Chapter 52

Katiya (two days later, approximate time: i dont. know.?)

It had transpired just as she had expected: she had been checked into Suna's tokubetsu division. Konoha. Suna…Oto… It made no difference.

A slotted slit of a window, just out of arm's reach, only wide enough to stick perhaps a hand out of. And a dual door system—a barred gate and then a solid metal door around a corridor. They resembled pig iron, the bars. But they were probably laced with chakra metal—if not made of it. To carry a lightning-style jutsu like one of our electrified fences, should the jailers need to control their prisoners, except stronger. She had seen it before. The smell of cooked meat for the unlucky… or the lucky, if the meat suited one's fancy. She had seen it in Oto before.

She had changed into plain prison beiges—her clothes and possessions handed over—chakra suppression cuffs shackled to her wrists. One on each one. The room was bare, cleaner than she expected. She supposed her jailers were polite enough. Females given one cell block, males given another, her guards were all female. Walls, toilet and sink all built out of the same stony material. Complementary toothbrush. No sheets, but given a linen for her hair in case she was of the local religion (she wasn't).

She sat down on the bed, facing the black metal bars and the gray corridor wall just beyond that. She and the Jinchuriki hadn't spoken since arriving in Suna. Silently, she wondered how long it would take for him to forget about her. It should have been a matter of time.


Gaara (approximate time: 4:30 PM)

"Have you paid Katiya a visit yet?" Kankuro asked, referring to the aforementioned's stay in prison.

"No," Gaara replied. "I can hear myself in my mind, saying to myself that it will be okay. But I haven't been able to bring myself to… yet. I was thinking to wait. Until after the full moon."

Kankuro stuffed his hands into his pockets where he was behind Gaara. "That's not until another half a week, isn't it?" Kankuro asked.

"It's not," Gaara replied.

It went quiet for a moment. They were in the same spot they usually were, the one they had gone to every day after finishing their work repairing Yashamaru's old neighborhood. Watching the sun set, generally eating takeout Kankuro had purchased—Gaara not having his own money or certainty in what to eat yet.

"You… wanna grab a bite?" Kankuro tried. "Probably better to eat than just stand here thinking in circles."


Kankuro (approximate time: 5:00 PM)

Kankuro cleared his throat. "So there's something I heard a bit back… that I think you'd want to know," Kankuro started. But I don't think I should tell you so close to… "I think you might want to visit Katiya in the next few days or so, if… you were planning on waiting until later. Since you're friends. With her," Kankuro rubbed the back of his head.

Gaara gave his brother an odd look, as if wondering why. Wondering what it was that he had heard to have made him say that while sounding so guilty.

Kankuro shifted uncomfortably, conscious of his discomfort. "I… I heard it a bit down the rumor mill, but I think they're going to start interrogating Katiya soon," Kankuro told him at last.

There was a shift in Gaara's eyes.

"I—don't know if it means what we think it means, but I have a Council meeting—next week. Rescheduled. After the one we had got interrupted… I plan on holding them to it. But since that meeting was originally supposed to be yours…" Kankuro trailed off.

Gaara's eyes were eerily wide. And decidedly blank with what one could suppose was shock. Shinobi were not known for gentle interrogation practices.

Kankuro swallowed. "Gaara?" he asked tentatively.


Gaara (approximate time: 6:30 PM)

He ambled outside the village. As the sun set, a jittering crawling sensation danced under his skin. Much more intensely than it had ever been. Though in reality, a true full moon might last for nothing but a moment, to the naked eye it would have appeared to last for days. It wasn't a full moon yet, not yet, but it was enough for Gaara to feel the closest to hell since his fight with Naruto. Only, this time, not… quite… from loneliness.

He heard it, the whispers from the guards manning the village gates as he braced his hands on the border wall to keep himself moving outwards. And then the whispers, not quite whispers, not really.

It felt wrong—to be walking outside the village to make himself be alone. But he didn't want to stay in the village—and risk—Shukaku making him be alone. But Gaara didn't know what else he could do. Exiting the village, he kept walking. Trying to keep himself from doubling over and curling into a ball, fetal position. He felt like he needed to, but he didn't want to… until he was farther away.

CoME AaaWWwwnnNNN! FUUuUUuLLLL MOON—iSn'T iT THe TiME FoR fUuuNNn?!?

IsN'T ThE fuLL mOoN thE TiME fOR LUNAcY? he felt his own mind ask with Shukaku in unison. Gaara felt himself inhale deeply as the sand began to swirl around him.

No, Gaara mentally replied to himself, still moving forwards.

BuT It'S SSSssSOOOooo BoRinG OUt HeRe—! hoW LonG DO yoU thiNK yOu Can KeEP Me LikE ThiS!? HoW LonG dO yoU thiNk YoU caN LAsT?

Avoiding SLeeP. Avoiding one of Shukaku's takeovers. Avoiding KiLLing SomEthING. And he was there again. In the chamber that only existed in his mind, the meeting space between himself and Shukaku's demonic seal. He thought it was getting better, less drawn in it. But it felt so much worse.

YoU HATe THe COUNCIL riGht Now, DONtChA?! I dO ToOOoo! So CoMe On, CoMe ON—Shukaku yowled, as if attempting to sing—wE CAN FLAY 'eM ALIVE 'tiL ThEY'RE aLL GONE—!

Physically, Gaara stopped moving. He recognized where he was, where he was before it was a barren stretch of land. And that made it worse. Mixing Shukaku with a memory on repeat, with that sinking gut sensation that something was wrong, wrong, WrONG. The thought of flaying the Council alive was exactly why Gaara didn't want to stay in the village during one of the worst full moons he had.

MaUL 'eM tO DeaTH—iT Won'T TAKE LoNG! Shukaku chanted, actually as if singing. MoONLiT NiGHT anD IT's bEEn toO DamN LONG—! KILL 'eM aLL, KiLL 'Em ALL—'TiL TheY hiT thE DAMN FLOOR! thE F—!

With an outcry, a mix between a groan and a yell no one else would hear, Gaara sunk to the ground.

—goRE! GiVe Me bloOD AnD GORE! Shukaku screamed.

Gaara curled up into a ball, fetal position, unable to walk any more forwards, his head pounding too heavily. But his eyes… open. Blank, his eyes, as a memory took him. It was something in the area, the memory pushing Shukaku's yowls underwater where they sounded more distant. The Land of Wind's eastern ridge was visible out in the distance… and in the foreground, a memory of night… blooming…


Kankuro (approximate time: 7:20 PM)

"Temari! Have you seen Gaara?!" Kankuro yelled, barging into her dining area.

"No! What is it?! Did something—!?"

"No—! No—I don't know—! That's why I wanted—!" Kankuro swept his cat-like hood off, running a hand through his hair. He looked around nervously. "I checked tokubetsu—Yashamaru's old place—his quarters—and our usual spot by the border wall—he wasn't there. So I thought—"

"—If anything happened, the ANBU would know—d'you—?"

"—NO!" Kankuro exclaimed. "It—it's not like that—I—I heard-that-they-plan-to-interrogate-the-Oto-nin Gaara's friends with!" Kankuro said in a rush.

"—ah?"

"I told him earlier today," Kankuro said, slowing down. "He wanted to be alone, and he seemed okay, so I left him. And I thought he was going to visit her—but when I went to go find him, I couldn't—and now—I'm worried."

Kankuro braced his arms on his knees and Temari finally got her bearings on what made him so nervous. "If he went on a rampage, we'd all know it," she told him.

Kankuro shook his head. "I'm not worried about that—I'm worried about Gaara," he said, emphasizing the last word of his statement.

"Kankuro, he can take care of himself," she said, her voice the closest to genuinely gentle he had heard it before.

Again, Kankuro shook his head. "I'm going to go find him," he told his sister.

I don't want him to have to be alone for this.

A part of him wondered—what he would do—and a part of him worried. Temari was right, that if Gaara had rampaged, they all would have known at that point—but to be so close to a full moon… Kankuro remembered the look in Gaara's eye, the last full moon.

I don't want him to have to be alone.


Gaara (approximate time: 8:00 PM)

He felt much smaller than he did before, then standing with Shukaku at his back, acting with Shukaku through him as if Shukaku and he were one. Instead of how it was lately, Gaara himself pushing aside and through Shukaku. He had felt stronger, those times. Lately. Seeing his own strength when facing Shukaku. But it wasn't the same in this moment.

'HoW LonG dO yoU thiNk YoU caN LAsT?' his mind asked himself again, repeating after Shukaku.

Physically, Gaara sucked in a breath, deeply like a gasp. Something, in a memory… I've lasted this long, Gaara responded. Standing, facing the demon.

Physically collapsed, his eyes wide, he was staring sideways at the stars though he wasn't really seeing them. His mind's eye was elsewhere. Physically breathing raggedly, his arms clutching himself. Like he—had clutched—gently—the flower—

Shukaku growled. BuT WhY?!? WHy NoT HAVe SOmE FUn? WwwHY?

Because—it wasn't—I wasn't—it wasn't fun, Gaara replied.

YES, iT WAS!

It felt wrong, his body, his skin.

No! Gaara mentally yelled back at Shukaku. He was barely aware of the ground he was pressed into, the sand blowing past him, but something felt wrong. Physically, his body twitched and Gaara closed his eyes. He remembered. Tracing a pathway already etched, feeling its direction with more clarity.

It can't be fun because I felt no joy! It can't be joy if what you're spreading is suffering—! It was never fun—! Gaara inhaled deeply, becoming aware that he was clutching his head. He sat up. I've learned—I've realized—! Sharing—sharing. How could it have been fun?! he asked. If the only things you can share are the things you have already?

AnD i diDn'T HaVE ANy tO bEgiN witH.

Gaara took another ragged breath, rubbing his forehead where he was prone on the ground. Into the—

"Gaara!" he heard someone call to him. It interrupted him—the trance he was in—Shukaku's chamber faded from his mind's eye slightly, just enough. He slowly—jerkingly—turned his head.

"K… Kan…"

"Gaara!" Kankuro yelled again, Body Flickering up to him and stopping nearby him. Kankuro reached his hand to his brother's shoulder. Gaara felt himself being lifted up.

Gaara sucked in a breath, physical sensation slowly returning. No intent to harm—the sand stopped swirling.

YoU diDn'T HaVE ANy LoVE tO bEgiN witH. sO TAKE—TAkE—TaKE—!

KiLL—kiLL—KILL!

"Gaara, are you alright?" Kankuro asked, his eyes wide with worry.

"Gaara, you have already received…" Yashamaru patiently echoed in Gaara's memory… "Gaara", his name, after a demon spirit that would love himself. He had to have love in order to love himself, if sharing with oneself was still sharing. And that love had to have come from someplace else, in order for him to be able to share it. So in the time that was and had been, he realized he was lonely without having been alone…

Because he still had people who could have cared for him—and he could have cared for—if he just gave them a chance. Gaara met Kankuro's eyes—and twitched—and slowly began to rub the sand off his arms, not trusting himself to use his jutsu. Silently but as if noticing, Kankuro flicked his hand over Gaara's hair, dusting the sand off from there too.

"You're alright, Gaara, you're alright," Kankuro told him.

"Gaara, you're alright… It's alright."

Yes, I did, Gaara replied to Shukaku. He—Gaara—suddenly—realized. In those few words. Yes, he did have love. He had to have love in order to love himself, and that love had to have come from someplace else, in order for him to be able to have it. And in all the killing Shukaku told him to do, he would have only made himself truly alone. Like suffering or sorrow. Or joy. The logic was the same.

Gaara wrapped his hands around Kankuro's from where they were still brushing dust and sand off of Gaara. "Kankuro…" Gaara started. And to share what I have so that we all would have more…

You were never really afraid of me then, were you, Gaara thought to Kankuro. Back then, when they all as children used to play together—before their father had them separated and raised him to be lonely.

Kankuro looked to Gaara in questioning.

"—Thank you," Gaara said weakly. For having looked for him, for having looked after him. And for having been there to look for. Like those days they worked together, restoring Yashamaru's place.

"No problem, punk," Kankuro replied, flippantly ruffling Gaara's hair despite his more calm tone of voice as if understanding the unspoken reason for why. "Let's get you home."


Kankuro (one week later, approximate time: 8:00 AM)

"Still pretty close to the full moon," Kankuro said, rubbing his knees nervously. "Sure you'll be okay?" he asked.

Gaara shifted, looking equally as nervous. Kankuro thought the full moon itself had gone pretty well, but then again—he hadn't been there the majority of the time Gaara decided to leave the village—but even so—the fact that Gaara managed to get through without his father restraining him or any casualties was a plus. But Kankuro supposed neither of them expected the Council meeting to be like this when they first set it up. ANBU assassins were a bit different from ex-evil and now ally—allies.

"I can only try to be," Gaara replied.

"ANBU assassins you'd like interrogated and an Oto-nin terrorist you don't?" Senior Councilor Erusa asked mildly. "That Oto-nin might have information regarding the death of the late Kazekage. Interrogation of her should thereby take priority—and I don't think our own shinobi could be so untrustworthy as to need such drastic measures."

"I agree. And all upper ranking members of the ANBU are selected based on their excellent character, not to mention the mission last recorded for the head of ANBU being in the Land of Fire," another Councilor, Senior Joseki droned, "I hardly think he'd have the time or impetus to suddenly decide to attack you. If anything, I'd consider it more criminal of you to have stopped his mission if he was only passing by your mission route, while en route to his."

"But Councilors!" Kankuro countered, "With all due respect, we can't say that without evidence either way—that's what the interrogation would be for!"

"And exactly reason why we want the Oto-nin we have in custody to be interrogated. Who is to say there isn't a plot to assassinate the rest of the Council to take control of Suna without evidence to say otherwise? Suna has seen too much suffering already—imagine how much more suffering it would face if it lost its entire Council!"

Senior Lord Ebizo—the one one with the beard and wizened eyebrows Kankuro had pointed out to Gaara—banged his gavel loudly. "Speculation!" he countered. "The fact remains that we are without a Kazekage, and that all decisions must be made with the citizens in mind."

That gave some of the councilors pause. Some of them also furtively flicked their eyes to Gaara's. Next to him, Kankuro was thinking along the lines of how some of the councilors were gauging whether another Shukaku rampage would be likely, from how the meeting went. Kankuro flicked his eyes over the eleven out of twelve councilors gathered there, resting them on his shishou. His shishou—Kankuro supposed he could call him "Senior Takeo" now in this context… or not, maybe—it would have been a bit odd considering the formality of a Council meeting—met Kankuro's eyes impassively.

"I can understand wanting to interrogate the ANBU members caught. Especially if they were indeed complacent in, or initiating an attack on, one of the possible heirs to the Kazekage position. But may I ask what the reasoning is—behind not interrogating the Oto-nin?" Senior Sajo asked.

Kankuro inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. At least some of the Council wasn't vehemently against them.

"She was originally an ally of Suna," Gaara responded methodically. "She has rejoined Suna willingly, and she has no reason to put Suna's safety in jeopardy," he told them. Quieter and calmer than Kankuro had expected—considering the circumstances.

Senior Joseki snorted in derision. "If she joined Suna willingly to sell out—"

"Councilors, Otogakure doesn't need Katiya to sell out our information. Because when we had allied with them, we already gave it to them," Kankuro chimed in morosely. "She only left Suna because of the circumstance this council fears happening—happened—the same circumstance this council made happen," Kankuro said forcefully.

"And I would know. Because I was standing right next to my father when it happened," Kankuro said, meeting the eyes of council members. Some of them looked on impassively. Some of them shifted uncomfortably.

Because they knew what circumstance Kankuro was talking about, and they knew what role they had played. Kankuro knew his Uncle Yashamaru died the day Shukaku took over and all hell broke loose. He heard the story from Gaara—and he knew Gaara had not lied—the story had matched.

The Suna Council wished for a weapon and got a demon to use as one. They feared a demon rampage and wished the demon dead. Their one wish used, they got a rampage like only a demon could make. And so the Council decided to try and try. Wishing again, it seemed. All leaders of the ANBU were nominated by each Kazekage, voted on by the Council. But once the Kazekage was dead, the deployment of the ANBU rested with the Council. It was a council-ordered assassination, this last one. And they knew.

The Council adjourned. Without a Kazekage to form their thirteenth vote, a twelve-membered council was invalid in the event of a tie. The ANBU head being alive, but not there meant his vote would have been an abstention. And a new ANBU head to decide the fate of the ANBU subordinates appointed could not be nominated until a new Kazekage was selected.

They bought themselves some time.


Gaara (approximate time: 9:30 AM)

They both made to leave the Council chamber.

"Feeling up to visiting Katiya now?" Kankuro asked.

"Yes," Gaara replied. "And if she is willing, we may be able to give the Council information about Otogakure… without harming her," he said.

Kankuro nodded. "Yeah, and I think it might be good for you too—you said you were friends before, right?"

"Yes," Gaara replied again. Before I knew the meaning of the word…

"Kankuro, if you could accompany me for a bit?" the voice of a council member asked. "I'd like to speak to you. Alone, if you could."

Kankuro turned to Gaara. "Uhh… you could go on ahead. I'll catch up with you later, yeah?"

Gaara looked behind himself. It was the woman councilor—Senior… Erusa, he remembered. "Alright," Gaara replied.

He felt Kankuro's chakra regard the councilor warily, dimming ever so slightly. He didn't know if he should have wished Kankuro safety like he saw travelers often do—or if he should have said the obvious and that he'd see Kankuro later… social nuances still odd to him. Gaara looked behind himself again before walking out of the Suna Council building. He trusted his brother. He would be alright.


Kankuro (approximate time: 9:40 AM)

"Saba Imai, 'Saba' as in 'morning breeze' in our ancestors' native tongue. 'Imai' as in 'new settlement', my family name," Senior Erusa said conversationally. "Do you remember her? Do you recognize the name?" she asked.

Kankuro blinked, feeling a sinking feeling gathering in his gut.

"Saba Imai, my granddaughter," Senior Erusa went on to say to Kankuro's silence, still in a conversational tone. "I was the one who picked the name for her, just like the parents of so many others must have done the same." The councilor took a moment to look off to the horizon before re-fixing her eyes on Kankuro. "Saba, Takashi, Ayaan, Dante, Maira, Rui, Isaki, Imani, Eremita, Sayo, Kazusa, Romina, Dario. Do you recognize any of them? Remember the names?"

"I do," Kankuro breathed.

The councilor plowed on, ignoring the response, her voice becoming harsher. "She'd have been your age now, Saba. I think about her a lot. And every day I go to work, I think about what I could do and what I could have done… to have kept her safe and keep the children like her safe," the council member went on. "When it meant collaring a monster, I advocated for it… and when it means killing one, I would do it… and I will always do it… because every day, I think of her and I remember. What I lost when I was too late to do it."

"… But that'd be murder…" Kankuro whispered. He said it quietly, enough so that if it was grief, his words would not disturb the councilor—but loud enough to be heard—if it was shinobi… weaponized…. grief. The watery shine in her eyes—the closest to tears a shinobi would have in a public location.

"'Murder' is the word when a person kills another person outside of warfare or law. The same cannot be said for the killing of animals for food or defense. The law is just to value the people over a monster. Especially in the killing of a monster."

Kankuro's eyes widened.

The council member closed her eyes momentarily, perhaps misinterpreting Kankuro's body language. "You'll make a fine Kazekage some day, Kankuro, with the way you spoke today," she told him. "All I ask is that you remember what happened, the next time you think about defending the Jinchuriki that killed them."

Senior Erusa walked off, leaving Kankuro to collect his thoughts in silence.