Chapter Fire: Mystic River!

After the parade, Jimmy, Annabeth, Nadine, and Sara returned to their crappy apartment which wasn't by the sea or complete with a breakfast nook and went their separate ways. The girls bolted into the playroom to play Grand Theft Auto on their PS2, Annabeth passed out on her way to the bathroom from too much indigestion (parades are chock-full of hot diggity dogs) and Jimmy sat on the couch in the living room.

It would've been understandable for him to do so if there was a TV in the room but there was nothing but a statue of Dark Lord Chubby the Silly Piggy made of macaroni and cheeeese. And he was staring at it.

Jimmy thought back to earlier that week when he had shot his childhood buddy Dave in the forehead and he and Val dumping his body in the Mystic River just as they did to Just Ray Harris 13 years before.

Then he thought of packing peanuts and how on earth they were made.

It seemed so complicated. Those little pieces of Styrofoam that were so fun to break in your hand and yet protect the fragilest of china. Yes, it seemed complicated…and yet it seemed so simple.

"My God," Jimmy muttered coming to a realization. "How the hell do they make those things?"

He turned in the couch to see Annabeth's body sprawled on the hallway floor.

"Hey, honey? How do they make them little packing peanuts?"

A puddle of drool formed on the carpet under Annabeth's mouth in response.

"But…I gotta know…" Jimmy jumped up from his couch and stared wide-eyed at Dark Lord Chubby the Silly Piggy. "I GOTTA KNOW!!!"

Jimmy mindlessly bolted out the room and ran head on into the door.

After remolding his nose back to what it was before, he turned the knob and pulled it open.

"April Fools!" yelled Dave, standing before Jimmy. But not for long.

Jimmy collided bodies with Dave and they were both sent toppling over and rolling down the 18 flights of stairs. 10 minutes later, they arrived at the bottom floor, pretty banged up.

Dave rolled off the top of Jimmy and they both lay on the ground, catching their breath. Yeah, they used a lot of breath as they tumbled down the stairs.

"Ow," stated Jimmy.

"Ow," Dave agreed.

An obese lady and her 9 obese kids (including the obese baby) didn't notice the two mangle bodies on the floor and proceeded to walk over them, splitting their bones causing them to make nasty squish noises.

"Well, this really sucks," Dave decided.

"Dave, I thought I killed you," Jimmy muttered, his mouth was shoved to the side of his face.

"Well, one thing you forgot, Jimmy. I am The Boy Who Escaped From Wolves and Grew Up and Cannot Die."

"…Since when?"

Dave attempted to shrug…if he had any intact bones in his shoulders.

"Hey, Dave? Let me ask you something."

"Sure, Jimmy."

"How do they make those little packing peanuts?"

Dave began to explain but froze.

"You know what? I have no idea."

"YOU DON'T?!!" Jimmy demanded.

Both of them let out painful and frustrated screams and somehow regained physical power to run outside and grab random people on the street demanding how they make packing peanuts.

Nobody knew. NOBODY!

And so Jimmy and Dave resorted to running around trying to find someone who did, or just a packing peanut factory but to no avail. They finally came upon a vast field. The only vast field in the state of Massachusetts.

Dave was hit by a semi on the way over but Jimmy made it to the field, dropped to his knees and threw up his arms and demanded the sky: "HOOOOW DO THEY MAAAAAAAKE PAAAAAACKING PEEEEEEAAAAANUUUUUTS??!!!"

The sky didn't know either.