Title: Breathe (1/2)
Author: Katie!
Rating: PG-13
Content: Implied incest, m/m incest at that. Slight language...and very light angst!
Characters: Matty and Jeffy, with mentions of Kurt Angle
Summary: Jeff reflects over his now ex-relationship with Matt before he gets a welcomed "Twist of Fate." (Heh, pardon the bad pun, I couldn't help it.)
Disclaimer: Don't own...wish I did. I just borrowed! Although...there has been a lot of banging behind my closet door...hmmm.
Notes: Title and lyrics taken from song of the same name by Greenwheel. Story is from Jeff's POV. Feedback is lusted over, it's my first fic!

I

Played the fool today

And I

Can see us vanishing into the crowd

Longing for home again

But home

Is a feeling I buried in you

I jumped up to a sitting position in my bed with a start, knowing it was only the fact that my legs were caught some God-forsaken way in the sheets that kept me from falling onto the cold hardwood floor.

"Why the hell do I keep hear—"I almost wondered aloud before my green eyes flittered towards the corner of the room. There sat my decent-sized stereo with the sound just loud enough to be heard, and the song that so adequately described my feelings had conveniently been left on repeat.

"Damn it...who left the radio on last night?"

Ahh...last night. What a night it was. The events came flooding back like water that had just broken the dam that had been containing it, but they felt warm as honey when I remembered them. Bittersweet honey though...like a peach that had been picked a day too early.

Me and Matt were at home in our newly renovated ranch house in Cameron, NC. We wanted to be together, and we wanted to be in our hometown, so we took care of both by buying an old abandoned farmhouse and making it look like new again. It was fun, too! But back to the story. We were snuggled up in a hammock in our backyard, looking up at the stars and talking. That was one thing we loved about the countryside, it was always so quiet.

Tonight though, the silence would prove to be my undoing.

I'm alright

I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe

It was because of that silence that I could hear the six words that ripped my heart into shreds. Six little words that held too much weight for their small size. Six words that brought a lifetime of pain.

"I wish Lita could see this." Matt said, his husky voice barely above a whisper. I looked up from my perch on his chest and looked at him skeptically. Of course, I played the innocent, it was always easier than being defensive. "Lita? A new friend of yours?" I asked, moving so I could see his face. A hand went up and brushed some midnight strands of hair away from his eyes before they moved back to my sides.

He looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. I'd never seen his eyes get that big before. I don't think he realized I heard him. I don't think I was supposed to hear him. "Ehhmm...Umm...yeah...a...friend of mine." He stumbled out, looking nervously from me to the sky and back down. He had always been the bad liar out of the two of us. He knew I knew that, so why was he playing games? Then he sighed. A sigh I knew all too well. It was one that came before news that I didn't want to hear and he didn't want to say. I braced myself, unaware that the next things he would say would shatter my life as I knew it.

"Lita is...my new girlfriend, Jeffy...I met her a few weeks ago, and we sort of hit it off. I asked her out last week. I'm so...so..." But I didn't hear anymore. I'd already fallen out of the hammock, my vision blurred by tears. It wasn't until I felt a strong hand on my shoulder that I stopped and turned around, burying my head into the bare chest that belonged to that hand.

"Why Matty! Why?! Was not good enough for you? Did I not satisfy you...we can work on that, I promise! Please don't do this to me...please don't..."

And I can't ask for things to be still again

No I can't ask for you

To offer the world through your eyes

Longing for home again

But home

Is a feeling I buried in you

After that, I don't really remember what I did. Or maybe the better question is what didn't I do. I do remember getting ready in my best...weirdest...clothes, fixing my hair, and grabbing the keys. I drove until I found a club that catered to what I wanted. Once inside I drank more than I ever have in my life. I don't think I could have told you what my name was if you'd have asked me.

Then I met someone oddly familiar. Had my mind been working correctly I could have placed him as a co-worker, but in my drunken stupor he looked like just the man I needed to drown my sorrows in. So I chatted him up, as best I could, and we came back to my apartment. Matt had gotten his things and moved out after I'd left. Oh well, that just left more food and bed for me and my new friend.

I'm alright

I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe

I'm alright

I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe

The night went on and got hotter than a coal-burnin' stove. The whole time I was pushing Matt's gorgeous face out of my mind...willing myself to forget him...forcing myself to see that it wasn't him I had my arms around, but it was no use. After several hours of trying to forget him we both collapsed into a sweaty heap on my bed and slept like that. It wasn't until this morning that we untangled and I finally see who I copulated with last night. Even if I can't see his pretty, clear blue eyes I know it's him.

I'd tossed my troubles onto an innocent Kurt Angle. How low am I? I go around and start sleeping with men I work with everyday. This is great. As if mine and Matt's break-up wasn't going to make work awkward, this surely would. I sighed as I climbed out of bed and got me a quick shower. I was quiet as I could be, the last thing I wanted was to wake him up. I got dressed in a simple pair of jeans a black 'beater, tossing wet rainbow strands back into a ponytail before grabbing my keys and bag and walking out, locking the door behind me. He'd wake up and leave soon enough.