Chapter 36
Here without you
The first hour that Sirius was home dragged by like it was a month. He sat on his bed polishing his beater's bat, thinking about everything that had happened in the past few months. All he could really see was Kim. He was not tired, but all he wanted to do was sleep; sleep away the thoughts and pain, but thoughts and pain are what kept him going. He needed to find something real and nothing at the house of Black could be considered real. He only had Kim. Everything was Kim and Kim was everything. It was that night that Sirius realised what being in love was. It was everything.
"Happy Birthday mother." Sirius said to his mother the next morning. He handed her an envelope with nothing but a card with the words From Sirius scrawled inside. "Sorry I didn't have time to buy you anything."
Mrs Black smiled weakly. "Thank you son."
Mr Black entered the room and Sirius jumped from his seat. "Father, I want to talk to you." He had never got to sleep the night before and was instead forced to think about how he wanted his life to end up.
His father nodded and the two left the room. "What is it? Come to ask for money again? Regulus never needs extra money."
"I don't need money. I just want to tell you that…that I think I will be asking…" For the first time in his life, Sirius was lost for words. "Do you remember Kimberley Grima?"
"Short, brown hair, nice smile, right? She's friends with that Malfoy fella, Narcissa's boyfriend."
"Um…yeah. Well the two of us have gotten…close this year. We started dating earlier this year and things are starting to get serious. I think I want to marry her after I finish school." Sirius said slowly.
His mother had been standing by the door listening to the conversation. "Absolutely not. I know about her, Narcissa has told us all about her schemes. She's only after your money, son."
"She's not. Narcissa's just jealous because the guy she loves is in love with Kim, who I love."
"Love?" Scoffed his father. "You wouldn't know how to love. Your mother and I have done nothing but provide you with the best of everything and you have never shown the slightest hint of gratitude."
"I don't care what you think, I just thought I should tell you." Sirius yelled above his father's voice.
"How dare you disrespect me!"
"You and your respect. Why the hell should I respect someone who treats me like shit." Sirius snapped.
"Because everyone should be treated the way they deserve to be treated."
"Then you should be treated like an old fool who cares more about bloodlines and money than his son's happiness." Sirius lowered his tone and spoke calmly and clearly, something that took a lot of focus. "And before you ask, Kim's a fullblood, not that I care. She could be a squib and I'd marry her."
"You don't understand anything, son."
"Son? Now I'm your son. I guess someone up there hates me, to make me your son." Sirius breathed deep breathes as he forced self control.
"It's not like I ever wanted you to be my son."
The two stared at each other intensely. For a few moments there was nothing but silence. Then Mrs Black interrupted from the doorway of the kitchen.
"What did we ever do to deserve you? A son who doesn't want to be our son in a world that is so confusing."
"It's not confusing if you have something to believe in, but unfortunately I don't believe anything you do. There's only one thing I believe in: Trust. You don't exhibit any or have any in your existence."
"When did you start having morals and using words like exhibit." Regulus had come downstairs and joined the conversation.
"The day I stopped being your brother. I'm going. I can't be here anymore." Sirius was shocked with what he had just told his family, but realised it was the only way he could escape them. "Bye."
And with that he walked out the door and disappeared down the street.
Sirius wandered the streets for a few hours, aware that he had nothing but his wand and a dozen sickles. He ended up in front of Ebony's place, trying desperately to remember if she had mentioned where she was staying. He couldn't remember and just hoped she would be in her London Mansion.
It wasn't. A house elf, Morris, answered the door and told Sirius to go away. Sirius sighed and wished he hadn't spent so many years playing pranks on Morris. He meandered some more, thinking about where else he could go. He wanted so desperately to go to Kim's, to see her and be with her, but didn't want to trouble her with his burdens. She needed some time to think, he couldn't go there. Remus and Lily had stayed at school to study for the upcoming exams; he didn't want to go there. There was only James. He could try to find Ebony, but when someone owns twenty eight assorted dwellings, they are hard to find.
He felt so betrayed by James. Yes, they were all talking about Kim behind his back, but James was meant to be his best friend. The two had never kept anything from each other and Sirius had never found a reason to ever dislike James, until recently.
James was the only option, though, so Sirius changed his direction and headed towards the muggle train station.
James was playing Quidditch with his father. Sirius hated feeling so resentful and jealous, but James really had it all, the girl of his dreams, a father who was more like a good friend, money, good looks and a great future. Sirius felt like he only had Kim…and his good looks.
Sirius's feelings were soon replaced with the reckless freedom he loved and missed. He had no problems or burdens when he was with his best friend playing Quidditch and laughing carelessly. He didn't understand why his resentment had disappeared, but he recognised situations from his past that could be cured just by hanging out with James. He knew that he couldn't just fly away his fears and apprehension, but he could forget them for a few hours. So he did.
Later that week, he realised how selfish he had been lately, thinking that he was the only one with fears and burdens. James's parents went out to a party and left Sirius and James alone in the house. They should've known from experience that this is never a good idea, but sometimes smart people could be stupid. The Potter's were really, really smart.
"You remember how Dumbledore reckons I could be head boy?" James asked as he dumped a pile of sticks in the middle of his backyard.
"Yeah." Sirius replied, dumping his several heavy logs.
"Well I've been thinking about this heaps lately and I've made my decision, I think." James said uncertainly.
"What have you been thinking? I thought you would've known straight off whether you want it or not."
"I thought I did. I thought that it would be cool to have power and stuff and I am a good leader, you have to admit."
"Best Quidditch captain for years, mate."
"Exactly. I would be an all right Head Boy. Heaps better than Barty or Archie and the only other real competition is Amos, but most people think he's just a pretty boy."
"He is a pretty boy, but so are you." Sirius said as he followed James back to the woodpile.
"Chicks vote for pretty boys, guys vote for ace Quidditch players, the question is not whether I could get it, but if I want to."
"Do you want to?"
"I didn't. I figured that if I became Head Boy I would have to stop the pranks and constant Snape anguishing, but I've realised something else." James paused as he tried to put what he was thinking into words.
"That you can still do pranks if you're Head Boy? I reckon it will help you get out of stuff easier."
"No. Well, yeah that's true, but I was thinking something else."
"What?"
"We haven't played a prank for ages. We don't need the pranks to have fun anymore; we have our girls and stuff. Yeah, we still piss Snape off and muck around with class and stuff, but we're not the same Marauders as we used to be. We're different people and I'm a different person and…I want to be head boy." James finished dramatically.
"We're becoming Moony." Sirius said with a grin.
James shuddered. "I never thought I would ever grow up."
"But there's no way of escaping it Prongs."
"We'll always be friends right, Padfoot? Like, all this stuff with Kim, what we've been thinking about her and stuff, it's not really true. I know she's not evil. Sure, I don't like her being friends with Lucius and stuff, but I don't really think you could love anyone unless you trusted them. I'm sorry I've fucked around so much, I know you're right about her."
"You have absolutely no idea how great it is to hear you say it, Prongs. Thank you for trusting me. And yes, we'll always be best mates." Sirius dumped some more wood and took out his wand. "But you aren't going to stop the mischief yet, are you Prongsie?"
James's face split into a manic grin as Sirius lit the fire with a quick swish of his wand.
Sirius woke up with a groan and looked around the room. The sun shone in through the window causing Sirius to close his eyes again.
"Don't worry Padfoot, there's still one more day of holidays." James was sitting at his desk reading a huge book entitled A brief tutorial in Extension Charms, Volume 5.
"Since when do you study?"
"If you took Flitwick's extension class, you'd know. Remember the good old days when Charms was a bludge? I miss those days."
"Let's just have breakfast." Sirius said thinking as far into the future as he could. He didn't want to think of the next day. He was nervous about seeing Kim, he was never nervous when it came to girls, but Kim wasn't just any girl.
"Let's go out for breakfast. I gotta get some stuff and I'm really sick of this place. Let's go to Diagon Ally."
"Can't we eat and then go out for breakfast?"
Diagon Ally was a lovely shade of purple, literally. Someone had had charmed everything from the plants to the shop fronts to the short man selling various plants a lovely hue of violet.
Ebony, Remus and Lily were purchasing things in Diagon Ally when they passed a familiar face, it was Kim with Suspious, a pureblood who had been friends with Kim, but had finished school in the previous year.
"Let's see how this turns out." Remus said, raising an eyebrow at the thought of Kim being friendly with a known mudblood hater.
"Yes, let's spy," said Ebony with a note of excitement in her voice, perhaps sounding a little to enthusiastic.
Ebony, Remus and Lily went into Capella Suoenso, a cafe opposite Knockturn Ally that had a great view of the street from the large clean window. They took turns in keeping a look out for Kim and buying drinks.
"She has to be evil." Lily informed the others as she finished her tea. "Why would she go into Knockturn Ally if she wasn't?"
"I go to Knockturn Ally." Remus reminded her. "I'm not evil, I just have an extremely good reason for needing the acquisition of chains and bars."
"And my father does a lot of business in Knockturn Ally. Just because his customers aren't all that reliable, it doesn't mean he isn't, but I do agree with you. I am also suspicious that Suspious and Kim went into Knockturn Ally. They didn't have a reason."
An hour later, Kim and Suspious returned; Kim with a brown package under her arm and looking rather dubious. However, they were not alone, someone else had walked out of Knockturn Ally with them…Lucius Malfoy.
Suspious left and headed toward a nearby Severus Snape. Kim and Lucius headed down Diagon Ally, with Ebony, Remus and Lily in close pursuit.
Remus suddenly stopped and said quietly. "We need to have more stealth, fall back and try to look casual."
Sirius and James had just arrived and Sirius' growling stomach had lead them to a diner that sold every one of Sirius's thirty five favorite meals. However, they didn't quite make it inside the door because out of the corner of his eye James had seen the shine of familiar crimson braids. "Hey Padfoot, it's Lils." James said with a sudden realisation. "What are they doing here? Why weren't we invited?"
"I don't know, but it looks like they're trying to act secretively, they suck." Sirius laughed. It was true. Remus was acting casual enough, but Lily and Ebony were sneaking around corners and hiding behind various plants and stalls. Occasionally, the two girls would catch each other's eyes and burst into fits of giggles.
"Let's see what they're up to." James commanded as he and Sirius set off after them. Remus, Ebony and Lily moved pretty fast, but Sirius and James were the two best Pranksters in Hogwarts history and intelligence was now work of second nature to them.
Ebony, Remus and Lily had stopped next to a hedge outside a romantic restaurant, watching two people on the other side. Kim and Lucius were talking quietly for a while, but then stood up and walked to the other side of the table to where Kim was sitting. He knelt down next to her and reached into his pocket, pulling out a box, which contained a stunning diamond ring in the shape of a rose.
"Kim." He said lovingly. "I know I have asked you before and I know that you have not been ready, but I really think that now is the right time." He paused. "Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"
"There you are," James exclaimed loudly. Remus, Ebony and Lily jumped and turned to see James and Sirius standing behind them.
"Damn, just when it was getting good," whispered Ebony.
Lily stood up and kissed James on the cheek. "Haven't seen you in a while." James smiled and gave her a kiss on the mouth.
"What are you guys up to?" Sirius asked with a hint of distrust.
"We were just checking to see if these bushes had anything that could be used for a new Wiccapot formula, you know how I love experimenting, that's why I'm so good at potions, it's like mixing cocktails!" Ebony said quickly. "This is a particularly healthy batch." She gave a nervous giggle.
"I think you've had enough experimental Wiccapot for one day, Ebony." Remus said with a grin.
"Ummm, ok, how about we get something to eat?" Sirius said, not quite believing Wiccapot was the only thing disrupting Ebony's normality.
"Yeah I'll just go in and ask the owner of the shop if it's readily available, I'll catch up with you guys later." Ebony sprinted towards the entrance and disappeared from sight. She appeared after about half an hour looking oddly dumbfounded.
"I'm guessing they couldn't help you." Sirius said when she didn't say anything.
"Oh, no. They were bitches. Let's go."
After a few hours of shopping and eating, Sirius and James said goodbye to the others and walked back towards the Leaky Cauldron. When James turned around to blow Lily a kiss, he was shocked to find that the others had disappeared from his sight. He shrugged and ignored it; they were probably in a hurry to get back to school.
Ebony, Remus and Lily were jogging in the opposite direction to James and Sirius. When they were certain they would not be heard, Ebony turned to face the other two with her eyes wide. "I saw them, but they didn't see me…they were a bit…busy." She whispered quickly. "They were hugging…I think she said yes."
Nice and long, by my standards. This chapter took a lot of work, so tell me what you think about it.
