He didn't need to be woken up the next day for as soon as sunlight began touching the ground, he was wide awake, his team mates still sleeping, apart from Gaara who was keeping watch.
Sasuke decided to go sit with him.
"Uneventful night, huh?"

Gaara took a short look at him, his eyes stopping at Sasuke's thigh.
"Unlike yours, I guess."

For a short moment, Sasuke contemplated what to say, but he didn't have to think hard with Gaara.
"I didn't want to lose focus", he explained.

"It's a dangerous game, Sasuke", Gaara told him with a sigh. "There are better ways of coping."

"You keep telling me that there are better ways to everything, but you never tell me what they are."
Despite his wording, there was no malice in his voice.

"That's because I can't. You'll have to find out what's best for you. I'm just saying that this isn't the best route to take, because it always leads to darker places."

For some reason, Sasuke had to chuckle.
"You sound like you're at least forty."

It was weird how he'd never liked Gaara before but now felt so at ease around him. While Gaara certainly had changed a lot, so had Sasuke's perspective of him. He'd been through hell and back, just like Sasuke himself, although he wasn't sure if he'd quite come back already. On most days it felt like he was still there.

"How did you make it out of hell?", he found himself asking the redhead.

There was a quiet understanding between them.
"I don't think you just make it out, but I believe I left most of my demons there. But believe me, without my sister, my brother and Naruto I would have never even tried. Especially Naruto was the one who gave me hope that I could change and that there was more to life than just hatred."
Gaara sighed and his face turned sad.
"But it does sound like that has changed."

"I think the war broke him", Sasuke said, for the first time really thinking about how the blonde behaved lately. "He's seen a lot of his closest friends suffer and die and he couldn't save them all. You know how he always thought he could save everyone."
Gaara didn't dare interrupt his thoughts.
"That's what he did with Zabuza, with you and it's what he tried with me. I think-"
Sasuke stopped himself.
'That's why he gave up on me.'

"He's seen a lot of violence and was confronted with his own helplessness. Of course, he hurts."
Gaara's gaze trailed off into the distance where Konoha was.
"It doesn't excuse this, though."
If he'd blinked, Sasuke would have missed the redhead clenching his jaw, before turning neutral again.
'Anger.'

"You don't want to enter the village by daylight, right?"

Sasuke shook his head no.
"Under no circumstances."

"Understandable. We'll take it slow today, then. Can you lead the way as our pace maker?"
The redhead got up as if he had to do something with himself instead of sitting around.

"Sure."

When the rest of the group woke up, Gaara held the briefing for the day, explaining that they wouldn't hurry, because they wanted to enter the village at night.
Sasuke couldn't help but admire his transparency. Gaara really made sure to inform his crew about every move and he was willing to answer all questions if he could without risking giving away anything secret.

That day, they took their time with longer stops in between to eat, drink and rest their spirits in the autumn sun. Apart from short showers the weather had been on his good side for the entirety of Sasuke's mission.
But no matter how much he basked in the sunlight or tried to hype himself up for his return, the closer they got to Konoha, the slower his pace became. They were about an hour away from the village when the sun started setting, and as soon as they entered Leaf territory, Sasuke felt the impulse to run again. He could just turn around and run until his legs gave out, but one look over his shoulder at Gaara reminded him that he had to do this, that he could do this.

He remembered their talk in the morning and how Gaara had told him that maybe he'd had it wrong the whole time and it wasn't him that didn't deserve to be back in Konoha, that maybe it was rather that Konoha didn't deserve to have him back. And he'd told him that whenever he needed to catch a break, Suna would always welcome him.
For the first time in forever he'd felt accepted. Gaara never expressed hostility towards him in these past days they'd spent together and even though Sasuke would never admit to it out loud, it felt good. When they talked, he didn't feel talked down on and he never had the feeling that Gaara was walking on egg shells around him like many others were as if they were afraid of setting him off.

When the gates of the village were finally in sight under the moonlight, Sasuke stopped for the last time to scan the road for people.
Gaara came to a stop right next to him and put his hand on Sasuke's shoulder.
"Let's go."

Suddenly there wasn't enough air left in Sasuke's lungs to reply, so he just went straight ahead towards the gate and through it with Gaara by his side and their team following them.
It was on instinct that he didn't take the direct route to the Hokage tower, but made them follow him through small side streets.
The air never really returned to his lungs, until they reached Naruto's office.

For a moment Sasuke contemplated his options, maybe it wasn't too late to turn around, but then the door opened. This time, it was only Naruto in his office and it immediately made him feel better knowing that Kakashi wouldn't be there.

"Sasuke", the blonde exclaimed, unexpectedly happy, but when he realised they weren't alone he composed himself.
"Please step inside", he said and then turned to Gaara. "It's good to see you again."

"You too."
Gaara's face was soft while he smiled at his friend.
"Do you want us to let you complete mission protocol first? We can wait outside."

"Yes, mission protocol! That would be great! But after that I think we have a lot of catching up to do!"
Naruto was almost as excited as Sasuke remembered him, it was eerie to think this was the same person that had sent him off to a potentially deadly mission on his own without any goodbyes.

After Naruto closed the door behind them and they walked to his desk, he looked like he could barely contain himself.
"I'm glad that you're back okay, Sasuke."

"Hm? 'Cause it sure seemed like you wanted to get rid of me."
He couldn't help the anger and disappointment he felt. Not when Gaara had assured him that it was adequate to feel this way.
"I could have died."
'I could have died.'
It only sunk in slowly the more he reminded himself.

Naruto's expression turned sad as he finally sat down and gestured for Sasuke to do the same.
The blonde looked around his office as if to make sure that they were indeed alone.
"I'm glad you didn't, and I'm glad Gaara decided to escort you back here."

"You could have just asked Gaara to bring these here", Sasuke snarled while producing the documents from his bag. "Why send me in the first place?"

Without acknowledging the documents on his desk, Naruto turned to look at Sasuke directly.
"I never wanted to send you, please believe me."
He looked around nervously again. "Please let me explain it to you later."

"Fine. I'll hear you out later."
Sasuke sighed.
"So, you want the damn report?"

"Yes, please."

"So", Sasuke began, leaning forward in the chair, "the minute I left Konoha, I was followed. About fifteen seemingly low-ranking shinobi attacked me not too far away from the village. I made sure to leave them all unscathed, I only paralysed them and trapped one of them in a short nightmare as warning to the others, which made most of them retreat. The ones that still came after me, I shook off with katon and speed. I don't think I actually hit anyone there. A lot of them were from Konoha, but some of them from Kusa and even Oto, yet they clearly worked together."
He made a short pause for Naruto to process the information.

"Could you identify them if you saw them again?"

"Yes, I caught all their faces."

Naruto nodded.
"Good, go on then."

Sasuke took a deep breath, only now realising that his breathing had long since evened out again.
"After that, the rest of the way was uneventful. I spent one night in a hotel, before crossing over to Wind territory and crossing through the desert without any further incident. Sunagakure bid me a warm welcome, the Kazekage handed me the documents and offered to join me on the way back if I could spare one day that I could spend resting in his guest house."

"Gaara wrote to me that he would bring ten shinobi with him, but I only saw five outside. Did you lose anyone on the way back?"

The question hit him like a blow to the chest, knocking the air out of him again for a second and Sasuke swallowed hard.
"No, they had to be sent back to Suna a few hours into our journey, because there was an incident."

"What happened?"

"We got attacked, this time by stronger shinobi from Suna and Iwa. None of them survived."
Telling Naruto felt like killing them all over again, but this time aware of the fact that it was wrong.

Naruto's eyes widened in shock.
"How did they die?"

Sasuke counted his breaths in his head in order to calm down, before he could come up with a reply.

"Sasuke, tell me how they died."
All the positivity had been drained from his face and Naruto gave him that same look of betrayal that he'd given him when they met after he'd killed Danzo.

"I will need to reevaluate the battle in my head and state the details in the written report", he finally said, hoping Naruto would let the topic rest.

The blonde's face didn't soften though.
"I'll be awaiting you written report, then."

"There were no further incidents on our way back."

"Good."

A deafening silence set in between them, Naruto's gaze somewhere behind him, but he seemed absent. It was only then that Sasuke noticed the dark circles under the Hokage's eyes.
Thinking about it, he looked nothing like his usual self; his eyes were lifeless, the light around him seemed dim. It was scary to see him like this and it reminded him of Gaara's words.
'He suffers, too. Don't get fooled by the mask he puts on'

After a while, Naruto seemed to snap back to reality and put on a smile again.
"I should welcome Gaara and the others and tell them where to stay for the night."

Sasuke completely zoned out after Naruto let the others inside. He heard them talk, but didn't listen. He could have left the office, but it wasn't like he could just go home. Apart from the familiarity he felt, there was no place he could call home.
'There is no place for you in Konoha.'

When Gaara turned to leave, Sasuke shook himself awake.
"We can talk tomorrow", Gaara told him. "We'll get some rest for now and you should, too."

"Thank you for your support on this mission", Sasuke said, but found it too formal as soon as he'd said it.

"You're welcome", Gaara said and the others nodded, as they left, leaving him and Naruto behind in the office.

Sasuke turned back to Naruto who was deep in his thoughts again.
"Naruto?"

"Hm?"
He still didn't seem completely there.

"You look tired."

"I am tired, very much so", the blonde said, sounding so incredibly broken, it tore at Sasuke's heart in all the wrong ways.
"This is so much bigger than me."

"But you're not alone, are you?"
He really wasn't ready to cheer anyone up, when he himself didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Naruto looked at him, darkness in his eyes.
"It sure feels like it." He swallowed hard as if to get rid of a blockage in his throat.
"I thought I could change things around here, thought there was a chance for peace."
A sob cut him off.

Instinctively, Sasuke moved over to him and placed his hand on the blonde's arm.
"You're doing your best, right?"

"But it's not enough", Naruto burst out, pulling his arm away from Sasuke's grip. "It's never enough!" Another sob escaped him. There were tears in his eyes, but he didn't let them spill over.

Seeing his best friend like this made Sasuke's chest feel tight.
'Best friend, I wonder if I can still call you that?'
No one else had ever taken that position after Naruto.

The blonde fell completely silent, as he buried his face in his hands and curled in on himself in his chair.
Apart from his body trembling there was no sign of his crying. He didn't make a single sound.
Sasuke knew how he felt. At least he thought he did. He knew these silent tears, because he'd cried them before himself. It made him feel helpless to see Naruto like that, unsure what he could do, knowing that there was probably nothing he could do to make it better.
'The pain never ends.'

In an attempt to do anything at least, he placed his hand on the blonde's back, lightly at first to see if he'd push him away again, but this time he didn't.
He didn't dare to test his boundaries any further, so he just let his hand rest on Naruto's back, putting a bit more of his weight on it to let him know that he was there, because somehow, after all this time, he was still here.

Unsure how much time had passed, Sasuke decided to suggest that Naruto go home, but there was no reaction.
"Let's get you home", he tried again, louder this time.

"Home."
'Home.'

None of them said anything, as Naruto stood up, wiped his face on his sleeve and stepped towards the door. He looked back at Sasuke, as if to say something, but the Uchiha already followed after him in silent understanding. They'd never needed many words.
It was bitter to think how good of a team they could have made all this time. He remembered their fight against Kaguya and how well they'd worked together, even after not having fought side by side for years. He couldn't help but wonder what could have been if they'd kept training together.
'We could have become unstoppable.'
Regret overcame him on their walk back to Naruto's apartment and with Naruto broken like that right before his eyes, he really considered letting it swallow him this time.

When they got inside, Naruto collapsed onto the floor almost immediately. He'd kept it together for the remainder of their walk, but Sasuke could tell he had nothing more to give, once he'd finally closed the door behind him.

"Do you need anything?"
But Naruto wouldn't answer him. He didn't dare to touch him again and didn't know what else to do, so he decided to just leave him be. He couldn't help him in that moment, at least that was what he told himself, so he decided to take a shower and see if Naruto was better afterwards. Since he hadn't showered since they left Suna and only briefly washed himself in the river after their fight, he craved water and soap.
His clothes were dirty and stained with blood, he really needed to change them.

Before he stepped into the shower, he made sure to leave the bathroom door open in case anything happened while he wasn't in the room and then stepped under the hot water.
It felt like it would melt the skin off his bones at first, but he didn't bother turning the temperature down. The amount of blood that ran down the drain when he let the water run through his hair and down his body made him wonder how he couldn't notice all this dirt on him before.

Like he did after every mission, he took the soap and rubbed himself down with it until the water didn't have a red stain to it any more. And then a little longer until it did again.
The hot water burned in his reopening wounds like fire. He could have used cold water, but he deserved to burn.
'Freak.'

The gashes in his shoulder felt shallow enough to heal on their own, but the wound from where he'd stabbed himself with the kunai was deeper. He should probably let someone take a look at it at the hospital the next day, but he knew he wouldn't go there.
'You don't deserve to heal.'

When he got out of the shower to dry off, he took a towel from the rack and tried to make sure not to stain it too much. He then rummaged in Naruto's shelves for bandages to wrap his thigh up again, before wrapping the towel around his waist and going back to look for Naruto.

Naruto was still on the floor where he'd left him, before he'd went into the bathroom. He'd been there, too.

"Still don't need anything?"

"No", the blonde whispered back to him this time.

Sasuke sighed. At least there was some life in him.
"Anything I can do?"

"Don't leave."
It sounded almost like a plea.

"Where would I go?"
He laughed bitterly. "I only got here."

It wasn't entirely true, since Gaara had invited him to Suna. But for now, he only had here, only this apartment, only Naruto.
There had been times where he'd wanted nothing more than this, but now it felt wrong. He didn't even know what to feel anymore, didn't know if he wanted to feel anything anymore. Not for Naruto, not for himself, not for Gaara, not for anyone.

This time, Naruto had to pick himself up off the floor by himself, like he'd had to so many times before when no one was there for him.
He wouldn't let Naruto's darkness wash over to him.
'Not this time.'

The futon he'd slept on before he'd gone on his mission was still on the floor where he'd left it. Now that Sasuke looked around the apartment looked almost exactly like he'd left it, safe for the dust that was starting to form on every surface.
He'd been gone for a bit longer than a week, but it didn't look like Naruto had spent much time here while he was gone either.
And just like that, he felt his resolve crumbling again, as the darkness began consuming him when the feelings hit again.

It was a sorry sight, Naruto on the floor, broken like that. He'd probably been working all the time.

"I never wanted to send you on this mission", Naruto said, his voice still quiet.

"And yet, you did."
'I could have died and you did nothing to stop it.'
Sasuke felt hostility creep up in him.

The blonde got up and walked up to him.
"I'm sorry."

'You should be. All of you!'
Naruto's words did nothing to calm him, they only riled him up more. For the first time in months he allowed himself to be angry at Naruto again.

"If they'd taken me by surprise, they could have killed me", Sasuke raised his voice.

"I'm sorry", the blonde repeated, reaching out his hand in the direction of his shoulder, but Sasuke slapped it down before he could make contact.

"Don't you dare touch me!"

Naruto ignored his warning and reached out again, just faster this time. Sasuke hated himself for not even pulling away when the blonde's fingers felt around on the skin of his shoulders.
It wasn't fair how Naruto could make him change his mind in seconds just by the power of a light touch. It had always been this way, which was why Sasuke had wanted to get rid off him so early on.
Naruto's fingers trailed their way down Sasuke's arm, feeling the places where he'd dug his nails into his own skin like the pathetic freak he was, but thankfully the blonde didn't linger too long and continued his way to his hand until he could hold it in his.
As Naruto's eyes tried to meet his, all he could do was to look down in order to avoid his stare.
"Don't-" But his resolve was far too weak to tell Naruto off again.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke", Naruto said again, but this time he didn't whisper, as if to make sure his words would ingrain themselves in Sasuke's brain.

They'd been naked in front of each other countless times when they were younger, it had never been a big deal, but like this, it suddenly felt intimate. Far too intimate for Sasuke to be able to withstand. When the feeling got too intense, he did what he knew best, he lashed out.

Not being able to endure this intimacy and the way Naruto held his hand ever so softly, he pushed him back.
He'd not anticipated Naruto's grip on his hand to last though and so the blonde pulled him down with him as he stumbled backwards and fell.

All that Sasuke could do was to catch himself from crashing into the other with his other hand.
Angered, he used the hand that Naruto was holding and tightened his on grip on it, pinning it to the ground while doing the same with his free hand.
Naruto didn't fight back, but that made him even more angry. He had no right to patronise him like this.

"Hit me, if you have to", the blonde said, looking at him directly.

"Stop gaslighting me!"

"But you're angry", Naruto protested.

"Of course I am! You sent me out to die and didn't even tell me goodbye!"
Sasuke was shocked at his out burst, but decided not to let it stop him for once.
"If I had died, we'd never have spoken again!"
'I never would have seen you again.'

"That's what's bothering you?"

"There's a lot that's bothering me", he admitted. To Naruto and to himself. "But you wouldn't know that!"

Naruto tried to free his hands, but Sasuke only tightened his grip.

"Sasuke, you're hurting me."

"Good."

He was angry, he was frustrated and most of all, he was desperate.
Sasuke knew that Naruto could fight him off if he wanted to, but the blonde didn't.

"What's wrong?" Sasuke's tone was mocking.

"I don't want to hurt you again. Just let go."
As he said it, Naruto tried to pull his hands from Sasuke's grip again, but he wouldn't let him.

"You've hurt me so many times before. Don't act like a saint all of a sudden", the Uchiha screamed at him.

At this, Naruto stopped moving completely.
"Is this what this is about?"

"It's always been about this!"
It felt like the blood was boiling in his veins, threatening to burn off his skin and expose his rotting insides. He was in so much pain. Every. single. day.

He wanted to rip off his own skin to make it stop, wanted to rip off Naruto's skin to make him feel the same, but somehow the last piece of self control in him made him turn soft again.
More often than not had he killed Naruto in his nightmares. He'd pushed the chidori through his chest, he'd cut him open with his katana, he'd set him ablaze with Amaterasu and watched him burn, and he'd done so much more. The depravity in him knew little boundaries when it came to killing and he'd always found himself desensitised to the screams and pleas of his victims, but never to Naruto's. One word from the blonde had always been enough to stop him, sometimes one look even.
'I love you.'
It was so much more than words could say. He'd never been able to express his feelings properly.
'But we can never be.'

Often he'd dreamt about making Naruto his, marking him with his bites in his dreams, but same as his nightmares, none of it was real and none of it could ever happen in reality. Even if it could, Sasuke wouldn't let it.
He suddenly found himself looking at the lips he'd kissed so often in his dreams, but there was no way he'd let himself lose control like that in real life.

He only snapped out of his thoughts, when Naruto had finally decided to push him off, sending him flying backwards, revealing every part of him when the towel slid down beneath him in the process. He didn't bother to cover himself up again.

"Stop being like that", Naruto shouted at him, but the anger left his features, as his eyes scanned Sasuke's body.
"What the hell happened to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean", he stammered, "all these."
He pointed at Sasuke's thighs.

"Life happened, Naruto", Sasuke bitched at him, as if the question was unjustified. But he was so used to his body like that, he didn't consider his scarred and wounded thighs anything worth mentioning.

"Who did this?"

For a moment, the Uchiha found himself wondering if the question was a formality or if Naruto could really be that dense. He still answered, as if he owed it to him.
"I did", he said, fully expecting the blonde to pester him with further questions, but he didn't say a thing.

He didn't even think it looked that bad. There were tons of scars on his body, some from training, a lot from battle and another lot he'd done himself. He'd first started it without even noticing in order to take his mind off his thoughts. The first time he'd done it during their Chuunin exams when Orochimaru had attacked them and he'd been paralysed by fear had really set it off. It was the first of many times he'd stabbed himself in his thigh with a kunai.
Later he'd learned that cutting himself could bring him comfort. And when things had gotten really bad in Oto, he'd done it just to check if he could still feel anything at all.
The scratches he mostly did when his memories became unbearable and he needed to pull himself out of it.
He could have explained it to Naruto like that, but he figured the blonde wouldn't understand anyways.

Somehow he figured that Naruto was far too naive to know about such things. And somehow he didn't want to tell him more about it, convincing himself that he wouldn't be able to relate, because deep down, Sasuke really hoped he couldn't.
'We don't hurt the same.'

Naruto had moved closer and sat down next to him.
"I didn't know", he said, almost whispering this time.

It was almost humorous, because how would he have known? It wasn't something they'd talk about, not like they'd even had the time to talk about anything lately.
After the war Sasuke had been put in prison and when he was released, Kakashi had sent him away. When he returned from that, they'd hardly spent a week together before he was sent on the mission to Suna. There hadn't been any time for them to really get comfortable enough with each other again as to talk about such things.
If you could even get comfortable enough for that in the first place. Sasuke had never been one to talk much about his feelings. He liked to bottle them up and store them away in his mind until something in him started to burn, making all these bottles boil over and spill. And he burnt all too often.

"It doesn't matter", he finally said, covering himself up again with the towel.

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"No", he lied.
'I always hurt.'
He was screaming on the inside.

Naruto didn't say anything anymore. He just looked at Sasuke's arms and it felt like he was trying really hard to piece it all together, but couldn't quite do it.

After a while of neither of them saying anything, Sasuke decided to get up and finally get some fresh clothes to put on.
It was too cold in the apartment to just sit around half naked.

The clothes in his bag were all dirty from the mission and he didn't have anything else here, but when he groaned in frustration Naruto already came up behind him, holding a fresh set of clothes.
Orange wasn't really his colour but it would do until he could wash his clothes the next day. He made a mental note though to buy new clothes soon, as he took the shirt, sweat pants and boxer shorts from Naruto's hands.
"Thanks."

He put them on quickly and had to admit that he felt quite comfortable in fresh clothes.
It felt like he'd finally come home from the mission, only that there was no home and the mission had been bullshit.

"Let's go to sleep", Naruto suggested and it sounded heavenly to Sasuke. He hoped for another good night's sleep, like he'd last had in Suna, but he feared it wasn't going to be like that here. He didn't feel as comfortable around Naruto as he'd felt around Gaara and realising that made his chest tighten. His emotions were probably just fucked up beyond repair at this point.

He was unable to sleep that night and sometime during the night he heard movement in the apartment and immediately, Sasuke was on his feet ready to fight, only to notice it was only Naruto trying to sneak into the kitchen.
'Who else would it be?'

"You still awake?", he called to the blonde, as he got up himself.

"Yeah, can't really get my mind to shut up", Naruto told him, as he sat down at the table with a beer from the fridge.

"Sucks, I know. Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all. There's still beer in the fridge."

Sasuke grabbed one and sat at the table with Naruto.
"What's going on?"

"I don't think, I should tell you anything", Naruto sighed, but still continued, "but there's a lot of conflict in Konoha right now. On the surface it might not be noticeable, but I think most people know by now. It's not only the people you met on your mission, but we suspect there to be so many more, like a big group of people, organising themselves in order to commit acts of terrorism."
He drank from his beer.
"It seems that a lot of people are unhappy with what's happening to their governments and they might be planning a revolution in order to change things back to the way they were."
Naruto shook his head and Sasuke didn't say anything, but continued to just listen.
"I thought we were the good ones and I thought peace had finally won after the war, Sasuke. But now I don't know if there can ever be peace at all. Why do people always have to hate each other?"

"I don't know", he lied. The Uchiha knew a lot of reasons to hate someone.

"Do you hate me?"
Naruto's question hit him right in his heart.

"Why would I?"

The blonde looked up at him from his can and then back down.
"I was never able to help you, I was never there for you."

"I never let you", Sasuke protested. "You tried much more than you had to. It's not your fault that I hurt."
Partly, it was a lie, but at this moment he was a ready to say anything just to make Naruto feel better. His sad blue eyes had a really strong effect on him, they'd always had.
It made Sasuke swallow his own pain and suffering just to be able to be there for Naruto, although he knew that it was senseless. He knew he needed to work on himself before he could be there for anyone else, but Naruto had always made him forget all common sense.

They continued drinking far into the night, just like they'd had the last time Sasuke had returned, but this time it felt different. Regardless of last time's outcome he didn't fear that the same could happen again.
There was no anger in Naruto, just so much pain and desperation.
'We're not so different.'

That night they tried hard to drown their demons, knowing they'd probably find out that they could swim, but it was always worth a try. Lately Sasuke had found it hard to keep away from alcohol, because sometimes it gave him a few hours of rest, if he was lucky and damn, did he need to rest. He figured it was the same for Naruto and that's why he didn't say anything, when the blonde grabbed a bottle of sake after they'd finished all the beer in the house.
They didn't even bother to use glasses and just shared the bottle.

After almost slipping out of the chair a few times, Naruto had decided to move their little private party to his bed, because "is more comfy" and somehow they ended up shoulder to shoulder, leaning against the wall behind the bed and talking about how Sasuke had killed the shinobi that had attacked them shortly after they'd left Suna.

"He told me he wanted to destroy the peace we made, Naruto", he slurred. "There was no way I could let him get away with that."

"Didn't think that would be a problem for you", the blonde admitted. "Didn't think you'd appreciate this all." He moved his arms around, bottle still in his hand as if it was able to point at the whole country from his bed.

"I care more than you think", Sasuke said, trying to sound much less drunk than he was, but when Naruto only had to giggle at his response, it told him that he'd probably failed at that.

"Bullshit!"
Naruto still giggled.
"If you cared that much you would never have left!"

"But you sent me on this mission!"

Naruto became serious again.
"I mean all those years ago."
The sudden change in his mood and the sadness in the blonde's words made Sasuke swallow hard.

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"But you did!"

"I did", he repeated, as if to himself. "I'm sorry. I hope you know that."
He took the bottle from Naruto's hand and drank.

A few more drunk apologies were exchanged and Sasuke found his hazed brain hoping they'd remain in their memories, at least until the alcohol would lose its effect the next day.
He was sure he wouldn't be able to remember all of their conversations, but he tried hard to ingrain what happened next in his memory.

Somehow one thing had led to another and Naruto's hands had moved onto his body. He couldn't say how their lips had ended up touching, but to his alcohol fuelled heart it felt like all he'd ever wished for was coming true.
After years of fighting, with words and fists, all the injuries they'd inflicted on each other and all the hurt they'd caused each other, Naruto's lips on his almost felt no less violent.
The blonde was fierce from the start and Sasuke let him.
He didn't know if this had anything to do with love, but damn would he take anything he got. For far too long he'd longed for a touch from Naruto that didn't happen in battle. He even had to admit that he'd pictured him more than once when engaging with some random stranger who let him have his way with them. But it never felt satisfying, because he knew it couldn't be like this with Naruto, because the blonde would never let him do all the things he'd done to others, at least he was certain of it.

As Naruto pulled up Sasuke's shirt he couldn't help but feel at his mercy, his body aching for their skin to touch, but the blonde pulled away after getting rid of his shirt, leaving Sasuke desperate.
Even though it was only to take off his own, the Uchiha could feel his fear of rejection bubble up.
Impatient he reached out his own hand to trail it along Naruto's torso. He was lean, but beneath his skin there was nothing but muscle to feel. He had no doubt that Naruto could still just crush him if he decided to.

Naruto let him explore his body with his hands a bit longer until his own found their way back onto Sasuke's body.
He pushed him down onto the bed almost gently, as if he was somehow still asking for permission.
'You can do anything.' He'd never say that out loud, not to Naruto, not to anyone, but the blonde had always understood him without a single word needed.

From that point on touches between them became more desperate, more rough. Sasuke could feel Naruto's nails digging into the skin at his hips where he gripped him and he was sure he'd leave about the same marks on the blonde's body, but none of them ever stopped the escalation from happening.
At some point they lost their pants and shorts were kicked off in what could only be described as the way a drunk person would try to undress gracefully, but grace didn't matter in that moment anyways.

All that mattered was that they were both here, together after all these years. It didn't matter what the intent behind their actions was, Sasuke doubted it was love, wasn't sure if love even existed in this world, but he didn't care. They went at each other with pure lust clouding their minds and Sasuke was willing to let all the pent up frustration and desperation take over his actions. It seemed Naruto was doing the exact same thing. There were no words exchanged between them, no questions asked.
In silent understanding it was made clear that nothing was off limits anymore at this point.
He didn't care if the blonde left bruises or cuts on his body and he didn't bother to make sure not to mark the other as well.

His cock was standing at full attention, when Naruto kept gripping him by his sides, holding on to them as if he was afraid Sasuke could still change his mind and leave him.
One of Sasuke's hands found its way to Naruto's throat, gripping around it like he'd done so many times before and the moan it elicited from the blonde encouraged him to tighten his grip just a little bit more.
'Fuck.'
He bit his lip in order to stay quiet himself, but his resolve failed the moment Naruto placed one hand next to his head and the other on his throat, applying more pressure than Sasuke was doing on him.
"Fuck."

Before he could even consider taking up the offer of a fight and tightening his own grip, he felt his hand sliding down in weakness, his body trembling in anticipation.

The last time Naruto had overpowered him like that, Sasuke had felt nothing but fear and resignation, but now, there was no resignation. There was still a good portion of fear involved, but it only got him more excited.
Being at the blonde's mercy like that sent an unknown chill down his spine.
He knew fear of death, but this wasn't it.

Fingernails being dragged down his chest to his stomach were what pulled him back to the situation, a deep moan escaping him again.
The hand around his throat had loosened, but remained there as if to pin him down, as Naruto knelt on top of him, his ass mere centimetres from touching Sasuke's cock.
Sasuke couldn't help himself and raised his hips just to create some friction, but was immediately met with Naruto's free hand pushing him down at the hip and the grip around his throat tightening again.
"We're not playing by your rules."
The blonde's voice had a darkness to it that Sasuke had never heard in him before. It made his cock twitch and he ached even more for a touch or at least some damn friction.
In frustration, he grabbed Naruto's thigh with bruising force and brought his other hand to his own cock, but Naruto grabbed him by the wrist and pulled it away, earning him a disappointed groan from Sasuke.
He didn't bother with the hand on his thigh though and Sasuke could see the restraint in his face. Naruto enjoyed it at least as much as he did himself.
'Do you, too, need the pain?'

The moan that tightening his grip even more pulled out of the blonde's throat reassured him enough to turn their positions around, freeing himself from the hand around his throat and pushing Naruto off, so he could assume position on top.
As lust got the better of him, he pushed their cocks together and the feeling alone brought a wave of pleasure with it.

"Fuck", Naruto panted, as Sasuke ground their dicks together, bringing his hand around them both in order to gain more friction, as they both moaned in pleasure.

For a moment, Naruto let him take the wheel and seemed to get lost in the pleasure, before regaining his composure and shoving Sasuke off again.
Still panting, he pushed the Uchiha down, this time locking him down with his whole forearm on Sasuke's throat, his free hand reaching down between them to grab him by the upper thigh and pushing down on it as well.
"My rules", he breathed, still panting.

"Your rules", Sasuke confirmed, barely getting enough air to form words. He wasn't sure if he wouldn't change his mind again though, if the blonde kept teasing him.

Naruto took the pressure off his throat and took the hand back from Sasuke's thigh as if to check if he would obey and Sasuke was probably drunk enough to do it. He could have easily pushed him off again. Damn, he could have probably just pushed him down and fucked him, but he didn't dare to even try.

"Touch me", he finally begged, bringing his hips up again and this time, Naruto let it happen and even ground down on Sasuke's cock, making them both moan.
Naruto then pushed him down again in order to create space between them for his hand to move down. His other hand rested next to Sasuke's head for balance, although it had probably been a misjudgment of his abilities when drunk, because Naruto found himself falling down on Sasuke, their shoulders crashing into each other, but that only gave him more stability to bring their cocks back together and start stroking them with his hand.

All the teasing had gotten Sasuke so riled up that when Naruto's hand finally touched his cock he could feel himself tensing up in pleasure, pulling his legs up in desperation.
He wanted more, wanted every piece of Naruto, just for the night, but the blonde was only willing to give him small parts at a time.
Sasuke couldn't help but thrust into Naruto's hand, his own moans almost loud enough to block him out from hearing Naruto's, but the blonde's voice only got him even more turned on.
Too many nights had he spent thinking about this, dreaming about this, but the reality, at least to his drunk mind, was much more intense than he could have ever imagined.

They shouldn't be doing this, especially not with all the unresolved conflict between them. They should be talking, but they'd never been particularly good at that and Sasuke found himself unable to resist.
It would have been embarrassing to a sober mind to give in to his desires like that, but drunk, he could throw all those thoughts out of the window with ease.

When Naruto let go off their cocks, it took all he had not to lose control and just take what he needed.
He'd always done this purely for his own pleasure in the past, not caring about making anyone else feel good, although he certainly had, but it had never been his priority. But seeing Naruto come undone before him like that sparked an unfamiliar desire in him, fuelling his own pleasure immensely.

He hadn't been quite able to follow Naruto's next moves, only noticed the mattress moving when the blonde shifted away from him, but returned soon.
Only now did he notice that he'd closed his eyes. The world was much more bearable when he didn't have to see it.

As Naruto's hand returned to his cock, he felt it in every cell of his body. Maybe the blonde was trying to drive him mad by torturing him, but he had to admit that it felt incredible.
"Fuck", he moaned again.
It dawned on him, when a slick finger found his hole while the other hand kept stroking him.
'You have done this before.'

The ability to think soon went up in smoke, when the finger was pushed inside, almost gently.
He threw his head back in pleasure, as Naruto proceeded to work him with one finger at first, soon adding a second.
No matter how often Sasuke had done this before, it had never reduced him to a moaning, cursing mess like that. All the edging before had his cock leaking, although Naruto wasn't stroking it anymore.
He opened his eyes just in time to catch the blonde adjusting himself behind him and caught his hazed blue eyes, before the fingers left him empty, only to be replaced by Naruto's cock in a slow thrust.
The tip at first, then Naruto paused, panting, as if he was trying to collect himself before continuing.

The blonde leaned down, so his face hovered centimetres over Sasuke's.
"You have no idea", he breathed, "how long I've been wanting to-"
But Sasuke cut him off by moving onto him, eliciting a high pitched moan from Naruto.
He grabbed him by his hips and continued to thrust himself onto his cock as much as their position allowed them to and it took Naruto a moment to collect himself and begin thrusting into him as well, not exactly meeting his rhythm, but it didn't matter.

They were rough on each other. Kisses were bites all over the other's skin and Sasuke pulled Naruto close with violent grips. It was as if they were torn between getting as close as they could, but also still fighting for dominance.
It was a fight that could only produce losers in the end, but at that moment all that mattered was pleasure.
Desperate screams of the other's names turned into unrecognisable curses, as they went at each other mercilessly.

Sasuke could feel Naruto's body shivering as the blonde came, buried deep inside him, and it was all that he needed to be driven over the edge as well.

For a moment, they just remained collapsed on the mattress, both of them completely spent, but as a bit of clarity returned to Sasuke's mind, he forced himself to get up and stumble to the bathroom in order to at least clean himself off.
Afterwards, he collapsed back onto the futon Naruto had laid out for him and sleep caught up to him immediately.