April Fooools!
By: Hammy Penguin

Chapter Uno: Titanic!

The wind of the ocean blew over Rose's head, causing her extremely long hair to fly off her head.

"Barnacles," she muttered, rubbing her bald head. "That cost me money."

Upon rubbing her head, some of her skin came off on her hand.

"Ew." She wiped her hand off on her nighty which snapped off instantly. "Urg! My hand!" she began but opened her mouth to wide causing her mandible to dislocate and smash to pieces on the deck. "I'm getting too old for...anything," she thought, since she couldn't really talk now.

Then she realized why she came out here in the first place. She reached in the pocket of her nighty, which wasn't there in the first place, it just magically appeared, and pulled out the Heart of the Ocean.

She had forgotten how heavy it was, causing her arm to pop out of its socket and crash onto the floor of the boat. It instantly shattered.

No, her arm, not the necklace.

"Darn," she muttered, kicking the necklace so it would slide into the ocean. Three seconds later, she realized her toe was smashed in from the weight of the necklace. "Meeeergh!" she commented before the boat suddenly ran over a flock of flesh-eating penguins crossing the ocean on their way to New Zealand carrying a torso and a babay and caused the ship to rear up and dump the Heart of the Ocean into the heart of the ocean.

I know what you're thinking. The penguins couldn't possibly have been there if the story took place 100 years from the time the other story did but this is Hammy Penguin's story. And Hammy Penguin says that when the penguins entered the ocean, they fell into a portal that sent them into the year 1997, okay? So just shut up!

Loser.

"Neeeyaahhh..." said a voice from the side of the boat causing Rose to jump and her atrium to fall off her heart in surprise.

"Whooossh there?" she asked the best she could by means of not having a bottom jaw or a piece of her heart.

"It's me, Rose," came the shuddering voice.

"Oh, I thought you were Jack or something," she told the voice.

Just then, a moldy, wet, zombified, prune-looking creepy dude popped up behind the railing to stare Rose in the face. Lodged in the side of his head was the necklace.

"HOLY MOSES!" Rose responded, causing her aorta to collapse.

"It's me, Rose! Jack!" the old prune garbled. It looked like he had been swimming the ocean for 86 years and during that time had been attacked by a group of walruses and beluga whales.

"Rose, I've been swimming the ocean for 86 years and during that time I'd been attacked by a group of walruses and beluga whales. But I'm okay now! ...Well all things considered," he concluded as the skin of his green neck peeled off rapidly.

"Oh, Jack, you still have your boyishly good looks," Rose observed before realizing that she was blind.

"Uh, okay."

"But I thought you died, Jack! You froze to death and then sank, disappearing under the water!"

There was a very long silence as the squawking of the flesh-eating penguins echoed in the distance. A tumble weed rolled across the water and a chunk of Rose's side slid off her body.

"April Fools!" Jack exclaimed, throwing his arms into the air, which immediately flew out of their shoulder sockets and exploded into fireworks above them.

The fireworks were too much of a surprise for Rose and her heart just altogether gave out.

"Well, damn," Jack muttered before taking her wallet in his teeth and jumping back into the ocean to rejoin his pod of seaturtles who were waiting to go paintballing with him.