T.N.T for the Brain
By: Lid'l
Smell your skin
Feel your breath
You on my side
I couldn't resist
I hope I'll understand some day
What's the meaning of this crazy game
It's real … and pure
T.N.T. for the brain
Enigma
Chapter One
Colors intrigue me. They always have; the breath-taking red the sky takes on at sea when the sun is about to dip behind the everlasting horizon. Or the stormy hue of purple, blue and grey the clouds wear just before they unleash their furious blue and white lightning onto the earth and our mortal heads. Yes, colors are interesting. They can influence your mood, make you feel relaxed or uptight, make you feel good or bad.
I've always thought of Marik as purple. Purple embodies the balance of red stimulation and blue calm, the blending of the heart and the mind. I found him the perfect example of this; always off on a quest to better himself, not allowing anything or anyone to stop him from what he thinks is right, his idea of what he should be like. But the calm part of him is rational enough to see he's sometimes running in circles or generally in the wrong direction. He sits down then, coolly thinking over his actions, where he had gone wrong, what had been set right and comes to the conclusion his quest isn't over yet.
He is also a strong believer of the saying that knowledge is power; it has made him a reader, studying anything that catches his attention. Just the other day I caught him reading a book on the psychology of dreams. I asked him why he was interested and he just shrugged, smiling faintly. "I dunno. Dreams have always held a certain meaning to my sister. I guess she rubbed off on me." But I don't believe that. He has developed this need for knowledge himself, it gives him the power he so desperately seeks for.
He gets inspired easily. The slightest thing can trigger a philosophical speech from him and when he's at it he unwittingly shares with the listener the benefit of his education. I know more now about the changing of the seasons and the reincarnation of the soul than ever before. I also know why Otogi held such a grudge towards Yami. Apparently, this did have something to do with Otogi's idol Pegasus being beaten by Yami in the duel of the century, but the main reason the dark-haired dice champion disliked the Pharaoh was because his hair was way cooler than Otogi's (like I said, anything that catches his interest). Otogi is a vain bugger like that, a muddy orange.
It hasn't escaped me our group is like a rainbow, vibrant and trilling with different emotions and personalities. And I find Marik the most solemn and mysterious color within our rainbow. The most mystical, exotic, rich one of them all.
"Ryou?"
Ryou blinked his eyes a few times, until they focused on the blurry image of Yugi in front of him.
"Are you okay? You seemed to zone out there."
"I did?" Ryou cast him a fluffy smile, assuring Yugi he was indeed fine. "Sorry about that."
Yugi nodded in acceptance and turned his eyes back to the blackboard, to continue copying down Professor Hiwatari's notes.
Ryou followed suit, but soon enough his thoughts weren't lingering on English literature anymore. Very uncharacteristically, he found his pen drawing casual doodles on the paper.
When the bell rang some time later, Ryou realized with a start he had been doing nothing for over an hour. A bit disgruntled by this, he stuffed his belongings into his bag and joined Yugi as they left the class.
"Is something the matter?" the short boy asked him.
Ryou shrugged. "Not really … although I haven't been feeling like myself lately." He scratched the back of his head. There wasn't really a specific reason for him not to be himself.
"So I noticed. Here." Yugi presented Ryou with his notes and flashed him a smile.
Ryou returned it. "Thank you, Yugi," he said, carefully putting away the notebook.
A voice suddenly called out for them from somewhere further down the corridor: "Oi! Yugi, Ryou!" Panting heavily, Esper Roba joined the two. He fixed his desperate stare on Ryou. "Biology's still on for tonight, right? 'Cause I really need your help on cellular divide. The stars aren't helping me with this one!"
Ryou nodded. "Yes, it is still on. Will you be over for dinner early?"
"If you'll have me," Esper answered.
"Off course, don't be silly. Yugi?"
"If you're cooking that delicious chicken curry from the other night, I'm sure to be there," Yugi grinned, "Anyway, I have to go now. I'm supposed to meet Anzu at the mall in two minutes." He pulled some books from his locker and crammed them into his backpack. "I don't know what she'll do to me if I'm late …"
Esper and Ryou both nodded, pitying Yugi for having to spend the afternoon with Anzu at the mall. Situations like those often ended in the two of them shopping furiously; that is, Anzu trying on and buying a dozen or so new clothes, while Yugi was left to carry her bags like a pipe-sized piccolo.
"Yeah, I gotta go too," Esper sighed, checking his watch, "Professor Yamamoto decided to throw in an extra Psychology quiz. Don't want to be late."
"If you'll hold on a second, I'll walk with you." Ryou took his portfolio from his locker. "See you tonight, Yugi. Have fun."
"Right. See you tonight, guys."
Yugi parted for Domino City Mall, while Esper and Ryou walked together to their respective classes. After Ryou'd dropped Esper off at his Psychology class and wished him luck with the quiz, he continued on his way to double Art class.
Autumn had dawned upon unsuspecting Domino much too soon. Although the sun attempted to restore the full glory it'd had during the summer, it was rather unsuccessful.
Leaning over his motorcycle, Marik watched the groups of students pouring from the school. They came and went, with smiles on their faces and backpacks dangling from their shoulders.
The late sun filtered golden rays through the trees, setting the school ablaze in a fantastic play of golden light and deep shadows. The sharp wind tugged at Ryou's scarf as he came out.
Marik smiled to himself upon seeing the silver-haired youth, bathing in the sun's light. He didn't quite fit in with the other students, he was different kind of person altogether. With his knitted rainbow-colored shawl and low-hanging shoulder bag (not to mention the long, silver hair), Ryou stood out.
His eyes found Marik's and delighted, he came over. "I hadn't expected you here."
"Hm." Marik took Ryou's paint-stained hands in his and planted a soft kiss on his lips. "You want me to go then?" he asked, sporting his bad boy grin.
"No," Ryou answered, his cheeks tinged pink. He still got a bit embarrassed when Marik showed affection in public.
"Hop on, I'll take you home."
"Oh." Ryou dropped his eyes. "I have to go to the store first … groceries," he explained.
Marik shrugged. "No problem."
So Ryou climbed on, placing his bag between him and Marik, before wrapping his arms around the Egyptian's shoulders. Marik was well known for his custom of speeding.
Not long after they reached Ryou's apartment safe and sound (the groceries included) and Ryou disappeared into the kitchen straight away.
"What's the hurry?" Marik asked, as he casually strolled in after Ryou.
The boy was quickly stashing away items of food into different cabinets. "My study group is coming over, remember?"
"So?"
"I invited them for dinner tonight," Ryou said, putting away some apples in the fruit basket, "And I want to get started on dinner right away. I have a lot to do … Esper's a vegetarian and Yugi would like chicken curry … are you staying over too?" he asked, stopping dead in his tracks.
Marik used this opportunity to his advantage, catching Ryou in his arms before he could go off into a cooking frenzy. "Relax, sweetie. I'll go home if you want me to."
Ryou shook his head. "No, I don't want you to go home … but we have a lot of studying to do."
"Don't worry, I'll behave," Marik grinned.
"Why do I find that so hard to believe?" Ryou pecked Marik on the cheek and proceeded to stock away the veggies.
Marik retracted himself into a darker spot of the kitchen, watching his younger lover work. Cooking was one of the boy's favorite pastimes, the way he cut the chicken and stirred the curry. There was a sincere pleasure radiating from the way Ryou prepared a special vegetable dish for his friends. He dipped a finger into the curry and brought it to his mouth, making Marik realize just how attractive this vision before him was. Somewhere in the back of his head he wondered if Bakura had ever regarded his hikari this way.
"I'm almost done now," Ryou announced merrily, turning his heel to face Marik. He was taken aback when he found himself nose to nose with the Egyptian. "Marik…?"
"You're incredibly hard to resist, you know that?" Marik kissed the boy softly, driving him back against the counter. Now Ryou was caught between the kitchen counter and the body of his boyfriend. "M-Marik … we can't … not now," Ryou protested as lips traveled their way down his jawbone, "My rice is burning."
"I don't care," Marik murmured against his cheek. He lifted the boy up to sit on the counter and took a standing position between his legs, all the while keeping their lips locked.
"M-Marik … please," Ryou objected, although his heart wasn't really in it. And when he felt Marik's tongue wetting his neck and his hands creeping under his shirt, all thoughts of dinner flew out the window.
Then the doorbell rang.
Ryou froze. "They're here."
"So make them go away," Marik murmured, but Ryou managed to push him aside.
"You go let them in, I'll try and save the rice," he said, before ushering the Egyptian out the door and tidying himself up.
Marik was left in the hallway cussing and swearing and answering the door.
Esper's eyes widened as they met with those of the Egyptian. "Wow," he breathed, "The energy here is very sexually charged."
Yugi shoved him in the ribs. "Esper!"
"Sorry," he apologized, "I can't help being psychic!"
Marik was about to slam the door shut again and continue where he had left off, when Yugi piped: "So can we come in now? It's kinda cold outside."
"Sure," Marik rumbled, leaving them in the hallway. He proceeded into the living room, crashed down on the couch and started moping.
"I think we interrupted something," Yugi noted, when he took off his coat and put it away.
"What do you mean?"
"Oh yeah, you don't know," Yugi slapped his head, only fueling Esper's confusion.
"What? What I don't know?"
Yugi peeked around the corner to the sulking Egyptian. "That was Marik, Ryou's boyfriend."
"B-boyfriend?" Esper piped.
"Yeah, and while we're at it, I have a boyfriend too, but he's currently dueling abroad." Yugi winked at the dumbstruck psychic and continued into the kitchen, snickering at his shocked expression.
"What are you laughing about?" Ryou wanted to know, as he poured the excess water from the pan of rice. He had indeed managed to save it.
Yugi pilfered a piece of chicken from the curry, receiving a disapproving sound from the cook. "Yum! Anyway, Esper now knows why Marik hangs around you so much."
"He didn't know?" Ryou asked, genuinely surprised by this, "I though he was psychic."
"I am," Esper agreed from the doorway, startling both boys present, "But apparently I'm very thick."
"Sorry for keeping it from you," Ryou apologized.
Esper smiled, a bit embarrassed. "That's okay. I just never knew you swung that way." He scratched his head, feeling a bit awkward. "Can I help you with something?"
"Please! Could you two set the table for me?" Ryou cast a glance at the couch from the open kitchenette. "Because I don't think Marik is moving for anything save a good make-out session. I have a lot of making up to do tonight …"
Esper threw him an unreadable expression, before taking off with four plates.
"What's with him?" Yugi asked, gathering several items of cutlery.
"I have no idea."
Dinner passed pretty uneventful. Yugi was happily munching down his chicken and even Marik couldn't resist the yummy smell of the curry. Only Esper was absentmindedly prodding his ramen and veggies.
"You don't have to eat them if you don't like them," Ryou offered.
Esper's eyes shot up to meet Ryou's. "Oh, I'm sorry. No, that's okay … they're nice."
"All right then."
"He's probably still shocked finding out we're lovers," Marik scoffed, stuffing another spoonful of rice in his mouth. "Really, I don't get the fuzz. He's pretty gay himself, too."
Esper's chopsticks clattered to the table as his eyes met Marik's. "N-no, I'm not."
Marik rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. Sure you are. Look at the way you dress, the way you move. Your hair, your shoes. Even your nicely manicured nails scream 'fag!' all over."
"N-no, you got it all wrong!"
The Egyptian pointed his spoon Esper's way. "You're in denial, kid."
"No!" Esper jumped up, startling all three of them. Tears stained his eyes, as he left the table. Not long after, the front door slammed shut.
"Nice going," Yugi scorned.
He got a shrug in reply. "What? I'm just saying what others are thinking. At least I'm honest."
Ryou threw him a disappointed look but nodded nonetheless. "There's a fine line between being honest and being crude, Marik." He went after his friend, grabbing his jacket on the way out.
Outside, there was no sign whatsoever Esper had taken accommodation in Ryou's front yard, so he moved over to the park across the street. There he found the green-haired psychic rocking himself back and forth, knees drawn to his chest and his slim form shuddering from the autumn chill.
Ryou offered him the jacket. "Hey."
Esper looked up, his eyes brimmed with tears. He bit his lip, trying his best not to cry. But he failed.
"You shouldn't let Marik get to you like that, Esper," Ryou said quietly, "He tells his mind. But he can be a little inconsiderate about the things he says. I'm sure he didn't mean to be so rude."
The psychic remained silent.
Looking away, Ryou let out a sigh. This had to be like the gazillionth time he was running after someone Marik had upset. And although telling the truth was a true virtue and an uncommon thing to come across these days, Marik sometimes pushed matters too far, in Ryou's opinion.
Esper finally shifted, avoiding all eye contact with his white-haired friend. "… but you know what … I think he's right …"
Temporary shock. "R-really …?"
"I don't know!" Esper desperately cried, burying his face in his hands, a futile attempt to flee reality. "… I really don't know," he hiccupped, locking his eyes with Ryou's, searching for answers. He had entrusted his friend with his innermost secret, because he so desperately needed help to deal with these unfamiliar feelings. "What am I gonna do, Ryou? What will my siblings think when they find out their big brother is gay?!"
The word sounded so awful, coming from Esper's lips like a curse.
"I don't know what to do anymore … please help me …" Esper whimpered, breaking down in frantic sobs. "They're gonna hate me, and I don't … don't-" The rest of his hysterical words were caught in a tight hug, when Ryou wrapped his arms around the shaken up psychic in a compassionate embrace. He let him cry, releasing all bottled up anxiety and frustration, knowing well how well Esper needed this proverbial shoulder to cry on. He never did have many friends.
"We can't choose the ones we fall in love with, Esper," he softly said into the jade locks of the boy. "Life's not that simple. Your brothers'll understand. They love you, right? The five of you are so close … they would want you to find happiness. They'll understand, don't worry. Now, come on … stop crying, please?"
Embarrassed by his tearful outburst, Esper dried his eyes and took in a deep breath, collecting his cool.
Ryou smiled. "Right. So … tell me about this guy that has turned your life up-side-down like that."
Esper couldn't help blushing and smiling. Shyly, he cast his eyes down. "… His name is Mako," he started, wrapping Ryou's jacket tighter around his shoulders. "And he lives by the sea …"
"Right. Help me remember never to invite you to any of my dinner parties."
"Shut up, pipsqueak."
Marik's insult stung where it hurt. Yugi narrowed his amethyst eyes at the Egyptian. "Keep that attitude up and you can write off that make up sex Ryou'd planned for you." But then a wickeder grin crossed Yugi's lips. "Or maybe I'll just sick Yami on you … wouldn't that be something?"
Marik paled. "You wouldn't dare."
"Try me," Yugi provoked.
Before the whole incident could escalate into something nasty, the two of them heard the rattling of keys unlocking the door and Ryou ushering Esper inside.
Yugi threw the Egyptian a glare better to keep his mouth shut before he greeted his two friends who joined them at the table. Dinner passed without any further unpleasantries.
When Ryou took care of the dishes afterwards, he was caught in an apologizing hug from behind. "I'm sorry for ruining dinner," Marik softly said, snuggling his head in the crook of the pale-haired's neck.
"You shouldn't be apologizing to me, you know."
"I already told Esper I'm sorry…"
Ryou blinked in surprise. "Really? I'm so proud of you!" He rewarded his lover with a peck on the cheek, giggling as Marik took a nibble from his neck. "Stop that! I'm doing dishes here!"
He hadn't expected the warm body of the Egyptian to pull away completely. "…M-Marik?"
"I'd better go home now." Marik uneasily crossed his arms over his chest, looking away. "I'll leave you to your studying … I'd only be a nuisance. I'm not smart like you."
"That's not true…" Ryou protested, slinging his drying cloth over his shoulder. "Just because you're home educated doesn't mean you're not smart."
"Do you think I should enroll high-school?" the Egyptian suddenly asked, his lavender eyes intently set on the other. "Nah, forget about it. I'm going now." He gave Ryou a quick kiss before he could protest and shouted a bye to Yugi and Esper before he left the house in a hurry.
"What's wrong with him?" Yugi asked when Ryou joined to two in the living room. He opened his Biology book somewhere halfway, not really paying attention to which page he needed to be.
"I don't know," Ryou said honestly, looking out the window as if he could find his lover standing outside, ready to burst through the door and apologize for running off like that.
Esper cleared his throat. "He's insecure."
Both Ryou and Yugi stared at him in disbelief. Smug and cocky Marik, insecure?
"I read him before he left. He thinks he has done something wrong, like he's cheating you out of your enjoyment. You're always cleaning up after his mess and you never have an intellectual conversation, because he never learned about mitosis and meiosis. That's bugging him," Esper explained, tugging on the sleeves of his purple sweater. He locked eyes with Ryou, adding, "And he misses someone. A family member or a very close friend…"
"…Bakura," Ryou whispered, his eyes becoming glassy. He too still missed the fiend, although it had been about half a year ago since he left. He shook his head quickly, covering up his emotions before his friends could ask him something was wrong. "Right! Anyway, we should start now. How about we cover DNA first, before we go on to the actual dividing?"
"Okay," Esper agreed, looking up his passage on DNA.
Yugi followed suit, but kept his amethyst eyes on his white-haired friend. Something was going on, it was thick in the air and it wasn't test stress.
