Chapter 10 I'm lost without you

This chapter will be set out like a songfic. I am listening to this song now and I really think it works with this chapter.

The song is I'm lost without you by blink 182

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I swear that I can go on forever, again.

James knows he can live without Lily; there are plenty of other girls. Plenty of other opportunities. Why was he feeling different about this girl? Why was he letting her into his heart?

Please let me know that my one bad day will end.

Lily can't stop thinking about last night. Her dreams usually drifted away once she was awake. But she could remember every moment. Every touch. Every moan. She couldn't think about anything else. But instead of making her feel good- like last night- she felt awful. How could she think those things about the boy she'd hated for all those years? Why was it so different this year? Was she losing her mind?

I will go down as your lover- a friend.

James knew he could get her, if he tried hard enough. He could do anything. He could make her love him. But would it last? She would love him, but for how long? Would she leave him after one day? Two? Maybe it would be longer. But James knew that it wouldn't last forever if he made her love him. He couldn't have something that perfect and let it go again. He would much rather not have her at all than to have her and leave her. If it was going to work between them, she would have to love him by herself and James couldn't do that. He had to be patient. Even if he had to wait for the rest of his life, he would wait.

Give me your lips, and with one kiss we begin

Lily knew in her heart that James loved her and if she told him how she felt, they could make it work. But how did she feel? She didn't know. By her dream last night, she knew she wanted him, and she definitely wanted to be with him, but could she ever love him? Could she ever walk down the Hogwarts corridors with her hand in his? Could she look into his eyes and not feel confused about their relationship? Could she ever feel for him the way he felt for her? Could this work or was it too impossible even for them?


Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you


I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you

James waited for Lily every night. He would sit in the common room, when everyone else had gone to bed, and he would sit in the same couch every night. Waiting for Lily to come. But she didn't. She didn't even know he was there. He would eventually drift off to sleep, dreaming of her lips, her smile. He would dream that she saw him. Saw him for who he really was. A man in love with a woman. But he was only a boy to her. A boy who she hated. But he couldn't control his dreams. He couldn't control his feelings. He was in love. And she wasn't.

I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you

When James wasn't looking, Lily was. She stared at him in classes, in the great hall, in the common room. She even snuck out to watch him during Quidditch practice. He looked so natural up there so free. Lily never used to go to his Quidditch games. She liked to use the quiet time to stay in the common room and study or read. Now, she found herself going to every game, every practice. Never taking her eyes off James. Watching as he soared up high, wind in his hair, winter sun on his face. She watched the intense concentration on his face as he searched for the Golden snitch. He would normally catch it, winning the game. Lily would watch him drift back down to the ground and jump off his broom, before it reached the ground. She smiled as the rest of the Gryffindors crowded around, cheering and singing. And he smiled. He smiled his beautiful smile and Lily would melt. Then she would slip away before he knew she was at the game.


Where are you now? I can hear footsteps. I'm dreaming

James sat on the couch again. It was the last day of term, his last chance until next term to wait for her. He was beginning to drift off to sleep, but he forced his eyes open, knowing it had to be tonight that she would come. Wanting desperately for it to be tonight. Where was she? It was so late, almost morning. Soon, everyone would be waking up, ready to have one last breakfast and leave for two weeks. James didn't want to wait that long to see Lily again. He wanted her to stay. He wanted to be with her, even if he wasn't with her.


And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this

Lily lay awake. It was early morning. She usually loved the last day of term. She loved staying at school and having the dorm to herself and having the time and space to catch up on her homework. This day was different. She hadn't slept well all night. She couldn't stop thinking about James. She knew she would miss him. She didn't want to- she wanted to forget him- but she was already missing him. She would have no one to stare at during dinner, no one to confuse her feelings. She hated that feeling, but she loved it at the same time. She loved it? She did. She loved that feeling. She loved the way her head spun whenever James looked her way. She loved the knot in her stomach she had whenever James talked to her. She loved the sick feeling she had after an erotic dream involving him. She loved everything. She loved the way he smiled. She loved the way he looked when he was flying. She loved the concentration on his face when he was turning a wizard wireless into a muggle cd player in advanced Transfiguration. She loved the way he moved, the way he sneezed. She loved… she loved James. She loved him. She loved him. She loved him. And she wasn't afraid anymore. She was in love.

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A/N wow I liked it. Did you? Please review. I really want to know whether the whole songfic concept worked for this chapter. So if you ever thought of reviewing my story, now is the time to do so.