The drive to the arena was long and haunting. Even the music I had blaring couldn't chase out my screaming thoughts. Usually we would be together...listening to our crazy theme song, and laughing, singing it together. I loved the way you picked on me about how I sang...that's why I sounded like that. Anything to make you smile...
My window through which
nothing hides
And everything sings
I'm counting the signs
And cursing the miles in-between
I must have been so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't see the stop sign. Or the red light...or the 18-wheeler turning infront of me. You're usually there, screaming at me, grabbing the wheel and being the ever-present voice of reason. All I remember was the terrible screeching of the tires and the sickening sound of my head crashing through the windshield. You weren't there to make sure I'd put on my seatbelt.
I blacked out, and all I could think about was you. It was all your fault. If you'd have been there, you'd have been sure I had my seatbelt on, made sure I was paying attention, and made sure I stopped at the stoplight. Of course, if you were there, I wouldn't of had the need to daydream anyway.
I don't remember how I ended up in the hospital, dressed in this poor excuse for an outfit, with millions of wires taped to me in odd places. I wonder if anyone called you...No, probably not. The pain is dull, they have me so doped up on medication that I feel the same way I did at the bar last night. I make the mistake of looking in a mirror that was beside my bed. I'd have screamed, but it'd get the nurses riled up again. My face was swollen, both my eyes were sunken in with a big black ring around each, my neck was covered in scratches and scar tissue, and my shoulders were banged up too. They had to cut some of my hair because it was matted with blood. I hope they didn't call you, I don't want you seeing me like this.
I fall back onto the bed and try and get some sleep, replaying 8 years together in my mind in a matter of mere hours. I woke up to the feeling of several pairs of eyes on me. You know the feeling...the one that you're being watched. As I blink open my puffy eyes my heart skips a beat. When the blurry figures become clear I'm in a state of shock. They did call you. And apparently you brought friends. I see Adam and Jay...Shane and Shannon...Kurt...and you. Damn you're beautiful. Your hair is loose, just the way I like it. I reach out to run my fingers through it, I just want to feel you near me.
"Matty...don't look at me...I look awful." came my pitiful request. I knew you weren't going to listen, you could be as stubborn as me sometimes. You just smiled...the one I'd seen so many times before. I know I probably should have acknowledged the other people with you but I just couldn't. You were there, and to me, that was all that mattered. You opened your arms, and took me inside of them. Wires, short hair, paper gown and all. I'd missed how strong your embrace was, and I'd missed the smell of your shirts. Weakly I wrapped my arms around you too, and before I knew it tears were streaming down my cheeks, and falling into the fabric of your sleeveless tank. What surprised me more, though, were the tears I felt falling on my scalp. You were crying too. "Why are you crying...? You should be happy, I'm okay, right?" I can't stand for you to cry, it hurts more than the accident did. "Jeffy...I missed you so much...I'm so glad you're okay...I can't stand being away from you..."
But home
Is a feeling I buried in you
That I buried in you
I didn't care much about what happened after you said that. All I knew was I had my Matt back. My Matt. The rest of the guys sat their presents down and tiptoed out, giggling like little schoolgirls. In the back of my mind I knew I needed to apologize to Kurt...and I would. Soon. Just not right now. You sat on the bed with me, running your fingers through my new haircut, a new look of love in your eyes.
"I love you, Matty" I said, moving to snuggle into your lap, not wanting to be away from you anymore. You held me oh-so-close, and right then all the pain became worth it. It was like I went through it just so this moment would mean more to me. "I love you too, Jeffy..." you murmured into my hair, your hands running down my back gently. Reaching up, I wrapped my fingers in your hair and just sighed contentedly. I had everything I wanted now. I had my Matty back, I had good medicine , I had good friends, I had presents, and I had life. I just need to remember to breathe. Inhale...exhale...breathe.
I'm alright
I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe
I'm alright
I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe
