A/N: ok i am really sorry that the review responses didnt get out with the last chapter (i had them typed out and everything but they disappeared) and so here they are now.

XMegz-My first reviewer ever! You probly lost interest a long time ago, and i'm sorry, but i am trying to update more (and just as school starts, too it figures, huh?)
AngryBitch-Thanks, sorry i didn't respond in the last chapter, i typed them up and everything, but now they are gone. Hope you ae still reading this, its been so long since i did anything with it.
Night Daughter-really, was it that good? i suppose the question i should be asking is- is it still good, after i've left it to rot for a month while i wrote Musings and just came back to it after being influenced by a bunch of other people's writing styles and ideas and now my writing style changed? lol
RavissemenT-Thanks, i've tried to kind of have stuff happen while Harry dips back and forth between his thoughts and reality, or something, i wasn't sure if i was doing it right, but if you like it, i must be doing ok.


A/N: in some fiction, Harry is portrayed as the strong savior, able to get through anything, as long as he has...yadda yadda. I disagree-some things cant be overcome, and either way he's had a hard life. You have to kind of read in between the lines in the books and movies (they tone everything down for the 5 years olds watching the movies and reading the series) to really get bad it was for him. He's used to relying on himself and no one else. The Weasleys and hermoine helped counteract the abuse of the Dursleys, but with the war going on, he will probly revert a little to being the hardened orphan. He did in book 5, and now Sirius has died, making harry even angrier. I read an awesome fic Eyes On the Target, that does a great job of saying what I'm trying to say about harry and his relationship with the Dursleys, as well as the way others see him. And yes, this is a recommendation, because i really liked that fic. Its on my favorites list somewhere, or you can just type in the title in the search thing, if anyone is interested.
Chapter 3-Nightmares

I hate having nightmares. I hate seeing Voldemort drag in Muggles and torment them for his sick pleasure, and for my guilt and pain. He shows me, in vivid detail, everyone I love or care about dying in horrendous ways. I have to clench my jaw closed as hard as I can to stop from bursting into tears as I observe someone, tonight Ginny, shrieking in agony. I feel the excruciating anguish of the Cruciatus wracking her bones. I watch, helpless, as life crawls out of her mangled body in red trickles.

If I had these dreams at the Weasley's I might be held, comforted. I might cry, which, I admit, is an urge that's getting harder and harder not to give in to. I could be pathetic, for just a few moments, and no one would care. But that is not the case. I am not at the Weasley's, I live with my mother's sister, and her family does care about me giving in to weakness. Tonight or is it morning? I failed to stifle my waking screams, and Uncle Vernon came in. He's always the feisty one of my relatives.Ironically, he is easily intimidated, but I guess the man really doesn't take to having his beauty sleep wrenched away from him by a freak. And I feel just broken up about it. Actually, I literally do; I think he broke one of my ribs. And I'm not sure, but I think the reason the left side of my face is so sticky is because blood is rushing out of one of the bigger wounds. Note to self: getting attacked by someone wielding a crowbar hurts every time it happens.

I don't want to go to sleep; if Voldemort's done with me, my own head will turn on me, and shove me in that dream that I've been having for weeks now. It starts out with me in a dark place, and there's hissing all around me, egging me on. I go through some dank castle like Dracula's castles in those Muggle movies, only with less vampire chicks, and eventually I walk through these thick double oak doors into some kind of throne room. Voldemort is there, and we duke it out. Eventually, I beat him to a bloody pulp, and his Death Eaters encircle me. Instead of trying to kill me, they bow down and I become their Master. It never ceases to scare me. I think about this to much; I'm a broken record, but I cant help it. I keep coming back to our similarities and the prophecy that says I will kill him or die by his hand. It says nothing about what will happen afterwards.

Dumbledore's latest letter twice a week, my my Dumbledore, we're definitely keeping in touch this year, aren't we? says that I am to be taken to Grimmauld Place tomorrow. I don't want to be there! After everything that being stuck in that house did to Sirius, can he honestly expect me to go back there? Of course he can, he's Dumbledore, the wizard with all of the answers; if anyone can make a person do something of their own volition, it's him. I just want to scream! But I did that already and I'm bleeding because of it.

I rummage through my truck to get out one of the first Muggle books that I...found. It's on human anatomy. With a special needle and thread that I commandeered from the hospital when Dudley broke his wrist eight years ago, I brace myself on the floor and start to stitch and dress my wounds. When I'm done, I will take a healing potion and one of the pain-relieving potions that I've been annually brewing to take with me to the Muggle world since I discovered that potions don't alert the Ministry. The last thing I need is for the Order to realize that the amount of bruises I have should not have been added to, and start to wonder. I can just imagine what Snape would say; The Golden Boy, the Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter, defeats Dark Lords, but cant even defend himself against his Muggle Uncle. That is not something I want to have brought to light. Uncle Vernon has been pretty sparse with the 'pleasure beatings' since the warning the order gave him, but he wont stop himself from hitting me for punishment. He is a nightmare in his own right, but I should be able to handle him. One day, I will be able to use magic outside of Hogwarts, and the Dursleys will pay. The visions of myself as Voldemort's conqueror and Heir flash through my eyes. That day might also be the one that makes me a nightmare, if I'm not careful.

Of course, I am already a nightmare to the parents of Little Whinging and its neighboring cities. I am the one getting their kids addicted to weed and pills, stealing needles, getting hangovers and trading in whatever I will take to get what they want. Hey, I'm not proud of it, but I need to earn a living somehow; the Dursley's don't really care if I get fed or clothed or if I'd had supplies for school or whatnot. Besides, the criminals know all kinds of things, and I have so many connections to the 'underworld' that I'll get the news I want immediately: if anyone disappears, I'll know-within hours.

It's so ironic; the Order is trying so hard to protect me, when it has never been necessary. I am no child. I have never been. Well, maybe I was a child when my parents were alive, but I stopped being one the moment I met the Dursleys. I can take care of myself. I don't need a parent or a guardian. Sirius understood that, and I loved him because he was a friend, an older brother. He never lied to me.
Now that Sirius is gone, the only person who doesn't lie to me is Voldemort, but even those truths he teaches me are wrapped in falsehoods. He himself believes only half of them, the rest are said to pacify his followers. He hates Muggles, that is not a lie; the ones he knew were horrible and he is still messed up about it. I think he just wants to be important. He was brought down and made weak for so long, and now he wants to prove that he is strong and dominant. By taking over, conquering the one thing no one is able to, beating his only nightmare: death.


A/N: i'm writing this as i go, no 2nd or 3rd drafts, its freshly out of the vapid expanse that is my skull. This chapter was a work-in-progress for over two weeks, and i had a really hard time with it, because my muses and i are at War (again). so if this is remarkably horrible, you know why.

This will not be updated for a week or two (school is a bitch) but i doubt anyone is reading this anymore, and i'm gonna have to re-read it myself, to remember where exactly this was going with me and my computer.

Reviews are required, or Voldie will take your women and children and...well maybe the men too...and ...you dont wanna know what he will do.