"What are you doing here?"

I lifted my head up off Adam's bed and looked at him.

Almost immediately, my bottom lip began to quiver and the tears built up.

"I gather by that you know what's going on."

"I'm a doctor. I got given your chart. I found out whether I wanted to or not."

He swallowed and blinked slowly. "I'm sorry Dakota."

I sat up and shrugged. "So am I."

His pasty white skin glowed under the fluorescent lights of the hospital. "I never wanted to hurt you."

I stood up and tried to smooth out my wrinkled scrubs. "You did. Because I fell in love with you again, and then I found out you were...."

"Dying," Adam answered. "Then you found out I'm dying."

"I'm so sorry..."

He smiled weakly. "Don't be. You didn't make me sick."

I looked away from his pale face and stifled a sob that was quickly rising. "Why didn't you tell me?" I uttered softly.

His cold hand grabbed mine. "Because I fell in love with you again too."

I looked back at him and a lone tear fell down my cheek. "I want to hate you for being sick."

"You can," Adam told me. "If you need to hate me, hate me."

"I could never hate you," I said sadly.

"How long have you been here?" Adam asked, shifting slightly in his hospital bed.

"All night," I answered. "I couldn't leave. But your parents and the Ducks went home, but told me to ring when you were awake."

"I don't want to see anyone right now."

He turned his head to the window where the sun was streaming through, a perfect Minnesota day.

It was so ironic. That so much sadness and grief was going on behind the walls of Minnesota General Hospital, yet outside, it was a day best spent at the local park, throwing a Frisbee or playing volleyball.

I hated the sun. I hated how it shined happily through the dull blinds, filling the small room with golden light. I hated how it taunted us so effortlessly; teasing us because of the day we were missing.

I looked at Adam, who had his turned away from me, his eye's closed. He was sleeping again already.

I sat up and pushed my hands through my messy hair. I got up and moved into Adam's private bathroom and splashed water on my face, and tried to wake myself up.

It just didn't feel worth it if my best half was dying.

I walked out of the bathroom and stood back from the bed, my eyes roaming the foreign form.

That couldn't be Adam.

The Adam that was full of life just a few weeks ago at a party. The Adam that had the bluest eyes and the tannest skin. The Adam who was full of energy and didn't believe in hugging someone unless he hugged with his whole body.

The Adam on the hospital bed, sleeping deeply was not my Adam.

I leant against the wall for support as my vision began to blur. The last time the two of us were in a hospital was when I had my tonsils out in our Sophomore year at Eden Hall.

After I can down with a particularly nasty cough, my doctor told me I'd have to have my tonsils out.

"How do you feel?"

I shrugged. "Like crap."

Adam smiled and sat down in the chair beside my hospital bed. "You look good, if that's any consolation."

I smiled. "Thanks. But you're a shitty liar."

He took my hand. "I'm glad you're ok."

"What do you mean? It was a tonsillectomy."

Adam shrugged. "I know. But I hate hospitals. They're horrible. They represent the one thing I'm afraid of."

"Dying." I squeezed his hand. "I'm not dying. You're not dying. We're both fine."

He bought my hand to his lips and kissed it softly. "Thankfully. I don't know what would happen if one of us ever left."

I sank to the linoleum floor and cried, my tears staining my scrubs. But I didn't care, I just sobbed. Sobbed for Adam, and for me. For his parents and for the millions of people who would never know him.

"Dee?"

I looked up and wiped my face.

"You ok?" Fulton asked, coming into the room, sitting down beside me.

"No, I'm not."

He handed me a bag. "I thought you might like some clothes and a shower."

I opened the bag. Inside was a fresh set of clothes and my toiletries. "Thanks."

"I talked to your boss, Dr. Marks. I told him what was going on, and he told me to tell you to take your time."

I leaned over on Fulton and rested my head against his shoulder. "How am I supposed to let him go?"

Fulton smoothed my hair back. "You're not supposed to," he said. "When you love someone as much as you love him, you're never supposed to just let them go."

"I can't do this."

"Yes you can."

I lifted my head. "I need to clear my head. I'm gonna go get freshened up."

Fulton nodded and helped me up, and I gratefully took his hand.

"Take your time."

I nodded and left the room, carrying the bag in front of my like a shield.

"Hey Scout," Naomi said softly as I reached the front desk.

I gave her a watery smile and continued on into the locker rooms where I took a shower and washed my hair, trying to wash away the last days' events.

I got dressed in the old jeans and pink sweater Fulton bought and did my hair.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't even look like myself anymore. I had dark circles under my eyes, which were puffy and red from crying. My lips were drawn and there was little to no colour in my cheeks.

"Reed."

I turned around and looked at Dr. Marks. "Hello sir," I greeted softly. "I just wanted to thank you for your understanding."

"Boyfriend?"

"I beg your pardon?"

Dr. Marks slipped off his lab coat. "Is the young man your boyfriend?"

"Sort of," I answered.

Dr. Marks nodded. "I want you to take your time."

"Why, sir? I mean, why are you so willing to give me time off?"

He sighed and sat down at the lunch table. "15 years ago, when I first started here, my wife was in a car accident. She lived for 6 days and then on the 7th day, her liver failed. Her kidney's failed, and then her lungs. Until finally, her heart failed."

"I'm so sorry."

"It was uh, during one of my shifts that she passed. My superior at the time urged me to continue working. I never grieved for her properly. I watched my wife die, and then I had to see a patient."

I took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry."

Dr. Marks stood up. "Just be with him, Reed. That's where you need to be. I can always get a replacement for you. There's no replacement for the man you love."

Tears sprang to my eyes as Dr. Marks excused himself and walked into the male restroom, and I made my way back out into the stark hallway full of sick and injured people and doctors running around in lab coats.

I made my way back slowly down the hall to Adam's room. My feet dragged, my heart so heavy, it felt like a weight on my feet, pulling me down.

"Yeah, you know my cousin Henry that you met last summer when you came home from Yale...yeah, he wants to join Circe D'Soleil...he's convinced he can swallow his own leg."

I heard a soft chuckle follow Fulton's recount of our cousin Henry's aspirations to be in the circus.

I waited by the dorm to Adam's room.

"Where's Dakota?" Adam whispered.

"She just went to get changed. I bought her fresh clothes."

"Hey," I said softly, coming back into the room again, my breath stuck in my throat.

"Hi," Adam said, his sallow mouth curving into a smile.

Fulton got up out of the chair next to Adam's bed. "I'm going for food, anyone want?"

"A cheeseburger?" I asked him, my stomach rumbling in agreement, reminding me that I hadn't eaten in nearly a day.

Fulton nodded and excused himself, and I took his place in the orange vinyl chair.

"Hi," Adam said softly.

"Hi." I took his hand, careful not to bump any tubes or cords. "How do you feel?"

He shrugged. "I'm on some good pain medication, so not too bad."

I smiled. "Morphine. And ceftriaxone."

He coughed. "I keep forgetting you're a doctor."

I smiled. "I'm here to look after you."

"You can't do much for me."

I sighed. "Don't say that. Please."

He nodded. "Ok, I won't."

We sat in silence, looking at each other.

I'm not sure what Adam was thinking, but I know I was cursing God, demanding to know why he'd want to make someone as alluring as Adam sick. I wanted to know why God felt that this extraordinary human being didn't deserve to live to have kids. Or be married. Or walk his daughter down the aisle.

"What are you thinking?"

I looked over at Adam. "Why this is happening to you."

Adam nodded slowly. "Why do you think?"

I laughed bitterly. "Because God is an asshole, who wants to hurt you, and everyone around you horribly."

"Maybe this is my fate."

I shook my head. "No, this isn't your fate. You're not supposed to go now. You have to get married. And have babies."

"Dee..." Adam reached up and stroked my cheek. "When I found out I was sick, I had to accept that I probably wouldn't have kids, or score a goal in an NHL Championship game. I've accepted it."

"I can't imagine living the rest of my life without you."

"And I can't imagine living the rest of my life without you."

"This is all so far-fetched. Like some sort of episode on ER."

Adam sighed, a deep hollow sound. "This is all too real, Dakota."

"I don't want it to be. I want to wake up. I want to go back in time."

"I want that everyday I wake up and have to take 40 pills. I want that every time I get dizzy from the chemo. I want that every time I remember I'm not like everyone else, that I have limits, and pushing them could kill me."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't you think I wanted to do things with my life? I wanted to play hockey forever, I wanted to be recognised like the way Wayne Gretzky is. I wanted to get married and have kids! I wanted to be able to walk my daughter down the aisle and take my son to soccer practice! I wanted to drive and SUV and pick up my kids from school! I wanted to come home and surprise my wife with flowers and a romantic dinner! I want to live, Dakota!"

I lowered my head and began to cry, the sobs ripping through me. "I'm so sosososososo sorry."

"I don't need you to be sorry," Adam said softly. "I need you to be here for me."

"I am."

"Come here," Adam beckoned, holding open his arms.

I got up and crawled onto his bed, laying next to him and letting him hold me against his body.

"I love you," he whispered into my hair.

"I love you."

I'd never meant that so much in my life.