THE PANSY CHRONICLES
1st September
"Yes Mother, I'll behave as usual," I cajoled to my heavily made up parent. Sometimes I stare at her and thank the heavens above that my good looks come from my father's side. Today she is wearing indecently tight pink robes, I've told her a million times that she just can't pull of pastels, but does she listen?
I do try to humour the old dear but lately she's been a nervous wreak, all bloodshot eyes and foaming at the mouth. Daddy has been missing for over eight weeks now, ever since those buffoons at the Ministry of Magic realised that the Dark Lord had made his comeback, once more with feeling.
Not that anybody ever tells me anything, they just think that I'm this amazingly precious princess who should be protected (which admittedly is true) but still I deserve to know something. It's not like I'm a gossip or anything, if there's one thing Pansy Parkinson can do, then it's to keep a secret.
"You be a good girl, flower..." mother sniffled through her silk hanky. Oh God, she's turning on the water works. Most of the time I don't get as much as a 'hello' from her, so this melodramatic PDA is downright unnerving! I carefully scrutinize her, she looked the same as usual; peroxide yellow hair in a mass of poodle curls, saggy orange cheeks and eyes smeared with so much mascara they struggle to stay open. Either she's very drunk or she's played victim to an alien body snatcher...
A streak of blond has just shot through a group of first years, could it be? Yes it is! Draco! It seems years since I have seen my little luvbug! I hope he still isn't angry with me. I may have been a tad insensitive last time I saw him, but how was I supposed to have known that Harry 'Martyr Complex' Potter had outed his father as a death eater? All I asked was whether Lucius would like a nail file and grooming kit for his birthday (Malfoy Senior is known for his impeccable style) I suppose gift selections weren't exactly on Draco's top priorities, but looking back, a file was strangely apt since Lucius had set up camp in Azkaban.
Anyway, I must see him immediately; a love like ours knows no bounds. It is a raging tide of passion which cannot be held back by dams of misunderstanding (I've come over all poetic!)
I turn to follow him on to the Hogwarts Express, when something clings on to my robes. I quickly spin around to swipe any unsuspecting kids with my bag, when I realise the gripper is my mother...I forgot about her.
She looks pathetically sappy and out of character, so I do what every good daughter must do, and take pity on the woman who brought me into this world. A quick hug and an obligation "I'll miss you mum" and she's still holding on to me with a strength usually reserved for the last bottle of magi-gin.
"Remember dear, good grades, good blood..."
"Good love" I finished the yearly motto before giving her a quick peck on the cheek and a subtle, "BYE MOM!!!" then leaving her to bound up to the awaiting train.
I scrambled with as much dignity as possible, through the crowded train. Why, oh why do they insist of having so many newbie's? They multiply as fast as bacteria and I swear they get more annoying every year. The standards have seriously dropped since MY first year at Hogwarts...
"Oh Ron DO hurry up, the carriages are nearly full" came Miss Perfecto's shrill voice. The wonder boys followed by Bushy Barnet herself, were heading my way. If ever there were three people who deserved an ego deflation it would be those goons. Walking around like they are superior to everybody else (I hate people like that) just because Potter is some kind of scarred hero.
AS IF.
Hermione Granger still retains the classic look of 'dragged through the whomping willow backwards' and Ronald Weasley has yet to lose his fetching appearance of being a giant nose in rags and freckles. At least Potter is looking worse for wear, that should cheer Draco up.
"Awwww if it isn't the trio of lame, Weasley you're looking very nice today. New robes?" I mock while looking the redhead up and down in perfect Malfoy style.
"Sorry, what am I saying? Weasley – New, two words you'll never hear together"
HA! Weasley's face quickly resembles a rotten tomato. Strike one for the Pansinator!
"Pansy, I could say you're looking nice, but I don't lie" the mud blood retorts, like her words could possibly offend me. I throw her my best medusa stare and glide past them to the prefect's carriage, wishing that comebacks came as easily to me as adoration.
Alas, I'm not going to waste my energy thinking about that triangle of freaks I have a Draco to find.
"Allo Pansy" Man Mountain 1 mutters from behind me.
I turn around to face my lover's henchmen Crabbe and Goyle.
"Boys!" I say sweetly "How are you?"
"Well I've got a bloody awful case of the trots and-"
"Lovely! Any idea where Draco is? I can't find him anywhere"
Crabbe points down to the prefect's carriage, at the very end of the train. I flash him my irresitble smile (I use it lightly; it has been known to drive men wild with lust!) and the boys lumber off to find some easy prey.
Rummaging through my handbag I pull out a small compact mirror and gaze into my reflection "Perfect" I declare, stating the obvious, before striding on.
I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of mine...
"Piss off Weasley, go and find someone who cares. Shouldn't be too hard for the likes of YOU!"
"You're not a god Malfoy, so stop acting like one. If you want a role that suits, try playing dead"
After hearing this bitter banter (I was NOT eavesdropping) I rushed in to defend Drakey's honour and to my horror and disgust, who should I see standing there, but the Weasley rag doll, shouting down to him. How dare the little brat even look at him?!
"Hope I'm not interrupting anything", I say in my best scathing 'get-away-from-my-man' tone.
Mini-Ron dared to smirk at me (!) and say "Don't fret, I'm not trying to steal Malfoy from you"
Then after a strange eye-locking session with Draco (What was that all about?) she whipped around her carrot stranded hair and strutted out.
Since when did Ginny Weasley learn to talk?
Since when did Ginny Weasley talk to Draco Malfoy?
"What did SHE want?" I demanded of Draco (who of which was looking undeniably yummy)
He arched his eyebrows and sneered (mucho sexy) before turning to gaze out of the window; like it was the most absorbing thing we had ever seen (we were going through a tunnel)
My world is askew. What did the sickening scene mean?
Well, whatever it was, Pansy Parkinson will be the one to discover the truth...
