In which there is little action and a lot of description, which is code for FORESHADOWING LIKE MAD.

I'll spend some quality time with my readers at the end of this chapter.

***

THE MINISTRY OF MAGICal time killing

Int: OotP HQ

(It is the MORNING of the TRIAL. HARRY is DEPRESSED. He goes down to the KITCHEN, where he discovers that everybody relevant is AWAKE cos the WORLD REVOLVES AROUND HIM.)

HARRY: So in what whimsical fashion will I be traveling today?

MRS. WEASLEY: If we told you about it now the next several pages describing it would be dull.

(EVERYONE ELSE chats OPENLY and COMFORTABLY about GUARD DUTY. HARRY ADAMANTLY REFUSES to recognize FORESHADOWING. If HERMIONE were aware, she would be ANNOYED.)

MR. WEASLEY: Chop chop, Harry! Let's go!

HARRY: Huh?

(AS USUAL, something has HAPPENED before HARRY can COMPREHEND IT.)

MR. WEASLEY: Aww look at the cute Muggles!

HARRY: Whatsis?

VOICE-OVER CHICK: Welcome to the Ministry of Magic.

HARRY: What?!

GUARD DUDE: Wand.

HARRY: Sure, take it!

(The GUARD does some FUNKY STUFF with HARRY'S WAND. NONE of the GENTLE READERS have any clue how this is USEFUL to the PLOT or the MINISTRY OF MAGIC.)

HARRY: Whoa, this cool fountain radiates foreshadowing vibes like mad!

MR. WEASLEY: Come on Harry! Can't let the shallow readers notice!

GUARD: Hey, that's Harry Potter!

GENTLE READERS: Great job, Einstein. We thought you might not pick that up as he's only in the cover and title of the book.

HARRY: Wow, even the elevator is whimsical! Hey, what's with all the paper airplanes?

MR. WEASLEY: Those are, uh, interdepartmental memos. Yeah, that's right, memos.

HARRY: Does this mean we get to witness another exciting magical game played in the air?

MR. WEASLEY: Harry, this book is 870 freakin' pages long. That would take another 100. What do you think?

HARRY: Nevermind!

VOICE-OVER CHICK: Foreshadowing, anyone? Should we underline the words "Department of Mysteries" for you?

HARRY: ...

VOICE-OVER CHICK: Shabbiest floor in the building. Incorporating the offices for poor people who are either untalented or disgraced. !

MR. WEASLEY: That's our stop, Harry!

HARRY: Wow! How in-character!

MR. WEASLEY: Let's go to the auror offices to tell Kingsley about Molly's meatballs, so that you can see what the place is like and cultivate a strong desire to work there which will, of course, be satisfied when you are eighteen!

TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR, while Mr. Weasley is catching his breath: It's the ciiiiiiiiiiircle of liiiife!!

HARRY: Do shut up.

(They enter the AUROR OFFICES.)

HARRY: You'd think that with all the magic and stuff, this place could do a little better than cubicles. Still, it's the bomb!

MR. WEASLEY: Good boy Harry. Oh, hello, what's-your-name - Kingsley!

HARRY: Oh, HI, Mr. -

(MR. WEASLEY STOMPS on HARRY's FOOT. The GENTLE READERS are GRIMLY SATISFIED.)

MR. WEASLEY, whispering: Okay, I was sent with some intelligence. What was it again? Oh yeah. Home made meatballs. Eight o'clock, HQ. Be there, or be square. Got it?

KINGSLEY: Got it. Look, it's the gallery of your godfather, Harry! Ooh, alliteration, I love it when I do that!

MR. WEASLEY: Okay, Harry, off to my crummy office!

HARRY: Right.

MR. WEASLEY: Here we are!

HARRY: Please, don't start that again. Hey, I wonder if Percy is in this photo of the perpetually happy Weasley family! WHOA, he's NOT!

(MR. WEASLEY MOANS.)

MR. WEASLEY: Want some insight into my hilariously meaningless job?

HARRY: Um...yeah?

MR. WEASLEY: Let's start with my adorable affection for "pumbles"...aww, phooey, Perkins has spoiled our fun!

(HARRY quickly BACKS AWAY from a dude who is JUST AS SHABBY/SHABBIER than the office.)

He who is called PERKINS: Homies! The power-abusive Wizengamot has - let me underscore this - verrry unpredictably screwed up the kid's trial!

(HARRY is TICKED at being called a KID. The GENTLE READERS groan in UNISON.)

PERKINS: It has now been relocated to the most distant, intimidating, frightening courtroom as possible! Ta-ta!

HARRY: Oh man, does this mean another whimsical elevator ride?

MR. WEASLEY: Yup. Except now it will be grimmer because we actually want to be where we're going as soon as possible.

HARRY: We do?

MR. WEASLEY, put out: Yes.

HARRY: Well, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? Let's go!

HARRY: Here we are!

MR. WEASLEY: Huh? Well that was a cruel turn of events. Let me reclaim my dignity by abruptly tossing you into the courtroom!

HARRY: You do that.

(HARRY checks his SCRIPT.)

HARRY: Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be "feigning nervousness." Oops!

(HARRY BLINKS.)

HARRY: Oh no! I sure hope they don't throw me out of Hogwarts like they have nearly done on countless occasions! We have two books and seven hundred thirty-four pages to go!

GENTLE READERS: Yeah, and a description of you and Sirius eating rats would only fill up around three hundred...

***

Okay, peoples, I would like to start by apologizing. Come on, it was summer! Very unscheduled. However, methinks I shall designate Friday the update day of the week, and I'll try to upload a new chapter every Friday. Now, reviewer responses! Yes, I shall reply to you all! Or at least those of you who merited a response...

No one got a cookie. It was a "Welcome Back, Kotter" reference.

...

Okay, sorry. Couldn't resist. Yes, it was Pinky and the Brain. Cookies go to Noriko M. Chijinu, Sammi, soupie, Cassiel Allele Lupin, Elyse3, Kitty, Maggie, ILoveVeggieTales, radiogrrl, Moon*wolf2, and Black Rebel Motor Cycle. Several dozen cookies go to Noriko M. Chijinu and SpoonSockSpork12 (say that three times fast), whom were actually brave/foolish enough to review twice!

Nobody recognized my other cookie possibility. That was from the movie Groundhog Day. I'm serious this time. Perhaps I misquoted?

Mary Sue Assassin - Thanks for the CC. I've tried to make the chapters longer. But that came naturally, too, as I warmed up to the topic.

Elven Kyttin - I guess I should thank you for the CC too, even though you only read my first, and, logically, worst chapter.

Sammi - I totally agree. And Remus is my favorite character of them ALL! =)

Life'sBlood - The Cliche Catalogue is on my favorite stories list.

Elyse3 - Yeah, I knew Hulk Harry was getting repetetive. I don't think I used him in this chapter. He'll probably just have occasional cameo appearances from here on out. That's sort of how it is in the book, anyway.

Lauren - You are one krazy kat. ;-p Have you been hanging out with Moonwave?

SpoonSockSpork12 - You are the bomb.

Princess-Perfect - Oooh, great idea! o.O I'll have to try to do that.

Okay, I have to go to bed. Thank you to all the reviewers! I had a witty statement about you five minutes ago, but now I've forgotten it...