Drei
Part 6
By Mieren
"I don't want to do this again!" Kurt whined, pulling at the device strapped to his chest that linked him to Wagner and Nightcrawler. "There will be nine of us this time!"
"No there won't," Forge assured the three blue fuzzballs. "The device on your chest… uh, chests, will force the tree of you to stay together during teleportation. The signals will be held in phase and reduced to a third of the original signal. Understand?"
"We understand that you strapped a bomb to us," Wagner groused.
"It will be fine," Beast interrupted before an all out war broke out in the lab. Again. The previous attempt to force them into the equipment had resulted in Forge dropped into the lake with a minnow shoved up each nostril. He had not been amused.
"Come on, man. What's the worst that could happen?" Evan goaded, grinning. Kurt scowled at him.
"You think it's so funny, lets strap this to you and see what happens!"
"No thanks," Evan smirked. "The last thing we need around here is a pointy fuzzy blue elf." Scott leaned over to whisper in his ear.
"You might not want to tease them," he said softly. "Just remember. We still haven't found Ray or Sam."
"Oh yeah."
"Just go for it, guys," Jean called, purposely catching their attention before they could descend on her boyfriend for defending Spyke. "You have to do it sooner or later. You can't stay like that."
"Prove it," Wagner demanded.
"I can only date one guy at a time," Kitty said slyly. Everyone in the room turned to stare at her. The fuzzballs gaped for a moment before going into a huddle, talking rapidly. When they straightened, they were grinning just a little too wide.
"Actually," Nightcrawler drawled. "If we…"
"DON'T EVEN THINK IT!" Kitty shrieked, flushing to the roots of her hair. "If you continue that thought for even one more second, I'll phase your brains right out of your skulls!"
"And she calls us perverts," Kurt chuckled.
"Yeah," Nightcrawler seconded. "How'd she know what we were thinking?"
"You do it like this," Ororo said to Kitty. She turned to the blue elves with a look that could only be described as sinister. "All of you knock it off this instant or Kitty will be the designated chef for the next month."
"We'll be good!" they chorused.
"I don't know whether to be thankful or insulted," Kitty muttered.
"While we're at it, where are Berserker and Cannonball?" Ororo continued. The fuzzballs exchanged worried looks.
"We tied them up with pantyhose and gave them to our sisters," Kurt said.
"With instructions to give them makeovers," Wagner contributed.
"Waxing included," Nightcrawler finished off.
"How did you get them to Germany?" Beast asked, impressed. "Surely you couldn't have teleported there."
Wagner shrugged. "Fed Ex."
"We used Priority Overnight," Kurt said in their defense.
"I'm surprised you didn't send Roberto," Scott chuckled drolly.
"You try forcing Sunspot into a box!" Nightcrawler huffed.
"He's got a point," Jean conceded, trying hard not to laugh. It was well known how strong Sunspot could be once he flared up. "But you'll notice that he's been hiding for a while now."
"That would be because of what we threatened to do with the peanut butter," Kurt snickered.
"I'm not even going to ask. I don't want to know," Scott said, looking genuinely afraid. Xavier pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.
"Storm, take the Blackbird and retrieve Misters Crisp and Guthrie," he said, voice sounding a little strained.
"Yes, Professor," she said, walking out of the room. "Good luck with… you know."
"So guys, are you ready?" Beast asked.
"No," they chorused.
"When the green light comes on, you need to teleport," Forge said, repeating himself for tenth time.
"Ja, we know," Kurt sighed. "I grab them and 'port to the other side of the room. Two of us will blow up and only one will reappear."
"You're not going to blow up," Forge said patiently. "You'll simply be a single person again."
"With three heads and six arms," Nightcrawler muttered under his breath.
"Does that mean we'd have three…"
"KURT!" Kitty yelled, bright red. Scott coughed, trying to cover a chuckle.
"She's already screaming our name," Wagner said, smirking.
"You'd think she'd be more interested in three tails," Jean offered innocently.
"Jean!" Kitty and Scott yelled in tandem. Beast and Evan were attempting, unsuccessfully, to conceal their laughter. Xavier sighed loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on.
Rogue, who had remained utterly silent until then, finally spoke up.
"Forge, turn on the machine. Blue boys, y'all better 'port before I drain ya and drag ya across the room myself."
"Four heads, eight arms and a set of breasts," Evan supplied. He and Beast burst out laughing again.
"You're not helping," Nightcrawler groused.
"Was I supposed to?"
"Keep in mind I know where you live."
Rogue pulled off a glove. They shut up.
"That's better," she said. "Forge?"
"It's on," the genius said. "I just started it. The light will come on when it's fully charged. That should be in a few seconds. Ready?"
"Do we have a choice?" Wagner asked.
"No," came the unified answer from around the room.
Kurt reached out to grip Wagner and Nightcrawler's shoulders, his golden eyes fixed on the light. It flashed green. Squeezing his eyes shut, Kurt teleported.
A burst of smoke flared on the far end of the room, equipment clattering to the floor noisily. The heap of electronics and fur continued to smoke heavily, obscuring any details from observing eyes. The other X-Men were already moving forward to see if the experiment had worked. A soft, strangely high and extremely pissed voice sounded from the smoking pile.
"Forge, ich hasse sie."
"Ich werde ihre leber hinunter ihre kehle schieben."
"Ich werde auf ihren knochen kauen."
Hearing one profession of hatred and two bloody threats, they assumed that the experiment had failed and there were three fuzzy elves sitting on the floor. Using her telekinesis, Jean forced the smoke from the still smoldering pile. The gathered mutants all gaped, except for Forge. The genius spun on his heels and ran from the room, fearing for his safety.
There were still three fuzzy blue elves. The only problem was that they were all five years old.
To Be Continued…
For any of you who didn't see that coming, shame on you! More to come soon, if I can manage it. R&R!!! Oh, and here are the translations to what the fuzzy-butts were saying. I used babelfish, so if anything is wrong, blame the translator. I don't speak a word of German. ^_^;
Ich hasse sie. – I hate you.
Ich werde ihre leber hinunter ihre kehle schieben. – I'm going to shove your liver down your throat.
Ich werde auf ihren knochen kauen. – I'm going to gnaw on your bones.