Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potter related. If I did . . . I certainly wouldn't be writing now would I..? I'd be making big bucks. Enjoy the new chapter.
Chapter 2: The Walk and Talk
Harry stood transfixed on the spot. What was Remus Lupin his, ex- Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher doing here at Privet Drive..?
"Harry..?" Lupin said again stopping at the corner of the stairs and looking as though a heavy object had hit him hard on the back of the head, "Harry what's—?"
Quickly Harry shoved Uncle Vernon out of his way as Uncle Vernon looked in horror as Lupin stood in his midst.
"WHERE ARE YOU GOING BOY..?!" roared Uncle Vernon, "I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU..!"
Harry ignored his uncle and ran over towards Lupin shocked. What was he doing here..? "Professor Lupin what are you—?"
Uncle Vernon seized Harry by the shoulder pulling him away from Lupin, "NO YOU DON'T..! YOU'RE NOT WORMING YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE..!"
"GET OFF OF ME..!" Harry demanded pushing Uncle Vernon off his shoulder and starting to head back to Lupin.
Just then, in all the fuss, Aunt Petunia came walking up, "Vernon..? Vernon what's all the shouting about..?"
Uncle Vernon turned to his wife in a rage, "WHAT'S ALL THE SHOUTING ABOUT..?!" Uncle Vernon's eyes narrowed on Harry, "THE BOY JUST INSULTED DUDLEY AND MYSELF..! AND THREATENED DUDLEY WITH HIS YOU-KNOW-WHAT..!"
Aunt Petunia looked thunder shocked now too, "He what—?" she said rushing over to Dudley, "Dumpkins are you alright..?"
Dudley didn't answer. He was intensely watching Harry get Uncle Vernon angrier and angrier.
Uncle Vernon continued to tell Aunt Petunia the story, "AND NOW ONE OF HIS—HIS—" he pointed to Lupin in anger with his sausage like finger, "HIS KIND IS HERE..!"
"LEAVE HIM ALONE..!" Harry had had enough. He started to head down the stairs, "Professor Lupin come on—"
But he wasn't quick enough. Uncle Vernon had spotted him, "WHERE ARE YOU GOING..?!"
"OUT..!" Harry shouted.
"OH NO YOU'RE NOT..!" Uncle Vernon screamed, "YOU'RE STAYING HERE SO YOU CAN—! GET BACK HERE..!"
But before Uncle Vernon could finish Harry had grabbed Lupin's arm and was heading down the stairs. Harry face had frustration written all over it as he headed through the living room and to the front door. He heard Uncle Vernon thumping behind him. Harry quickened up his pace and dragged Lupin along who seemed confused about the whole business.
The front door was in sight and Harry dragged Lupin towards it faster. Wrapping his hand around the golden doorknob, Harry wrenched it open and slammed it closed as Lupin exited the house. He heard Uncle Vernon bellow out something but Harry didn't register it or really care what he had said.
Lupin looked at Harry in a sort of amazement. Harry looked back still wondering what Lupin had wanted in the first place.
Lupin answered Harry's question for him, "I was wondering if we could go on a walk Harry . . ." Lupin said with a tired smile, "That is if your up for it."
Harry didn't say anything but nodded and started to walk down the path to the sidewalk with Lupin. Harry turned around slightly and looked back at Number 4, Privet Drive.
"So I'm taking this is the reason you don't like to come home for the holidays..?" he asked in a friendly manor.
Harry nodded, "Yea . . ." he said kind of lamely.
Harry looked back up at Lupin. He was of course looking rather peaky and pale as always. His hair was a bit gray for someone his age but he wore his same tired smile. His clothes a bit tattered but he was still the same friendly Remus Lupin. Harry spoke up, "Ummm . . . there's a park we could walk to . . ." Harry looked down at his shoes, "If you want . . ."
Lupin nodded, "I'd like that."
"Ummm . . . it's this way . . ." Harry said turning right.
"Lead the way," Lupin said cheerfully.
Harry was quiet for the whole walk. He wanted to look up at Lupin, but he was being held back. Lupin said he wanted to take a walk with Harry. Well they were walking now . . .
"So how have you been Harry..?' Lupin asked as they reached the park.
Harry didn't answer Lupin. The fact was he had not been good at all. But he didn't want to worry Lupin or any of the Order. That was all he needed right now. More adults fussing over him telling them they were sorry and things would get better. Harry wanted to shout at him for even asking that question. How did Lupin think he was doing..?
No one was at the park today. The swings were blowing gently in the wind and the birds were chirping. Harry slowly sat down on one of the swings and rocked back in fourth sadly.
Lupin sat down next to him on the other swing and tried to get Harry to make eye contact, "How have you been Harry..?" he asked again.
"Fine," Harry lied.
Lupin looked at him with disbelief, "Are you sure..?"
"Yes," Harry said plainly.
But Lupin knew Harry was not fine, "I came up to—"
"To check on me," Harry finished for him a bit rudely. He didn't mean to be rude right now but he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone right now.
"No one has heard form you all summer Harry," Lupin spoke, "Hermione and Ron owled me saying you won't respond to their letters."
"I haven't had much to say I guess," Harry said grumpily. The truth was he had thousands of things to say but chose to keep them to himself, "How are you..?"
"Some days I suppose are better than others as always," Lupin said, "Today is one of . . . of those days . . ."
"It's because you're stuck with me right..?" Harry asked. He didn't mean to be rude. He didn't mean to be a brat. But the fact was that he was being those things and didn't care at the moment.
"Because . . ." Lupin began struggling with words and looking gloomy, "I can't help but wonder if James and Sirius are . . . are yelling up there at me for not knowing what to say to you . . ." he said in a sorrowful tone.
Harry looked at Lupin. He felt horrible. Here he was, trying to talk to Harry and Harry was being rude to him. Harry couldn't help but wonder if his father, James and his godfather, Sirius, weren't yelling at Harry for not knowing how to talk to Lupin. The thought make his stomach lurch uncomfortably. But the silence Lupin was giving was somehow comfortable though.
"You'll be okay," Harry piped out softly.
"You know Harry," Lupin began, "Many people have told me this, but having it come from you makes it feel like I will be okay. I'm quite sick of all the comments people say to me at the Order."
Harry looked up.
"I'm sure you know how this feels Harry," Lupin said smiling at Harry, "I know numerous people have written letters of their grief to you. I've recived the same ones."
Harry nodded but was in too deep of a thought to say anything.
"People telling me Sirius is in a better place," Lupin said a bit angrily, "It's very hard for me not resisting to give them all a good hex."
Harry felt himself smile and even laugh a bit for the first time since June. He smiled weakly and rocked on his swing a bit more. Lupin was looking up at Harry again, "Harry everyone loses someone love. Others just don't know what to say."
"Don't know what to say..?!" Harry shouted, "But—! They—! They all knew Sirius as well as you and me..!" protested Harry.
"Now Harry," Lupin was sympathetic, "What would you say to someone who had just lost a family member..?" he asked.
Harry angrily opened his mouth but shut it tightly closed again then mumbled, "I'm sorry . . ." the two worst possible words you could say to anyone. Of course everyone was sorry . . . they felt bad and didn't want to make the others feel bad about the fact of their loss of family.
Harry then began to think about what he had just said to Lupin. That he knew Sirius as well as he did. But the fact was . . . Harry hadn't known Sirius for that long. He hardly knew him at all when you compared him to Lupin and his relationship.
"Well," Harry began, "I didn't know Sirius that well either . . . I shouldn't be talking."
Lupin began placing his hand on Harry's shoulder, "He deserved more time then he got. He really wanted to get to know you too Harry."
"We never got the chance . . . it's my fault. If I hadn't lead him down to the Department of Ministries he wouldn't be dead . . ." Harry blurred out in a fast sentence trying not to cry.
"Harry," Lupin began moving his swing closer to Harry's, "That was Sirius's choice to come follow you. He was told to stay behind but he's not the type of man to stay behind while others fight. And he certainly wasn't going to stay put why you were in danger Harry and do you know why..?"
Harry shook his head.
"It's because he loved you Harry. He loved you very much."
Harry was now trying to hold these tears back for Sirius. He hadn't cried since Hogwarts and didn't want to cry now. The fact was he didn't think he had any tears left in him but he was wrong and they were trying to find their way out. Everyone else was moving on with their lives, why couldn't Harry..?
Looking up at Lupin, Harry felt a thought cross his mind. How close had Lupin been to Sirius..? It had crossed Harry's mind several times but he thought it was just a silly question. It wouldn't matter.
But now it did matter. It wasn't just a silly question. It was something Harry should have asked and now had lost the chance. He had faced Lord Voldemort five times and had stayed alive each time. He was looking at Lupin. He was suffering pain from Sirius' death too . . . a different pain . . . but pain no the less. Harry could stand up to Lord Voldemort but he couldn't ask the man a simple question. He wanted to kick himself so hard right now.
"I wish Sirius would come back," Harry said quietly, "I hope one day when I look at the Marauders' Map I'll see in tiny moving letters 'Sirius Black' and go off to find him. Then I'll see Snuffles running around on the grounds with out a care in the world."
Lupin nodded, "I hope I'll see him again too."
Harry bit his lip. Something else was on his mind, "Will his death become easier..?"
Lupin was thinking long and hard, "In time it will Harry. I still remember . . . Lily and James' deaths . . . after it happened, I grieved then slowly the grieving became less. Every now and then I'll think about them and the pain starts all over again. I ask myself and curse at myself for not thinking of them sooner. But slowly again it passes. It will get easier Harry."
"Has it . . ." Harry didn't want to upset Lupin but he needed to know, "Has it become easier for you yet..?"
"Not yet."
"Does it feel like it won't ever go away..?"
"Everyday."
The question that Harry had always wanted to know what burning inside him like fire in his heart. He had to ask, no matter how strange it felt, "Did . . . did you love him too..?"
Lupin was silent and looked forward at the slide with leaves gently blowing around it.
"Y-yes."
It was simple. A simple answer to a simple question. Harry understood the meaning of 'yes.' This was another thing he hadn't known about Sirius when he was among the living. Harry felt angry now. This was something he should have asked Sirius and he knew it . . . but Sirius would have given the same answer, but them again, Sirius would be alive too. This was one conversation they never had.
"Who decides who lives and dies..?" Harry spat out in anger, "It's not fair..! Sirius deserved more than he got.! Twelve years in Azkaban and two years of hiding from the Ministry..! He wasn't free even when he got out of Azkaban . . . he was hiding out then trapped in his house..! Why did it have to happen to Sirius..?! Why..?! Its not fair..!"
"No. No you're right Harry it isn't fair," Lupin began, "But unfortunately, people like us have no say on what happens."
"So who does get the say..?" Harry asked.
Lupin looked at Harry, "I don't know."
There was a few moments of quiet awkward silence. Harry swung on his swing for a bit. Lupin was looking at the ground then glanced at Harry. Harry was trying not to cry.
"I'm sorry," Harry cried to Lupin.
Lupin looked up, "For what..?' Lupin asked Harry with concerned eyes.
"Because my stupid-ness chose his death . . ." Harry said feeling teary-eyed once more, "Sirius wouldn't have even been there if I wasn't foolishly wondering about the Department of Ministries..! If I had stopped . . . even for a second . . . Sirius would be alive..! I could have used the mirrors..!"
"Sirius didn't think either Harry," Lupin told him, "He chose to come get you. He was not about to stay home while his godson was in the clutches of Lord Voldemort. He . . ." Lupin's voice broke off a bit, "He . . . he knew the risks of his actions Harry. But he did it out of love."
"But he wouldn't have been there..!" Harry shouted, "He would have been safe if I hadn't gone off and saw visions and fell for Voldemort's trap..! I went and I put everyone in danger . . . even Sirius because I didn't—"
"This isn't your fault. Harry, it truly isn't. And Sirius wouldn't want you to blame yourself for it. He would have never blamed you, and I don't blame you," Lupin told Harry, "You didn't make anyone go with you. You didn't kill Sirius."
"But—"
Harry took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He was crying and was ashamed. He had to control himself. He didn't want to go back to the Dursley's looking like he was crying. They didn't know about any of this. Well not as much as everyone else. Moody had explained to them in a letter that Sirius had passed but Harry knew they could careless.
He took a few deep breaths and felt a shiver go down his spine as he looked up at Lupin. Harry hadn't know Sirius as well as he would have liked, but he also realized now, he didn't know Lupin as much as he would have liked. The thought saddened him and he also remembered his feeling towards this earlier in the conversation. He hoped James and Sirius weren't yelling at him for not knowing Lupin. He had lost them. He would not lose Lupin too. The thought of losing Lupin would rip Harry apart . . .
"Shall we head back..?" Lupin said at last.
Harry nodded. He was glad the talk was over. He couldn't take anymore of this.
They walked back in silence to Privet Drive and once Number 4 was in sight Lupin turned to Harry, "Can I ask you something..?"
"Sure . . ."
"Please write back to Hermione and Ron. I think they want to know you're okay. If you're not . . . don't be afraid to tell them."
Harry didn't want to tell them but Harry would tell them he was fine anyway so they would stop pestering him with the continual question 'Are you okay..?' every time he got a letter from them.
"And you know Harry . . . if you can't talk to them," Lupin said with a small smile, "You can always talk to me."
Harry looked up at him, "You'll come back to see me then..?"
Lupin looked a bit surprised and Harry knew that wasn't the best thing to say. However Lupin smiled, "If you want me too."
Harry looked up, "No. You don't have to . . . only if you want to . . . you know when you've got time."
Lupin smiled big, "Harry, I can always make time for you."
Harry smiled but felt awkward all the same time.
"Harry, I know I can't replace your parents," Lupin started, "And I know I can't replace Sirius. I wouldn't even think of trying to replace them. I just want to be there for you."
That meant a lot to Harry, "Thanks."
"Thank you Harry," Lupin said still wearing his smile. He patted Harry on the shoulder . . . they hadn't moved to hugs yet.
Harry smiled and turned around to open the door then stopped, "You don't have to do this you know."
"Why wouldn't I..?" Lupin said cheerfully.
"Well," Harry began, "For the record everyone who tries to take care of me ends up a target for Voldemort or . . . well . . . they don't make it out alive."
"Harry you have enough people trying to take care of you and be your new parents," Lupin said, "I'm not trying to be your replacement parent. I could never replace your mother and father, or Sirius. Like I said before. I just want to be there for you. Think of this as. . . as a chat between two friends if you will."
Harry smiled, truly for the first time in days and hugged Lupin real tight. Lupin looked a bit shocked but smiled and hugged Harry back tightly thinking that his father and Sirius were proud.
Author's Note: So how'd you like chapter 2..? Please read and review. My friend who we call Padfoot (I am Prongs of course) found it very touching. Tell me what you think. I know there are stories out there like this one. I'm not trying to copy. This came into my mind right after I read Order of the Phoenix.