Chapter II
A/N If you are a puritan, or like puritans, or generally stand up for them; First, stop hating on witches, cause we don't worship Satan, just a bunch of cool god/desses. Second: I hope you don't get offended, I'm not trying to annoy anybody. Also, I don't own "Zainy Brainy" McDonalds, or yahoo.
The penciline in Auntcellerstair ran from coast to coast, parallel to the Lego wall and perhaps a half mile from it. Broken concertinas lay in the dusty no-body-wants-to-go-there land, forward defenses for the interlocking trenchcoats and orange pillboxes, that formed the penciline. In an emergency, the soldiers would get out of their trenchcoats and play the broken concertinas, this usually scared off any enemy, Realistic or Butter.
But they worked better on realistic, living things. The penciline did better in fact, at keeping the folks of Auntcellerstair out of the Old Cheese Kingdom, than keeping the butter out of Auntcellerstair. But that was just, well, stupid, because their job was to run around like pompous idiots with moustaches, pinning plastic honor medals to their shirts and saying things like " 'ere! You can't do that, that's the bloody bayonet!" Note: you must say this with an over exaggerated cockney accent, otherwise it just isn't funny.
Due to the unreliability of Auntcellerstierran technology (AIM kept crashing their computers, and none had e-mail accounts), the soldiers would communicate by wearing shirts made out of Mail (letters, and postcards from Aunty Sue) over their booger colored battle dresses. They had helmets that resembled Darth Vader's, no less, and carried Shields (or more correctly " wooden, small, and bought at zany brainy for two dollars, Sunday sale special only") Buteriel watched a group of young soldiers march past the window of the bus. The tourists ahead of her were having trouble, their Hawaiian print shirts kept catching on the rails of the stairs. But they finally got off, and Buteriel followed. When she dismounted, she looked at the great Lego wall.
Each separate brick dripped with Cheddar marks. The tourists were starring up at it with curious glances, and sometimes, crackers. They would all be from the south, where Cheddar was just another type of cheese, and dairy products were always on sale.
Buteriel looked around. She spotted a sign that said:
PENCILINE CONTROL NORTHERN ARMY INTELLIGENCE (sorry for the oxymoron)
Unauthorized eagles in the Penciline are strictly forbidden.
Anyone attempting to go over the Penciline will be shot with spitballs and orange pill boxes until they say uncle.
Authors or Travelers must report to the Penciline Commander's H.Q (Home of Quiet)
REMEMBER no warning, sound, trenchcoat, coffee or bathroom break will be given.
Some restrictions may apply, see hq for details.
Buteriel quivered with excitement. Her memories of the Old Cheese Kingdom were dim, perhaps because the light bulb hadn't been invented there yet. She felt free, for the first time after going to school, no longer would she have to attend boring classes....Whee...she thought. I feel like a happy Llama...she made the happy llama hand sign to her self, and giggled.
Suddenly, two soldiers popped out of a nearby trenchcoat and yelled
"BOO!" Buteriel looked at them, she blinked, they blinked, this went on for about five minutes, then Buteriel shrieked,
"Ahhh! Help, someone said Boo!" The soldiers sighed then asked her what the hell she was doing.
"I'm eating a doughnut." She said sarcastically.
"Ahhh, can I have one?" The slower of the soldiers said.
"No. If I had one I'd shove it up your ass." She snarled at them. This made the soldiers very not happy. They wanted to see her papers saying she could pass the Lego Wall. She was reluctant to show them, because the photo of her on them wasn't nice, her hair was all messy. But she showed them. They took a little too long goggling at the photo of her, (The sad thing was the day it was taken, all she had to wear was a tube top and mini skirt, Which made her look like a slut. The guys loved it, but Buteriel thought that her hair was too messy.) Anyway, what was going on? Oh yes.... They were taking too long looking at her photo, so she began to sketch the cheddar marks for snatching. Just as her tongue was making the first mark, a bunch of Puritan guards popped out of another trenchcoat.
"Repent ye!" They cried pointing bayonets at her. Then to the two soldiers "Step back, she could be the bearer of a Soy Milk mark! Then she would be a spawn of EEEEVVVIIILLLL! We must make sure it is a true cheddar mark that she has on her forehead!" With that, they took a piece of white bread, walked up to Buteriel, who was frozen between laughing and running away. The leader, took the piece of white bread and touched it to her forehead.
Suddenly he was falling, falling through the endless cheddar. Only to fall with a whomp in the mud. Buteriel laughed, then helped him up.
"Thank ye!" He said. After telling the others to go back to church, he led Buteriel into the comfy H.Q. "I am Colonel Mustard, in the bedroom with a knife. No. Actually I'm Colonel Horseye. And who would you be? With an uncorrupted Cheddar mark and a Old Cheese Kingdom passport?" Buteriel took the proffered tea and, after a sip that scalded her mouth, spoke.
"I am Buteriel. Daughter of Abuttersen. My e-mail is My screen name is Kudos101. I work at McDonalds on Saturdays. Blah. Blah blah." These last three words told Horseye all he needed to know. She was indeed Abuttersen's daughter, right down to her insufferable preppy-ness.
"Yes...Abuttersen's daughter. I would recognize you anywhere."
"So you knew my father?" Buteriel asked. At that moment, Horseye was taken over by a crazy baboon.
"Correction, I know your father." "But...he was in Dairy...I thought he was dead!"
"Look inside your mind...there are voices there. Listen to them. Your father had them too....you see...his schizophrenia lives in you!" Horseye then fell forward into his tea and biscuits. He sat up and cried.
"Whot?! Go-on! I gots moi cockney accent back! Eewww 'Enery 'Iggins!" Buteriel smacked him on the button, then he went back to normal.
"Er. Sorry 'bout that. I kinda loose it when that monkey takes over. Anyway.. so you need to go save your father. Gotcha. Heres a map.. Take ten paces east then walk north until you see the gate. Walk through.... and I hope you enjoy your stay. Thank you for traveling with Penciline Army Intelligence! Remember, vote in the election! Note, you must be eighteen or older to vote, twenty-one to play bingo, and an jackass to be Bush...have a nice day!"
Buteriel was then shoved out into the bright Auntcellerstairian sunlight. She followed Horseye's directions. Soon she came to an opening in the Lego wall. She was stopped briefly by some idiots there, but then she was finally let through the wall. Unfortunately, all the platoons were asleep, so none could escort her through. So she walked on, a lonely figure.
As she passed under the arch, she looked up. Each small colored brick of the Lego wall was covered with Cheddar marks. As she passed under, one dripped cheese on her nose, as if the thing was saying, "Welcome to the Old Cheese Kingdom, I hope you enjoy your stay!" It was snowing in the old cheese kingdom. This wasn't odd. Sometime in the making of the world, the gods of Auntcellerstair and the Old Cheese Kingdom had a disagreement, so now the weather in the two countries was always opposite, no matter the season.
Buteriel continued on, skiing on some skies stolen from the army barracks. She pressed on, hoping to reach a small hill called Barhead. There was a Cheddar chunk there, she thought this would be a good place to start looking for Abuttersen.
A/N If you are a puritan, or like puritans, or generally stand up for them; First, stop hating on witches, cause we don't worship Satan, just a bunch of cool god/desses. Second: I hope you don't get offended, I'm not trying to annoy anybody. Also, I don't own "Zainy Brainy" McDonalds, or yahoo.
The penciline in Auntcellerstair ran from coast to coast, parallel to the Lego wall and perhaps a half mile from it. Broken concertinas lay in the dusty no-body-wants-to-go-there land, forward defenses for the interlocking trenchcoats and orange pillboxes, that formed the penciline. In an emergency, the soldiers would get out of their trenchcoats and play the broken concertinas, this usually scared off any enemy, Realistic or Butter.
But they worked better on realistic, living things. The penciline did better in fact, at keeping the folks of Auntcellerstair out of the Old Cheese Kingdom, than keeping the butter out of Auntcellerstair. But that was just, well, stupid, because their job was to run around like pompous idiots with moustaches, pinning plastic honor medals to their shirts and saying things like " 'ere! You can't do that, that's the bloody bayonet!" Note: you must say this with an over exaggerated cockney accent, otherwise it just isn't funny.
Due to the unreliability of Auntcellerstierran technology (AIM kept crashing their computers, and none had e-mail accounts), the soldiers would communicate by wearing shirts made out of Mail (letters, and postcards from Aunty Sue) over their booger colored battle dresses. They had helmets that resembled Darth Vader's, no less, and carried Shields (or more correctly " wooden, small, and bought at zany brainy for two dollars, Sunday sale special only") Buteriel watched a group of young soldiers march past the window of the bus. The tourists ahead of her were having trouble, their Hawaiian print shirts kept catching on the rails of the stairs. But they finally got off, and Buteriel followed. When she dismounted, she looked at the great Lego wall.
Each separate brick dripped with Cheddar marks. The tourists were starring up at it with curious glances, and sometimes, crackers. They would all be from the south, where Cheddar was just another type of cheese, and dairy products were always on sale.
Buteriel looked around. She spotted a sign that said:
PENCILINE CONTROL NORTHERN ARMY INTELLIGENCE (sorry for the oxymoron)
Unauthorized eagles in the Penciline are strictly forbidden.
Anyone attempting to go over the Penciline will be shot with spitballs and orange pill boxes until they say uncle.
Authors or Travelers must report to the Penciline Commander's H.Q (Home of Quiet)
REMEMBER no warning, sound, trenchcoat, coffee or bathroom break will be given.
Some restrictions may apply, see hq for details.
Buteriel quivered with excitement. Her memories of the Old Cheese Kingdom were dim, perhaps because the light bulb hadn't been invented there yet. She felt free, for the first time after going to school, no longer would she have to attend boring classes....Whee...she thought. I feel like a happy Llama...she made the happy llama hand sign to her self, and giggled.
Suddenly, two soldiers popped out of a nearby trenchcoat and yelled
"BOO!" Buteriel looked at them, she blinked, they blinked, this went on for about five minutes, then Buteriel shrieked,
"Ahhh! Help, someone said Boo!" The soldiers sighed then asked her what the hell she was doing.
"I'm eating a doughnut." She said sarcastically.
"Ahhh, can I have one?" The slower of the soldiers said.
"No. If I had one I'd shove it up your ass." She snarled at them. This made the soldiers very not happy. They wanted to see her papers saying she could pass the Lego Wall. She was reluctant to show them, because the photo of her on them wasn't nice, her hair was all messy. But she showed them. They took a little too long goggling at the photo of her, (The sad thing was the day it was taken, all she had to wear was a tube top and mini skirt, Which made her look like a slut. The guys loved it, but Buteriel thought that her hair was too messy.) Anyway, what was going on? Oh yes.... They were taking too long looking at her photo, so she began to sketch the cheddar marks for snatching. Just as her tongue was making the first mark, a bunch of Puritan guards popped out of another trenchcoat.
"Repent ye!" They cried pointing bayonets at her. Then to the two soldiers "Step back, she could be the bearer of a Soy Milk mark! Then she would be a spawn of EEEEVVVIIILLLL! We must make sure it is a true cheddar mark that she has on her forehead!" With that, they took a piece of white bread, walked up to Buteriel, who was frozen between laughing and running away. The leader, took the piece of white bread and touched it to her forehead.
Suddenly he was falling, falling through the endless cheddar. Only to fall with a whomp in the mud. Buteriel laughed, then helped him up.
"Thank ye!" He said. After telling the others to go back to church, he led Buteriel into the comfy H.Q. "I am Colonel Mustard, in the bedroom with a knife. No. Actually I'm Colonel Horseye. And who would you be? With an uncorrupted Cheddar mark and a Old Cheese Kingdom passport?" Buteriel took the proffered tea and, after a sip that scalded her mouth, spoke.
"I am Buteriel. Daughter of Abuttersen. My e-mail is My screen name is Kudos101. I work at McDonalds on Saturdays. Blah. Blah blah." These last three words told Horseye all he needed to know. She was indeed Abuttersen's daughter, right down to her insufferable preppy-ness.
"Yes...Abuttersen's daughter. I would recognize you anywhere."
"So you knew my father?" Buteriel asked. At that moment, Horseye was taken over by a crazy baboon.
"Correction, I know your father." "But...he was in Dairy...I thought he was dead!"
"Look inside your mind...there are voices there. Listen to them. Your father had them too....you see...his schizophrenia lives in you!" Horseye then fell forward into his tea and biscuits. He sat up and cried.
"Whot?! Go-on! I gots moi cockney accent back! Eewww 'Enery 'Iggins!" Buteriel smacked him on the button, then he went back to normal.
"Er. Sorry 'bout that. I kinda loose it when that monkey takes over. Anyway.. so you need to go save your father. Gotcha. Heres a map.. Take ten paces east then walk north until you see the gate. Walk through.... and I hope you enjoy your stay. Thank you for traveling with Penciline Army Intelligence! Remember, vote in the election! Note, you must be eighteen or older to vote, twenty-one to play bingo, and an jackass to be Bush...have a nice day!"
Buteriel was then shoved out into the bright Auntcellerstairian sunlight. She followed Horseye's directions. Soon she came to an opening in the Lego wall. She was stopped briefly by some idiots there, but then she was finally let through the wall. Unfortunately, all the platoons were asleep, so none could escort her through. So she walked on, a lonely figure.
As she passed under the arch, she looked up. Each small colored brick of the Lego wall was covered with Cheddar marks. As she passed under, one dripped cheese on her nose, as if the thing was saying, "Welcome to the Old Cheese Kingdom, I hope you enjoy your stay!" It was snowing in the old cheese kingdom. This wasn't odd. Sometime in the making of the world, the gods of Auntcellerstair and the Old Cheese Kingdom had a disagreement, so now the weather in the two countries was always opposite, no matter the season.
Buteriel continued on, skiing on some skies stolen from the army barracks. She pressed on, hoping to reach a small hill called Barhead. There was a Cheddar chunk there, she thought this would be a good place to start looking for Abuttersen.