Fusillade
And I'd give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
Chapter Four: Agony
Sango groaned as she glanced at the time on the clock hanging above the doorway. She was exhausted, and felt like throwing the book bag sitting on the floor out of the window. Her shift had just ended, and she knew she was taking on more hours than it was wise, but she desperately needed the additional money, even if it would just buy her three full meals for a day. She'd been going to bed hungry since she'd moved in.
It looked like school would be treating her the same as usual. She had fallen asleep in two of her classes, and awoke to the teacher tapping her sharply on her head with a stub of chalk. The class had laughed, all except Kagome and Miroku.
*
"-And then after you're coming over to help me study, right Sango-chan?" Kagome smiled cheerfully. She heard no response. "Sango-chan?" The girl in question was leaning on the base of the tree, eyes closed. Miroku reached over and patted her cheek. Sango awoke, and immediately flushed in embarrassment.
" Kagome-chan! Did I fall asleep? I-I'm so sorry! I've just been so tired lately!"
Kagome raised an eyebrow. "This isn't like you Sango."
Miroku crossed his arms over his chest. "No, it isn't. As soon as you sat down you were out like a light."
Kagome looked scandalized. "She's been asleep since I started talking? Why didn't you tell me! Why did you only wake her up now!"
He shrugged. "Maybe she was doing herself a favor."
He frowned as a small rock bounced off of his forehead from Kagome's direction.
"Anyway, Sango-chan! Why have you been so tired? Maybe we can help you out," Kagome offered. Sango sighed. "I guess it's just been school, I've been given a lot of work, catch-up work since I'm a transfer," she explained, purposely leaving out her new job and the extra hours she's been putting in.
Kagome's smile faded. "If you want to go home and rest, then you can come over another time," she proposed. "No, it's not a problem at all!" Sango interjected quickly. "It's the weekend soon anyway, and I'll have plenty of time to rest."
"Hey, wait!" Miroku cut in. "Does that mean," he looked at Sango with exaggerated hurt in his face. "You won't be coming home with me?"
Sango rolled her eyes. "Yes."
He remained unaffected by her indifference. "Well, let me just have one for the road then," he said, and enthusiastically reached for her chest.
The shrill sound of a slap echoed into the courtyard as the warning bell sounded.
*
"Wow Kagome-chan! The shrine looks wonderful," Sango admonished, feeling a tiny stab of envy.
Kagome laughed. "You don't know the work it takes to keep it looking nice! Almost every area of the shrine, I have to have some part in keeping it neat."
A short, aged man was sweeping the steps in front of the shrine house as the two girls passed by. "That's my grandfather, " Kagome informed Sango. He caught their gaze and both girls waved.
"And this is my home," Kagome announced, motioning to the building with an exaggerated showcasing pose.
She opened the door, dropped her bag and gestured to the table and chairs on her right. "Just sit down here. I'll get us something to drink, okay?" With that, she disappeared behind the refrigerator door.
Sango sat down awkwardly and continued to admire Kagome's home. 'She's so lucky. She lives with her family, in a beautiful home," she thought, sadness dominating her envious feelings.
"Sango-chan? Are you alright?" Kagome inquired as she set two glasses of water down on the table between them. Sango smiled weakly. "Yes, Kagome-chan. Just spaced out for a minute."
At first, the studying had gone on as planned, but as the two were adolescent girls, the topic of conversation soon swerved to more . . . appropriate topics.
"So, Kagome-chan," Sango began smugly, setting down her pencil. "Do tell me more about you and Inuyasha."
Kagome put her arms behind her head and studied the ceiling light. "We would be getting somewhere if he weren't so stubborn, rude, hardheaded, impatient-"
"I see what you're getting at," Sango interrupted, then looked at Kagome thoughtfully. "Well, I think he has a soft spot for you."
"Yeah, when we fight and I kick him in the shins," Kagome scoffed, putting her elbow on the table and cradling her head in her hand. She turned a sly smile towards Sango. "Say, I think that Miroku has a special spot for you."
She immediately flushed. "Kagome-chan, Houshi-san has a special spot for every attractive girl that passes by him."
"Well, yes, but I think he really does like you, Sango-chan," Kagome insisted. She leaned back again in contemplation, and after a few seconds, grinned as if a light bulb had turned on in her head. Leaning in close enough to Sango that it made her uncomfortable, her mouth contorted into a twisted grin.
"I'm afraid he's hooked Sango-chan. The back of your lovely head is all he pays attention to during class."
Sango's face burned. Holding up a dismissive hand at Kagome, she changed the subject. "Enough of that, Kagome-chan." She scanned her mind for another topic of conversation. "So where is the rest of your family?"
"I think that my mother went grocery shopping, and she probably took Souta with her. That's my little brother."
Sango blinked her eyes. "You have a little brother?" she asked quietly.
"Yes, I do. Look behind you, there's a picture of the family there. The most recent one anyway," said Kagome, motioning to the wall behind Sango.
She turned around in her seat and looked sadly open the modestly framed photo. It looked no less than a year old. There was Kagome's mother in the back, with a smile strikingly similar to her daughter's. Her grandfather was to her mother's left, and in front was a little boy, with Kagome's mop of black hair and wide, shy eyes.
It made her heart ache.
"He looks so sweet," Sango breathed.
Kagome laughed. "Yeah, he looks sweet. Most of the time he's a little brat."
Sango smiled sadly. "Most of the time."
Glancing at the clock hanging above the doorway, Kagome's eyes grew wide. "Sango-chan! It's already pretty dark out. We should hurry and finish studying."
Sango froze, remembering just where she had to be once it got dark. "Yes, I have to be getting home soon."
Kagome leafed through her textbook frantically. "I still don't know how to work out all these equations and things. Sango, is it okay if you just stay a little while longer? I'll have my mom arrange a ride for you if it's a problem."
"Kagome-chan," Sango started halfheartedly, pushing back her chair and standing. She was practically pleading with her. "I-I really have to go."
"Sango-chan," Kagome continued. "I'll help you finish whatever work you have too, please, this is really important to me."
The pressure began to build in Sango's mind. She felt she owed enough to Kagome to justify helping her with something she really needed. But she also had other obligations.
"I-I'm sorry Kagome-chan. I'll make this up to you, I promise."
Kagome's head hung. "Fine, Sango-chan. It's okay. I understand if you have other things to go."
"Please don't be upset Kagome-chan," Sango begged. "It's completely out of my hands."
Kagome stood by the open door with an air of indifference. When her guest was standing outside in the cool air, she looked back at her friend sadly.
"Sango-chan," she began in a soft voice. "You really let me down."
The lock clicked shut.
*
"I'm sorry Kohaku, I can't walk home with you today. I have another meeting to go to."
"Ane-ue, you gave your word to Father. We have work to do at home!"
"Could you tell him I'm running late again today? I completely forgot."
"You've been forgetting about everything lately."
"I said I'm sorry! What more can I say?"
"You're letting us down, ane-ue."
*
Sango grit her teeth as she furiously wound tape around her wrists. Her stomach was aching, her body begged her for rest, and the memories were putting strain on her concentration. She had previous obligations she was committed to. Kagome was lucky that it was Sango's off day today. It wasn't her fault that they had wasted time and she had to leave.
It wasn't her fault that she had to stay at school late that day. She needed to if she wanted to attend the university of her choice.
That sinking feeling welled up in Sango's chest. If only Kagome hadn't been so kind. She wouldn't have to worry about breaking the promises and lying to friends.
She tore the end of the tape with a flourish and flexed her wrists to break it in. As her name was announced and the volume of the crowds rose, she willed her frustration to channel itself out of her in the form of aggression.
*
Sango's arm was cradling her head as it laid on the desk, her eyes keeping watch on the minute hand of the clock on the wall, which seemed to slow down the longer Sango studied it.
Relief swept over her as it rang loudly. It was finally the weekend, and she felt that she deserved time to relax. The fight yesterday had been brutal. Sango hadn't been fully focused on her opponent, and had paid for it. In the end she had won, but not before sustaining a few bruises and a sprained ankle, which she had iced and wrapped up as best as she could.
She walked with a visible limp, but since no one really noticed her anyway, no one asked many questions. As she fumbled with the combination of her locker, Miroku appeared, punctual as always.
"Why won't- stupid lock-" Sango muttered as she twisted it furiously. "So, why is the beautiful Sango distraught today?" Miroku asked, leaning casually against the row of lockers. He reached over and plucked her books out of her arms. Sango looked at him warily.
"You see, Sango," he began airily. "An uncooperative combination lock is like a beautiful woman. You mustn't force it to open, but be gentle and patient. Now try."
Sango rolled her eyes and made a show of turning the lock slowly and gently. When it popped open, he bowed with a flourish. "You're welcome, Sango."
*
"Sango, you're limping," Miroku pointed out after they had begun walking.
"No, I'm not. You're just imagining things," Sango replied with a strained smile. The truth was, the limp was so blatantly obvious that he knew she was lying in an instant.
"I don't think I'd be imagining you almost tipping over with every step you take," he said. Putting an arm securely around her waist, he shouldered some of the weight on her injured ankle. "Houshi-san -" Sango protested weakly, squirming under his hold.
"That's what happens when you get yourself injured," he stated. "I will personally fuss over you."
" I will be sure to avoid any future injuries, " said Sango, rolling her eyes. It was good that her other bruises were hidden.
As they walked across an overpass, Sango turned and leaned on her elbows on the side rails, leaning her face into her palm. Miroku looked at her questioningly, as he moved into place beside her. She sighed listlessly, the air from passing cars shifting her long hair across her back.
"Can we just stay here for a moment?" Sango said softly, not looking at him. "I've been doing a lot lately." Her eyes briefly followed the movement of cars below them.
"The world is so busy. Everyone has to be somewhere, do something, and there's never enough time in the day."
She tilted her chin upwards, and leaned into her hand a little more. Miroku felt himself move closer to her unconsciously.
"I just want to feel like I don't have a place to be, or things to do. Like nothing else matters but the here and now," she ended, closing her eyes. She was so tired.
Her head lolled to the side and Miroku felt a slight weight against his shoulder. At first he felt ecstatic, and then somewhat nervous (he didn't want to get hit later) and then something different. He was debating whether he should bring his arm around her shoulders when she stirred from her peaceful position.
"Ah, I'm sorry Houshi-san," she yawned, blushing. "We should probably get going before it gets dark." She pushed back from the railing. Miroku held out a hand to stop her.
"We could stay a little bit longer," he said, smiling at her furiously blushing face. "O-Okay, Houshi-san," she stammered. "But just a little bit."
Somehow, just being here with him made her forget everything that was wrong. For a moment.
Reflecting on the past day, Miroku was compelled to bring up what may be a touchy subject. "Sango, I noticed something odd today." She sighed heavily as he said this. "Is everything okay with you and Kagome?"
Sango bit her lower lip. "I really don't know, Houshi-san. I-I had to leave her house early yesterday, and I couldn't help her prepare for her test." She said I let her down. "I think that yes, she is upset with me."
Miroku thought for a minute. "Why don't you just apologize to each other then? It's as simple as that."
"It's not as easy as that, you know," Sango responded. "I did apologize. I have things to do, places to be. Responsibilities. It hurt me that Kagome-chan was upset, but-"
She stopped to take a deep breath. "But?" Miroku pressed.
"Kagome-chan, she has it all, you know. A wonderful family, a beautiful home. She doesn't have to worry because there will always be someone for her! And here I am, alone."
She turned away from him then, directing her gaze to the stretch of road below the overpass.
"She doesn't know loneliness. She will have help whenever she needs it. Why did she have to be so kind to me? I- I don't even remember what it's like..." Sango's voice dropped to a whisper under her breath.
"To have friends, to have loved ones," she trailed off, pressing the sleeve of her uniform to her face to wipe off unnoticed tears.
"Sango," Miroku exhaled. He cautiously held her shoulders and turned her to face him. "What are you saying?"
She tried to hide her tears behind her bangs from his penetrating gaze. "They're dead," she whispered.
"Sango-"
"Dead. Dead like the leaves in the winter. Dead, under the ground, gone from this world. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."
Instinctively, he pulled her against his chest, without fear of what the consequence may be later. She still spoke, though her voice was muffled.
"And I watched it. I saw it all happen"
"Sango," Miroku breathed. "Does Kagome know this?"
He was answered with silence.
He didn't want to say anything more. If he did, he didn't know what else to say. So he held her, and brought his fingers through her hair repeatedly. Sango winced as his grip tightened, the light pressure aggravating some of her shoulder bruises.
She pulled back from him and murmured apologies. He didn't acknowledge that he had heard anything at all. Instead, he gripped her face between his hands and brushed his lips against her cheek.
"Sango," he repeated, his mouth close to her ear. "You don't ever forget what it's like to be loved. That I'm sure of."
Her eyes were wide now. "T-Thank you," she said quietly.
*
Sango unceremoniously kicked open the door to her apartment and threw the green work apron over the back of a chair. She'd been late today, thanks to her little rendezvous with Miroku on the overpass, and was now subject to extreme scrutiny by her supervisor.
It was late, but not to late to make a quick phone call. Karin had told Sango to keep her updated on her status, so that she could keep putting in a good word for her to the superiors.
"Hi Karin, it's Sango. I got the job at the grocery store. I started working a week or two ago."
"That's great Sango, that's really great." Her reply sounded halfhearted.
"You don't sound like yourself. Is anything wrong?" Sango asked worriedly.
"Actually, there is. I called you earlier, but you weren't home. I guess you were working. I really wanted to tell you this face to face, but..."
A ominous feeling began to crawl up Sango's back. "Yes?" she asked quietly.
"I just got a call. About the fire." Sango tensed.
Karin hesitated. "Apparently, there was a small explosion. They found pieces of an aerosol can. Their conclusion is that someone sprayed it close to flame, and then the can itself burst."
Sango pushed her back up against the wall. "Sango, are you still there?"
"Yes, yes I'm still here, " Sango spoke, her pulse quickening.
"So it was a complete accident, and now you know, right?" Karin reassured her. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but I didn't want to keep it from you."
A sudden, horrible thought struck Sango. "Say, Karin, what was in the aerosol can?"
There was a lengthy pause on the other side. "It was a glass cleaner, I think. Some sort of cleaner. Why?'
The phone snapped out of the receiver as it fell from Sango's loosened grip. There were chores to do that day. She had to stay back at school. Glass cleaner...and mother's candle...
She was always in charge of floors and windows. If she hadn't been home to do her part. It meant that...
Her back slid down the wall until she lay crumpled on the floor, legs bent around her. She slumped forward, burying her face in her hands, shoulders heaving with sobs. She was suddenly very cold, and her hands wouldn't stop shaking. But she could feel nothing, the hunger, the stress, the shooting pains in her ankle, and the fatigue were forgotten.
The small apartment was quiet, save for the screaming in her head that could not be silenced.
________________________________*
Sorry for the late update, I planned to do a double update, and couldn't until the next monster chapter of "Void" was complete. But it is, so here it is. I don't have much to say on this one, except the usual pessimistic views I have on my writing. Thanks to all who review. You are my motivation.
Fusillade: Agony revised and uploaded April 4th 2004
