Disclaimer – All power corrupts, but absolute power corrupts absolutely. What do you mean that's not what goes here? It's a good proverb, so write it down and remember it or ill kill you all, ok not all of you - just you, you, oh and you your funny looking...

Y' all wanted it so here it is, the popular fandom coupling of JONDA!!

Thanks a bunch to Rogue14, Pandora's Sorrow, Goldylokz, frost-bite hurts, Peace 215, Goofn1, Morrigan Fearn, DemonRogue13, Lyrafan and Star-of-Chaos for reviewing the last chapter, feed back and suggestions are always cherished so keep reviewing.

For those of you who wanted me to update 'Tempest', tis' done so go check it out!

Thanks to Morrigan Fearn, Pandora's Sorrow and Lyrafan for their suggestions which have been duly used in this fic.

'coo coo cachoo' = thoughts

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Jonda a.k.a Death By Spatula

Marsha hummed to herself on her way to the food court. She was obviously in a very good mood having snuck over to Remy's apartment a few minutes ago and getting a few pictures of the man himself in the shower as well as a pair of his boxers.

She took a seat outside a café opposite a burger bar and began to scan the menu. 'Hmmm...what shall I have?" She was just about to call a waiter over when she heard someone shout her name.

"Marsha!" she turned around to see a man with red hair in a bright orange jumpsuit, her second – cousin John. He ran over to her laughing insanely.

"Hello Sheila how are ya?" he said

"John you look so...orange?" Marsha spluttered "Oh my god did you escape from jail again!" she gasped hitting him the chest

Pyro looked down at his outfit and grinned "No this is just my uniform, I ...err burnt all my other clothes, it was really funny ahahaha, it was like here they are and then 'whoosh' where did they go?" Marsha watched him with apprehension, as he laughed at the demise of his clothing, he never had been the most stable person.

She was just about to leave to get away from the frickin' looney when something caught her eye. Pulling John down to take a seat next to her, she put the menu in front of their faces, hiding them from view to those on the sidewalk.

"Hey! What gives!" said John

"Uh nothing! Just want you to have lunch with me, they have grilled cheese!" she said hurriedly, shoving his face in the menu "Oh, goody!" said John, happily reading his menu

Marsha peeked over her own menu as she watched Lance and Kitty walk past holding hands and giggling. Kitty's top was inside out, as were Lance's jean pockets. 'Oh yea...no one knows what you were doing' she thought to her self sarcastically, shuddering at the thought of the state her office must be in, and she had forgotten to get Lance's address. Consoling her self with the thought of the Polaroids and drawing she had managed to make off with, she called over a waiter to order.

"Hi I'll have a coke and the salmon, John what are you having? John, hello?" Marsha waved a hand in front of his zombie-like face. Following his gaze, she looked over at the open grill of the burger bar, John's eyes were transfixed by the fire.

Marsha sighed and palmed her face 'He'll have the grilled cheese" she said weakly. She smacked John over the head with a menu to get his attention.

"Oy! Watch the hair!" he said grumpily

"I thought you went back to Australia?" she asked him

"I was, but then I lost my ticket, or I used it in my barbeque...hmm, I dunno" he said turning his attention back to the grill flames across the road. "So wot are you doing in Bayville?" he asked absentmindedly, more to stop her hitting him then anything else.

"Oh I'm a relationship counsellor, I put back together all the broken couples and get a fat pay-of at the end for 1 hours work!" said Marsha proudly "You wont believe the psychos I've dealt with today... "

"You say psycho like it's a bad thing" John sniffed, pulling his eyes away from the grill.

Marsha just rolled her eyes at him. ' Family' she thought sardonically

"So your saying that you can basically make any two people think they love each other?" asked John, staring at two people across the road who had caught his attention

"Not exactly, but I reckon I'm good enough yeah" Marsha bragged.

"Ok then" said John "Make that chick go on a date with me and I'll pay for dinner" he said pointing across the road where an irate Wanda was being followed by a love-struck Toad.

Marsha grinned at the challenge "Your on" she said smugly. The smugness disappeared pretty quickly when she saw something blue come out of the girls hand and send the frog-like boy flying into the path of a truck.

John laughed as he stood up "OI WANDA! OVER HERE SHEILA!"

Wanda looked over at him and gave him a 'what the hell' look. She crossed the road, taking care to step on Toad.

"What do you want flame-boy?" said Wanda, hostility radiating off her in waves.

"Come sit, eat dinner with us" said John pulling her down onto his lap. Wanda gave an exasperated sigh as she hexed John into the next table, she got up to leave and Marsha decided that now was the time to earn her dinner, she'd never lost a bet since she was 12 and wasn't going to lose now to an insane relative.

"Wow!" she exclaimed really loudly

Wanda turned around "What?"

"Nothing it's just wow, you must really like John" said Marsha in a nonchalant voice, which she knew would get Wanda's attention

Wanda narrowed her eyes "What are you talking about?" she asked

"Oh nothing it's just that I'm a relationship counsellor, and the attraction between you and John is overwhelming" she said as the man himself walked drunkenly back to the table.

"You know Sheila," he said dreamily at Wanda "you are the fire that rages through my heart"

"Yo Snukums, what's going on?" said Toad, who had managed to scrape himself off the floor.

"TOAD QUIT FOLLOWING ME AROUND!" Wanda shouted

"But Babycakes-"began Toad before he was cut off by cutlery Wanda had hexed smacking him in the face.

Wanda was about to walk away again, Marsha sensing that she was losing reverted to drastic measures. "Wait!" she ran in front of Wanda, and tried to lead her back to the table before Wanda smacked her off and screamed "No Touchie!"

Marsha sighed, 'Trust John to pick another Psycho!'

"Look I just think you have a lot of relationship issues, and it's better to get these things sorted out before they build up and BAMN" Marsha clapped her hands in front of Wanda's face "You kill a dog or something"

Seeing as Wanda looked like she wasn't going to hurt Marsha straight away Marsha decided to continue. "Now it seems you are stressed because you obviously don't reciprocate feelings for frog-boy over here..."

"Ya think?" said Wanda looking interested now.

Toad sighed pathetically "What do I gotta do to win your love, Sweetums?"

Marsha put a comforting arm round Toad's shoulders "Now Toad is it? In life there will always be one time when the person you like doesn't like you back, It's best that you accept it and move on. Trust me, I'm an expert. Now let's all have dinner and talk about this!" she said leading the way back to the table, normally Wanda would've walked off but if this therapy chick could get Toad off her back she decided it was worth it.

"But I know Wanda is just in denial" whined Toad "I mean how could she resist all this" he struck a pose which unfortunately involved lifting his armpits, causing 3 women in the vicinity to faint and 1 to throw up.

"Trust me" said Wanda vindictively "It's not hard"

Marsha sighed and flapped her hand at the fly buzzing around her face. "I think Wanda is in denial... "Toad's face lit up "But not about you" Toad looked like he was gonna cry.

His tongue zipped out as he ate the fly, which caught Marsha's attention instantly. "Damn! What else can you do with that tongue?" she purred, Toad grinned whilst Wanda looked like she was going to vomit.

"Eww! Did you just hit on Toad" she exclaimed

Toad sidled up next to Wanda "Jealous poopsie?"

"No - just disgusted "as she hexed a plate into Toad's head knocking him out.

"Ah-hem well, as I was saying the attraction between you and John is unprecedented, Wanda" continued Marsha, as she watched the unconscious Toad flop out of his chair and onto the floor.

"What are you talking about, I've never even had a conversation with the guy" said Wanda

"Oh but I can feel your eyes running all over my body Sheila" John wiggled his eye brows at Wanda causing her to blush for a second before she regained her composure "What the hell get away from me fire-bug!" she stated as John tried to put his seat closer to hers.

"Well John is right to an extent, you two do have really good eye-contact, which is always a sign that two people are attracted to each other" said Marsha

Wanda turned and looked at Marsha as John using his lighter to create little fire-hearts which floated around Wanda's head. "Your kidding me right?" she hexed the fire hearts so that they set fire to John's uniform.

"Argggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!" shouted John as he ran round the restaurant.

Marsha sighed "You can control fire you idiot!" she shouted as he ran past their table the second time.

John paused "Oh yea" he got rid of the fire and then slipped off the charred remains of his uniform, leaving him standing there in his Power Rangers boxers. He held up the uniform "Guess I need to go shopping now ey Mate?"

Wanda sighed and got up to leave when sounds of screaming reached their ears. They watched in shock as a giant robot tore its way through the Food Court, being closely followed and attacked by the X-men.

Marsha screamed when she saw Rogue running towards her with an axe and ducked down under the table, letting out a huge sigh of relief, when Rogue ran past her and threw it at the robot, severing one of its arms.

They watched as Bobby iced –up and started throwing ice at the machine as it went down the street. Amara was running behind him, throwing fireballs. Taking Bobby's lead, she also powered up into her Magma form, running right past them.

Marsha slapped her face as John let out an excited sqeaul, as he saw her "COME TO PAPA!" he screamed running down the street after Amara, only to be stopped in his track as a blue glow surrounded his feet.

"Wot the...?" he exclaimed as he was dragged back to their table by a pissed off Wanda

"WERE SITTING HERE DISCUSSING OUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR ALREADY GOING AFTER OTHER WOMEN?!?!" Wanda screamed at him.

John shifted his feet nervously and tried to look cute while Marsha was deciding what his epitaph should be 'Here lies John. He liked fire...hmm that about sums him up' she thought

"HERES SOMETHING TO MAKE SURE YOU NEVER LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMEN AGAIN" she stalked over to him, whilst others watching were wondering how exactly she was gonna kill him. She surprised them all by dragging John into a kiss.

Everyone looked around in shock. That was unexpected.

Toad woke up from his place on the floor as the robot and the X-men, this time joined by the Acolytes and the Brotherhood made its way back up the road, causing more people to run away screaming in fear. He popped his head over the table to see Wanda and John frenching.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! BABYCAKES WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!" he sobbed, Marsha patted him on the back consolingly.

Pietro was in the process of creating a whirlwind around the robot when he spotted his sister.

And Pyro

KISSING.

Leaving the robot to fall to the ground, crushing 3 innocent bystanders, he sped over to them.

"WHAT-THE-HELL-IS-OING-ON-HERE?" he shouted at Toad as Wanda took no notice of him "WHY-IS-PYRO'S-HAND-ON-MY-SISTERS-ASS!"

"She's forsaken me for him" cried Toad

"But he's insane! Wait she's insane, OH GOD THINK OF THE CHILDREN! Am I the only sane one left in my family?" sputtered Pietro as Magneto flew past.

He looked at his son "I resent that comment" he stated before flying off to turn the robot into shish-kebab

"Who did this?" Pietro shouted, looking around at everyone accusingly, Marsha backed away slowly as Toad lifted a finger at her. Pietro let out a scream before he sped off to the kitchen to find a knife, failing to find on in a millisecond he grabbed a spatula and ran after Marsha who was high-tailing it back down the street.

"YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN HIDE BITCH!" he laughed maniacally as he chased her around, smacking her with the spatula repeatedly.

Marsha ran back to Toad slipped her card into Toad's back pocket before running away again "CALL ME!" she shouted as Pietro hit her repeatedly "Ow! Hey! Quit it!"

Toad cocked his finger and winked at her retreating form "Will do!"

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There you go folks, the insanity that was Jonda, hope you liked it!

REVIEW and tell me what you think as always and also don't forget to vote for who you want next as well as ideas for what should happen to them!

Other couples suggested so far are JOTT, ROLO AND KURMANDA so pile on the ideas!

Ciao

Soulstress