Chapter Sei: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace!

"I'll bet Qui-Gon also told you about your father," Darth Maul said, his lightsaber at the ready.

"He told me enough!" Obi Wan sobbed like a little giiiiiiiiiirl. "He told me you killed him!"

"No, Obi-Wan. I am your father!" Then he threw back his head that looked like it was painted by an Arizona Cardinals fan (Seriously, man. I mean black and red isn't that intimidating but a huge semi-circle of hair sure as hell is. But we'll not go into that!) and laughed maniacally as the theme music played ominously and suspensefully.

Obi-Wan blinked. "No, you're not."

The music wound down and Darth Maul quit laughing.

"Stop trying to be cool, man. I'm the one with the spiffy hair around here," said Obi-Wan haughtily, running a hand through his perfectly cut haaaaaaair.

"Oh. Well, I'll kill you anyways."

And so they fought until Obi eventually sliced him in half, ripping off Sleepy Hollow, and both halves of him fell down the garbage chute and was instantly attacked by rabid quails who had waited 19 years for some food.

Obi rushed over to Qui.

"You've got to go on, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon Gin…RUMMY!!! Couldn't resist. Anyways, yeah, he said it. Go him.

"I can't go on without you, though," Obi-Wan blubbered.

"You've got so much to give…train the boy, Obi-Wan."

"No…"

"Yes. Promise meeee…"

Obi-Wan sneezed.

"Promise meeee….that way I'll…I'll always be wi—" Suddenly his heart melted into a puddle of cheese and he died as a result.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—" Obi gasped for breath and continued. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" He suddenly stopped and sniffed the air. "Ooo, pizza…" He dropped Qui-Gon's body and pranced off in search of the food.

As he turned the corner, he spotted Darth Maul's lower half strutting towards him in a rather flustered manner.

Clinging to his hips was the upper half of Darth Maul, grinning sinisterly.

"April Fools, you stupid Jedi! Now I'm here to kill you!" he spat.

Obi-Wan cocked an eyebrow and stepped aside as the legs marched past on account of the brain not being connected to them any longer and therefore unable to have any control over their functions. So it didn't stop as it walked right off a runway that appeared out of nowhere which led to a black hole and was immediately chopped up by the mystic cheese graters that lay within.

"April Fools indeed," Obi mused. "Now for that pizza!"

A week later, the space dudes held a nice little funeral for Qui. It reminded everybody of Schindler's list when…okay.

Anakin stood by Obi, both eating their ice cream cones and watching Qui burn up in the huge bon fire as the little Ewoks chanted while doing a rain dance around it.

The pre-Darth Vader looked over at Amidala who gave him a slow backwards nod. He was strangely attracted to this girl who had her freakish hair down and somewhat normal. Anakin didn't think he'd possibly be in love with her since he was only a shrimpy kid. He then decided to ask Obi-Wan about women and how they tick. "Mr. Wan?" he began.

Obi Wan whirled to face him. "I AM GOING TO TRAIN YOU WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, WIMP!!!"

In response, Anakin let out a girly scream and headed for the hills.

Everybody turned to look at Obi Wan and shook their heads in shame.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"It's getting kinda hot in here," Qui Gon complained, sitting up. "Heeeelp…"

The space dudes didn't hear him or notice him or smell his flesh burning and got bored so they all went out for more ice-cream. Even Obi-Wan who kept getting his name hyphenated and unhyphenated.

"April Fools, you guys! April Fooooools! I was JOKING! You can all come back now! I'm not quite dead! …Guys? I'm not dead! I'm ALIVE! I feeeeeel happyyyyy! I feeeeeel happyyyyyy! …And quite hot…"