark Lords aren't particularly common. Anyway, Ron. He and I have been doing the DA lessons. He hasn't been trying to fill Harry's shoes, but he is very good at leading. I have to say, not as good as Harry was, but still very good. But, he has had a few strange dreams. Wouldn't tell me what they were about, but I heard Seamus and Dean laughing about Ron, and being made to do... something. Ah well. Harry will find out, and he'll tell me. Hopefully. Can never have enough blackmail material I reckon.
2nd December
Harry is being let out in four days. As far as I know, nothing has been found out about this book of Slytherins. I have had a brief look in the Library for it, but it seems to be a Dark Arts book, there won't be anything about it in normal books. I may have to borrow Harry's Invisibility Cloak, just to take a quick peek.
6th December
Harry is out of the Hospital Wing. He's terribly behind in all his classes, he's got to have extra lessons during the holidays so he can catch up entirely. He's still very weak as well, he gets very tired. At least now he can sleep without worrying that he might be seeing one of Voldemorts Death Eater meetings. Oh, that has me wondering. Is Snape still a spy? I mean he was in the First War, but he never returned on the night of the resurrection did he? Oh. I suppose he could be. I really hope he's not. I know from Harry just exactly how dangerous it can be. I may not like Snape much, but he's an excellent Potions Master. I don't want him dead. I (secretly) love it when he yells at Harry and Ron. It's terribly funny. Oh God, I'm such a bitch. (My 'be-nice-to-Harry' thing isn't going too well. But I suppose he's fully conscious this time, it's a little, tiny, weeny bit better.) Even though I just sit there and tell them not to call him 'Snape' and not to insult him. He's very witty and sarcastic. But he's still a bastard.
Asked Harry. Snape is a spy again. I honestly don't know what to say to that. I just hope he's OK.
7th December
I got a letter from my Mum and Dad today. My cousin, Erica is pregnant!! I've only got three cousins. Erica, who is 24, and engaged, Jack, her brother who is 20, and at university, studying medicine, and then my little cousin Ellie, who is 11. Erica is apparently really pleased, so I'm pleased for her. It's just... she's so young.
It's got me thinking. I... I honestly don't know if I want kids. There's obviously labour, do I want to put my body through that? Women's bodies never recover, and well, mine isn't great now, so I don't know if I want to fuck it up anymore. Or will that not matter to me, if I get a maternal urge? I mean, when I think about it, really, properly, I'm really not sure, obviously women have thought this before and gone onto have kids, or the human race would have died out years ago. I mean how do you decide who the one is, that you want to have a kid by? Do you just know, or do you not have a choice, is it an obligation, or will, one day, I just feel propelled to have a baby? Do I want to pass on my genes?
But obviously, I can see the good side of it too. Your own flesh and blood, someone there to look after you. If I did have a family, how would I know where to stop? I'm an only child, and look at Ron, there's millions of Weasleys. Mrs Weasley, obviously, never wanted to stop.
I just asked Harry. He's sitting in the corner, looks like he's in a bit of a daze or a day dream... that boy has thousands of states of consciousness... he's doing something, or is supposed to be, nothing strenuous mind you, he's still really weak, I think he's revising for Potions tomorrow, but it's Harry... who knows? Too complicated to find out what exactly. He's a confusing, strange boy and very, very vague (I think he likes the air of mystery surrounding him. Like I said, strange boy), it's easier to just let him get on with it, he'll tell me anything he needs or wants to.
"Harry... do you ever want kids?"
Shuffles uncomfortably
"Dunno... never really thought about kids specifically (what has he been thinking about, hmm?)... why?"
"I was just thinking..."
"Er... I dunno. I'd like a family... but honestly... I just wanna live to my next birthday," Lowers eyes than looks up, "Why you offering?"
Smack Harry around the back of the head, then kiss his cheek
Then I wandered back over here. There's something about Harry. I think that I am figuring something out... I think...
A/N - Thank you to my... three, four reviewers... hmmm... anyway, I love writing this there will be more updates soon. Check my livejoural. Please Review!