A/N: i'm re-reading this, and correcting the many mistakes i made. It's been so long since i last updated this thing!
Chapter 1- Blood
It's all about the blood. I used to do it because the Dursleys were so horrible that I thought I'd prefer to take my chances with Satan than put up with them.
It's different now.
Since Sirius died I've slowly realized that blood must not be wasted like that, but used. Ancient cultures used to believe that a sacrifice of blood would cover their mortality or sinful, human natures. They would then be able to petition the Gods for something, or win favor.
Recently I noticed that, despite this big war that's going on, few people have died. There are so many Weasleys, but each one is alive...for now. Only Sirius and Cedric, and I suppose Mr. Crouch and Bertha Jorkins, have died so far. Looking closer, it hit me-every time that I've faced Voldemort, I've almost died. My blood spilt so much, that I barely had any left inside me; it was all on the ground.
Even Voldemort gets it, in a way- "blood of the enemy, forcibly taken"-bloodshed gave him life, and has been giving him life for years. He has had to kill to obtain any chance at getting that immortality he's craving so badly, trading other people's blood for his own. I read about people who do things like that; sacrifice blood, not for penance or to speak with a God, but for selfish, human desires, which is Dark magic at it's core.
The prophecy Dumbledore showed me kind of made me out to be this anti-Voldemort, or some polar opposite of him, and apparently, we can't exist at the same time (That's something I think the prophecy got wrong: if anyone is powerful and the opposite of Voldemort, it'll be Dumbledore). But that's beside the point, which is this: the connection between Voldemort and myself is very powerful. It might even be strong enough to interfere with the bartering of blood. When mine is shed, even just a few drops, it's enough to satisfy the Gods/Fate/whatever and the price for Voldemort gets paid- without anyone dying!
It seems kind of bigheaded and far-fetched, but I think I'm really on to something with this. After all, since I have started doing my ritual after every vision and before any battle, no one else, on our side at least, has died. It may be stupid, but I cant take any risks. The Weasleys are like family to me, and if anything ever happened to them, I would never be able to forgive myself.
Now my blood is used, not wasted. I cant allow myself to cut again, and take pleasure in letting everything go, because the Gods/Fate/whatever might get confused, as one must separate with something unwillingly for it to be a sacrifice, and cutting is a release. Sometimes I feel the pressure building up, and I need to cut it out, but I cant do that anymore. I try to keep it in, but I just explode, and start yelling at everyone. That is bad enough, but that one time in Dumbledore's office, right after my idiocy at the Ministry of Magic, it exploded and I started hurling things everywhere. Half the time, I imagined Dumbledore's face when something smashed. I never thought I could be a murderer, but I remember the pressure and know that if I ever explode that badly again, and someone at possible fault is around me, I wont have a problem with murder.
Voldemort put himself in me, and that part is very violent. If it ever gets too far out of control for me to handle it, I could become just like him. That fact scares me more than anything I have ever faced.
