In which the Wizengamot smacks around Harry, and no one can pronounce Wizengamot. See if you can find some placed advertising! We'll make fun of Cornelius Fudge's name, too!

Sorry, guys, I really did start this on Friday and fully intended to finish it yesterday too. But something unexpected came up and I had to babysit for the rest of the night. Sincerest apologies.

From now on, I'll give my readers a link to something cool on the web they can do to amuse themselves while they wait for my next chapter, as some of you seem to be in agony in your reviews, lol. But that shall be at the end.

And now, your feature presentation!

***

THE HEARING - even though the Wizengamot does way more talking than hearing

Int: A dark, gloomy dungeon in a galaxy, far, far away, the rebel forces are…oops, sorry, on cruise control. Silly me, I almost introduced you to a good story instead of - well, this one!

HARRY: GASP!

GENTLE READERS: Does anyone ever actually gasp in real life?

HARRY, totally oblivious to the last comment: Yup, everyone thought the Pensieve chapter in Goblet of Fire was totally boring, but soon you shall see it in a new light, because now we have a reappearance of the ROOM!

GENTLE READERS, put off at being previously ignored: Radical.

WARM, FUZZY VOICE: Hey, Harry! Have a Budweiser!

HARRY: Okay, this time it wasn't me who didn't read the script. Really.

WARM, FUZZY VOICE: My bad!

COLD, HARD VOICE: Is this appropriately intimidating?

HARRY: Uh, yeah, I guess so. Jeez, why doesn't someone do something funny!

COLD, HARD VOICE: I tried, man, I tried. So anyway, you're late.

HARRY: I, uh, didn't know about the time change. Well, duh. Why am I even TRYING to explain myself?

COLD, HARD VOICE: Isn't it great how we can abuse our power to screw up your life and make you the underdog in this trial? I love being in the WiZENguhmutt. WizenGAMMOTT. WIZenguhmutt. Whysendgrayknot?

HARRY: …

COLD, HARD VOICE: Pull up a chair, Harry! I mean, uh, take your seat, bottom-of-shoe scum.

HARRY: Nice touch.

COLD, HARD VOICE: Thanks. I practiced it for twenty minutes in front of my dressing room mirror.

HARRY: It really shines…in a, uh, bottom-of-shoe scum way of course.

COLD, HARD VOICE: Exactly.

TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: Can we reveal the voice's identity yet? I'm tired of typing a long phrase like "cold, hard voice" in all caps.

COLD, HARD VOICE: Your name is longer than mine! And anyway, my identity is never clarified.

TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: Muhahaha! It is now! You shall now be know as, Cornelius Fudge!

THE REAL FUDGE(Sounds like a brand name!): I'm too stupid to have a cold, hard voice.

TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: Shut up, moron. The man with the funky voice is taking over your character now. Go elsewhere, and stick some scissors up your nose while you're at it.

THE REAL FUDGE: Done!

(He EXITS. Several seconds later, BLOODCURDLING WAILS are heard.)

TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: Oh gosh, he actually did it. Medic! Wait, never mind. He can take care of himself. Or better yet, maybe he can't. We had better lengthen the New Fudge's contract.

HARRY: Um, I'm over HERE, in the chair with chains, waiting for my questioning!

TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: Shut up. Our banter is actually humorous. I could probably go fetch Fudge's scissors, though, if you insist upon being dull.

(HARRY is too FREAKED to reply.)

TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: So anyway, New Fudge, take the old Fudge's (Eeww, old fudge!) spot on the hovering bench thing.

NEW FUDGE: WHAT? That isn't in the contract!

TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: Why does it matter?

NEW FUDGE: HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET UP THERE?

TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: Oh, right. Well, sit on the floor or something! Having dirt on the seat of your hideous robes can't possibly make them look any worse.

ASSORTED "PEEPS": Soooo ANYWAY, we're the WissenguhMOTT! Widenjee -

TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: Uh, yeah, that's enough.

THE WHATEVERMUTT, terrified of scissors: Sorry.

HARRY: Can I talk yet?

TWISTED PARODY AUTHOR: Maybe.

HARRY: Meep. Oh look, it's Percy! Hey, Percy!

PERCY THE SNOT: I was crazy about you six months ago, now I think you're just crazy. Watch me turn my nose up at you!

(PERCY carries out his PROMISE.)

HARRY: Wow, I'm so, uh, intimidated.

NEW FUDGE: So anyway, let's uh, get this show on the road.

(THE NEW FUDGE reads off a lot of CRUD that EVERYONE already KNOWS. The GENTLE READERS are astonished that he does not STUMBLE OVER THE WORDS. He then lists the MEMBERS of the GAMUTT DUDES. The DEVOUT FANS are taking notes.)

DUMBLEDORE: Ahem. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, here to save the day!

(The GENTLE READERS are in awe. The man is SO AWESOME he has THREE MIDDLE NAMES. The DEVOUT FANS CHEER.)

THE WIZZENPEOPLE: Meep.

FUDGE: Would you, uh, like a chair, Albus?

DUMBLEDORE: No, that's fine, I can conjure up one on my own. I'm awesome like that. And they won't just be those lousy metal folding chairs, they'll be squishy armchairs. Maybe, uh, you'd like one too?

FUDGE: I'm afraid not. This floor is actually, very, uh, good for my back.

DUMBLEDORE: Right.

FUDGE: So anyway, Harry here has been a very bad boy. Conjuring a Patronus to ward off dementors! Tsk, tsk! By the way, you are Harry Potter, right?

HARRY: Duh.

FUDGE: And this is your second offense?

HARRY: Yeah, but I can -

FUDGE: Shut up! We're condemning you!

DUMBLEDORE: Uh, I can vouch for Harry about that first offense.

FUDGE: Um, never mind! He's cleared of that one! Now about that Patronus…

BONES: You've actually conjured a Patronus?

HARRY: Only for A YEAR AND A HALF!

BONES: Impressive.

FUDGE: Hey, Harry's obvious amazing power is not relevant to this trial! And no, I'm not jealous because I've never conjured even a mist of a Patronus in my life! In fact, the better Patronus the worse the crime!

PERCY: Ohhh yeah!

HARRY: And what, you think I conjured it because I was bored? There were dementors, morons!

(The WHATEVER PEOPLE all act SHOCKED.)

FUDGE: Yeah. Dementors. Right. That's too logical for me to approve.

UMBRIDGE: Hem, hem.

(All the REPEAT READERS look MURDEROUS.)

FROG FACE: All I have to say is that I did not send those dementors after Harry. Nope. No way.

DUMBLEDORE: I am the bomb.

GENTLE READERS: AMEN!

DUMBLEDORE: I can prove that there were dementors, whether she sent them or not.

GENTLE READERS: Gee, I wonder…

(ENTER MRS. FIGG)

MRS. FIGG: Hi. Though I'm obviously a can of mixed nuts, I gotta say, there were dementors.

PERCY: I'm convinced.

FUDGE: My butt hurts. He's cleared!

DUMBLEDORE: Great. I'm OUTTA HERE!

***

I have a feeling this chapter wasn't very funny, but then again, there wasn't a whole lot to make fun of. I tried to put in some shut-ups for Princess-Perfect. I also mixed up the sequence of events a little bit for humor's sake, sorry about that.

Reviewer Responses:

Soupie - Sorry, I must have given you burnt one. *evil grin* One lolly, coming right up! I hope you're satisfied, cos if you're not, I'm going to sing the good ship song again.

Lilsmartass - Reading fan fiction in math class? Oh you naughty girl you! Sorry, it's the math nerd in me. I bet you didn't even know I had a math nerd in me, did you? Yup. His name is Harold. Okay, even I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.

JuicyJuice - Love your name. Thanks for reviewing twice, that always amazes me when people do that! Amen to the R/H thing. H/G too! I've written some stuff on Neopets before, if you're really interested I'll provide a link. I have an idea for my next fiction, but it will be original, and not begun for a long time. I want to finish this up first. If you're interested in that fiction though, again, I will provide a link at the appropriate time.

Oricon - OMG! I'm on your favorite stories list! That made me feel so special. :-D

Link of the Week:

http://www.the-leaky-cauldron.org

The Leaky Cauldron - the best source for all HP news! I go there like five times daily!

Okay, well that's it until next Friday. Everyone who has read this far, please review! I still have those scissors. :-D Bye!