Simon glanced at Gary to find he was asleep. They had officially left the Sanderson household a few hours ago and he knew it was hard for Gary to say goodbye to his family. Simon found it difficult too, surprised at how attached he'd become to them. Just like Gary they had welcomed him with open arms. Simon swore he'd sign as much paperwork as it took to get Gary more visits home.

Now though they were on their way back to base.

He'd planned a small detour though and as they passed the Welcome To Manchester sign, Simon tried not to get anxious, even as he gripped the steering wheel tighter. Gary mumbled something idly and the sound of his voice helped Simon relax. Yeah, he was officially gone on this man.

Even though it had been years, Simon remembered the route well and got to the cemetery without any detours. He sat staring at the rows of headstones for a while before working up the courage to wake Gary. He stirred and blinked sleepily, mumbling, "We here?"

"Yep." Simon got out and walked around the car to help Gary. Holding his hand helped him feel braver. "Come on."

Simon didn't talk as he led the way, letting Gary take in their surroundings. After a few minutes, he stopped in front of his brother's grave and sighed. It had been the first time he'd visited since the funeral. Most of that week was a drunken blur to him now.

"Your brother?" Gary asked.

"Yeah," Simon replied softly. "I just... figured you should meet him I guess."

Gary didn't say anything, simply stayed by his side as a comforting presence whilst Simon tried to sort out what he wanted to say. Finally, he had the words.

Honesty. He could give Gary that.

"Remember when I told you I wasn't involved in your recruitment? It was because I was here, burying Tommy. It was an overdose, he'd been using since our grandmother died." Simon broke off, the grief hitting him out of nowhere. He'd spent so long running from it, he'd actually thought it was over.

Gary touched his face and wiped away tears Simon didn't even know he was crying.

After a shuddering breath, he continued. "He was the last person I loved and honestly, I didn't want to come back. I called Soap and told him I was resigning but he convinced me to stay long enough to train the FNG."

And Gary had entered his life exactly when Simon had needed him. Irrevocably changing it.

The grip on his arm tightened and Simon returned to the present. As he looked at Gary, he could only see love reflected back at him, no distrust, no hate only pure, open affection. He didn't feel worthy of that kind of love. Yet it was his and Simon would do everything in his power to keep it.

"You saved me, Gary. You and that damned smile because I thought to myself that the world can't be that bad if I can see that smile every day. Even if you never felt the same, it was enough to be your friend." He couldn't lose Gary. "Promise you won't leave me."

After losing everyone else, Gary would be too much.

"I promise," Gary whispered, leaning in to kiss him. His face was wet but Simon couldn't tell who was crying anymore, maybe both of them. "I love you, Simon. I know it's taken a while but we're here now and I'm not going anywhere."

Simon nodded, allowing himself to be comforted by the words. "I know, sorry for being... overbearing."

"You're not." He replied firmly, leaning in again. "I understand."

Gary always had done, better than Simon did himself.

"There is nothing, nothing, that could take me away from you." Simon smiled and leaned down to kiss him, fingers tangling in his sun-golden hair. Gary pulled away after a moment, smiling against his lips. "Listen, why don't you get some flowers and I'll clean this up. We'll make it look nice again."

Simon hesitated, glancing at the grave which was covered in dead leaves and debris. "You sure you'll be okay on your own?"

"I'm not much of a gardener but I'll do my best." He crouched down and began brushing the stuff away and glanced up to give Simon a rueful smile. "I'll be fine."

"Alright, I'll be back in a few minutes." Simon bent to kiss his head one last time before leaving.

He'd seen a small corner shop down the road and just as he'd hoped, they sold flowers. Not knowing what to get, he bought a random bunch of everything. He supposed it didn't really matter, if Tommy knew what was happening he'd probably just be happy about the visit. Flowers might be overkill but too late now.

When he returned to the cemetery he was surprised to meet Gary halfway to Tommy's grave. He looked worried and Simon was immediately on the alert. "Hey, there's something you should know."

"What's wrong?" Simon was already busy scanning the area. He spotted a woman by Tommy's grave and a moment later recognised her as his mother. He could've gone his whole life without seeing her again. His fight of flight condition kicked in and as easily as if he was five years old, Simon chose flight. "Let's go."

"Don't you think-" Gary hurried after him back to the car. "Simon-"

He was only half listening though, too caught up in trying to escape. "Should've known better than to come back here. Manchester is a Goldman curse." Simon threw the flowers down on the bonnet to find the keys and was surprised when Gay grabbed the. "What are you doing?"

"These are for Tommy." Gary's expression softened, seeing right through Simon. "You don't have to come but he should have them. We're here for him, right?"

"Gary..." Simon sighed and shook his head. This man had a way of making him a braver person without trying. He couldn't be mad though, not when Gary smiled as he said, "Alright, let's go back."

Halfway there, Gary paused. "Does she know?" He tugged on his hand when Simon looked at him in question.

"Don't see how it's any of her business who I'm attracted to," Simon replied shortly. "Never gave a shit about me before so why would she now?"

"Are you really going to ignore her?" Gary held his ground when Simon glared at him. "How long has it been, fifteen years? Maybe it's time you got it off your chest. Don't carry around all this anger now you've got a chance to sort it out."

And damn Gary for being so reasonable.

"Damnit, why do you have to do this to me?"

"I just want what's best for you."

"I know." That just made it worse. Simon smiled and took the flowers back. "Give me five minutes. If I need you, I'll let you know." He leaned down to kiss Gary quickly before leaving him to return to Tommy.

At first, he didn't say anything and only laid the flowers on the newly bared ground, standing next to his mother silently. He'd forgotten how much taller he was in all the years that had passed. Finally, he sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets. "What are you doing here?"

She looked up startled, eyes filling with tears as she searched his face. When she reached out to him though, Simon stepped back. Her hand fell limply at her side as a bitter smile twisted her face. "I suppose I deserve that."

"You look..." Simon wasn't sure what to say. She looked better and it made him angry.

"Sober?" She supplied. "Yes, I stopped when I heard about Tommy."

"So that's what it took, your son dying?" Simon felt like he was eighteen years old again, yelling at his parents and blaming them for everything wrong in the world before leaving for good. "Not him almost dying the four times before this or my leaving for the military?"

"I'm sorry," She whispered, wiping tears from her face. "I didn't see... I didn't know until, well, until it was too late. And now I've lost my baby boy."

"Right, the one you actually wanted." Old wounds. Things that shouldn't bother him anymore. So what if he was 'the mistake'? He wasn't a child anymore and he had his own life. He didn't need his parent's love and affection, even if some part of him still craved it. "Tell me, if I died and you get a call from my superiors, would you cry for me too?"

"Don't say that."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't lose you too," She whispered furiously. "Not both of you."

"Spoken like a mother for the first time in your life."

"I was ill."

"And I was five years old and needed my mother. You let that... that pathetic excuse for a father hurt us a-and torment us and you sat there and did nothing!" All those years of suppressing the rage, the hurt, the betrayal, it was all coming to the surface. "I needed you! No wonder Tommy turned to drugs. I would've too if I didn't enlist. He needed us!" Simon pointed at the grave, feeling his own tears now. "We both fucked up and left Tommy alone. Too busy playing soldier and the drunk I suppose. God knows I would've joined him by now if it wasn't for..."

Gary.

All the rage disappeared in an instant. Because Gary was everything Simon was not and trying so hard to be. He could sense Gary watching them, feel the worry emanating from him from where they stood.

His mother sensed the change and he stiffened when she looked behind him at Gary. "That man? He said he was your friend."

"In a sense."

"You kissed him."

"So?"

"I didn't know."

"You never asked." And Simon would have never confided in her. His father would have killed him if he ever caught wind. A faggot for a son. He could hear the sneer echoing in his head as if his father had actually said the words but quickly shook the thoughts away. "Gary is my family."

She seemed to understand the sentiment and nodded. "I see." And then she smiled. "He's quite lovely, isn't he?"

"Yes." Simon unwittingly relaxed in his surprise.

"I can see why you like him. I suppose he's the reason you're talking to me?" His silence was answer enough and she nodded. "I'm glad you found someone. Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"Does he love you?"

"Yes." Simon's voice broke the third time he said it.

"Good. You deserve love. I wish I could go back and give you everything you needed. I wonder what we could've had if I'd been there for you." She stopped suddenly, turning back to the grave. "I don't want to lose you too, Simon. Despite what you may think, I do love you. I understand your anger and if you never want to hear from me again, I'll respect that. But please, can we try?"

"Try?" He repeated and he found himself looking at Tommy's grave too. She was all he had now. He didn't know or care what had happened to his father, that man had been dead to him for a long time.

A thought, unbidden and undreamed of before occurred to him.

What if his mother came to their wedding?

Something broke inside him, shattering the carefully placed defences. He wanted his mother to be a part of his life.

"Okay," He got out in a strangled voice. "We can try and... when Gary and I get married, I'd like you to be there."

"You're engaged?"

"Not yet."

Her smile was a little too knowing. "Hold on to him then."

"I will." Simon glanced at Gary who was now hugging himself. "I, um, I have to go."

"Wait!" She rummaged in her bag and pulled out a notepad and pen, scribbling down a number. "Call me?"

"Yeah." He managed a smile as he pocketed the paper. "Bye, mum."

"Stay safe, Simon. I love you."

He nodded back and left. Gary raised his eyebrows as he reached him but instead of answering, Simon caught him in a hug which made him laugh. "I take it everything went well?"

"I think I invited her to our wedding." Simon kissed his temple. "Thank you."

"I didn't do anything."

"You did a lot more than you realise. You're too good to me."

Gary pulled back to look at h. "I'm being a good boyfriend."

"Hopefully one day I can be the same for you."

"You already are." Gary smiled brightly and Simon couldn't help returning it. "Shit, stop doing that."

"What?"

"I can't concentrate around you. It's a good thing you wear that balaclava on the field or I'd screw up."

"Don't mention it to Soap or he'll separate us." Simon let him go but kept one hand in his. As they exited the cemetery he turned to look at his mother and she waved. After a moment's hesitation, he held up a hand in farewell. At the car, he sighed in relief. "Let's get out of here, I've had enough of Manchester for another ten years."

As soon as the city was behind them, the mood turned playful again. "So this motel..." Gary started slowly. "We'll be alone for the night, right?"

"Right." Simon couldn't help sliding a hand up Gary's bare thigh. He'd worn shorts and it was highly distracting. "Did you have something planned?"

"One thing." Gary leaned in close, lips tracing Simon's ear in a tantalising kiss. "Your dick inside me." Simon almost hit the curb and Gary fell back, laughing. "Is that a yes?"

"That's a fuck yes."

Simon could barely hold a conversation with the motel receptionist as she booked their room. Gary had opted to wait with the car which in hindsight was for the best. Simon doubted they would be subtle. He couldn't help smiling when he saw Gary leaning against the car and reached out to take his hand.

"Ready?"

"Yeah." Simon crowded Gary against the door as soon as they were inside, both of them grinning like fools but not touching just yet. "Take your shirt off." He did and Gary slipped underneath him to sit on the bed. "Now your trousers."

"You first." It felt unfair he was still fully dressed. Gary pulled his shirt off, running his hands down his chest and paused on those tantalising shorts, flicking the button open. Simon could feel his arousal growing at the sight but kept his face impassive. "Is this sexy?"

As soon as the shorts were off, Simon grabbed his leg and pulled him closer. "It is." Gary looked absolutely ravishing, laying there on the motel bed with his flushed face and bright eyes. Suddenly though his expression fell and Simon pulled back. "That is not a look I was expecting, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." He smiled weakly. "Nervous I guess."

"Tell me if you want to stop." Simon kissed his ankle, working up to his thigh and paused. He wanted to have sex with Gary but if he wasn't ready then he'd stop. "Tell me straight, do you want to do this tonight?"

Gary smiled, reaching out to cup his face, his thumb stroking across his cheek in a tender, intimate motion. "I can't. I'm gay remember, nothing straight about me. And I do want this, more than anything."

"Ok."

"Do you?" Simon smirked, biting into his thigh instead of replying and when he pulled back it was satisfying to see a bruise forming there. "Fucker!"

"Does that answer your question?"

"Do it again."

By the time he reached Gary's face, he was flushed and panting. Simon didn't need to look to know how hard he was. Having Gary come undone like this fed a selfish part of Simon, the part that wanted all of this to himself. Knowing he was the only one who got to see Gary like this. He wanted in this man more than anything.

"Wait here." Simon kissed him hard and got up to find his bag, finally removing his trousers as he went. He threw the bottle of lube to Gary who turned it over and grinned.

"Ah, you came prepared."

"I had some suspicions we'd be having sex before returning to base so yes, I bought lube." He threw over the box of condoms too. "And condoms."

"You don't have to wear these, I'm cool without." The blush on Gary's cheeks was such an endearing sight. "I'm clean, what about you?"

"Same. But only if you're sure." Simon sat back on the bed, taking one of his hands. "Really sure you want to go without."

Gary took a deep breath, looking back at him calmly. "I am." He threw the box back to their bags and grinned. "Decision made." Simon knelt over him and Gary's hands ran down his chest, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. "Are you gonna sit there staring at me all night or touch me?"

"Lay down."

"That sounds like an order."

"It is." Simon got closer forcing Gary back flat on the bed before kissing him. "Spread your legs."

"I'm not naked yet."

"Oh?" Simon made quick work of his underwear. Now completely bare, Simon took him all in. Gary was honestly the most beautiful thing he'd ever laid eyes on, he never wanted to forget this moment. The thought that this was all for him was almost enough to kill him. How had he gotten so lucky? "You're so beautiful."

"Simon..." Gary bit his lip, smiling shyly as he reached out to cradle Simon's face and held him there. "You better say that to me every time."

"Every time," Simon promised and he meant it. He smirked and grabbed Gary's leg, pulling him closer and over his shoulder. He laughed as Gary made a noise of complaint, hands pushing against his stomach. "So cute."

"You're mean."

"Oh?" Simon's hand ran up his thigh, pausing at his hip. Gary's body was trembling ever so slightly but his face showed he was enjoying the attention. "I'm about to give you the best orgasm of your life. How mean is that?"

"Prove it."

"Give me the lube."

Simon had to practise his restraint in the next few moments. All he wanted to do was get inside Gary already. But he would take his time and make sure his Sergeant was prepped. He wanted Gary to enjoy this just as much as he did, hear the pretty noises he could make. "I've been thinking about this for years."

"I hope I live up to your expectations then."

"You more than do that already." Simon leaned down to kiss him, waiting until Gary relaxed to push a finger inside him. "Let me know if it's too much."

He should've known better.

"More." Gary grabbed his shoulders, fingers digging in as Simon started stretching him. He was warm and yielding and Simon was about ready to blow his load. But that wouldn't do. He changed the angle, searching for Gary's prostate and knew he'd found it when the man gasped, legs starting to tremble. "Like that, just like that."

"Gary…" Simon kissed him hard until Gary was panting. "You're already like this with two fingers? Can't wait until I'm inside you."

"Fucking hell Simon." He laughed as his head hit the pillow. Reaching down he grabbed Simon's hand to stop him. "That's enough, I want you."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." Gary grabbed the lube and squeezed some out. When his hand wrapped around Simon he had to fight hard not to come right there and then. "I'll be fine."

"Fuck, ok, ok. Stop touching me or it's over before we've started."

"Oh, are you sensitive?" Gary's smugness quickly vanished as Simon pinned his arms behind his head and leaned in. "Simon... I can't wait any longer."

"Me neither, love."

Simon searched his face, checking one last time for the go-ahead. Gary smiled back, seeming completely at ease even with his arms pinned down. The level of trust he displayed was frankly terrifying. Simon wanted to take him apart already.

"Tell me to slow down if you need it."

"I'm a special ops soldier, I can take a bit of pain. You're not going to scare me off."

Simon scoffed. "It's supposed to feel good for you too."

"It'll feel better once you're inside me." Gary wiggled in emphasis, warm body grinding onto Simon's dick.

Letting go of his arms, Simon sat back to line himself up. It took all of his willpower to keep a steady pace, watching Gary for any signs of discomfort. When he winced, Simon diverted his attention to Gary's erection, keeping him distracted with the touch and kisses. After what felt too short a time, Simon was fully inside Gary and hell, it was almost too much.

Gary broke free to whisper, "You can move, I'm fine."

"Your so warm, Gary."

"Always complimentary." His smile faded as their eyes met, wonder taking its place. "Shit, we're having sex."

"Oh, good of you to notice." At least the conversation was helping his stamina. Simon kissed him though to get things back on track. "Is this when you ask if I'm in yet."

"No, no, I can definitely feel you." Gary's fingers wove in his hair, pulling him down. "You feel so good. Please move."

Given the green light, Simon did. Gary drew him even closer and Simon could feel every inch of him pressed against his body. Gary's body accommodating him in every way. But it wasn't enough, not yet anyway. He changed angles, finding Gary's prostate again after a few thrusts and the way he tightened was impossibly good.

"There! Do that again!" He demanded breathlessly, tugging on Simon's hair.

Whatever Simon had been doing before this had nothing on Gary.

Insatiable, warm and infinitely yielding. Simon wanted to do this forever and tried to keep a steady pace to last.

Gary broke first, looking at him with shining eyes. "Wait, slow down." Simon stopped instead, concern drowning out other feelings. Before he could ask what was wrong, Gary smiled and laughed breathily, running a hand through his sweat-soaked hair. "Give me a second to calm down."

Simon laughed too, leaning down to kiss him. "Gary, the whole point is to come. It's not like we won't do this again." His hips rocked forward before Gary could protest, earning him a moan instead. "I'm close too."

He was teetering on the edge of his orgasm but he was trying to hold out for Gary, make it better for him. And it was worth the wait because Gary was exquisite. He yanked Simon into his neck, muffling the sounds and a sharp sting of teeth combined with the sudden tightness was enough to send Simon over the edge too.

Mind-blowing.

Simon had enough prescience of mind not to fall on top of Gary, instead collapsing into the empty space beside him whilst he tried to reboot his brain. Because what the actual fuck? If that was an orgasm what had he been doing all his life?

Gary recovered first, laughter bubbling in the small space between them. Simon opened his eyes as Gary turned to face him. "Was it good for you too?" He asked lowly, waggling his eyebrows.

"The best." Simon was most certainly fucked. There was no way Gary could still be going. He was though, touching a hickey on Simon's neck and he flinched at the stab of pain, catching his hand and threading their fingers together. "Play nice."

"Make me." So Simon did, rolling on top of him and pinning his arms down again. They were both sweaty and sticky but Gary had never looked more beautiful as he smiled. "I love you."

"I love you," Simon replied challengingly, kissing him and biting into his bottom lip.

Gary broke free with a laugh, tilting his head up So Simon couldn't get to his mouth. "Quid pro quo. When was the last time you had sex like that?"

"Never." Simon started attacking his neck instead, adding more hickeys. "Your turn."

"Never." Gary squeezed his hands. "Best sex of my life."

And didn't that make Simon feel awfully smug? "I think I can top it. Give me time to know your body and I'll make sure you never forget my touch." Gary's breathing hitched and a flush spread down to his chest. Simon took in the interesting reaction and grinned. "You like dirty talk?"

"Not thought about it much but I could listen to you all day." Gary lifted himself to kiss Simon but he pulled back sharply and stood. Falling back on the bed with a huff, he asked, "where are you going?"

"Shower." In a fluid movement, he had Gary in his arms. "Let's clean up before bed, hmm?"

"You just want an excuse to touch me again."

"I don't need one." Simon got him in the shower and under the warm spray quickly. He was ready for bed and could tell Gary was too by his sleepy grin. "You're amazing."

"You're just basking in the afterglow."

"Maybe but it's true."

Gary rolled his eyes and broke free to clean up. Simon couldn't resist helping him. It was just as intimate as the sex, the shower filled with soft smiles and laughter. By the time they returned to bed, Gary collapsed on it instantly.

"Bedtime," He murmured, crawling under the covers and patting the empty spot next to him. "It's cold."

Taking the hint, Simon joined him and hugged him from behind. "I love you."

"I love you too." Simon had just enough time to turn off the lights and kiss the top of Gary's head before following him into sleep.