In which Harry is grumpy and the gentle readers receive the supposedly shocking revelation that Sirius has a mum.
***
NUMBER TWELVE, GRIMMAULD PLACE, detectable to all dark wizards aware that 12 comes between 11 and 13
Intro: READ THE LINE BEFORE THIS, IDIOTS!
HARRY: Well, lookee that, that house just showed up right there when I thought about the number twelve!
LUPIN, MOODY, AND OTHER VARIOUS COOL PEOPLE: Harry, do shut up.
HERMIONE AND RON: Hi Harry!
(ALL of the RON/HERMIONE SHIPPERS CHEER)
HARRY: Grr...
HERMIONE: Oh, Harry, please don't be angry with us.
TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: Oh, you are WAY too late for that. You should have tried it three weeks ago, before he became the Hulk!
HERMIONE: Huh?
RON: Huh?
HARRY: You again!
TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: Oops, too absorbed again. Ron/Hermione forever!
(The TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR leaves. RON and HERMIONE are confused, but DO NOT HOOK UP. 80% of the GENTLE READERS are DISAPPOINTED. ANOTHER 10% are disappointed HERMIONE does not immediately go for HARRY. The REMAINING 10% wish HERMIONE would HURRY UP and OWL DRACO. .0439762% WEDGED IN there somewhere WONDER WHY HERMIONE hasn't mentioned SNAPE yet. ALL OTHER GENTLE READERS are MILDLY DISGUSTED.)
RON: Uh, so, uh, what's up Harry?
(HARRY looks ANGRY. Only the MORON portion of the GENTLE READERS is surprised. HERMIONE does a QUICK RECAP of the PLOT for the AFOREMENTIONED MORONS. EVERYONE ELSE, including the characters, is SLIGHTLY BORED.)
RON: Your owl tried to kill us, Harry!
HARRY: Oh.
(HARRY feels STANGELY SATISFIED. 99.7632501% of the GENTLE READERS are reminded that they are FED UP WITH HIM right now.)
HERMIONE AND RON: Sorry about the slow news Harry, the greatest sorcerer in the world made us promise not to risk telling you anything in case the owls were intercepted.
(ALL of HARRY'S RATIONALE has ABANDONED him. He HOLLERS at HIS TWO BEST FRIENDS.)
HARRY: GRARRNYAHMUHDUGRRR!!!
GENTLE READERS: Oh great, we thought the Twisted Parody Author had gotten over that phrase!
(The TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR resists the URGE to make ANOTHER APPEARANCE in the STORY.)
HARRY: So anyway guys, what's up with Voldie?
(In HARRY'S world, his friends could never be MAD AT HIM for SCREAMING AT THEM. The BOOKS are set in HARRY'S WORLD, so they are NOT. FRED, GEORGE, and GINNY show up, summoned by HARRY'S screaming, but NEGLECT to COMMENT on it.)
VARIOUS WEASLEYS AND HERMIONE: Oh, you know, this and that.
(They TALK for a while about THIS and THAT.)
HARRY: Oh.
VARIOUS WEASLEYS: Oh, and Percy betrayed his own family for the Ministry and moved out.
HARRY: Oh.
HERMIONE: Harry, the Daily Prophet has started a daily column to ridicule you!
HARRY: Oh.
(HARRY turns LIGHT GREEN. Not even the MORON GENTLE READERS are surprised.)
MRS. WEASLEY: Come to dinner, children!
THE TRIO AND GINNY: Okay.
(HERMIONE and RON BICKER. The RON/HERMIONE SHIPPERS are convinced this is a STRANGE DISPLAY of AFFECTION. EVERYONE ELSE ROLLS their EYES. TONKS is CONVENIENTLY about to AROUSE a FUNKY PORTRAIT, which BEGINS TO HOLLER in a fashion SIMILAR TO HARRY'S.)
SIRIUS: Meet my mum, Harry!
HARRY: Wait a second, that's the chapter's cliffhanger ending? What's there to be shocked about?
SIRIUS: Just say something, Harry!
HARRY: You have a mum, Sirius?
SIRIUS: Try again.
HARRY: Your mum is ugly, Sirius?
SIRIUS: I'll pretend I didn't hear that, for both my and my mother's sakes.
HARRY: Your mum isn't fond of you, Sirius?
SIRIUS: Well, there has to be some explanation for why I'm a crazy madman. Oh well, good enough.
***
Not much to say here. Yes, I do ship Ron/Hermione, as well as Harry/Ginny, though I'm starting to swing toward Harry/Cho.
***
NUMBER TWELVE, GRIMMAULD PLACE, detectable to all dark wizards aware that 12 comes between 11 and 13
Intro: READ THE LINE BEFORE THIS, IDIOTS!
HARRY: Well, lookee that, that house just showed up right there when I thought about the number twelve!
LUPIN, MOODY, AND OTHER VARIOUS COOL PEOPLE: Harry, do shut up.
HERMIONE AND RON: Hi Harry!
(ALL of the RON/HERMIONE SHIPPERS CHEER)
HARRY: Grr...
HERMIONE: Oh, Harry, please don't be angry with us.
TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: Oh, you are WAY too late for that. You should have tried it three weeks ago, before he became the Hulk!
HERMIONE: Huh?
RON: Huh?
HARRY: You again!
TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: Oops, too absorbed again. Ron/Hermione forever!
(The TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR leaves. RON and HERMIONE are confused, but DO NOT HOOK UP. 80% of the GENTLE READERS are DISAPPOINTED. ANOTHER 10% are disappointed HERMIONE does not immediately go for HARRY. The REMAINING 10% wish HERMIONE would HURRY UP and OWL DRACO. .0439762% WEDGED IN there somewhere WONDER WHY HERMIONE hasn't mentioned SNAPE yet. ALL OTHER GENTLE READERS are MILDLY DISGUSTED.)
RON: Uh, so, uh, what's up Harry?
(HARRY looks ANGRY. Only the MORON portion of the GENTLE READERS is surprised. HERMIONE does a QUICK RECAP of the PLOT for the AFOREMENTIONED MORONS. EVERYONE ELSE, including the characters, is SLIGHTLY BORED.)
RON: Your owl tried to kill us, Harry!
HARRY: Oh.
(HARRY feels STANGELY SATISFIED. 99.7632501% of the GENTLE READERS are reminded that they are FED UP WITH HIM right now.)
HERMIONE AND RON: Sorry about the slow news Harry, the greatest sorcerer in the world made us promise not to risk telling you anything in case the owls were intercepted.
(ALL of HARRY'S RATIONALE has ABANDONED him. He HOLLERS at HIS TWO BEST FRIENDS.)
HARRY: GRARRNYAHMUHDUGRRR!!!
GENTLE READERS: Oh great, we thought the Twisted Parody Author had gotten over that phrase!
(The TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR resists the URGE to make ANOTHER APPEARANCE in the STORY.)
HARRY: So anyway guys, what's up with Voldie?
(In HARRY'S world, his friends could never be MAD AT HIM for SCREAMING AT THEM. The BOOKS are set in HARRY'S WORLD, so they are NOT. FRED, GEORGE, and GINNY show up, summoned by HARRY'S screaming, but NEGLECT to COMMENT on it.)
VARIOUS WEASLEYS AND HERMIONE: Oh, you know, this and that.
(They TALK for a while about THIS and THAT.)
HARRY: Oh.
VARIOUS WEASLEYS: Oh, and Percy betrayed his own family for the Ministry and moved out.
HARRY: Oh.
HERMIONE: Harry, the Daily Prophet has started a daily column to ridicule you!
HARRY: Oh.
(HARRY turns LIGHT GREEN. Not even the MORON GENTLE READERS are surprised.)
MRS. WEASLEY: Come to dinner, children!
THE TRIO AND GINNY: Okay.
(HERMIONE and RON BICKER. The RON/HERMIONE SHIPPERS are convinced this is a STRANGE DISPLAY of AFFECTION. EVERYONE ELSE ROLLS their EYES. TONKS is CONVENIENTLY about to AROUSE a FUNKY PORTRAIT, which BEGINS TO HOLLER in a fashion SIMILAR TO HARRY'S.)
SIRIUS: Meet my mum, Harry!
HARRY: Wait a second, that's the chapter's cliffhanger ending? What's there to be shocked about?
SIRIUS: Just say something, Harry!
HARRY: You have a mum, Sirius?
SIRIUS: Try again.
HARRY: Your mum is ugly, Sirius?
SIRIUS: I'll pretend I didn't hear that, for both my and my mother's sakes.
HARRY: Your mum isn't fond of you, Sirius?
SIRIUS: Well, there has to be some explanation for why I'm a crazy madman. Oh well, good enough.
***
Not much to say here. Yes, I do ship Ron/Hermione, as well as Harry/Ginny, though I'm starting to swing toward Harry/Cho.
