A short while later, Leannan lifted herself from the damp earth, brushed off her pants, and made her way back to camp. They would stay there for the rest of the day and sleep through the night- a rarity to all since they began this journey- and not continue their trek until the next evening. It was important for them to stop before they faced the harsh climate and traveling conditions of the Caradhras. They would need to take inventory of food and other supplies and counsel hobbits in safe travel through the pass.
She entered into the company's camp, stamping her feet lightly to bring some warmth back to her numb limbs and hugging herself tightly against the cool air.
Gandalf was sitting some feet away, fiddling with some stick or rock, and Aragorn was perched on a rock not far away. His expression troubled her when she returned and saw him isolated. She did not go to him, for she understood that he had many burdens on his heart; such as Arwen.
Leannan and Arwen were friends, and the elf had instructed and mentored her many a time during Leannan's youth and even into her adult years. Arwen had always been there for her, but there was always that silent awareness of Arwen's liking to Aragorn. And Leannan could at times be possessive of the ranger, so there was every so often a small friction that was only natural between the two females. But the elf was very dear to Leannan and she knew that Aragorn held a special place in his heart for Arwen, despite the differences and the peril that kept them apart. Leannan truly felt regret for Aragorn and could understand some of his pain.
So she moved past her life-long friend and towards the fire, whose warmth beckoned her. She pushed her hands out and soaked in some of the meager warmth from the campfire, which Sam was crouched by dutifully creating their breakfast. Leannan looked down at the sizzling slices of meat and potatoes frying in onions and felt her mouth water as her stomach let out an embarrassing loud growl.
Just then a soft chuckle resounded softly from her side and her gaze moved down to meet the sitting form of Legolas, who looked up her with dull amusement as he nibbled gracefully on a steaming chunk of meat.
Her eyes grew wide and she looked back at Sam's cooking food before glaring at Legolas, who was looking rather smug.
Legolas smiled and nonchalantly popped the rest of the meat into his mouth. "Shouldn't have run off." He said softly, meaning to provoke her and enjoying it too much.
Leannan gave him a hard steely look and spat in his own tongue, "Oh iauta miqula orqu/i (Go kiss an orc)!"
She spun on her heels with Legolas grinning quietly into the fire and Sam chuckling behind her. Leannan went over to sit on a boulder and sulk until Sam finished cooking.
She had understood it all too well. Legolas was trying to incite her(comma) and she hated him for it. He knew her oh so well, he knew how to stoke the fire within and set her off. He knew how her mind worked and what each movement meant. And she did not want that! He was supposed to have forgotten the intricate interworkings of her character and emotions long ago. She knew he was having fun trying out his old tricks and seeing how she would react. She could not spend this journey with him like this!
She angrily kicked the boulder in front of her and grabbed a stalk of tall grass, pulling it off and toying with it.
Her wisest option was to avoid him as much as she could and not encourage or allow him to find entertainment in her humiliation and play with her emotions. For as solemn and calm as he appeared, the elf did have an outlandish side in him that came out at certain times. But Leannan was determined to show him that she was not the same woman as two years ago, and that he no longer had the right to sport with her. It was vital that she showed him that his actions did not affect her. For they did not, right? Leannan spent her entire time sitting on the boulder, staring out at the horizon and trying to convince herself that the elf did not affect her.
A while later, Leannan was still sitting on the slab of rock and staring into the horizon dreamily. Already, her mind had drifted away from Legolas and into a many other things. But her thoughts were interrupted by Merry beside her.
The hobbit cleared his throat and said, "Sam sent me to you, miss."
Leannan looked down from her perch at the handsome, curly-haired hobbit. She knew that he was Pippin's other half, and they were the cheerful and whimsical duet of the company; however, Merry was the more solemn of the pair and Leannan found him very pleasant. He had good humor, but a serious side and good, keen sense.
She smiled faintly. "Thanks Merry, supper is ready?" She questioned, easing herself off the rock and jumping nimbly to the ground.
The hobbit nodded, his eyes gleaming. "Aye, we've got meat and potatoes."
Leannan laughed at Merry's excitement over the food, despite the nagging voice deep within her reminding her that someday in this mission their food would not be so luxurious and ample. But she brushed it away, thinking it was too soon to fret over their supplies. Why(comma) they were only a couple days out of Rivendell! She couldn't allow herself to worry over everything this journey, or she would go mad; for there was plenty to worry over.
Leannan followed Merry closer into the camp and back to the fire, which everybody now sat around, waiting for their supper.
She sat down in between Frodo and Boromir. The latter was speaking jovially of a triumphant duel back in his lands of Gondor. The others listened, but Leannan noticed with amusement that few were entertained; they all knew that Boromir was devoted to his homeland and everyone in the company was pondering how far his devotion would go. Leannan sensed a coolness in Frodo as he sat by the fire, very silently and frowning deeply. Did he fear Boromir? Leannan wondered. Did he think Boromir would try to take the Ring? Frodo was probably feeling and thinking a many things about his companions loyalty and even the others in the fellowship probably wondered; who would be overcome by the desire of the Ring? It was that whispering, nagging thought in all their minds. The chilling shadow that held a place in them all. Would one of them fall?
Leannan slowly moved her hand from behind her and ran it comfortingly up Frodo's back. She let it rest there for a moment and then moved away. She wanted him to relax, but she knew it was impossible. Frodo held such a great burden. He was living constantly with a dangerous object that all evil in Middle-Earth sought.
She fought shudders at the gravity of their situation and rested her head between her knees while Sam went around the fire and filled everyone's plates.
When she got her food, she ate in quiet, keeping her eyes on her plate and refusing to meet the piercing ones of Legolas on the other side of the fire. Everyone exchanged light banter, for they were all relieved to have the night to rest. She ate everything Sam gave her, because she knew that she needed to keep herself healthy and strong. Eating in the wild was not uncomfortable or new to her, as it was to some. When she finished, she got up and, went to went her pack, laid and unbound her small harp.
She returned to the campside with the instrument and the others immediately began to cheer.
"Oh yes, Lady Leannan, play us a tune." Gimli called. "And sing too!"
Leannan smiled as she checked and readied her instrument. "And what shall you care to hear, dear master dwarf?"
She was not worried if the dwarf requested a song of his own race, for she was well versed in songs from all lands. That was perhaps, her only boast. For nearly her entire life she had been drawn to music and verse and as she traveled, sometimes leaving Aragorn for a period to venture on her own for just musical purposes. She absorbed whatever she heard. Aragorn had lived many a years longer than she had; he, too, knew quite a bit of lore and tune and taught her all he knew. He had seen that music was the light in Leannan's world; he did not know where she attained the gift- since she could sing and play with just as much skill as the elves- and wondered if it could only be of the Ainur themselves, though the thought was "impossible and foolish", as Leannan had said to him.
Often Aragorn pondered Leannan's existence. As a child, he thought her nothing but a human babe fallen from a cart. But to this day, where he discovered her still troubled him profoundly. Leannan had been found with a severe head wound lying on a narrow road- one that generally appeared untravelled- at the east base of the Blue Mountains. Now, the Blue Mountains bordered the lands of the Lune, which was Elvish country, green and quiet, where no Men went. And those facts bewildered Aragorn so greatly, that he could not force himself to tell her, and she never did question where exactly she had been discovered. As he raised her, he brushed aside the fearful facts that she had been found in a land where Men did not dwell, just east of the Gulf of Lune, where the grey ships lie.
But of these things Aragorn did not think now, for he had grown very accustomed to Leannan being the abandoned child of his race that he loved and taught all he could. Her music was something that he heard so often, its extraordinary beauty was now somewhat unnoticed to him.
And so the others listened, content and amused, as Gimli replied, "I will gladly listen to whatever mine lady chooses to entertain us with." He said this, because he did not think she would know any song he himself requested.
The corners of Leannan's mouth curved upward and her eyes flickered for a moment. "Why then, I believe I shall tell you all a tale that has been passed onto me by someone you all know. The dear hobbit, Bilbo." With that, she positioned her slender hands on the harp and began to play a deep, mystical song- of which she sang these words:
Far over the misty mountains cold
To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away ere break of day
To seek the pale enchanted gold
The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,
While hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, were dark things sleep,
In hollow halls beneath the fells.
For ancient king and elvish lord
There many a gleaming golden hoard
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught
To hide in gems on hilt of sword
She continued to sing of the majestic things of the dwarves, the works of their hands, the wealth of their labor and unsurpassable beauty of their art. And she went into the tale of the dragon, Smaug, who stole the riches of the dwarves. The song she sang was one sung long ago, before Bilbo and the company of dwarves, which included Gloin- Gimli's father, departed to recover their stolen wealth. The others were captivated, and Gimli was deeply stirred with longing for his home and people. Finally, she ended with the tale of victory, which went like this:
The king is come unto his hall
Under the Mountain dark and tall
The Worm of Dread is slain and dead,
And ever so our foes shall fall!
They clapped when she finished and Gimli remarked, "You are an fascinating woman, Lady Leannan. I am surprised that you would know such a song!"
Leannan bowed her head slightly and replied, "I had the fortune of hearing Bilbo recall his adventures."
Frodo was much impressed, but felt a prick of sadness, wishing his adventure were like that of his uncle. But he did not have time to dwell on such thoughts, for Leannan immediately went into another song, a peaceful song of the sea that left them all laying there dreamily, thinking of the glorious oceans.
When she finished, Leannan set the harp aside, its elegant molding glinting in the sunlight that suddenly washed over the campsite, for the day was waning and the sun rising high in the sky. Though the sun was bright, the cold was still sharp and as they moved about the hillside where they camped they stamped their feet and blew on their numb hands.
Shortly after they finished at the fireside, Boromir took the hobbits aside to practice their sword fighting. The "swords" given them were actually just large knives but fit the hobbits perfectly, and Leannan was very amused as she watched them swing and jab the little weapons at their instructor.
Boromir was equally amused as those who watched, and his deep laugh rang out bouncing between the large boulders littered around their camp. Leannan could not help looking up from where she was busy repairing arrows when he laughed, it was…she did not want to think what it did to her. Leannan was startled to find that the man from Gondor was beginning to grow on her; she knew that he was proud and outspoken, but she also could see a gallant heart behind it all. He had had such a remarkable mind and was very knowledgeable that Leannan found herself enjoying their conversations for once. He knew many battles and armies; Leannan listened to his stories and accounts with great interest.
"Pippin, my friend, switch the position of your feet!" Leannan called out with a laugh. Pippin turned and gave her a comical grimace before turning back to Boromir, who took the advantage and flicked Pip's weapon right from his grasp.
"No fair!" The hobbit cried his face in mock anger.
Boromir laughed and shrugged his shoulders playfully. Pippin gave a holler and dashed at the Man, tackling him to the ground and hitting him with his small fists, laughing all the while. They wrestled for a while as Leannan watched and shouted out jests.
"Come on now, Pip, pummel him!" She hollered, grinning widely at their silly antics.
Boromir looked at her from his position under the brawling Pippin, his face playfully shocked and hurt. He narrowed his eyes roguishly and called out, "Ah, you pain me, mine lady! If you so wish to see me beat, come out here and do so yourself!"
Leannan widened her eyes and lifted her brows. "Why, sir, is that a challenge?" She glared at him slyly, getting up from the rock and placing her hands on her hips.
He didn't get a chance to reply for Pippin jabbed an elbow into his stomach. Boromir's eyes went large and he rolled the hobbit onto the ground and pinned him there. "You wicked little halfling!" He chuckled.
"Leannan! Help me!" Pippin shrieked from beneath the large man. The hobbit was clawing and kicking while Boromir fought the flailing limbs.
Knowing she was being foolish and silly, she ran on and lunged into the brawl. She grabbed at Boromir's broad shoulders, and he let out a startled guffaw but kept his hold on the hobbit. Leannan exchanged mischievous looks with Pippin, neither of the three noticing that the rest of the fellowship was gathering by and chuckling. Leannan finally wrestled Boromir off of Pip after the hobbit gave him a good kick in the ribs as she yanked his outer clothing. Boromir fell backward, but not before he grabbed Leannan's ankles and pulled her down with him.
"Ooooh!" Leannan cried as her feet were yanked out from under her and she came down hard on the ground.
Her mouth wide and her eyes flickering with surprise, she glanced down at Boromir who was grinning hugely at her like a small boy. "Why you fiend! You knocked the air right out of me!" She cried, bringing her hand down to mock slap him. She pushed herself off the ground and dusted the dirt off her clothing. Pippin sprang by her but she caught him gently by the hair. "You better watch who you pick your fights with, my friend, or I won't come saving you next time!" Leannan laughed down at him.
She let go of the hobbit and saw the others watching nearby. Her face turned red as realization dawned on her. She had probably looked rather ridiculous, fooling around like that. Leannan, you never think. She scolded herself.
Leannan ducked her head, embarrassed, and walked back to her perch on the boulder, but not before she caught Legolas' gaze. She held her breath. Thank goodness his look was unreadable like usual. Leannan didn't know how she would feel if his eyes had showed his disapproval.
Leannan eased herself back into her original position and picked up an arrow. Her hands were working swiftly and methodically, but her mind was reeling and she was filled with erratic emotions that irritated her. She didn't know what to think of her place in this fellowship, she didn't know what she felt towards the elf of her past, and she didn't know what she felt towards the man from Gondor whom she had hated so not long ago. And she did not know what her future was, where she would go, and it all scared and frustrated her. Also, to make things worse, Aragorn, her only confidant, had distanced himself from her- absorbing himself in the peril of the world and his own future. Leannan was just now realizing through the aching in her heart, that she was breaking away and becoming her own person; that she was old enough now and no longer a concern to anybody. The world held many more things for Aragorn now, his destiny was unfolding, and Leannan feared that as life changed for Aragorn…she would be pushed out and forced into the solitude she dreaded.
She did not realize that her emotions were rolling across her face like clouds in a storm. She did not realize that her frustration was forming itself in her hands, for already she had mended a dozen arrows incorrectly. She did not realize that Legolas was next to her, silently picking up the arrows directly after she set one down and adjusting them himself.
She whispered something to herself, believing that the others could not hear her voice so low. "Ice swords melt…strength wanes…passes into solitude, solitude."
Her fingers suddenly slipped and the work in her hand became disarray. "The bloody…" She fumbled the arrow a little longer and flung it roughly aside… "…stupid arrow!" She cried angrily.
"A! Careful now, pen tithen. " He finally spoke, after getting hit in the face with the thrown arrow.
Leannan's head swung to her side and it dawned on her that he had been sitting there for some time. Her lips formed a taut line and she quickly cast her stormy eyes away from him, picking up another of Aragorn's arrows. She continued to ignore him for some time, but he did not leave just yet.
Eventually, she said as casually as she could, "So are you going to go?" She spit the words out as quickly as she could, afraid that she was being too bold.
His expression did not change and he merely replied, "Not yet." And picked up an arrow and worked at it quietly. She kept her eyes in her lap as she worked, unwilling to meet his eyes. But she did glance over at his own hands as they moved nimbly and gracefully and felt a spark of jealousy.
"Have you practiced your archery of late?" was his initial attempt at conversation. Though it was meant to be a light topic, Leannan was heavily affected. He could not know…he did not know. She inhaled a quick, silent breath and lifted a hand to rub her brow. She had not touched a bow since he left Rivendell. She did not think she would ever. It was foolish, she was well aware, but it went beyond just memories, it was more than a bitter reminder. It was a symbol of her ineptitudes, her mortality, for she had never mastered the weapon. She had only just begun her training when Legolas came to Rivendell and enraptured her with his unsurpassable reign of the weapon. She had tried and tried, but she never conquered the skill with the grace and precision of the elves. When Legolas left her, she understood even more that she was different and unlike those she admired in Rivendell.
"No," She eventually replied. "I do not handle a bow."
She was feeling very uncomfortable and decided to leave; she did not have to sit here and talk to him like this, and it was probably better if they did not talk at all…it would just prove trouble and get her all riled up.
She stood up, her expression festered, and said with quick words, "I am going to go and…" She paused. There wasn't an excuse. Angry at herself for not having enough wit to even come up with an excuse, she just spat... "I'm going!" With a "humph", she walked off.
Legolas inwardly sighed. It had not taken him long to realize that she would not welcome him with open arms. Not that he had ever expected that. Like he had told Glorfindel, Leannan was a tirade of emotions…she was controlled by them, and he had learned long ago to deal carefully with her. He loved her for her wild thinking and quick tongue, but she was piercing and painful at times.
He shut his eyes against the sun that was shining in a mockery of the bitter cold. He did not know what to think of the woman from his past that he had stumbled upon; he could not think why he was being tortured with his heart being pulled in all directions or why they ever had to meet again. He did not know if his heart still yearned for her like before, he could not determine…but it was obvious she did not love him any longer and that in itself told him more than he could even comprehend.
Or perhaps more than he was willing to.
~~~~~~~
It was near to late afternoon when they finally rolled out their palettes and prepared for sleep. A silence fell over the glade as the company lay to rest on the ground, which was soft with flowing grass, unless one happened to set their bed upon a rock. For the land was rather rocky, with large boulders surrounding them, almost making a shelter, and they were almost as tall as a man so they offered a good look-out. And since it was Sam's turn for watch, he settled himself upon such a rock and fell into a quiet trance, watching the blue-sky and thinking.
Most of the company made their beds very close to the fire, in fact…there had been quite an uproar when Merry burned his foot earlier, but Leannan was a couple feet further away, wanting privacy. She had not really thought of it before, that she was traveling with nine men, She was very accustomed to being around men, in fact…she never really thought of it as awkward. But she supposed that most people would find it strange that she was on a journey with nine other men. But Leannan did not let her abnormalities trouble her and settled into her blanket for some sleep she had not gotten in almost twenty-four hours.
But Leannan had strange, mystical dreams that were both terrifying and beautiful. She dreamed of an ocean shore, that was so white and the sun was shining so bright she could hardly keep her eyes open, and sitting in the sand she saw the form of a woman hunched over with the tide coming up and swirling around her. As she watched, a sword flashed before her, its glinting metal catching the sunlight and blinding her for a period of time. And in her dream, when she recovered, Leannan saw the woman again…but she was slain and her body was being carried out to sea among the crimson waters. The next thing she knew, a small child ran up to her…laughing and tugging Leannan towards the shore to run in the cool waters. It was peaceful, yet Leannan was still overcome with the haunting images of the slain woman and every crash of the serene waves sounded like her screams.
They were very unsettling dreams and Leannan suddenly awoke in the middle of the early evening, panting and bewildered. Her eyes darted around the campsite, realizing that nothing around her was amiss…just inside her. She shuddered and looked towards the fire. But she jerked her head away, it was so bright.
She pushed herself off of her palette and walked away from the camp to get away from the others. It was probably about eight hours after noon and the sky was already dark with stars glimmering in the very clear sky. The moon was just a thumbnail and very white, yes and its glow seemed very bright on that evening.
Leannan hid behind a large rock, leaning against it and hugged herself against the cold, burying her head in her knees.
"Why do you not sleep?" A voice question from behind her.
She inwardly groaned. Yes, of course it was him. His distinct voice was hanging in the crisp, sparkling night air and she didn't know if she was aroused or irritated. Why did he always have to seek her out? Why could it not have been Aragorn? She desperately needed someone to talk to, and she felt depressed with not being able to confide in Aragorn anymore for he had his own duties now. But no, it was Legolas…the one person she was trying to avoid.
She shot the question back at him without looking up. "Why are you not resting, master elf?"
Leannan could have sworn she sensed a smirk and she looked up to give him a death stare. But he was right in front of her and she nearly jumped out of her skin.
"A!" She muffled her startled exclamation. Blasted elf.
He replied evenly, ignoring her outburst. "Why do you not sing me a song if you cannot sleep, pen tithen?"
He was staring at her, his eyes very dark, yet gentle. She wanted to refuse, but something inside her compelled her to do what he bid. A deep thought was rising from within her at the thought of singing to him, she would not allow herself to be pained…no no, she would not, and she knew exactly what she would sing to him.
"Very well." She told him and left to fetch her harp.
When she returned, she allowed herself to get a good look at her companion. He had positioned himself comfortably on the ground, leaning against a large stone directly across from where she had sat before. He seemed to be deep in thought, his head tilted back and looking up at the night sky.
Leannan sat down and plucked the strings a little. He did not request a song, and she did not ask him.
Finally, she sighed and began her intended song. Her stomach fluttered a little, knowing that she was about to sing something that could very well cause much trouble. But she knew she had to do it, she had to just let go and express. He had to hear her.
And so she began, she plunged into a song that reflected her foolishness, her love, her passion, and her pain.
So princely you are
Shining like the light of Earendil's star
You are perfect in every way, my love
Your eyes have seen many a day
And many more you will see still
But you, O tree of life, you will-
Never forget me, just you see
For though I am a mere rose
With fading beauty
When my petals drop and my life goes
When I pass into a land
Where your feet will never stand
And my life continues on
While yours just stays
When I enter into a new realm
And you continue on in endless,
Countless days
Then! Then you will reflect upon me
O yes, fair and glorious elf
The darkness of regret will envelop yourself
And my plain little face will haunt you day to day
And there will be nothing to do, but fall on your knees and pray
To Iluvatar to save you from you aching soul
For you will realize, my love, that without me
You aren't whole
And life is lifeless
When I go on
And you stay.
And you will long for me,
Day after day.
It was bitter and beautiful and by the time she finished, tears were freely flowing down her face. How can you be so harsh? She cried to herself. And she looked up at him. He was so silent, yet he was glowing! Yes, he was radiant and gleaming with a breathtaking, yet so subtle, light that matched the beauty of the moon. And Leannan shut her eyes against it, afraid of the look on his face, which was hidden by the shadows of the night. And she sat there, encroached in bitter darkness while he glowed so beautifully, and prepared herself for his rejection and his pain, the pain she knew she had caused him.
But suddenly, the darkness she sat in was overcome by the elf's magnificent glow and before she could comprehend she felt strong hands cup her chin and pull her face forward to meet Legolas' warm, passionate lips. The kiss was so profound, so deep and so fervent, that Leannan found herself responding with a exquisite craze and fiery need. The harp was set aside, and Leannan clutched the front of his tunic while Legolas held her face so tenderly as his mouth danced with hers so feverishly.
And then it ended and; reality crashed back down onto Leannan and she found herself cold and hurting. He had moved away and his eyes were wide and staring at her incredulously, as if he couldn't believe he had just done what he had. And Leannan was immediately feeling as if all music in her life had stopped and she plunged into silence. Regret washed over her, not for what they had done, but for the piercing knowledge that it could not be and should not have been.
"No…" The elf finally said in a breathless whisper.
Legolas' gaze was dark and his brow furrowed as he looked at her mournfully. Leannan pushed herself upward, wobbling and wanting to just fall down and sink into the earth below her.
"No." She echoed back, her voice equally soft and haunted.