TO finish the REview Resonses...

Obviously, this chapter to include Mel sorting through her feelings. sigh

Just a note... Nee and Bran. When I read the book, I assumed they'd notice that there was a race going on. It'd be hard not to. I've put it that they were in the carriage before they heard about the bet, but seeing as it's Danric, they'd assume he'd probably suggest a wager. They don't know if they actually did, or what the stakes were. Just thought I'd clear that up, because stargirl98 asked about it.

Anyway... on with the story!

Disclaimer: I would never in my life try to pretend that I was such an amazing writer as Sherwood Smith. She is way out of my league, and I've just taken to kidnapping her characters for a little while and playing with them before returning them to their proper places.

(blah)

Chapter Four: Mel's Confusion.

I quietly slipped back into my own room, unwilling to break the silence that surrounded me. My stomach was knotted, I was completely exhausted, and Shevraeth had tried to kiss me. Twice.

I shrugged off my clothes and got into a nightdress. I climbed into bed, but sleep was not forthcoming. My mind was whirling, and I couldn't slow it down enough to think. Thoughts came together in my mind and scattered before I could grasp them. Time and again I shook my head and rolled over in bed, but still my mind did not sleep. Questions fled through my mind, disappearing before I could come up with an answer that would satisfy me.

Stifling a cry, I angrily got out of bed and kneeled at the small table in the centre of my room. Pulling out some parchment and a quill, I settled in to write a long letter to Oria. For a few moments I stared into the dying fire in the fireplace, my eyelids drooping with tiredness. Yawning, I turned to my letter.

Dear Oria,

How are you? How is construction going in Tlanth? I know you weren't expecting a letter from me so soon, but I need to sort things out, and you are the only one I can ask. Please don't show this letter to anyone, not even your mother. I wish this to be kept between you and I. We've been on the road for two days and already I feel I'm making mistakes. I'll explain to you as best I can what has happened.

This morning (or rather yesterday morning, as it's just past first- white) I chose to ride outside the carriage, leaving Bran and Nee inside. Shevraeth suggested a wager, and I accepted. We bet on who could reach this inn first. The stake was a kiss. Shevraeth used a shortcut to get here, and so won the wager. I forced him to collect when I arrived... Oria, this is hard to explain.

I told him that he must collect then or he would never get a chance. I still do not trust him completely and I wasn't sure when he would choose to collect. This being my first visit to Court, I do not wish to be embarrassed. After I kissed him, he told me quite directly that I hadn't kissed him properly. He then proceeded to kiss me in what he obviously deems the appropriate manner for a wager. Oria... I think I understand a little why you enjoy your flirts so much. That kiss was

I left soon after. We had dinner with Bran and Nee, and we were quite civil. After dinner Nee and I went to dance. I stepped out for a breath of air, and Shevraeth asked me to dance. I refused, but then felt horrible. I went to see him, to apologise and to ask him if he still wanted to dance, but he was asleep. Oria, I should have left then and there, I should have never gone in!

I laid him down on a pillow with a blanket. Shevraeth had an ink stain on his cheek, from falling asleep on his quill. I fetched some soap and water and a cloth, and I tried to scrub it off, as a gesture of good will. Unfortunately, after explaining myself to Nee, Bran came in and woke him. Shevraeth demanded to know what I was doing, and so I explained myself. He then demanded to know why I was in his parlour in the first place. I apologised, and asked him to dance, like I had planned to. It was rather ridiculous, as the music had stopped by that time. We danced anyway.

Oria, he tried to kiss me! Twice! Oria, you're the only one who can help me. What was I to do? I didn't let him kiss me. Both times I was startled, and I just backed away from him. What does this mean? Is he just doing as a courtier would do? Or does he like me? I don't know what to do or what to say. Should I just ignore him? No, I couldn't do that; I promised him that I'd try to keep our past differences from other people at Court. Ignoring him would make it obvious that we aren't completely trusting, and Certain People would try to get me to vie for a crown. I don't know what to do now.

Oh, why did I stay in the first place? If I had not then none of this would have happened. If he hadn't captured me I wouldn't distrust him so. If I hadn't been caught in that trap I wouldn't have been captured. If it weren't for Bran's idea I wouldn't have been caught in the trap! I hate this whole war, and Courtiers and government and everything else! Why can't they just leave me alone! I don't want the crown or anything to do with anyone associated with it! Especially Shevraeth!

Oria, I suppose I have to admit that I do like Shevraeth a little, as a person. I hate fighting with him. I always feel so guilty afterwards, so obviously I don't hate him. I always worry what he's thinking... I can't ever tell, because of that Court mask. I can't tell if he's happy or angry, and it drives me up the wall. And he's always so calm! Does nothing stir him? Does he never get angry and yell at people? Does he ever show emotion?

So why did he try to kiss me? Does he just want to make people think we're... twoing or something? Is that the way he's planning on showing a united front? I can't believe he would do that! How dare he!

I'm jumping to conclusions again. I'm sorry, I just don't know what to think. I don't know why I liked dancing with him so much. Well, he is a really good dancer. He's graceful... very graceful. And he's handsome, as you commented when he visited. His hair is so soft... and I like his eyes. They're the only part of him that expresses any emotion, even if it is hidden a lot of the time.

What am I saying? Oria, I think writing this out has helped me to think. I thank you, even if you haven't done anything. Be well, take care of Julen, and let me hear from you soon.

Love,

Mel.

I sat back and re-read what I'd written. Writing out all my problems really helped to slow my mind and figure a few things out. I came to a few conclusions. One, I really didn't hate Shevraeth. He just drove me crazy when he stays so calm all the time. And I really hated that mask. I often jumped to conclusions about him from what he shows me through the mask. Two, I really did think he was quite handsome. And three: I liked spending time with Shevraeth, when we aren't fighting. He was kind, and he didn't make fun of me or laugh at my mistakes.

I folded my letter and sealed it. I crawled back into bed and thought.

Was it just an act? Was he just trying to gain my trust so that we'd seem to be friends for the rest of the Court? Did he actually like dancing with me, the rustic barefoot countess from the woods?

Is this the way all the other Courtiers act? If so, I think I might go mad before the wedding. Did he try to kiss me because he liked me? Did I like him?

That thought confused me. I didn't know if I liked him or not. Crawling out of bed, I read my letter for a third time. I read the second last paragraph and felt that this letter was even too personal to send to Oria, my best friend since childhood. I didn't want her to read it and laugh at me finally admitting to my stubbornness, even if I was admitting it in such a roundabout way. Sighing, I stirred up the glowing coals in the fireplace. I threw in the letter, and watched it burn to ashes.

Crawling into bed for the third time that night, I pulled up the covers and finally fell asleep.

!!!###$$$

sorry if it's a little disjointed and weird. Feeling a little giddy... not really the best mood for writing serious stuff. Oh well. I thought you'd like an update.

(jumps) feeling mighty giddy. I know I shouldn't be so happy, but I am. Trudy broke up with Charlie! (giggles) I know it's mean... but truthfully, I was angry with Trudy for going out with him. (I'm not going to explain in detail what happened... if you desperately want to know, check my livejournal.) hehe, I know it's mean Haley, but oh well.

Anyway... umm... yeah. Giddiness. Fun stuff. I have to babysit in a little while, so it's a good thing, cause then I have energy to play with the kids. (jumps) haha, giddy!

REVIEW RESPONSES!! (YAY!)

rubic-cube- mohahaha! I love teasing readers. I get lots of joy out of it. Don't worry... Savona shall make his appearance soon...

stargirl98- I thought it was a little wierd for him too, but I was a little too excited to edit. Savona and the ring are definitely gonna come into play. I love Savona!

legofiance- I love Wolf! My mom taped it from the tv... And she missed like two hours of it! (is angry) But I love it anyway. It's so cool! I love my muse. He's so nice to me...

Felsong- I thought he was sleeping too deeply too. Oh well, we can just assume he knew what was going on and didn't want Mel to leave! haha, I like the Harper! hehe.

Dumbledor's Heir- (runs from fluff)

Elemmire09-Thanks, I'm glad you like it! I'm gonna watch Danric a lot more carefully now... I'll keep him on a tight leash.

Wake-Robin- I'm glad you like it! I like the ink too! :) also, glad you arne't a picky reader. I am, and it drives me nuts that I usually can't find a good story.

literaryfreak- Glad you like! Sorry bout the cliff hangers... I love them. I also love the ink on his face... and the lack of music. that was the muse at work! :)

dreamerdoll- I know... whenever you want to do something in secret, everyone comes barging in. lol.