"You're not looking too bad," Fulton said softly.

Adam shrugged. "Liar. I can't believe I've lost my hair so fast."

"I think it's cool," Fulton told him. "Sorta like an Army cut."

I squeezed my husband's hand and he smiled at me.

It had taken a week, but Adam's face finally had the lightest shade of pink back in his cheeks.

"I hate waiting," Mrs. Banks said softly from the couch in Adam's hospital room, where we sat waiting for the test results.

"You and me both," Mr. Banks agreed and gave her a hug.

"We need to do something to pass the time," Fulton suggested.

"It's not as thought we can go see a movie," Adam pointed out, a smile playing on his colourless lips.

Fulton nodded. "Yeah."

Adam shifted. "Um, could you give me some time with Dakota?" he asked softly.

Mrs. Banks nodded and shuffled her ex-husband and Fulton out of the room.

"What's the matter?" I asked Adam, worried.

He sighed. "I'm going to die, Dakota."

I squeezed his hand. "Don't say that."

"We have to face facts. This is bad. And when something's bad with cancer, it can only mean one thing."

"I don't want to talk about this, Adam."

He grabbed my hand. "I'm going to die."

Tears began to roll down my cheeks. "Stop saying that."

He let me go and relaxed back onto his pillows. "Dakota, I'm not going to lie to you. We both knew that this would be a viable possibility."

"I know. But I can't stand thinking about it Adam. Don't make me go through this."

He looked at me, his blue eyes cloudy. "You don't think this is hard for me? I'm DYING, for crying out loud! I can't click my fingers and be fine! I can't make myself well again! Even if I make it through this one, what about the next one and the next one?!"

"Please, stop yelling at me," I pleaded through my sobs.

"Dakota, I don't want to die," Adam said softly. "I don't want to leave you. But the fact is, that this could be it."

I stood up quickly and my chair toppled over. "I know this is hard for you! Maybe I don't know exactly what you're going through, but you don't have to yell at me!" I took a deep breath, my chest heaving. "I want hate myself for loving you so much! I want to hate myself because I let my heart open up to you! And I want to hate you for being so sick!"

Adam looked up at me, his eyes sad. "Then hate me."

"I can't, you idiot!" I shouted. "I love you too much! I love you so much it hurts, and when you say that you're going to die, it's like stabbing me in the heart! Without you, I'm dead! I may as well be in that bed with you!"

I grabbed my bag and jacket.

"Please don't go," Adam pleaded.

"No, I have to go Adam. I can't be here right now."

I stalked out of the room, nearly running into Adam's parents, Fulton and Dr. Marks.

"Dakota!" Fulton called.

I waved him away and threw open the door to the stairs, running the four flights down and out the front door into the hot Minnesota day.

I couldn't deal with reality. I couldn't deal with the fact my husband was dying.

I walked away from the hospital, tears running down my face. I must've looking frightening, with mascara running down my face and my hair wild. But I didn't care. I couldn't care about something as menial as hair care or my appearance when my husband was dying. When my heart was breaking.

I shuffled down Highcrest Avenue, my eyes focused on my shoes as they scuffed along the pavement.

Tears ran down my cheeks and landed on my purple jacket as I walked, my heart breaking with each step.

I was trying to walk away from everything. My heartache and pain, my fears, my insecurities. I was imagining for one minute that Adam was going to live forever, that we'd spend our lives together.

But then the realization hit me that he was right. Even if he did make it through this setback, who's to say he'll make it through the next one?

My thoughts turned miserable as I passed through the center of town, pass the Minneapolis shopping mall. I tried to think of all the good times I'd spent with Adam there. But all I could focus on was his sickness.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn't recall a single memory from before I found out Adam was sick.

I remembered things. I remembered our wedding, and graduation day, and our one-year anniversary, but I couldn't remember how I felt at those times. It was almost as if I'd lost the capacity to feel anything but pain.

I began to slowly continue down the street, my mind consumed in depression.

Before I knew it, I was standing outside of my house, looking up at the peeling paint and Dad's attempt at window boxes.

I sighed and let myself in, pleased to see that it was empty.

My footsteps resounded in the vacant house and I shrugged my jacket and shoes off before collapsing on the couch.

I reached over and took the phone off the hook and lay down on the soft brown fabric covering of the living room sofa.

I grabbed the remote from the floor where it lay underneath the coffee table and pointed it at the TV.

But I didn't turn it on. I just lay, staring at the blank screen.

The realization crept over me like a dark fog. Adam was dying. And although I'd known it from the moment I'd found out, I'd suppressed it. I didn't want my ultimate fear to come true. I didn't want to lose something that was so special to me.

"Hey you."

I looked up at Fulton, who I hadn't noticed enter the room.

"Hi," I said softly.

He lifted my legs and sat down beside me. "You ok?"

I sat up. "Peachy."

"I'm here if you wanna talk."

"Tell me something."

Fulton thought for a moment. "Ok, I've got some news."

"Oh?" I asked.

"Connie called my cell phone just before I left the hospital and had something pretty exciting to tell me."

"What's that?"

"Well, she tried calling here first, but couldn't get through, so called me."

"And?" I prompted.

"She's pregnant," Fulton told me.

"Wow," I said softly. "That's so nice."

"Don't sound too excited," he told me.

I felt tears spring to my eyes. "Fulton...my husband is dying. I'm never going to have babies with him."

"Oh Dee, I'm so sorry."

"No, I know you didn't mean to say it like that..." I said, wiping at my eyes.

He pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry Dakota...for everything."

"Thanks Fulton. I'm gonna go upstairs, I just want to be alone."

I got up and headed upstairs, locking myself in my room.

I lay down on my bed, burying my face in my pillows.

Was I that much of a horrible person that I couldn't be happy for Connie and Guy? Was I that horrible that I didn't want it to happen? Was I so selfish and shallow that I wished it was happening to me?

I started to cry and my body shook slightly as my tears stained my pillow.

Life was unfair.

That was something I'd learnt since I'd gotten back from college. Life was unfair, and cruel and brutal and unreasonable.

I would never have children with my husband.

Cruel.

"Dakota?"

"Dr. Marks?"

"Hello, I didn't wake you, did I?"

"Uh no," I lied, rubbing my eyes, still blurry from the troubled sleep I'd had.

"You ran out of the hospital this afternoon so I didn't get to talk to you."

"Oh, I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be," he told me. "We're all allowed our own pain and suffering."

I nodded, thankful for his understanding. "Did you get the test results back?"

"Yes, I did. But they were inconclusive. We've taken more of Adam's spinal fluid and some blood for tests, so I'm afraid he'll have to stay a further week."

"Ok," I said softly. "Is he ok?"

"He's worried about you," Dr. Marks told me.

I sighed and crossed my legs. "It's just, he's convinced he's going to die...it's like he's given up."

"Dakota, there's something you need to understand. No one can possibly comprehend what Adam is going through, he's dealing with this in his own way, and in his own mind, he's giving up. But with your love, your support, he can make it through this."

I sniffed and wiped my eyes with my sleeve. "Thank you."

"Even though I don't know you very well, you seem to be a very special person, and Adam loves you very much. You're strong and you can pull him through this," Dr. Marks offered.

I drew in a shaky breath. "I don't know if I can. Everything is so overwhelming, it feels like I'm drowning instead of floating, and no matter how hard I try to stay above water, there's something pulling me down."

"I believe in you. All you have to do is believe in yourself."

We hung up and I realized that Dr. Marks was right. I had to be there for Adam, I couldn't make my fears a priority, what he was going through was much worse.

I had to be there for him.

"You awake?"

"I haven't slept a wink since you left this afternoon."

I closed the door to Adam's hospital room behind me and I crept in softly.

I sat down beside him and leant forward on my hands. "I'm so sorry."

He shook his head. "Don't be. I'm sorry. I took out my fears on you, and I shouldn't have."

I could feel my tears building up. "You should share your fears with me, I'm your wife and I want to help you through this part."

Adam took my hand. "I love you more than anything. You are my reason for living, but sometimes...God, sometimes, it's so fucking hard. It's hard to wake up every morning and be attached to three different machines. It's hard to have blood tests everyday and nurses coming in to help me go to the bathroom."

"That's what you should tell me," I told him gently. "So I can help you. That's what I'm here for, Adam. I wish you'd let me help you more."

"I don't want to upset you."

I smiled a watery smile. "As long as you're sick, I'm going to be upset. But at least if you talk to me, I get to be with you."

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

"No." I squeezed his hand. "We both don't have to be sorry. We're scared, but we're strong, and together, we can fight this."

"Dakota...I just wish I could give you the life you want."

"You are giving me the life I wanted. Granted, some things are added extras I wouldn't have necessarily chosen, but I look at it differently. What if we came home from college and I never found out you were sick. Would you have just died without ever knowing the love we share now? Or what would've happened if you weren't sick at all? Would we still have gotten married? Would be still be in love?"

"I never looked at it that way," Adam murmured.

I smiled. "This whole situation sucks," I told him. "No doubt about that. But if it weren't for this, we might never have gotten back together. And I think we're a lot stronger for it now."

He nodded. "Thank you for being the strong one."

"We're both the strong one."

"Come here," he beckoned, and opened his arms.

I crawled onto the bed next to him. "We're gonna be ok."

"There's that smile I love to see."

"And there's a bald head I've never seen before," I told Fulton as I hugged him. "What's with the no hair thing?"

"It's for Adam."

I smiled, touched at Fulton's generosity. He'd been growing his hair out for 4 years, and for him to shave his head just to make Adam feel less different was amazing.

"Thank you," I told him and impulsively hugged him again.

"You doing ok?" he asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah, I am."

"Good," he said. "I'm sorry for yesterday, I didn't think before I told you about Connie..."

"Don't be," I told him. "I was just fixated on everything bad that was happening in my life. I'm happy for her and Guy."

"Good," Fulton says. "Because they're parking the car."

As if on cue, the elevator doors slid open and Connie bounded out into the hall, and when she saw me, came running towards me, her arms thrown open.

"Oh Dakota!" she cried and launched herself into my arms. "Are you ok?"

I smiled and let her go. "Fine. How are you?"

She grinned.

"Congratulations," I said softly.

She hugged me again. "Thanks. I was worried about telling you."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because of everything you're going through. I don't think any of us has stopped and tried to understand how hard this must be for you."

"Thank you," I said softly. "But really, good news like this should be shared. I'm really happy for you."

"You'll have it too, you know."

I shrugged. "I always thought it would be with Adam."

"You never know."

I gave her a grateful smile and led them into Adam's room where he was propped up against his pillows.

"Hey!" he greeted. "Congratulations," he said to Guy and Connie.

Fulton entered the room, a hat on his newly shaven head.

"Hey Banks," he greeted Adam, sitting down beside the bed and took his hat off casually.

Adam's mouth dropped open. "Your hair!"

Fulton grinned. "I'm your brother, and brother's look out for each other," he replied simply.

Adam smiled gratefully and reached over to hug Fulton.

The exchange brought tears to my eyes. Never had I ever seen someone be so selfless as to help another person.

As I watched Adam's face light up at the joke Guy was telling, a thought struck me.

That maybe everything would be ok in the end.