Chapter 5
Girls and Giant Purple Bullfrogs
A/N: Here it is- the fifth chapta! Dear old Severus is going to try to snag his woman…let's see how he does…the prospect isn't so good…
After a day's worth of introductions, notes, and teachers, Severus and his friends, tired out, slumped into the dungeons and into their common room.
"Boy, am I beat," sighed Dave and sank into the only cushioned chair. Everyone else was either stuck with a wooden throne or an ice-cold metal chair. Well, to make matters worse, Severus got the ice-cold metal chair. He shivered for the first time ever. He barely got cold.
"Severus," asked Dan after a couple of minutes. "If you like Lily so much, why don't you just go talk to her?"
"What made you bring that up?" asked Severus, squirming in his seat from the cold.
"Well, I was just thinking," said Dan, leaning forward so no one but Sev and the gang could hear. "I once liked this cute chick, but she was too much of a Gryffindor for my parents to approve. I want Sev to have his chance, so I say we arrange something."
"Like what?" asked Severus curiously.
"Well, I can't tell you that," said Dan smugly. "Only me and the guys can know,"
"Well, that's nice," Severus huffed, and stomped upstairs to his dorms.
"Wait up!" called Esquire, and ran after him.
"What do you want, Esquire?" asked Severus, stopping in the middle of the stairs.
"It's not me," said Esquire, picking his nose. Severus winced. "It's your brothers," Esquire (still picking his nose) pointed back down to the common room at Sly and Milton, who were grinning evilly at him, rubbing their hands together.
Oh great, thought Severus How do they want to torture me today?
"Thanks, Esquire," said Severus, and went back downstairs and walked over to his EV-IL brothers. (not evil: EV-IL!)
"What do you want?" sighed Severus.
"Hello little brother," said Milton slyly. "We want to show you something,"
Severus had a feeling that whatever his brothers wanted to show him, he wouldn't want to see it.
"No thanks, I should be going to bed, OK, bye!" Severus started to run back upstairs but Sly caught him by the scruff of his neck.
"Oh no you don't, Severus," grinned Sly. "This is really cool." Then Milton and Sly dragged him out of the common room and into some other room in the dungeons.
"Before you go in," said Milton. "We have to put this blindfold on you," Sly fastened the blindfold around Severus' head before he could object.
They pushed him into the room and Severus noticed a faint smell of fertilizer.
This can't be good, Severus thought to himself.
"Ok…take yer blindfold off, Sev," said Sly. Severus could hear Milton trying to hold in his laughter. Severus snapped the blindfold off, and what greeted his sight was…
"A GIANT PURPLE BULLFROG!!!" screamed Severus, and backed away towards the door, but Milton caught him before he could make a run for it.
"The giant purple bullfrog needs food," said Sly. "Give him 500 pieces of fried chicken,"
"I can't give a bullfrog fried chicken," sniffed Severus, "Honestly, don't you two read?"
"No," they said together.
"Well, everyone knows that you should feed a bullfrog…"
"Love to stay and chat Severus, but we've got homework to finish," said Milton, and both Sly and Milton walked out.
Severus glared at the giant purple bullfrog.
"STOP MOCKING ME!" shouted Severus.
"Well, I would," replied the bullfrog. "But things are awfully boring around here, so you're the only entertainment I have. Now feed me some fried chicken!"
Snape grumbled and gave the bullfrog 500 pieces of fried chicken and waited for it to be finished.
When it was done, the giant purple bullfrog let out a giant belch and Severus glared harder. Now the room smelled even worse.
"Can I go now?" asked Severus bitterly.
"Yeah," said the bullfrog, stuffed to the brim of fried chicken. The door magically swung open and Severus treaded heavily back to the common room.
If only he knew more magic! Then those idiotic brothers of his would pay.
DOOM!
* * * *
"OK, Severus," said Bill one day when they were walking along the Hogwarts grounds. "Go stand by that tree over there and Lily will be there,"
"Then, you can confess your love!" Esquire struck a pose. Everyone stared at him weirdly.
Severus took a deep breath, cracked his knuckles, and walked on over to the tree (A/N: NO it was NOT the Whomping Willow! Don't you think Dan would be smarter than that? Dumbledore said it the first night! Tsk tsk tsk…you should be ashamed!) and stood there for about five minutes. He was about to go when Lily walked up to him.
Severus felt sweat-lots of sweat-as she approached.
"Hello," she said pleasantly. "Are you the boy that likes me?" Her eyes immediantly went onto his Slytherin badge. She looked at it distastefully.
"You're in Slytherin?" Lily said obliviously.
"Yes," snapped Severus, forgetting he was talking to his "girlfriend". Tsk, tsk, Severus. You must get your memory checked. "I'm in Slytherin, don't you forget it! I'm not taking any crud from Gryffindors."
"Woah, chill out, Severus," said Lily, slowly backing away from the insane man. *sighs* Doesn't anyone understand that Snape is always defending his sanity? "I was just saying…"
"That a Slytherin shouldn't be interested in a Gryffindor!" shouted Severus. Several people passing by stared at them. "GO AWAY!" he shouted to them. They quickly walked away.
Lily now had zippo interest in Sev, if she ever had any in the first place. Needless to say, he looked like a girl when he was eleven, with the long hair and all.
"Fine!" she said. "I'm outta here!" Then she tomped her way back to the castle.
Dan and Co came rushing toward him.
"What was THAT about?" screamed Esquire (see, he does have a brain!)
"You really blew it, Severus!" said Dan.
"Do you WANT her to hate you or something?" asked Bob.
Severus sighed. They were right. He had totally and completely blown it.
A/N: AAAWW, poor Sevvie. Will he ever recover? Will he ever regain his dignity? And what in the world is he going to do to his brothers (is it just me, or do they remind you of Fred and George, only Slytherins?) ? Will Dan help? Remember, he has that prankster book now. You have to wait until the next chapter! I know what happens…this whole book is like a movie in my head. The plot is all planned out…you know, like J.K. Rowling. Review! I can't believe I have nine reviews already.
