Note: This chapter has been censored, you can read the full version at AO3 or Wattpad, links in profile

"Robin?" Steve said, as he was driving Robin home from volunteering at the crowded gymnasium-turned-shelter.

"Mmm?" She looked over at him, and was concerned when she saw he had a serious expression. "What's up?"

"Can I talk to you about something?" He kept his eyes on the road.

"Of course," she said sincerely.

Steve swallowed. "I mean in private."

"We're alone in your car. I don't know how much more private we can get."

He sighed. "Somewhere I can focus without worrying about getting us into an accident."

"Oh, sure! Where do you want to chat?"

He sighed again. "I dunno, one of our places maybe?"

Robin shook her head and thought for a minute. "What about our old job? It basically got destroyed, so no one will be there."

"Sure," he said, dispassionately.

Steve turned around and drove the familiar path to Family Video. Once they pulled up in front of the building, they realized there was someone inside, the owner.

"Nice," Steve said.

"How was I supposed to know?" Robin defended.

"Maybe because he owns the place."

"Why didn't you think of it then?"

"I'm a little distracted right now," Steve pressed.

"Wow, whatever this is it really has you in a twist. Maybe I should drive."

"Not on your life," Steve stated firmly.

She laughed and racked her brain for a new location. "What about... skull rock?"

"That might work." He pulled the car away from their old job.

"Do you think he's going to try to re-open?" She turned her head and watched the video store disappear as they turned a corner.

"I dunno." Steve said flatly.

"I wonder if we could get our jobs back." She sat back in the seat properly.

Steve sighed and drove as close as he could. He led the rest of the way on foot. Being its founder, he knew the path by heart. It took a little while, but eventually, they arrived. As expected, there was no one in sight.

Robin took a peek under the rock to make sure there were no bats hiding inside before they settled down. "So, what's up?" She sat down before Steve and put her bag on her lap.

Steve sat heavily next to her and let his head fall back onto the rock a little too hard. "Ow," he muttered, rubbing the contact point. "Okay," he started.

Robin resituated to an 'intently listening' position.

"Look, you're the only person I can talk to about this." He paused and placed his head in his hands. "I need to know you can keep it secret."

Robin gave him a look of warning. "You know I suck at keeping secrets. I'm happy to listen to you, but if it comes up in conversation with someone else I can't guarantee I won't just... blurt something out, you know me."

Steve sighed and let his head fall back onto the rock behind him. He winced on contact. I need to stop doing that... He rubbed the back of his head and set it back gently. "I know, okay?" He scrunched his face before continuing. "But I need to talk to someone about it... I'll just leave out the details," he compromised with himself.

"Okay, and I'll do my best not to spew your secrets in a nervous ramble."

He looked at her with an expression of regret for things yet to be said. "I know that's the best you can do, but for the love of god, please don't tell anyone."

She gave a supportive and disproportionately eager nod.

Steve groaned. "Fine." He leaned forward and laced his fingers in front of his face, elbows on his knees. "Something happened last night, something I never expected to happen."

"You mean after you dropped me off?"

"Yeah." Steve licked his lips, heart racing just recalling the dream-like events. "Fuck, even saying it is hard."

"Was it something bad?" Robin placed a hand on Steve's shoulder.

"No," he said quickly, but then paused to think for a second. "I dunno, maybe?" He swung his head back, and Robin quickly moved her bag behind Steve's head. "What are you doing?" He said, giving her a strange look.

"You were going to hit your head again, but I probably should have used something else. I have a sandwich in there and I think I heard a pop when your head hit it, so my bag may be sticky now."

He lifted his head, so she could remove her bag. A look of confusion hung on his face. "Why would your bag be sticky from a sandwich?"

"It's a P.B.J." She opened her bag and looked inside.

"You took it from the shelter, didn't you?" Steve sighed.

"Yeah, Vickie made it, so it's special." She continued to root through her bag.

"You're kind of a creep, you know that?" he smirked.

She shot Steve a cold glance as she pulled a foil wrapped square from her bag. "Ah, good, it's fine. But what was that pop?" She set the sandwich aside and continued to sift.

"Can I continue?"

"Oh, yeah!" she said, as if she just remembered why they were there in the first place. She tucked the sandwich back into her bag and held it in her lap as she forced her attention to Steve.

"So, last night." He gently set his head back against the stone. "I-" He froze. "Someone... This guy... Ugh!" Steve groaned in frustration, trying to build up his nerves. "I basically had sex with a guy," he said quickly, and slightly louder than he intended. He buried his face in his hands with an embarrassed grunt.

Robin's grip on her bag loosened and her jaw fell slack. "Y'know, I had a feeling, but-"

"What do you mean you had a feeling?" Steve said, shooting upright and looking offended.

"Well, you can give off gay vibes at times. They're mostly subtle, but at least with Eddie they were pretty obvious. I almost thought you were doing it on purpose, but I've seen you flirt with girls and it's never that tactful."

Steve raised his eyebrows at her and glanced away. "I don't think you realize how many times you just stabbed my pride."

"I did?" Robin looked surprised. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way, I was just saying what I saw."

Steve let out a heavy sigh. "Somehow that makes it worse."

"So who was it?"

"I can't say." Steve looked at the ground.

Robin gave a nod of acceptance. "I would be positive it was Eddie if he wasn't..." She looked away solemnly for a moment.

"What made it seem like I was hitting on Eddie?" Steve's voice was strained in shame.

She snapped out of her melancholy and looked at Steve quizzically. "Well, he was pretty blatantly hitting on you, and you-"

"He was?" Steve interrupted.

"Uh, yeah. If you didn't notice that, then it's no wonder you ignore all the chicks that flirt with you."

"Wait, what?!"

She paused and stared at him with a look of realization. "That makes so much more sense. I figured you knew and were ignoring them on purpose."

"No!" Steve's voice was strained.

"Well, there have been quite a few girls that have hit on you at both Scoops and Family Video. Rarely the ones you hit on, though. Some of them were pretty cute, too."

Steve looked away from Robin with a devastated expression. "How many chances have I missed?"

"I can think of at least five off the top of my head," Robin answered his rhetorical question.

Steve shot Robin an exasperated look. "Can you point it out next time it happens, please?"

"Will do." Robin nodded firmly with a quick two finger salute.

He shook his head. "Anyway, can we get back to what I was talking about?"

"Right," Robin leaned over, "did you go somewhere after you dropped me off? Where'd you meet him?"

"I can't go into the details, but it just sorta happened."

"So, what did you think of your first time with a guy?" She swayed and gave him a smirk of curiosity.

He gave her a 'don't even get me started' expression.

"You and I both know that I don't know what that means."

Steve's face fell flat. "It's not like we did all that much, but…" He groaned. "It was..." His eyes closed tightly and he buried his face in his palms. "Good," he muttered quietly.

Robin leaned in closer. "I didn't quite catch that. Did you say it was good?"

Steve groaned loudly. "Yes."

"Oh, well, that's good." Robin said happily.

"How is that good?" Steve removed his hands from his face, looking at her in shock and disbelief.

"How is it bad?" she retorted in confusion.

"That means I'm gay," he said, vast amounts of dread in his voice.

Robin smirked. "Not necessarily."

A wave of hopeful desperation fell over Steve. "What do you mean?"

"Well, either this guy was so good that he could make a straight guy swoon, or you're bi."

Steve furrowed his brow. "What's bi?"

Robin looked at him in disbelief. "Are you serious? Bi, as in bisexual?"

Steve shook his head. "Is that like a threesome?"

"No." Robin stared at Steve, baffled, for a few seconds before shaking the expression away. "Your conclusions confound me sometimes. How did you get from A to B?"

Steve thought for a second. "Bi means two right?"

Robin smirked. "Yes."

"So two sexual, as in fucking two people."

Robin groaned and placed her hand on her face. "No, Steve, it means you like both boys and girls."

His eye lit up with hope. "Really? You can do that?"

Robin rolled her eyes. "Yes, and it's not as uncommon as you'd think. I mean Bowie is bi."

"David Bowie? Really?" Steve looked at her with surprise then at the ground in contemplation. "Wow."

"What?"

"Nothing," Steve shook his head and looked back at her. "I'm just… wow."

"Don't worry, you aren't gay."

"How can you tell?" Steve pressed.

"You like girls way too much, and you don't have the grace or self awareness of any of the gay guys I've met."

Steve didn't know whether to be relived or offended.

"Wait," Robin thought for a moment, "did you really want to talk to me because you thought you couldn't like both girls and boys?"

"Mainly, yes, but," Steve sighed and looked at the ground. "I also needed someone to tell me it wasn't wrong." He had a look of guilt on his face.

Robin raised an eyebrow at him. "Of course it's not wrong." She sighed with pity when she noticed his expression. She moved beside him and put a hand on his back.

"Why would you think it was?" She looked at his profile, it looked almost sad. "Do you think my crush on Vickie is wrong?"

"No." Steve said loudly looking at her. He was startled at how close she was. "Absolutely not."

"Then how is whatever you have with going on this guy wrong?" She leaned back on the rock.

"I don't know." He looked up at the underside of the rocks above them. "I just have this nagging feeling, something telling me it's wrong to be with a guy."

Robin let her head fall to the side to look at him. "It's probably just because it's new and society makes it sound scarier than it is."

"Maybe." Steve sighed heavily in relief and let out a half laugh at himself. "I actually do feel a little better."

"You're ridiculous." She had a soft smile. "So..." She leaned against his shoulder. "When will I get to meet this new guy of yours?" She nudged him lightly, smiling eagerly at him.

"I doubt anytime soon, if at all. And I wouldn't call him my guy."

"Oh," she said knowingly. "Is he afraid of being found out?" A concerned expression settled on her face.

"You could say that."

"That sucks." She sat forward, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them. "I hope he can feel comfortable in his own skin soon, I'd love to meet him. But I totally get wanting to stay hidden, people can be assholes about it."

"No shit." Steve mimed Robin's position and started poking at the dirt with a stick. "He told me I was the one that made him realize he was gay."

"That's kind of sweet."

"I guess. It's also kind of scary, like I'm responsible for him being gay."

"Did he say that?" Robin shot him a concerned look.

"No."

She sighed. "So, why do you feel that way?"

"It just seems like if he never met me, he wouldn't be gay."

"It's not that simple. Sure, a person can help you find your sexuality, but no one can alter your sexuality. Even if he never met you, he would have eventually found out some other way."

"Does the same go for me? If he never told me how he felt, would I still be bi?"

Robin smirked knowingly. "Steve, you've always been bi, this guy just made you realize it. Sure, there's a chance that you may have never realized it if you never met a guy you were attracted to that was forward enough to get through your thick skull."

Steve groaned and forced his face into his knees.

Robin wrapped an arm around the lump of Steve. "So, how do you feel about him?"

Steve was quiet for a long moment. "I don't know."

"Where does he fall on a scale of... Dustin to Nancy?"

Steve turned his head to Robin and stared at her. "What kind of scale is that?"

"I just figured Dustin is the last person you'd want to date."

Steve visibly gagged at the thought. Robin gave a nod and vague wave in a knowing gesture.

"And Nancy is the main person you want to date, so kind of like a 1 to 10 scale." She paused, "but with relevant context?" She said with uncertainty.

He sighed and looked back at the ground. "I don't know. He's hard for me to place." He pressed his forehead to his legs. "At least a five, but I can't say for sure."

"So he could be a ten?"

"Maybe, I dunno," Steve grumbled.

"Hmm."

Steve looked at Robin. "What was the 'hmm' for?"

"To be honest, it was entirely unrelated to our conversation." She stood and dusted herself off. "It's getting dark, and you need to take me home because I have no clue how to get there from here."

Steve smirked and stood. "Alright."

She grabbed her bag and they wove their way through the forest until they ended up back at Steve's car. He drove her to her house and thanked her for talking with him. She pat him on the shoulder. "You'll figure this out, Steve," she said, smiling at him. "I'm here if you need to talk more, and try not to overthink too much. I've been there." She got out of the car, and after she went inside, Steve drove off. The sun had almost set and he needed to clear his mind, or at least figure some things out before heading back home.

A park near his house was his destination. The sun had just dipped below the horizon, so no one was in the playground. He sat himself on a swing and aimlessly rocked as he let his mind wander. Memories of the times with Eddie before he died swam in his mind. Now that he had new context, it really did seem like they were flirting. He thought back to how he felt whenever Eddie got near him. He didn't notice it then, but he had gotten a similar reaction to what he got with Nancy. Maybe I am bi. He'd had suggestive dreams about guys before. He'd always just chalked them up to a nightmare, but at least a couple had ended up being wet dreams. He sighed and kicked himself into a stronger swing.

What does this mean? Wrapping his brain around something he'd never needed to consider was a lot harder than he expected. Maybe he was just overthinking like Robin warned, and liking a guy isn't all that big of a deal. Was it really all that different from liking a girl? Should he just go for it, or should he try to back away from it? He felt like if he let himself accept Eddie's advances, that there would be no turning back, whatever that meant. Last night could be considered a fluke, he just didn't want to lose his friend again. But whatever happens from here on would be his choice.

He gave the ground a few more hard kicks. I wonder what he's up to? He stared up at the starry sky, thinking about what Eddie could be doing in the Upside Down. Is he safe? Does he like it there? When will he be back? Steve found himself expecting, almost hoping, that Eddie would show up behind him. Maybe I do have a thing for him. He chuckled to himself. "Nancy would never let me live it down if she knew," he muttered. Eddie's voice ghosted into his mind, 'Live what down, Harrington?' Steve sighed, gripping the chains of the swing and with one more hard kick, he pulled his knees to his chest and let the momentum carry him.

Would anyone see me differently if they knew? He knew his friends would definitely tease him, but they wouldn't stop being his friend. Would they? His family on the other hand had him concerned, he'd never had the best relationship with his father to begin with. Robin obviously is all for it, as he expected, but what about Dustin and the others? Nancy was who he was mostly worried about. Even though he still had a major thing for her, he cherished her friendship. Would basically having a boyf-. Even thinking the word was hard for Steve. He let out a heavy sigh, his heart in his throat at the thought. Would having a… He grit his teeth, boyfriend… make her think less of me? Nancy didn't seem like the type of person to be bothered by it, but, like Robin said: 'people can be assholes about it'. The swing was barely moving anymore, and Steve took that as his cue to leave. He crawled off the swing and stretched before walking back to his car.

An electrical storm raged as Eddie climbed his way up to the roof of a single story building in the middle of a suburb. He used the end of his wing to grip the edge and help pull himself up the rest of the way. He looked across the long stretch of roof, took a deep breath, and started to run. As he reached the end, he leaped off of the edge and flapped his wings as hard as he could, catching the wind and lifting himself higher into air. He managed a few hundred meters past his record before he started falling. He fully spread his wings, helping him glide to the ground safely. Flying was much harder than he expected; the newly formed muscles were sore from the workout. With a stretch of his shoulders, he collapsed them back into their slots.

His whole back and neck was aching. After a bit more stretching, he started to walk in the direction of his trailer. A chorus of squeaks and chirps came up behind him. Eddie spun around, ready to fight, but stood in shock as the bats passed him by as if they were a flock of birds. He watched them fly off. He looked down at his vein streaked hands. He ran his thumbs over his fingers where his rings use to be. They felt naked without the heavy metal on them. I really am one of them, aren't I? He didn't know how to feel about it. It was nice to not be hunted by them, but what did that mean for him in all of this?

The natural inhabitants of the Upside Down were scarcely seen. After half an hour of walking, he only saw one demodog running around in the distance of the abandoned suburban streets. He wasn't a stranger to feeling lonely, but the uninhabited expanse of the Upside Down was a new kind of lonely. It felt apocalyptic. He found his way back to one of the gates and followed it.

As he wandered, his mind fell to Steve. He doubted if what he did was right. Did I force myself on Steve? Does he resent me for it? He sighed and kicked the dirt as he walked. What's he up to? Eddie knew that at any point he could leave and go spy on him, but he was worried about potentially making Steve a target. He also didn't know what was going to happen to himself. Was he going to remain in control, or could Vecna just posses him freely? He didn't want to end up hurting Steve, or anyone else, by being careless. While he wanted to go see Steve, he'd promised himself that he wouldn't until he understood himself better in this new state.

He finally made it to his trailer. The gate had torn half of it to shreds. The living room was absolutely destroyed. Luckily, his room was in the back of the trailer, and mostly untouched. He sighed as he opened the chain door him and Dustin set up. Once inside, he looked up at the gate on the ceiling, right where Chrissy died. He tried not to recall the memories of that night and turned his attention to the hallway behind him. Other than being rattled to all hell from the earthquake, his room seemed intact.

Not wanting to stay for too long, Eddie grabbed his school backpack and emptied it onto the floor. He threw in a few of his favorite cassettes he'd bought before '83. He dug out an old Walkman and some batteries. Then he looked for the black lunch box he kept his drugs in. He couldn't seem to find it. "Shit," he said, remembering that he didn't get that box until the following winter. He looked at the gate and considered going to the other side to get it, but remembered he'd left the box at Rick's when he fled. "Fuck." He knew he had some drugs stashed somewhere, but couldn't remember where. He turned his room inside out, looking for it.

In the process, he tossed anything of use onto his bed. He found the upside down version of his lucky guitar pick; it hadn't been strung on its chain yet. He gave it a kiss and tucked it into his pocket for safe keeping. After searching nearly everywhere, he found a shoebox under his bed with his prize. "There you are." He opened it and saw it was actually more full than his lunchbox. "Right." Eddie closed the box and threw it on the bed with the rest of it. He roughly packed everything and slung his backpack on. His guitar wasn't there and that concerned him. It didn't take him long to remember that he left it on the roof when they ran from the bats. With one more look around his room, he walked back to the front door. He looked back at the gate. "Sorry, Chrissy." He blinked the mist from his eyes and left the trailer.

He looked up at the roof of the trailer and climbed up onto it, he remembered it being much harder. Their concert set up was still there, but the vines had crawled their way over everything. He scanned the roof and found his guitar laying near the gate entry on the roof. "There's my girl." He smiled like seeing an old friend and picked it up. He caressed a few scratches in its paint with a small frown. "You're still beautiful." He held it out in front of him with a broad smile. He loosened the strap so he could put it snugly over the backpack. Once he knew she was secure, he hopped off the roof and left his trailer behind.

He knew he needed to find someplace to act as a headquarters, but he didn't even know where to begin looking. So, he just wandered, hoping something would catch his eye. His walking took him to the outskirts of town, large fields of rotting crops spanning out in front of him. Just inside the windbreak of trees, he spotted a small pack of demodogs eating something. He almost paid no mind to it, but was curious when he noticed it wasn't part of a rotting crop. He slowly walked up to them. When he got close, they turned to him and he froze, afraid they'd try to attack him, but they just turned their attention back to their meal. He cautiously made his way closer. They were digging into a nest of large yellow eggs. One of the demodogs closed it jaws around one of the whole eggs and crushed it, a lumpy black and clear liquid spilling out. The dogs started eating the freshly spilled egg.

Eddie noticed that there were still a few eggs left intact. He inched his way into the pack and lifted one of the eggs. It was easily the size of his torso and was covered in a thick yellow slime, making it hard to hold on to. He carefully backed his way out of the pack and walked until he was out of sight of the dogs. He set the egg down to take a closer look at it. He could see dark shadows floating around inside.

With a yawn, Steve undressed and got into his bed. His pillow and sheets still smelled faintly of Eddie. A shiver ran through his body at the memory of what transpired there the night prior. Due to not getting a full night's sleep, he tried his best to ignore the racing thoughts, but his mind was determined to relive every detail. His fingertips ran over the bedsheets, recalling the texture of Eddie's skin and the deep scars that decorated his body. He touched his own wounds, triggering the same sharp pain that was caused by Eddie's touch. Am I really doing this?

He took a deep breath and slid his hand under his boxers. He could remember Eddie's touch, and he tried to replicate it. It was gentle, but he'd moved with intent, as if he knew exactly what to do. He tried to reposition his hand with no luck. Not only could he not get the angle right, but he lacked the callouses on Eddie's hand. He sighed and laid his head back on the pillow.

Steve continued to think about Eddie. He was embarrassingly disappointed that Eddie didn't show up while he was in the park, and now he was thinking inappropriate thoughts about him. What made Eddie so different from any other guy? He wasn't bad looking by any means, but it's not like Steve hasn't seen attractive men before. Not that he was personally attracted to them, they were just standard pretty boys. Eddie wasn't a standard pretty boy, though.

He turned to his side and noticed something on his end table. Eddie's rings. He'd forgotten them. Steve reached for the rings. He tried to remember how Eddie wore them. The cross was his ring finger? He thought back to when he watched Eddie remove them. No, the cross was his index finger. Steve slid it onto his left index finger. The pig… that was his middle finger and the skull was his ring finger. Steve put on the rings to the best of his memory. There was one ring left. This one was different from the others. It was silver like the rest, but it had a black and white stone set in its center. It made Steve think of a class ring, but there were no class markings on it. That one he'd worn on his right ring finger.

After putting them all on, Steve held his hands out in front of his face. He was surprised at just how different they looked on him. Eddie's fingers were a little longer than his, and the chain around Eddie's right wrist had added to the look. Steve smirked at himself and went to remove them, but paused. He was curious about something. He swallowed, feeling a bit of shame as he slid his left hand into his boxers. They were cold enough to make him shiver and tense. He couldn't help but feel ashamed, it felt disrespectful. What concerned him the most was that the guilt made things more interesting.

Thinking was becoming difficult. He decided to stop thinking so hard and let himself recall the previous night. Eventually, his mind began to warp the memories into new scenarios. He had flashes of Eddie pinning him against a wall and forcing a kiss on him. Eddie turning him around, so his face was pressed against the wall, Eddie's hands feeling up his torso. Of gentle kisses down Steve's spine, a firm hand placed on his back keeping him still as he gradually kissed lower. Eddie sliding his tongue between Steve's ass ch-

Steve stopped, in shock at where his imagination was going. Why did that come to mind?!

Wait, am I the woman?

A whole new series of concerns crossed Steve's mind. Being into a guy was one thing, but taking one was another thing entirely. Is it even possible? The idea scared Steve. A memory came to his mind; there was one chick he was with that tried to work her fingers up there. He didn't let it go all the way, but it didn't exactly feel bad. He looked down at his hips in contemplation. Maybe it is possible. He shook the temptation to try it out of his mind. He wasn't trying to think of anything in particular, but his mind continued to wander to Eddie. This time Steve thought about gripping Eddie's hair. Eddie's eyes glazed over and rolled up a few stray tears sliding over his cheeks. [Full scene on AO3]

What is wrong with me?

He'd had power play fantasies before, but that was one of the more dramatic ones he's ever had. He looked at his hand, cum coating the back of the rings, and felt a deep wave of shame. He sighed, grabbed a tissue from his end table, and wiped his hand off. Steve took each ring off and carefully cleaned them off before placing them back on the end table. Can I finally get to sleep now? He thought, frustrated at the situation. After trying his best to clear his mind, he was able to achieve a dreamless sleep.