Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings or any of the characters I
use in this story. This fanfiction was written for pure fun and no money was/is
made with it.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Drama/Angst
Summary: A simple hunting trip turns into a disaster as Elladan and
Elrohir are attacked by orcs. With Elrohir being seriously hurt, their only
chance lies now in the hands of Aragorn and Legolas....but will they meet in
time? Main Characters: Elladan, Elrohir, Aragorn, and Legolas.
E-mail: kaeera@yahoo.de
Feedback: Always appreciated, and constructive criticism is very welcome.
Notes: Aahhhh! Late again, aren't I? Well, I won't say write down excuses anymore, because you all know how busy I am! So...just a warning: WEIRDNESS AHEAD! I don't know what came over me, but this chapter beats everything with its weirdness and well...I don't know. Why did I write this? What has my muse been thinking? I wanted one chapter which concentrates solely on Elrohir, and this is the outcome...I'm actually quite sceptical about this. *sighs*
by Kaeera
Chapter Twelve: A maze of sorrow and confusion
"What do you see?"
"The beach, of course…there are a few rocks over there and the water is endless.
The wind has become stronger because the waves are getting bigger now…" He
stopped when he saw the look on Elrohir's face. "What's wrong?"
The child looked at him darkly. "There's absolutely NO beach out there! There
are trees and grass and elves and stuff, but no water and certainly no beach.
Who are you trying to kid?"
His mouth fell open. At first he thought Elrohir was joking, but the serious
look on the smaller elf's face told him otherwise.
He looked out the window again, he *could* see the beach. Not trees. Not grass.
And – he was absolutely sure – not other elves.
"I am not kidding." he protested, knowing how lame it sounded.
And then the world swirled around him and everything shifted out of focus, causing the elf to fall to the ground while a child's terrified cry sounded in his ears.
When he awoke, all he could see was a wooden ceiling looming above him, the
wooden beams decorated with carvings of plants and birds. The soft sound of the
sea reached his ears and he stayed still, trying to remember what had happened.
Images swam through his mind, images he didn't recognize, but he knew they were
important, important for they would most likely tell him who he was and where he
belonged.
Alas, as before, everything became foggy when he tried to remember, and he let
out a sigh of frustration.
He could clearly remember the house, the beach, and the two elflings, but after
that? He had seen the sea again, that was certain, but no one besides him had
seen it, and that made him wary.
Was something wrong with him? Was he hallucinating?
He raised his hands and slowly sat up. The hallway was empty and he could hear
no sound besides his even breathing. Where had those two elflings gone? Had he
scared them away?
The nameless elf buried his head in his hands. Once again he questioned his
sanity, wondering if he was probably only dreaming. Seeing things others
couldn't see, wasn't that a sign that something was wrong with you? But…the sea
had been there, so clearly, he had heard the cry of the gulls…had been able to
smell the salty air…had even seen the dark water washing against the shores…
"Why?" The elf whispered and looked at his hands, his long hair falling into his
face and covering it from sight. "Why do things like this happen to me? What
have I done to deserve this?"
No matter how many times he asked himself this question, he didn't know the
answer.
Where were the two elflings, Elladan and…Elrohir? Strange, how familiar those
two names sounded, even though he had just met them.
"I…" he started, but didn't know what to say. "I…"
"How could you do that?" a strange, hollow voice whispered suddenly behind him,
and he spun around, caught off guard by the elf standing behind him.
He was tall, probably as tall as him, and his long, braided hair matched the
colour of his own. However, the look on his face was fierce and he scowled at
him.
"W-What?"
The stranger kneeled down so that he was at eye-level with the nameless elf.
"How could you do that to me?"
The elf's eyes were full of rage, and… sorrow, although he didn't understand the reason for it.
He didn't know this stranger, did he? He had never seen him until just now…and
yet, he felt familiar somehow and a warm secure feeling flooded through him.
"I don't understand…" was his whispered reply. "I don't know you."
"You don't know me?" The other elf laughed bitterly and shook his head in
dismay. "I never thought I would see this day, but it seems I was wrong. You
broke your promise, 'Ro!"
"'Ro?" He blinked. A name! The stranger had called him by a name! Was it his
name? Did he know him? "Is 'Ro my name?" He asked excitedly scarcely daring to
breathe.
The other one frowned and glared at him for a long time. Choosing his words
carefully, he finally answered, "Of course it is your name. You are Elrohir and
I am Elladan, that is something you couldn't possibly forget!"
"Elrohir?" He didn't understand. Was that his name? But…hadn't one of the
elflings introduced himself as Elladan, and the other one as Elrohir? Maybe it
was a common name…and yet, why couldn't he remember anything? Somehow he had
assumed he would have some kind of reaction when he heard his name, but nothing
had happened – his memory was as blank as before.
The stranger who called himself Elladan was looking at him strangely. He didn't
seem angry, just sad, and there was a something in his eyes he couldn't quite
put his finger on. Sadness, yes, maybe a bit of anger, worry and...concern? "Has
it really come to this?"
He would have laughed bitterly if he had the strength to do so. "I would like to
know that myself."
Elladan narrowed his eyes in an angry motion. "Does that mean you have forgotten
our promise as well?"
"What promise?"
It seemed as if his response had quite an impact on the other elf, because he
stepped back and simply stared at him with a mixture of shock and pain on his
face. Eyes widened in hurt confusion, he shook his head and snapped in a rough
voice: "Don't do this to me, 'Ro!"
"What?" He felt angry and frustrated at the same time. He didn't know what
Elladan was talking about. What was their relation anyway? And of what promise
did he speak?
"The promise we made to each other when we were little, out there in the woods,
you must remember it!" Elladan seemed to be pleading now, as if this memory was
far more important than he could ever understand.
"But I CAN'T!" Desperation made his voice tremble, and he slumped over into a
motionless heap. "Please, stop it…" He whispered. "I cannot remember! I know not
of what you speak! I see things that aren't there and I fear the darkness will
soon swallow me - yet I can do nothing to stop it!"
"I'm caught in a world I no longer recognize!"
"I do not belong here, not until I regain my memory, not until I know who I am!"
"It hurts!" A single tear rolled down his cheek. "I have asked questions, but I
do not have the answers! I fear I never will…I'm…I'm an empty shell! Alone, I
have nothing! I am without a name, without memories, a homeless stranger, I
don't know…don't know what to think anymore…"
"So many questions, they haunt me all the time, and I can find no peace…"
"I'm lost, and no one can help me…no one can help me…I'm alone…"
He looked up again, only to realize that the other one was watching him with
tears in his eyes as well. "'Ro…I can understand your pain…alas, I am not
allowed to help you. You must find your own way, and you have to walk this path
alone. Don't you think it is hard for me, too?"
Elladan kneeled down and took the confused elf's trembling hand in his own. "We
have shared everything, we've been together our whole life, and now that you are
in grave peril, I am not allowed to stay by your side. It pains me to see you
like this, and believe me, I would be more than willing to help, but I can't…"
"I am in peril?"
A sad smile crossed the other elf's features. "You will realize it sooner or
later."
"But…why can't you help me?"
"Because I am not really here right now. Because…you must find your own way. It
is your decision to stay or go. I can't make it for you. I can't live your life.
And although we've shared so many things, sometimes we have to rely on
ourselves. We are different, after all, and that is why I can't help you." he
hesitated and closed his eyes. "I am sorry."
A soft breezerustled rustling through their dark hair and gently blew some
wilted leaves away. "I'm so alone." was his only statement, and the emptiness in
his eyes was enough to send shivers down Elladan's spine.
"I know. Oh, if you only knew how well I understand your feelings! Alas, I
cannot help you Elrohir, that choice was not given to me. You mustbe strong, I
know you can do it. Come back to me."
"How…how do you know me?" He asked, his eyes widening slightly. "You seem to
know me very well, but…I can't remember you – although something tells me that I
should."
Elladan's expression became even more sad. "I am not allowed to tell you that
either."
"Not even a hint?"
He laughed slightly. "You may not remember who you are, but your personality
hasn't changed at all – that is good to know. Alright, I will give you a hint –
but only one!" He took the other's face in his hands and became serious. "You
and I belong together. We are two sides of one coin, and although we are
different, we share a unique bond."
Confusion appeared on Elrohir's face. "That…doesn't really help me much."
"Think about it and you will remember."
He turned his face away from Elladan and closed his eyes as if he was in pain.
He didn't understand. What was happening to him? First he awoke on a lonely
beach, then he discovered this house – or palace, that was a more fitting word –
then he met two energetic little elflings, saw the sea again, fell unconscious,
awoke once more with a stranger screaming at him and then that stranger suddenly
changed into a loving, caring elf who wanted to help him although something
prevented him from just that.
WHY WAS THIS HAPPENING?
The questions screamed in his mind, but like so many times before, he did not
have an answer. At least he had a name now – Elrohir – although that gave him
very little reassurance. He couldn't really trust anyone, could he? And if
Elrohir was his name, why had that child been called Elrohir as well, while the
twin…
One moment…
Sudden excitement rushed over him as he remembered something else. The other
elfling had introduced himself as Elladan, he had the same name as the stranger
who had just appeared. And they had been twins, he recalled, for it had been
nearly impossible to tell them apart.
So if this stranger called himself Elladan and he was apparently Elrohir…didn't
that mean that…
"Are you my brother?" He blurted out and opened his eyes. "Are you…"
Blink. The place in front of him was empty. No elf. No Elladan. No brother.
"What?" Elrohir stuttered, not trusting his own eyes. Why now? Now when he may
have finally found an answer, for the first time since that fateful awakening on
the beach?
"Hey…where are you?" He turned his head, searching for the other one, but only
an empty corridor stared at him and…silence.
"Why have you left me?" The pain was intense, but he refused to cry. At least he
had some hints now, maybe he could figure this out! So…could Elladan guy be his
brother? His…twin? Were they related? Did they share the same family? The same
memories?
It would certainly explain the statement about the coin, but it still didn't
explain why there were two younger versions of themselves running around. If
they were still here….somewhere. It made no sense. It just made no SENSE!
Angrily, he slapped his fist on the ground and shook his head. "Somebody must
really enjoy tormenting me!" He shouted and stood up, brushing the dirt from his
knees. "But…but I'll show them! I will find a solution, no matter what!"
He had decided. He, Elrohir (and he really hoped that this was his name), would
find out about his past, his family, and his life.
In much better spirits, he made his way through the buildings, searching for more clues. There still wasn't anyone around, and some of the rooms he entered were dusty and old, as if nobody had used them in decades. The dust made him cough and it was difficult to breathe. He was glad to return to the corridor.
It was quite intimidating to be inside a house built for many people and having
none – nobody who talked, nobody who laughed or who simply strolled through the
corridors. It made him feel strange, as if he shouldn't be here, invading this
private space, this unknown territory.
Elrohir slowly walked along another corridor with high windows which faced a
small garden. He touched the cold stone pillars, and looked out into the lush
greenery, trying to find someone, anyone, that could help him find the answers.
The leaves of the trees were turning colours and the gentle breeze loosened
their hold on the branches. Softly, they tumbled to the ground, covering it with
a thick carpet of dry leaves. Every step he took made a soft, crunching sound.
A muffled cry startled him out of his reverie, and he turned around to locate
the sound.
It came from the trees, and making a quick decision decision, he jumped out the
window and climbed down the wall, landing gracefully on the grass. The crying
seemed to be coming from a child, and he wondered if it may be one of the
elflings he had met before.
"Why…do they hate me?" It was only a whisper, but his keen elven ears were able
to make out the words. Elrohir tiptoed towards the voice and finally, he could
see a small figure huddled under a big willow tree.
It was a small boy, probably younger than the two elflings he had met before,
and unlike them, he didn't seem to glow with energy. The child was subdued and
tearstains marked his face. His hair was short and dishevelled, and his ears
weren't pointy, but round and small.
Intrigued, he wanted to step closer, but was interrupted by someone else
approaching. Elrohir quickly disappeared behind a bush, curious as to what might
happen silently.
"Aragorn?" a voice shouted, and another, nearly identical voice added, "Estel?
Where are you?
He crouched lower deeper behind the bushes, hoping that maybe he would find more
answers if he just listened instead of asking.
Two persons walked around several trees, and he growled in anger as he
recognized Elladan, but the anger quickly changed to overwhelming confusion when
he saw who stood beside him. Elladan? How was that possible?
They looked exactly the same – the same height, same athletic build, same hair
and eye colour – and both were smiling, obviously relieved as they saw the small
boy. He was confused, didn't understand, couldn't understand. He had thought he
was…no…there was something wrong here, he sensed it, clearly.
"Estel! You had us worried!" Elladan exclaimed and quickly hurried over to the
small child, scooping him up in his arms.
"Don't run away like that again" the other elf – he suspected strongly that *he*
was called Elrohir as well – scolded. "Father sent us out to look for you. What
happened?"
"Nothing." The child named Estel mumbled, but even Elrohir could tell –
although, in his mind, he was still nameless and without any memories – that he
was lying, something was bothering him, very much.
"Alas, Estel, you know better than to lie to your brothers." Elladan chided.
"You can tell us your worries, we will listen."
Estel rubbed his eyes as if trying to prevent the tears from falling.
"It's…stupid. I shouldn't cry over it."
The brothers –he had decided they had to be brothers after all, although his
mind was still swirling with unanswered questions – exchanged a meaningful
glance and then turned towards the boy. "Have the other elflings made fun of you
again?" Elladan asked softly.
Tears welled up in the child's eyes, for the older elf had come very close to
the truth. "I…I…" he hiccupped, "I know that I shouldn't let it bother me, but I
can't keep quiet when they talk bad about Ada just because he took me in! I… ran
away, and now I don't know what to do! It hurts! Why does it hurt?"
Estel looked up and tears were glistering in his pale, huge eyes. "I wanted to
be strong, because you always said that I shouldn't let it bother me, but those
words really hurt and I ran away…"
He couldn't help but feel sympathy for the distressed child. Somehow, his
obvious pain made him angry, although he hadn't the slightest clue why the other
elflings had made fun of the boy or why it hurt him so. However, the child's
sobs seemed to touch something deep in his heart.
"Oh Estel," Elladan hugged the child closer. "You know what they say is not
true. Never mind what others think, you are a part of our family, and you belong
to us. You are our little brother – a little annoying at times, but brother
still – and if the others say you don't belong in Imladris because you are
human…you know that is not true either!"
"Yes…" He sniffed and buried his head in the other's tunic. "I know…It's just…"
"We understand." was the soft reply, this time the other elf – twin? – was
speaking. "Don't worry Estel. You are still young, it is all right to cry. And
we'll always be here for you."
"But…but…"
"Are you ashamed because you have been crying?"
Estel nodded, a faint blush colouring his cheeks. He admired his brothers
greatly, and at the moment, he was too embarrassed to look them in the eyes.
Elladan laughed. "Alas, Estel, when we were your age, we cried a lot too,
sometimes because of really silly things!" He pointed to the other elf standing
beside him, a difficult task due to the child in his arms. "'Ro was quite famous
for crying at every situation possible, like a girl."
"Really?" The child looked up curiously, while Elladan received a scornful glare
from his twin.
"Yes, really." ignoring his brother, he smiled at the child. "He would cry when
someone took his books away, or when someone painted on his drawings, or when he
was scared at night, or when…"
"I remember quite clearly that this someone was always you." was the dry remark.
Elladan shrugged innocently. "Well, you see, Estel, compared to us, you are
quite brave, believe me! And you will become stronger as you grow older. So you
see, it is all right to cry."
They continued talking, but he didn't listen to the rest, for the other elf had
turned his head and was now looking at him. Seconds passed, and they just stood
and stared into each others eyes. He had no idea what the other one was
thinking, but he was feeling dizzy at the overwhelming amount of questions
running through his head. This was Elrohir. And he…? Wasn't he Elrohir as well?
It didn't make sense!
But beginning from the moment he had woken up, what *had* actually made sense?
Nothing…nothing at all, and the more time that passed, the more he believed that
this wasn't reality, this had to be some a creation of his mind, a spell, a
dream, whatever, but not reality…it was far too surreal for that, wasn't it?
The other one slowly shook his head and opened his mouth as if to say something,
but nothing came out. Elrohir understood what he must have felt; his confusion
surely matched his own. And yet, yet he sensed that something wasn't right, that
he had forgotten something, but he couldn't put his finger on it.
Looking intensely at his mirror-image, he spoke slowly. "You are me."
Silence. And then, softly, like a warm summer breeze, "I know."
He didn't know what had changed. Or how.
It actually wasn't a change one could see or even feel…no, it was just there,
the sudden knowledge that something, anything, had happened and that this event
had had a meaningful impact on everything. He blinked, slowly, as if waking up
from a dream, and turned his head to look at the garden.
"What?" he could hear it clearly, the cry of the gulls in his ear, although he
could not see any of the white birds.
~You've forgotten me.
The voice seemed to be inside his head for no one had spoken. And then, it
seemed as if everything was moving away from him with immense speed. The elves
as well as the child were disappearing, leaving a hollow emptiness around him.
His eyes widened as suddenly, all the noises stopped and the only thing he could
hear was his own, erratic breathing.
He was alone.
~Are you leaving me?
He turned around, but could see nobody. "Who are you?" he shouted, but no one
answered him, save his echo. "I don't want to leave…but I don't know where to
go!"
~Come home. Don't go away. Come back to us, to me.
~Don't break your promise.
Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply. "I…want to. I really want to! Can't you
help me?"
~It is your own path, and you must walk it alone.
Alone. Oh, how he despised that word! He didn't want to be alone anymore, he
wanted the only one who'd ever been with him, always…
What was he thinking? The elf narrowed his eyes and mulled over his last
thought, realizing with sudden excitement that he had remembered something else!
It was not much, but at least it was something! A hope he could cling to, which
he desperately did.
~Exactly. You have to fight. Remember who you are, then you can come back.
Fighting. This word seemed to touch something deep in his soul. He had been
running away, from everything. Had tried to escape the nightmare, had fled from
the sea, from the mourning cries of the gulls, the depressing scenery…maybe it
had been the wrong path to choose. Maybe he had to face his fears with open
eyes, like a warrior…
Like the warrior he used to be.
"I am Elrohir." He spoke with sudden conviction.
"I am Elrohir, and I will find a way to regain my memory and escape this
nightmare."
His eyes blazed as he looked through the swirling mist surrounding him. It was
cold, but not too cold to trouble him. He felt strangely detached, as if his
body and soul were on the verge of separating. A strange, tickling feeling
rushed down his spine and he closed his eyes at the sudden pain in his head.
His whole body became numb, and he hunched over to keep the burning pain at bay.
Something warm and sticky was running down his face, and it took him a few
seconds that it was blood – his blood!
…the orcs, attacking them, with their foul breath and their incoherent
screaming, in the middle of the woods…
…the weapon rushing towards him and hitting his head. The crunching sound, the
sudden pain, the fire in his body, and his weak knees, the feeling of falling
and the faraway noises of battle…
His hand touched his head and came back covered in blood. For a while, he simply
stared at it, unable to comprehend what was happening.
…the wolf rushing towards him! The wild smell of an animal and the scream of
someone else, high-pitched and terrified, while he slumped to the ground, a
heavy weight on his chest. Numbing pain everywhere, and then the welcoming
darkness, embracing him and taking him away…
As if on cue, his head throbbed even more, and he winced in pain, clutching his
temples. Something was hammering behind his eyelids, and the blood which was
still running down his face wasn't improving his situation one bit.
…snow, snow falling from the sky and someone was carrying him, he couldn't
speak, or move or even think straight…
His eyes opened as one sentence, one statement hammered repeatedly in his head.
'I won't lose.'
Determination lit his eyes, and despite the pain he felt, he grinned
triumphantly. 'I won't give up.'
'I'm Elrohir, and I will remember!'
To be continued...
Iawen Londea - Well, no Elladan, Elrond or Glorfindel in this chapter, hope
you aren't disappointed.^^ But I wanted to
concentrate on Elrohir for once, and I must admit, it made fun to write about
the weird situation he is in. I'm glad that you liked
the Ada-angst *smiles*
Araya Arwen - Ah no! I don't want to kill my readers! But in my eyes, the last
chappie didn't end in a cliffie, but then
again, it never does...I'm sorry...I hope you can survive the suspense :)
Vereniel Greenleaf - It IS gettign weirder, and often I am wondering WHAT THE
HECK I AM WRITING! But I can't change it...
seems that my muse has started liking the crazy dreamworld of Elrohir.
Gwyn - Yep...I'd rather be hurt myself than see otehrs hurt, that's right. I
guess for the twins it's the same. *cackles*
San - I can fully understand you. When I read a fic, I always want to see the
reunion/awakening/etc., but without the waiting
it would be only half the fun, wouldn't it? Ah well, but you can be relieved,
the 'Awakening' is nearing! I think.
andrea24 - I loved those flashbacks, too! I often refer to my other story, A
Life shared by two, but nobody seems to notice. *sighs*
It is so much fun to write about their childhood, they are adorable! I'm glad
that you liked the chapter, and although I can't
say that this update comes soon, I hope you aren't too mad about it^^ - Miss
Klopapier (this is kind of a running gag, isn't it? *laughs*)!
Jazi - *lol* I'd probably start hitting him, too...because I have absolutely NO
patience!
Idle Mind - It's nice of you to wait so patiently, although I am such a lame
updater. Hope you didn't die of boredom...
Lady Jaina - It is 'Ausgezeichnet', but other than that, very well! It's really
nice to read comments in German! Awww...*happy smile*
German spelling is horrible, so don't worry! And I'm glad that you liked the
chapter.
Taraisilwen - Ahh...all those nice comments make me blush...I think I still have
much to learn compared to all those
other great authors on ff.net, but it still feels nice to receive such
praise...*dances happily* Thank you a lot! I hope you liked this
chapter as well!
FirstMate - Well, now we get to see Elrohir's part...I hope it wasn't too
confusing, although it must appear pretty weird. I like
delving into the character's heads, which probably explains the amount of
monologues and thoughts in this story...
ThE iNsAnE oNe - WAAAAH! IT IS ALIVE! IT HAS COME BACK! ...O.o
Elladan: And we thought we were safe...
Kaeera: You, my dear friend, are never safe!
Elrohir: *grumbles* Not with you around!
Kaeera: *gg* Well, just because it is so much fun annoying and hurting you!
Estel: YOU ARE A DEMON! *points finger accusingly*
Kaeera: *raises eyebrow and looks at TIO* Took them quite some time to realize
that, didn't it?
*lol* I'm happy to see you back!
Lomiothiel - Yep, Elrohir is trapped in his own dreams, which can be quite
uncomfortable, as you can see in this chapter.
Uhm...the one and only is a bit too busy to update regularly, but the one and
only is trying his best...*g* That really
made me laugh when I read it. Thanks a bunch!
TrinityTheSheDevil - Disney World...*dreams* Ahh...I wanna go, too...I onyl was
in the Europa-Park, but it was very interesting,
too. Especially the big rollercoaster...*smiles*
Nikara - Well, you are lucky because you just found teh story, that way you
don't have to wait at the end of every chapter
for an update! But now you must suffer with the others...I'm sorry....;-)