Okay so for starters I know that a few people were shocked that I killed Amy off. I didn't enjoy doing it but for the story to end the way I want it to end it was necessary. Only a few more chapters left and then it's finished. I am on 7 week holiday now so I should get sooner updates. The past 3 weeks have been hectic so I haven't been able to update soon. Sorry! Thanks to these people for reviewing:

EvErWo0dBaBi89: Slaps wrist sorry it took so long. Thanks for reviewing :)

Whoopiepiez: Okay sorry first of all for upsetting you. I have my reasons honest. I didn't want to be regular and send her away though.

sportygal71188: Yay!! Mission accomplished :) Thanks so much for getting what I am trying to do grins from ear to ear I didn't want to be predictable so at least one person thinks that. Thank you!

auggy1984: Awww thanks so much for your kind words. I am pleased that my writing is satisfactory with reviewers and hearing that was fantastic! I am glad you liked the Andy and Madison scenes, you got what I was trying to do, yay!! Cheers for the reviews, I love them.

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Inability to change and move on

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Dr Brown closed the door on Ephrams room and sighed. Nina stood anxiously with her back against the wall. "How is he?" she asked concerned.

"Pretty shaken he wasn't exactly expecting his best friend to die on him! Just as things were going right, this happens. Is this how his life is going to be? First his mom, then Colin, nearly his girlfriend and child and now Amy!"

Nina pushed herself off the wall and placed a reassuring hand on Andy's shoulder. "Things will get better, it will just take some time."

Andy nodded, "I know I just don't know if Ephram can take anymore heartache."

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Madison sat on the sofa drinking her cup of coffee, seeing Ephram in such a state had upset her grately. The news of Amy's death had left her numb too and tears had begun to flow down her cheeks as she sat in the silent room.

Andy came through to the living room cautiously. "Madison?"

"And I thought I was the unstable one." Madison carried on staring at the wall the whole time the words came out of her mouth.

"You would be surprised how much baggage Ephram has." Andy replied, walking over to the one seater that stood beside the sofa. "How you holding up?"

Madison shook her head, "I'm not sure it's all just a blur. You?"

Andy shook his head in agreement. "I don't think anyone was expecting this to happen. I guess its just one of these tragic moments in our lives." Andy lifted himself up off the sofa. "I have set up the spare room for you, not so sure its wise for you to disturb Ephram."

Madison thanked Andy and slowly got up off the sofa. "Thanks Dr Brown."

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Ephram tossed and turned all night but he still had no joy getting to sleep. Everytime he closed his eyes, Amy would be there. Moving towards the beside lamp to turn it on he felt his hand knock over the glass of water. "Shit" he mumbled to himself as he finally found the button. Watching to water trickle down the wooden cabinet and settle in to the floor he laughed and realised that the water just represented his life. Forever he was being filled up and just like that he would be knocked over and would have to start again.

Rubbing his face, he stepped over the wet patch that had formed on his carpet and made his way to the bathroom. Leaning on the sink he looked up in to the mirror. A face with puffy red eyes and a pale complexion faced him. Ephram twisted the cold tap and splashed the water on to his face, sighing.

Looking up he was startled to see Amy's face appearing in the mirror, turning around he was faced with the wall and no Amy. Getting his breath back he turned slowly back and looked in to the mirror. Amy was no longer there; worry lines creased in to his forehead as he turned the tap off and went back to bed.

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As the days passed the pain did not go away and Ephram found himself floating on a cloud throughout the days.

The funeral was a group of small family and friends. Standing around the coffin, one by one they put mud on to it and said a few words.

Bright looked up and watched Ephram intently. He noticed Ephram wipe a tear from his face and tried to catch his gaze. When he did all he could do was nod, to which Ephram did the same. After the funeral the small congregation gathered at the Abbots house for the wake. Bright looked around for Ephram but only saw Nina, Andy, Delia, Sam and Madison. Wondering outside he found Ephram sitting alone.

"I have been looking for you everywhere." He said.

Ephram looked up and then looked back down at the ground. "Felt like I was suffocating, needed to get out."

Bright nodded. "I know what you mean, it still hasn't settled in. My sisters dead and yet I seem to be the only one holding it together out of everyone here today."

"No one would blame you if you cried. When my mom died all I could do was try and be strong. Eventually it was too much and I broke down. If you need to cry Bright then cry. No one is here to witness it, just me."

Bright pondered the thought. "I just I don't know where it all went wrong. This time last year Colin was back and now he is dead. Now Amy is too. How is that fair Ephram? How is that fair?"

Ephram stood up and pulled Bright in for a manly hug.

"How is that fair?" he heard as Bright's muffled cries filled the air.

Ephram felt the tears well up in his eyes. "I don't know," he whispered.

Once Bright had calmed down the two teenagers sat down. "I err I found this the other day. We were tidying up Amy's things. Dad and I thought it was better for my mom. It turns out it wasn't but I kept this behind." Bright handed Ephram a small black and beige book.

Ephram looked knowingly at Bright, "Its her diary isn't it?" Brights silence answered Ephrams question. "Why do you want me to have it?"

Bright clasped his hands together "Amy never let me near that thing but I know it was the wrong thing to do but I read it. It made me see the depth of Amy's problems but there wasn't a page where your name didn't crop up. I think you need to read it. You will feel guilty afterwards but you will realise that she wouldn't mind you hearing some of the things she had to say. If anything you understand her more as a person.

"Thanks Bright. Will you tell my dad I have headed back home? I just need some time to myself."

Bright nodded, "Yeah, thanks man you have really helped me today."

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Ephram leant on the closed front door and breathed a sigh of relief knowing he was alone. Holding the diary up he intently looked at it as he wondered if he wanted to know everything about Amy. After several minutes Ephram made up his mind and went to sit down. Instead of reading right from the start he skipped a few pages in to when Colin had passed away and her problems had begun to start.

'This is my first summer without Colin, the sun is shining but inside its not. I keep thinking Colin will appear after having a miraculous recovery but I know it's not true. I will never accept the fact that Colin's death was an accident. I blame Dr Brown and his so called skills. If that's the outcome of his operations I dread to think what he is like in the parenting stakes. Now I know what Ephram means.'

Ephram remembered the first time he had come to Everwood and when he had met Amy. All he could do was bad mouth his dad, he soon overcame the emotions he had that surrounded his father and learnt to start over and love him. Ephram knew that Amy had, had issues surrounding his death even when everyone else had managed to forgive him but over time she was able to forgive and forget. The next few pages discussed meeting Tommy and her disgust in her father over the anti-depressants, which Ephram had no idea about. A particular page, which caught his eye, was from the day of his driving test.

'I called Ephram today, Laynie ditched me at last minute and I needed some comfort. Of course he took it the wrong way when he was at my house, thinking I had only rang him because Laynie had made other plans. I tried to tell him it was because I wanted to catch up and I wanted him to hold me but the words couldn't leave my mouth soon enough. I told Bright that I was falling for Ephram, he told me to go for it and that Colin would of given his blessing. I am scared though diary, what if I do go out with Ephram, will I forget Colin? In the end none of that mattered I went to spur him on at his driving test but the babysitter was there, Madison that's her name. I watched as they shared a passionate embrace it looks as though I was to late. Story of my life isn't it.'

Ephram thought back to that day and remembered the kiss with Madison; she soon put him in his place. Not once had he seen Amy watching and not once did she mention it. All that time and no word. When Amy had rejected his pleas to help her and fled with Tommy, not a day went passed where he didn't think about her and where she was headed especially with that sleaze bag. When she had called him for help it was like a godsend, hearing her voice was magical.

'Ephram saved my life tonight; never again will I trust someone like Tommy. I am scared diary if he comes back I don't know what I will do, that scares me. What if he targets people I love? How will I protect them?'

Ephram read on until the very last entry in the book, the day Ephram had been to see her.

'Ephram came to see me diary, I feared speaking to him after everything. Needless to say he was pissed, I don't blame him I was foolish. I blamed him because I couldn't bring myself to admit that I was wrong, I just couldn't blame myself. Its terrible I know but Ephram showed me that everyone does care about me I just need to see that myself. Today is the day I turn my life around. No hiding in the shadows, no sleepless nights. Now I focus my attention on getting myself on the straight and narrow and paying attention to people I care about. I have decided to set myself a target. From now until Madison's baby is born I will go and see this woman, if it doesn't work out then stop going but if it does then I will carry on going until I feel I have done all I can to improve my situation. I remember Ephram's fatal flaw essay that he let me read, he said people found change hard I did until now.'

Ephram wiped a tear, which had escaped his eyes and closed the book. Leaning back in to the sofa he rubbed both eyes. The whole day had been emotionally exhausting for him. Hearing the door open he grabbed the book of the table and made his way to greet everyone.

"Hey where did you go honey?" Madison asked pulling him in for a hug.

"I just needed some space that's all, I think I am going to hit the sack, it's been a long day." Ephram was about to walk away when he saw Madison's dejected looking face. "Madison do you think you could come with me." Madison smiled and nodded silently.

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When they reached the room, Ephram lay down on his bed, Madison soon followed. "I know were not dressed for bed or anything but I just need you to hold me. Need to be near you and the baby.'

Madison agreed, "I thought I had lost you for a second back there, you don't know how relieved I felt when you asked."

"Sorry about that, I spaced for a second but I just got some advice from a friend."

Madison decided not to chase up on who the friend was, instead she just let Ephram hold her and the baby.

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Avril Lavigne: "How Does It Feel"

I'm not afraid of anything
I just need to know that I can breathe
I don't need much of anything

But suddenly, suddenly
I am small and the world is big
All around me is fast moving
Surrounded by so many things
But suddenly, suddenly

How does it feel, to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel, to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel?

I'm young, and I am free
But I get tired, and I get weak
I get lost, and I can't sleep
But suddenly, suddenly
Would you comfort me
Would you cry with me;

Ahh, ahh, ahh-ah
ahh, ahh-ah
ahh, ahh-ah
ahh, ahh-ah
Ahh, ahh, ahh-ah
ahh, ahh-ah
ahh, ahh-ah
ahh, ahh-ah

I am small and the world is big
But I'm not afraid of anything;

How does it feel
Different from me, different...

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The review button sure looks yummy today :)