A/N: Had to get this out of my system although it's short.Please review thanks!
All day during the days away from school i kept rocking back and froth to keep my spirit alive. This curse on me has made me so much different.I'm only starting to realize it slowly. Very slowly. I can't contain myself anymore. I can keep up with this life I'm living.All I ever want to do is die! Die! Stab myself and die! Even if it's painful and bloody! I just can't take this anymore!
I feel myself shaking.It's the same thing everyday for the past 3 days. I can't decide if I want to kill myself or not. I feel a need to do it and a need to hold back. It's something I can't make up my mind to do. There are pros and cons to killing myself but there seem in my mind to be more pros. If I do kill myself no one else will ever get hurt and I would be away from this pain I feel inside.This nagging to kill. I would be keeping my family from danger and others that I might get mad at and kill. I don't want to go to jail for red rum. I don't. I would finally be at peace with my mind and spirit. No more murder thoughts. No more pain. No more word vomit. It would all be washed away.
The one thing that I bring up in my subject of killing is, what if I can't kill myself?
What if this curse will not let me kill myself? Would I just heal and my life go on, like nothing ever happened? Would it?
I feel my body reach for a knife that I kept under my bed in case of someone or something coming in. I want to be safe..or do I?
Gripping the knife tighter I put it in front of my chest and over my heart. The place I need to cut. I take a breath and I have regrets of doing what I am about to do but, they are really only holing me back from the truth. I feel a surge of energy go threw me and I feel ready to kill myself. I have enough will power now. I feel the knife starting to pierce my skin and bleed just as I hear a door opening down stairs.
If someone is going to find me or kill me...at least I'll be dead before then.
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