Autechre - Foil


...

On the way to the Jugend, the kids and I, We have some, uh... interesting conversation.

— Tell me, Fratley, how are babies born? – I'm yet to answer that to Raymie.

— Well... – dear God, how am I supposed to do this? Think, Mr. Irontail. Think... – think about your mother. She's the only one who can grow a baby inside her. Uh... your mother has a place inside with everything needed in order to breed a child. It's called uterus, and only women have these.

— I see. How did mom got a belly so huge when Phoebe was inside her? I mean, mom has a stomach too, right?

— That's right. An uterus is a very special organ. It enlargens as the baby grows – I can't believe I have this conversation. This must be what my father felt when he replied to me.

— Like an egg?

— Yes! Like an egg, though not quite so. Burmecians don't lay eggs – ...why am I imagining April sitting over a huge egg?

— So, like a balloon?

— Yes. Kinda like a balloon filled with liquid that protects the baby and facilitate the exchange of nutrients from mother to baby.

— Ok... I think I get it – Raymie scratched his head by hearing such complicated words – how does the baby eat if he has no mouth? I mean, they are not babies yet, are they?

— Indeed. Before you came to be a baby, you were an embryo which later developed into a fetus – to think one day we all were tiny little cells dividing and multplying of size, but that's a talk for another day... – see your tummy?

— I do.

— Well, Raymie... before your tummy, there was an umbilical cord that connect you to your mother. All of you. With this cord, you were supplied of all kinds of nutrients throught the bloodstream shared by you and mom.

— You tellin' we sucked the blood out of mom? – Ingus said. Wait a minute...

— No, that's not-

— Are babies vampires!? That explains why Phoebe keeps biting us – no, Archie. That's so silly.

— Your sister isn't a vampire, please – eventually we all shared of a laugh together. I'm trying my best at being clear and cohesive to the kids. I must not show any kind of discomfort while talking about something that... natural. Yes, the miracle of birth may be beautiful and natural, but it's also pretty damn disgusting. I don't want to talk about that.

— Fratley... how did the baby came inside mom? – and that was the question brought by Raymie that I haven't answered yet. Why is it so hard?

— Your mom didn't had all of you by herself. You see, you had a father, and without him, without your mom... they needed one another to have all of you.

— Why?

— Well, Raymie... when burmecians loves each other, they stay together and they might end up raising a family.

— Why?

— Eh... it's a thing only adults know. Only adults can have babies.

— Why do only adults have babies?

— Well... – that's impossible from a biological standpoint, though I heard about a lot of young people who gave up studies due unplanned pregnancy. I don't want to go throught politics, it's another realm for our conversation – it's a huge responsibility to take care of kids. The kind of responsibility adults are so aware of. I mean, it's easy to bring life to this world, like burying a seed on earth and waiting for the tree to grow, but when it comes to raise the tree, take the bugs away from its leaves, water the plants everyday... it's hard, but you get used to it.

— How did I came inside mom? – did Raymie heard anything I said before? He's a little insistent guy, isn't he?

— Your father... he carried on the seeds and planted those on your mother.

— Whose seeds? Was I a bean or something?

— Not really – how do I explain this? It's the moment I'm mostly umcomfortable with. I could be honest and tell all about cells and all we know so far from how life has begun and how one holds the keys for it to be brought. I could go throught a mystical explanation with all kinds of weird therminologies or even more nostalgic words such as 'birds and bees' so I don't say sperm. Sperm. There, I said it twice.

— Fratley? – Raymie is waiting. Come on Fratley, you can do it. It's not that hard.

— By seeds, I mean your father had one cell, called sperm, and your mother also had a cell, this time called ovule – I feel like a teacher explaining all of this – when the father's sperm and mother's ovule reunite in conception, they generate a fertilized cell we call egg. The egg divides and divides itself, it's a wonderful process I'm willing to see again on the microscope, but anyway... lots of things we don't know yet happen before an embryo comes to be a fetus, and from fetus to baby, and a baby to a boy or a girl. You can have more than one egg fertilized, which explains the twins, triples, quadruplets you see around.

— Whoa... – Raymie is startled yet amazed, like his brothers.

I actually feel fine with how things went throught. Raymie didn't asked such things as 'how did the sperm got inside mom?' I think I'm not read to answer such question, but I'll do if it's worrying one of my kids. One of my kids, gee... I feel like a duck, followed of yellow little ducks. But yeah, kids need more than a single lesson to fully integrate all that info. Doing an info-dump on a small child, one who you can't guide through their inevitable follow-up questions and confusion, is also a recipe for poor understanding and murky boundaries.

That is so much info to teach a child without a plan for helping them understand it. And hey, guess what? Situations like that can lead to them unintentionally crossing boundaries with other children, as they seek to explore and understand all that info without adequate guidance. It's awkward to have such talk, but honesty is a virtue. Ignorance leads to fear, and communication prevents abuse.

Mental reminder... Always teach proper names to body parts. If you are not willing to say penis, at least be clear that you are talking about the privates. While it may be embarrassing to have him shout 'penis' instead of 'weenie' inappropriately, it'll happen regardless. You don't come to a doctor and say your 'boogie oogie' is hurt, he won't understand. And the thing about listening to kids is that most of us do not take them seriously at all.

...What is in my mouth?... It's your uvula, kiddo...

...Where did my fart come from?... That's your butt or bottom, hon...

...There's something on weenie... That's your scrotum. Some people call it your balls...

My dad was a good listener. Vincent Irontail, the human father that took care of me after I lost my burmecian father... and my vision. The world seemed so dark, and not because I was blind. Like, just because we know something does not mean someone else knows what we know. And kids are born without knowing, they learn with others. No such question is stupid and there are no idiotic answers, ignoring a few politics. Lack of communication, that's what happens. So yes, the moral of the story is that even with a well-intentioned anatomy lesson, kids will still misinterpret things, but to not say anything at all is even worse.

Enough being preachy. No one's listening.

— I don't get this statue – so I heard Ingus – two angels but they only have one wing each.

— One winged angels? – I can 'see' the statue's silhouette by hearing the surface levels in which rain hits. That's how I see buildings, people moving around and myself. I also see everyone and everything by the smell, who gives me a picture of how things look like. The tips of my fingers can also feel any texture. Anything better than darkness – did you notice that the two great angels only have one wing each...? According to an old burmecian legend, God could have created humans perfectly... But then, humans would not have helped each other.

— Is that why God made us rats?

— That's not the point, Archie – hope the kids do not miss the deeper meaning and beauty of it – you see, those one winged burmecians, they were made this way so, in order to fly, they are dependant on one another.

— Hah! Forcing them to fly together? It would be less bothersome if they could fly on their own – yep, Ingus lost completely the deeper meaning of this.

— The left looks like a man, and the right is a woman. Weird, isn't it? I heard angels didn't had pee pees.

— These angels are clearly distinguishable as having opposing genders. Man and woman, together to help one another – symbolism, everyone. There are not many people around this square, which's good for my hearing. I'd hate to... – sniff sniff... sniff.

— What are you smelling, Fratley? – blood... that can't be. That amount of blood is sickening as the voices gathered around the corpse. His skin is all covered in dentations made by a scalpel.

— Stay here, kids – I follow that scent, which leads me to an alley surrounded by all kinds of people.

— Lord... I wanna puke – Royal Guards on duty.

— It says 'Cuttooth was here' – one of them pointed to a wall tainted in blood, which belongs to the vicim.

— Who's Cuttooth? Is he the murderer – a passerby asked.

— I know him! – a lady looked at the corpse, still freshy – Lefty Donovan! He had a stalwart on his index finger.

— Whose stal... – pieces of stalwart are found near the body, together of fingers cut like sausages. The guard can't take it and pukes.

— It's that freak again! The one who mutilates people and gets rid of their defects!

/\/\/\/\_/\/\/\_/\/\/\_

— The one who killed Johnny's wife? – Johnny... could that it be?

— Where is the King?

/\/\_/\_/\/\_/\/\_/\/\/\/\/\

— Does this concern our Majesty?

— It sure does!

— Who to tell our kids are safe?

/\/\/\_/\/\/\_/\/\/\_/\/\_/\/\

— To hell with monarchy! What has the King done for us? – so many voices, or is it one voice!? I'm losing control of my senses.

— Where are the guards?

\/\/\/\/\_/\/\/\_/\/\_/\/\/\

— Is there any safety?

— Kill this Cuttooth so he does not kill our kids!

— Yeah, let's kill him before he kill us all.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

— Fuck the Monarchy! – my, this is getting out of control... all those exploding heartbeats and sniveling noses and sobbing eyes... and I feel like it's my fault!

— ...You okay, Fratley? – in the middle of this chaos, I hear a familiar voice.

— R-Raymie?

— What's happening, Frat? – Raymie asked, confused.

— Nothing. Let's go to the Jugend – I recover my hearing and equilibrium. This does not concern any of the kids. They will be safe, I swear – who wants to see how a Dragoon jumps?

— I want! I want! – Archie began to jump joyfully.

— Me too! – same for Raymie.

— I want to see a Dragoon training! – Ingus is excited. So we head for the Jugend, leaving the crime scene behind. I'm having some time with the family that won't be ruined that easy. However, if I don't do anything, these streets will soon be filled by anarchy.

...

Meanwhile...

— ...Now Alba won't say anything for the next five hours, how great. Just when we were having a nice talk – Hrist shared her frustation to the closest Dragoon – not that you mind silence, Crescent, because you really appreciate it, so do I in my own special way.

— What about a challenge? You be quiet for a minute and if not, you'll pay me a 100 gil. If you do, I'm the one who pays.

— So be it! – Hrist immediately accepted the challenge.

Ten second later and I see her holding breath. I told her to not talk, not hold of any breathe. Whatever, she seems to be struggling a lot for such a simple task. She looks mad at me, crossing hands and a bit of my childhood comes back. 'Eat the broccoli, Hrist', that's what her face reminds me of. Thirty seconds have passed and her cheeks turn red. Red like my mother's coat, the one I'm wearing. This is so stupid, I was joking. But miss Chardonnay, stubborn as she is, does not accept losing. One minute has passed, and 100 gil seems too short.

— I'll pay you 200 gil if you stay quiet for one more minute – and she does, frowning at me and crossing hands.

Something about that single gesture brings back lots of fond memories I borrow from a long ago. Like that time when I cut Hrist's hair to make her look like a boy. A boy with mushroom haircut. Or that day a goose ran after Hrist took a little goose with her. Gooses are birds from hell, I'm not kidding. They are good fathers, though. One minute and thirty seconds have passed. Guess I'll have to pay 200 gil, right Alba? She looks at me and smirkes. A while ago, Alba attempted to make a full sentence out of her flames and by doing that, she's unable to talk. Two minutes have passed.

— 300 if you stay one more minute quiet – to show Hrist I'm not teasing her, I show her a bag full of gil.

Everyone thought she was a boy, even mom. Eventually Hrist had to give the little goose back. Geese have no concept of morality; they are not being evil, they are simply fulfilling their purpose on earth which is to terrorize children. Geese are here to remind us of our mortality, for they are Gods among us. Their violence is a punishment for falling from grace... what the hell am I thinking?

— ...hyyyuuuUUUuuK! Okay, okay, three minutes! Haff... HHHAAAF! I'm done! – Hrist is relieved of the pressure, breathing like she just submerged out of deep.

— I'm impressed – as promised, I give her the right amount of gil – you didn't just do that for the money.

— Of course not! I have my pride – so does I, but I'm not up for taking things that serious – oh hey, look who arrived.

— Who? – by immediate, my sight is caught by two white-haired Dragoon Knights entering the Jugend. They look like twins, judging by their similar appearance. One wears aqua blue armor and the other navy blue. I could make a whole essay about their decoration and garments, though I could sumn it all to fancy-looking design. It's like someone borrowed a rainbow for a wardroble

— You called 'eccentric' the people we met, Crescent? Well, you haven't met those two yet. They're the pinnacle of eccentricity – I agree with Hrist a bit. Something about the two young ladies appearance strikes as being uncanny and wonderful at same time – the Gainsborough cuckoos.

— Cuckoos? You mean twins, right? – one of them said, very close of us. I feel a slight chill at skin.

— Gainsborough? Let me guess... your parents didn't choose your names, did they? – Hrist does not feel the cold. Anyway, she's laying upon Alba, which's the equivalent of laying a head upon a fireplace.

— My name is Gudrun, mistress of hailstorms...

— Thetis is my name, lady of seastorms...

— You'd better get your pancake ass off seat before it turns into icicle...

— My sis will surely freeze your lazy bum into a popsicle!

— Ah, come on! That didn't even rhymed – I suppose that's the only eccentric aspect – you need to do a lot better to impress me.

— That was a threat and you didn't obey... – Gudrun jumped upon Thetis shoulders.

— For ruining our poetry you must pay! – Thetis invoked her light blue spear. Yes, invoked is the best word I could come up with. Or out of her hands, that fits as well.

— I call out Shiva's Diamond Dust! – like her sister, Gudrun also created a javelin out of her powers. This one made of radiant ice. She spinned her javeling quick as a beetle's wings on flight, singing a melody that ends up summoning the heaviest of hailstorms, confined to a single target. Alba protects both of us with a curtain of flames.

— Rain of Heavens, turn the ingrate's armor into rust! – while Hrist avoids the falling ice with some acrobatics, stretching her hair to make an organic shield. The protection doesn't last for long soon as huge blocks of ice fall on her, and Thetis casts a monsoon with her very hands.

— No one can withstand such raw, primal nature's force. Not even me! – Hrist screamed, as she is thrown away against the fire barrier. Before the purple knight becomes barbecue, Alba shapes a hand of fire that works as a cushion for her friend to safely land.

— This is madness! – I had to say.

— Madness? You haven't saw much.

— Is there anything I haven't saw yet!? What the hell, Hrist.

— Hey, Samson! Thought you had a chance of defeating us? – both twins said at same time. Not a thing you see everyday. I prefer when they rhyme on their own, it's cute.

— That was so unfair. I was not even prepared for kicking your tiny metallic butts! – and so Hrist insists at keep fighting, even though she has no chance against these two. I won't say anything for someone asking to die...

— Hrist, please... – I say anyway. For Alba.

— I'm not a fool, Crescent. I know they won't fight. Water and ice... Such elemental powers at such magnitude are very consuming.

— While I can't deny you are telling the truth... – Gudrun's claws froze in less than a second.

— We still have enough to make you drop the guts! – A water pillar rose below Thetis feet, standing above us and the Jugend itself. Dear Bahamut...

— Apologize now – all the prayers I listened as a kid before sleeping play in my head.

— You mean 'repent your sins' – Hrist's eyes widened. So did mine. So did Alba's, followed of a startled drop of jaw. I never thought the world would end, not even once. And we're here as testimonies, of the flood and the terminal frost. It was a nice life, even though I never got laid and why am I thinking about it...

— It's over, laughing stock!... – and, just as when the entire world blackens...

— Oh really? Then who's gonna be take the place of the one and only Hrist Chardonnay? – there comes a light. I guess – you better not say you!

— I'll drown you in a sea of tears – said Thetis, raising pillars of water while walking 'downstairs'.

— We'll spare the ginger and reddie's ears – Gudrun's hands melted, though I would not say her heart did.

— What makes you such bitches? – Hrist isn't impressed yet.

— Breeding. Refined breeding – such arrogance. What's with those twins? The way they speak, the way they fight... far from eccentric. I'd say bizarre.

— Enough, kids – fortunately, Captain Edea is here to put some order. She spoke in a way any any idiot could hear and pay attention.

— Whew – Hrist breathed in relief. We all did – nice knowing someone has control over these Fabergé killing machines.

— As if it was not You who began it all! Goddamnit, Hrist – I bursted in anger. I do admire Alba's expression in face, it reminds me that I could just stay quiet and give dumb looks instead of lashing out, but whatever – I was so scared and I had nothing to do with this!

— It's not my fault those Cheese Borough sisters do not get any jokes – finally I have met someone with bad temper as Hrist – they are cuckoos. I warned you.

— You'd better try next time! – Gudrun tossed her hair around and left.

— Slime! – while Thetis adjusted her helmet and walked backwards to her sister's direction.

— Alright, who's been playing with my girls? – Edea looked at us with disappointment.

— Your girls?

— Yes, Crescent. Five students were missing from my Ethics class, counting my two beloved nieces.

— My God, you teach Ethics!? – I am as surprised as Hrist.

— Yes. It's time for jokes.

— No, really. I have several questions...

— I'm a patient woman, Miss Chardonnay – the way Captain Edea looks at us is kinda unnerving. It feels unnatural that she borrows of that very face when expressing of happiness, of sadness, of being pissed off – but sometimes I wish all children had a single neck and I was knotting a rope around it.

— Gee, you sure are in a mood today, Edea. Maybe one day you'll get to smile.

— Maybe, you horrible little urchin – with that said, Edea leaves. What a mood indeed.

— I never heard Edea talk like that. Did something happen?

— She's a teacher. Ethics, and all – Hrist said, feeling a pain at her back. The wounds of training hurt when least expected – as for what happened, didn't I just fought against her nieces?

— You did well. At least your bum is fine.

— Thanks... – I refuse to acknowledge I said that.

— Maybe Edea is upset with something else. It's not like her to say such things – I said, to which Alba noded. Though she has nothing much to say, I enjoy of the ginger's company. Ginger... did I just said it like Hrist? They say to not call the Lord's name in vain, but dear Bahamut...

— Hello everyone – Sir Fratley walked in, alongside a few tiny guests – my, it's cold in here! Did we missed something?

— Nothing much, other than a pair of twins – Hrist said. Speaking about such an odd pair of twins... – one with the powers of shooting icicles and the other who raised a hydro tower giant enough for the whole Burmecia to see.

— Wait, do the students spend their time here trying to beat each other to a pulp? This place is so cool! – one of the kids said. I think that's Raymie, the boy who was selling lemonades from early.

— Why pay a lot to kick someone's butt? – I don't know who this boy is, but he looks mean. Maybe it's his frown.

— That's not the purpose of the Jugend, Ingus. While there might be a few aminosities even between Dragoon Knights, we are always up to solve these throught conversation.

— Nice, lecture man – Hrist clapped after hearing Sir Fratley's heartful speech. Alba does not say anything, she's just standing in here, existing. So do I – hey, kid... you looking at me? What's up?

— You look beautiful – Raymie said, followed of a sniffing noise – you smell nice. Lavender?

— Okay... – Hrist didn't knew what to say. She stares at Sir Fratley, and back to Raymie, swifting between both until she got dizzy – boy, you remind me of someone else. I wonder who that could be...

— Hehe, I like you. You're funny.

— Funny, me? No, I'm not.

— Say 'Gongaga'.

— Why?

— Say it, please.

— Look, I-

— Pretty please.

— Listen, I don't-

— Gongaga. Gon-ga-ga.

— No, I will not-

— Pretty please with cherry on top – Raymie begged to Hrist. He even shared of kitten's eyes.

— I don't feel like... – and eventually, the curly brown haired knight surrendered – I... uh, whatever... you won. Gongaga?

— Wrongaga – answered Raymie, with a smirk that became a giggle and bursted into laughter.

— I don't get it – Hrist watches dumbfounded.

— Nevermind Raymie. He is stupid – Ingus frowned. Maybe he was born like that...

— Nevermind Ingus, girls. His mood changes with a dime.

— Ingus, Archie... kids, please – Sir Fratley took control of the situation – your brother is a special fellow. In his brain lies a star of pure, radiant thought.

— Special, huh? Another word for 'anormal'.

— Anormal? We're rats talking, Ingus. Rat kids talking – I agree with Archie.

— Raymie likes you, Hrist. That's all you need to know – Sir Fratley clarified – alright, who wants to see how a Dragoon holds their breathe for half a hour underwater?

— I want! I want! I want! – the three children yelled at same time, albeit in a dissionant tone. I miss those days where my voice was screechy as a cracked bamboo and I didn't cared at all.

— Follow me – the armorless knight said, as he and the kids climbed the academy's stairs.

— I'm hungry, Frat – not without complaining – what we'll have for lunch?

— Thinking about lunch? We already ate breakfast – and they complain with each other. Specially Ingus.

— No worries, Archie. I'll get something for you.

— What about popcorn? Is there any purple popcorns? – Raymie fascinates me.

— Oh my... Raymie is talking about corns he saw in a book. Again. Yellow, red, purple, blue...

— There's no blue corn, Ingus!

— Finally you've said something smart.

— I am smart. More than you, dunderhead.

— Dunderhead? I don't even know what that means.

— Because you are pathetic.

— Have you been reading a dictionary, Ray Ray?

— More than you did, idiot poopface – I miss being a kid, but after hearing these two, not so much.

— Be civil, little gentlemen – and Sir Fratley chuckles. I too would, after hearing such silly things.

— Ingus is being mean because he's hungry and does not want to admit. Like when his belly is filled of poo – Archie reminds me of my brother Jack. Smart but a kind of jerk.

— Could you stop insulting me?

— I'm not insulting you; I'm describing you.

— Why you rascal!-

— Nevermind Archie, Ingus. After all, it's impossible to underestimate you – even Raymie's insults are cute — wish Danny was here with us.

— Yeah, Danny. When will he get better, Fratley?

— Soon, I hope – Sir Fratley had a bit of difficult by walking upstairs with a cane, but he reached the top safe and sound.

— Daddy of the year, everyone – Hrist commented, just as they disappear from our sight.

...

Next Chapter: How to Train to be a Dragoon Knight (won't spoil much, but it'll be a wild ride 'till the end)