Title: The Silent Garden
Author: Utenakun
Series: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Summary: Kozue wants to fill the silence, but some things, once broken, cannot be repaired.
Rating: PG-13 for cursing.
Disclaimer: I don't like Kozue much, so I guess it's just as well I don't own any bit of Revolutionary Girl Utena. With my luck, I'd probably wind up with her.
Notes: This takes place during episode 5 ("The Sunlit Garden" Postlude), so mild spoilers for episodes 4 and 5. Also bear in mind that for the purposes of this story, Miki finds Touga and Kozue, stews over it for a few days, then challenges Utena. Many, many thanks to Ichigo's Sheet Music—the notes Kozue plays are actually right! Well, unless my sight-reading was all shot to hell. ::sweatdrop::
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She hadn't seen Miki for two days now, and she'd been hovering around the practice room for almost as long. He hadn't been there; every time she'd gone in, the piano had been as still as ever, half hidden in shadows. God only knew where he'd been spending his nights; apparently, as far away from her as possible.
This wasn't what she'd wanted. It wasn't. She hadn't even been trying to run into him; she'd come out still slightly flushed, still slightly giggly, hadn't expected to practically crash into those big, innocent, accusing blue eyes.
But Touga had expected it. Oh yes, goddamn him, he hadn't been surprised at all. Ready and waiting. He'd planned the whole damn thing, start to finish, drawn out every last gasp and moan, not for her but for Miki. To set it all up, her included, a neat little tableau for Miki's benefit. And somehow-- who the hell knew how, but somehow-- he must've gotten inside her head, manipulated her into suggesting the empty practice room.
She hadn't seen Kiryuu-san since that day, either.
Why the fuck was she here? There was nothing for her in that silent room, nothing at--
From behind the closed door came the sound of piano music, soft at first but picking up volume and speed. Kozue froze mid-stride in the hallway, eyes wide and trembling on the edge of relief, or love, or anger, or disgust, or some deeper, unspeakable mixture of all. The moment passed and her eyes slanted down in rage, darkening almost to black. How dare he, how dare he, couldn't give up his precious little piano for anything in the world! Not even for his fucking twin, and she'd given everything to him and his piano for years, years that had wasted her away and taken everything she might ever have been on her own, how dare he play as if everything was alright, nothing wrong for him, even finding out she was a slut was nothing to worry about, nothing to care--
The music faltered, hit several wrong notes before righting itself unsteadily. Kozue stared at the closed door in a daze, unsure what that could mean. Miki, making mistakes on the piano? Why… impossible. It couldn't possibly be Miki.
It wasn't Miki.
Her breath rushed out in something like relief, then sucked back in as she slammed the door open with a crash. The sound simply shattered the fragile, tentative music, not Miki's, Miki would never play so fearfully, so pathetically, would never hit a wrong note or play when nothing was right anymore! And sure enough, it was just a little pathetic little underclassman hammering away at the keys, fingers too clumsy to even manage a simple little beginner's tune and nevermind Miki's subtle, complicated song.
"S-sempai?" The girl gasped, turning fearful eyes to Kozue as her hands stilled on the keys. "What's wrong?"
Kozue gave a tight, nasty little glare, dropping her words like ice. "How dare you. That's Kaoru Miki's piano. You may not play on it."
The girl-- perhaps a couple of years younger than Kozue, flushed deep pink and straightened herself a little on the piano bench. "Th-the practice room is open to anyone. And he isn't here now."
"Like hell!" Kozue shrieked, suddenly blazingly angry. "Like hell that allows some wretched little talentless bitch like you to touch it! Get the hell away from there, that's Miki's and ONLY he can play on it!" She stormed her way across the room, but before she was halfway there the girl lost her spine entirely and scampered away from the sacred object.
"I'm-- sorry, sempai… forgive me, sempai…" she whispered, bobbing her head slightly, then raced out of the room, clearing a wide path around the other. Hastily forgotten, her sheet music wafted to the floor.
Kozue paused, her own furious words choked off and triumph already draining away from her. And then she just stood in the center of the room, panting slightly for breath.
Always Miki's, this thing. She couldn't even remember anyone else ever playing it. Nothing for her here.
Slowly, her eyes narrowed and the corners of her lips turned down in a hint of… a snarl. Yes. This thing had stolen her brother away, piece by piece, even before she could have understood what she was loosing.
She made a small noise in her throat, contemptuous hmph or distressed, strangled sob, or something else, she couldn't tell. Then she began walking towards the piano again, stepping carefully, slowly, not rushing in like before. One had to be careful, no? This thing… it could steal your soul. With beautiful sound as its lure.
Finally, she reached out one careful, curved finger and hit a single note. Middle C. It sounded, loud and low in the echoing room, and Kozue started badly, snatching her hand away. God, that thing, it was--! Eyes wide and breathing fast again, she stood trembling before it and nearly listened to that irrational little voice screaming from the core of her: run away, run away, run.
"Like. Hell. I will." The words were ripped out of her in a raw whisper, her hands reaching forward again to crash down on the keys, and this time, she reveled in the sound. This wasn't beauty, this was chaos, just like her, just like her. Now, as she savagely attacked those keys Miki pressed so lovingly, it was hers, it was--
She stiffened and caught her breath, hands still banging senselessly as she thought she heard-- no, no, it couldn't have been, but again her fingers tried it, high C, D, C, B-- yes! There it was! Surely, surely-- she remembered more of it, surely… left hand notes were middle C, G, E, G, but then what after? Hardly even realizing what she was doing, Kozue snatched the discarded sheets off the floor, setting them on the music stand. D-C-F-C, right hand G-A-(faster now)F-E-D-- and then--
"Damn it--" she choked out as her sight-reading fell behind her playing, as her right hand faltered and her left hand snarled itself in a dissonant chord. "I know this, I know this, I know this, damnit!" Sobbing, she continued to move her fingers, even as the melody dissolved altogether and reverted to senseless noise. Still banging away at the piano, she leaned her forehead against the music stand and cried, incoherent with rage, "How dare you, damn you, you can't do this--!" She had no idea who was daring to do what, the piano mocking her attempts, Miki outstripping her without a thought or even effort, she herself turning her back and ripping, once again, into the now-fragile bond with her twin.
That night, as the ones before it, the practice room stood darkened and silent.