A/N: I'm always amazed at the diversity of opinions different reviewers have expressed. I had a plan for this story from the beginning and I've stuck to it so it's been interesting to see how it's been interpreted. I guess I would say that not all is what it seems and that while this is a different type of story than was depicted on the show, some things are still true. I appreciate that you've stuck with this and I hope that at the end you're glad you did, whether you are happy with the end or not. I have very much enjoyed hearing your thoughts and how you process what you're reading. It's incredibly satisfying. Thank you!
Deacon
He watched her disappear around the corner and then he sat back down on the couch, rubbing his hands over his face. His heart was pounding and he took a couple deep breaths to slow it down. It had felt like they were moving towards... something, although he wasn't sure what that something was. It was probably for the best that Maddie had interrupted them. The snowstorm and Rayna not being able to leave had just created some kind of wishful thinking in his head and he needed to snap out of it, he knew.
He looked over at the fire. It was almost embers. There had been something in the air. He'd felt it. He wondered if she had. They'd spent the whole day together, although truthfully it was that they'd spent the day with their kids. He was sure that's the way she'd seen it. She was with Luke. She was going to marry Luke. He had the sense of time running out, but he knew that was ridiculous. Time had run out a long time ago. Still, he couldn't help but wonder what might have happened if Maddie hadn't interrupted.
Nothing. Nothing would have happened. He glanced over at the pillow and blanket that he'd put on the coffee table. He was going to sleep on the couch. She was going to sleep in his bedroom. The bedroom that had been their bedroom. He sighed. I'm an idiot. He reached for the pillow and put it against the arm of the couch and stretched out, facing the fire. He tried closing his eyes, but his mind wouldn't shut down. He opened them again, staring into the dying embers of the fire.
Finally he got up and walked back to his bedroom, closing the door behind him. He took off his jeans and shirt and pulled on a t-shirt. Then he turned down the covers on the bed and crawled in. He reached for the bedside lamp and turned it off, then remained on his side. He still couldn't sleep, so he laid there for a long time, his eyes wide open, thinking about the life he'd lost. The life he'd given up. The life that they could have had, all together like they were right then.
He couldn't help but think about the fact that Rayna was upstairs, sleeping with Maddie. Eventually he drifted off, his mind finally exhausted from imagining a life he'd thrown away.
Rayna
When she got upstairs to Maddie's bedroom, her daughter was under the covers, her eyes still wide open. She walked over and sat on the bed, reaching out and brushing back the hair off Maddie's face. "I'm sorry you're having a tough night," she said. "Can you remember anything at all?"
Maddie shook her head. "Not really. It all went away as soon as I woke up."
"Well, hopefully it won't come back." She gave her an encouraging smile and then stood up. "I'll get into some pajamas and we can both get some sleep." She smiled at Maddie and then turned to her suitcase. She laid it on the floor and, squatting down, opened it. She really didn't have pajamas or a nightgown, but she found a pair of lightweight sweatpants and a t-shirt. She pulled them out and, her back to Maddie, took off her jeans and top and put them on over her underwear. Then she turned back and walked over to the bed. She sat on the edge, putting her ring on the bedside table, and turned out the light, then crawled under the covers. She put her arm around Maddie and pulled her in close, the way she'd always done when Maddie was little and had a hard time sleeping on the tour bus.
"Thanks, Mom," Maddie said, her voice quiet and a little sleepy sounding.
She kissed her daughter on the forehead. "Of course, sweetie." She smoothed Maddie's hair again and pulled her in a little closer. In just a few minutes she could hear Maddie's even breathing, indicating she had fallen asleep.
It's probably good that this happened, she thought. It wouldn't have been smart to sleep in the bedroom. Not with Deacon just outside in the great room. It had been such a strange day. She could tell that Luke wasn't happy, even though he'd tried to sound like he understood. She wasn't really happy about it either. It was awkward in many ways. She'd tried to make the best of it, but once she and Deacon were alone, it had felt like things got very heavy between them.
She'd been sad to hear how his situation with Belcourt had gone. Of course, it wasn't unusual. It happened a lot. There were a lot more stories of people who came to Nashville for a dream who ended up disappointed in the end than there were success stories like her own. Staying a success wasn't easy either. If he'd never tried, maybe things wouldn't have ended like they had for them. She thought it probably was good that he'd tried or he would have always wondered whether he could have made it or not. But the cost had been high. She felt a little of the bitterness and anger she'd mostly managed to tamp down over the years. She wondered if Deacon thought it had been worth the cost.
Deacon. Being around him had been a little unsettling, mainly because at times it felt normal, natural. It really wasn't like she could sit and pout in the corner, so she'd had to help with meals and with the kids. And help decorate the tree. There were moments when she'd felt wistful for everything they'd missed. But then she'd feel Luke's ring on her finger and it reminded her that she'd moved on. Built a new life. She'd be starting a new chapter with Luke, blending their families together and continuing on with their careers.
It made her think back to when they were trying to arrange some family time for all of them around Thanksgiving. Trying to work around schedules had been challenging. Even though they were both off the road, he was recording an album and doing videos outside Nashville, plus all his sponsorships. She had been writing and starting to plan her next album and doing special appearances around the country. At one point she had gotten so frustrated with all the logistical gymnastics of trying to merge two very busy careers that Luke had suggested that she could just be Mrs. Luke Wheeler for a while to make life easier. She could travel with him as he toured and just spend time together as a family. He had laughed as he said it, and she had responded in kind, but she had wondered at the time if that was what he really wanted. And now it made her wonder if that would have been what life would have been like for her and Deacon, had he kept at a solo career.
She sighed. She wondered if Deacon had still slept in the great room. She thought probably not. She wondered if he still had the same bed they'd bought all those years ago, after he'd bought the cabin. Unless it had fallen apart or termites had eaten it up, she was sure he did. He really never liked to change things or let things go. Which then made her wonder why it had been so easy for him to do it with her.
Maddie moved just a little, but didn't wake up. She looked down at her for a moment, then closed her eyes. She couldn't help but think about the fact that Deacon was right downstairs. So close. Then exhaustion finally overtook her and she fell asleep.
Deacon
When he woke up the next morning, it was still dark outside. He got up and took a shower, then got dressed. The sky was lightening up just a bit over the lake when he walked into the kitchen. He got the coffee maker going and then stood at the island. The pillow was still on the couch where he'd left it and he walked over to pick it up along with the blanket and moved them over to a side table. He put wood in the fireplace and relit the fire. Once it started crackling, he got up and walked back to the kitchen. The coffee was ready and he poured himself a mug. He went to stand by the sliding doors, watching as the sky got lighter. It was still overcast, but not snowing. It looked like there was half a foot or more of snow on the ground. It would probably be a good day to build that snowman with the kids.
When the sky had lightened enough, he put down his mug and grabbed a warm jacket and gloves, then opened the sliders and stepped out onto the porch. The cold hit him and he shivered a bit. There was a light breeze and he could feel a little sting on his exposed skin. He glanced around the yard and then headed down the porch to the driveway. When he stepped off into the snow, it came up to his calf. Both his and Rayna's cars were still covered in snow. He made his way down the drive towards the road. The driveway was gravel, which helped with footing, but when he got to the road, it was a different story. He stopped and listened. It was silent. Rayna had always commented on how quiet it was just after a snowfall and this was exactly that. He finally stepped onto the road and nearly slipped when his boots touched the icy asphalt. There were no tire tracks that he could see and he thought it would be difficult, if not impossible, to drive on the road.
It was breezier in the open air and he shrugged deep into his jacket. He looked up at the sky. It was a flat gray and it was hard to tell if the snow was over or if they should expect more. But he suspected the temperatures were below freezing, which meant nothing was going to be melting. He turned and headed back up the drive and then up the steps to the porch. He stomped his boots several times to get the snow off and then leaned over to brush off the leftover snow on his jeans. Then he walked the rest of the way to the doors, letting himself in.
He hung up his jacket, stuffing his gloves in the pockets. It was still quiet in the house and he went to the kitchen and poured himself another mug of coffee. He walked over to the fireplace and stood in front of the fire, warming up. He heard footsteps then and turned to see Rayna walk into the dining area. She was wearing a sweater and jeans, her hair pulled back into a ponytail. "Good morning," he said. "There's coffee made."
She nodded. "Thanks." She walked into the kitchen and poured coffee into a mug, then turned and leaned forward on the island.
"Maddie get back to sleep okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, she did. She never did remember what the dream was about, but she fell asleep pretty quickly and slept through the night." She walked around the island then and over to the sliders. She held the coffee mug in both hands as she looked out.
"I went out," he said. "It's still really cold."
"I should walk out to see how the roads look."
"I did that. The road itself is icy and there's probably at least 6 inches of snow. I didn't see any car tracks at all." He noticed a slight frown on her face.
"I'll probably check it myself in a little while."
He breathed in deeply, feeling a little irritated that she didn't seem to want to take his word for it. "Suit yourself," he said. "But it's still pretty bad." He turned and walked away. She just kept looking outside.
Rayna
She didn't understand why Deacon had to be so stubborn. What was wrong with her wanting to go out herself? She concentrated on her coffee. Although there wasn't any reason why he wouldn't tell her the truth. And she knew she should appreciate the fact that he'd checked for her, knowing she'd want to know. She breathed in, then breathed out slowly. She knew she shouldn't be annoyed with him. She was the one who was anxious to leave. The day before had been a surprisingly nice day but staying any longer would just be uncomfortable. As she stood looking out towards the lake, she saw that it had started snowing again. Just flurries really, but it could mean nothing would melt. Her heart sank.
"It's snowing again," she said. Deacon didn't say anything, just walked over and stood next to her.
"Not like yesterday, though."
She stood there for a moment longer and then she turned and put her coffee mug down. "I know you've been out there, but I'm going to go anyway," she said. She went and got the coat she'd worn the day before and then opened the sliding door and stepped out on the porch, closing the door behind her.
She didn't have gloves and didn't have the ones Deacon had loaned her, so she just put her hands in her pockets. She headed down the porch and then stepped down onto the driveway. She stood still for a moment, tilting her face up and closing her eyes, feeling the gentle snowflakes against her skin. When she was young, she loved snow. She supposed all kids loved snow. Maddie and Levi would lose their minds over it. She could recall Lamar going out to make a snowman with her and Tandy. Back in the days when he actually behaved like a father. Her mom would help them make snow cream. All that stopped when she was 12.
She lowered her head and her eyes snapped open. She didn't want to think about those days. She also was feeling cold, so she knew the temperature wasn't probably much better than the day before. She could see Deacon's footsteps leading out towards the road and she tried to step where he had as she made her way slowly out to the road. When she got there, she stopped. Deacon had said it was icy. She put one foot out and rubbed the toe against the road. Damn. He was right. Not that she'd really thought he'd lie. There would be no reason for him to do that.
Except that something was going on the night before just before Maddie came downstairs. And that something was making her nervous and anxious.
Maddie and Levi were thrilled when they came downstairs and saw that not only was the snow still on the ground, but that they could see snowflakes again. As Deacon fixed breakfast and the kids talked to him about building that snowman, she had pulled a chair up in front of the TV and turned it to local weather. The news wasn't positive. While some vehicles were on the interstates and snow removal equipment was out, at least on the interstates, the advice was to not drive unless it was an emergency. The additional snow was now making things more difficult again. The rental car was not 4-wheel drive, so she doubted she'd be able to even get to the interstate, which was about 5 miles away. She hated the thought of having to call Luke to tell him she was still stuck. He wouldn't be happy, she knew.
"Mom, breakfast is ready!" Maddie called out behind her.
She looked over her shoulder and smiled. "Okay," she said. She turned back for one more glance at the weather and then turned it off. As she made her way to the kitchen table, she looked out the sliders and sighed when she saw the snow still falling, big lazy flakes. The good news though was that it was only flurries. She sat and watched as Deacon put eggs on the plates and set a platter with bacon in the middle of the table. She smiled. "This looks good. Doesn't it y'all?" She looked at Maddie and Levi, who were sitting across from her.
Maddie had a forkful of eggs ready to eat. "Dad makes the best eggs," she said, then put the fork in her mouth.
She made a mock insulted face. "Hey. I thought I made pretty good eggs," she said.
"You do, Mom," Levi cried, his mouth full of bacon.
Maddie nodded. "You do. But Dad's are better. Sorry."
Deacon gave her an understanding smile. "Yeah, sorry," he said. She shook her head and rolled her eyes.
"Are you leaving today, Mom?" Maddie asked her.
"I hope so. I'm still checking the weather."
"I hope you don't have to." Maddie smiled. "It's nice having you here."
She looked down at her plate, feeling like her appetite was gone, and found herself pushing her food around on her plate.
Deacon
The kids were upstairs getting dressed for outdoors as he cleaned up the kitchen. When he was done and turned around, he saw that Rayna was still sitting at the table. He took a few steps closer but didn't sit. "You think you can get out?" he asked.
She looked up at him and then shook her head. "Not right now anyway. I'll see what it's like after lunch, I guess. They say that some people are getting around on the interstate, but I'm not sure I can get that far." She made a face. "You were right about the ice."
He frowned slightly. "I wouldn't a told you that if it wasn't true," he said.
"I know. I don't know. Maybe I was just hoping it would have been a little better by the time I got out there." She sighed. "I hate to tell Luke I can't get there."
He glanced over at the sliders, watching the snow come down. It was a very light snowfall, so it probably wouldn't add to the total, but it wouldn't help with any melting. He knew he shouldn't wish for it, but he kind of hoped it kept her snowed in. Not that anything would change for them, but it had been nice to have some real family time. It had really hit home what he'd missed. He cleared his throat. "Do you gotta call him right away?"
"I probably need to give him an update." She didn't really look happy about it.
"Well, I'm gonna take the kids out when they come back downstairs. Maybe you can call then. While we're out of your hair."
She gave him a tiny smile. "Thanks."
It was really cold outside and the wind was picking up, so they made a few snow angels – at least Maddie and Levi did – before throwing snowballs. Then they decided to head back in and make hot chocolate. After they'd gotten the snow brushed off, they had gone inside and the kids had rushed over to the fireplace. He didn't see Rayna anywhere and wondered where she was. He busied himself making hot chocolate for himself and the kids and then they sat and watched some TV.
He finally saw Rayna out of the corner of his eye as she walked into the great room from the front of the house. She was wearing a different sweater and had thick socks on, so he thought she might have taken a shower. He caught her eye and gave her a questioning look. She just shook her head and then walked over to the sliders, standing there watching the snow outside. He'd noticed that it was mostly flurries when they came back in, but it was still overcast and cold.
He got up and picked up the mugs, walking them into the kitchen and placing them in the sink. He walked back over to stand next to her. She had one arm wrapped around her waist and she was biting down on one of her nails on the other hand. "Did you call?" he asked.
She nodded. At first she didn't say anything, but then she looked over at him and said in a low voice, "He wasn't happy about it." He put his hands in his pockets and just gave her a quick nod. "Of course, he didn't want me doing anything unsafe, so while he's not happy, he understands," she went on. "I'll check in again after lunch."
He wondered what she would do. He was sure nothing was going to change in the next few hours. But it was clear to him that she wanted to leave and all he could do was watch her do it.
Rayna
After lunch they all went outside. The snow had stopped falling and the kids wanted to make that snowman, so Deacon started to help them. She decided to venture out to the road again, although she was certain nothing would have changed. As she headed down the driveway, she thought about the fact that she was stuck here with Deacon and the kids. She obviously never minded spending time with Maddie and Levi. She loved them more than anything and missed them terribly whenever they weren't with her. Deacon was a different story.
They had been apart now for so long that she'd put any creeping thoughts of reconciliation out of her mind. She had moved on with her life and found love again. Luke wasn't perfect and sometimes she felt like they weren't on the same page about certain things, but she was happy. She had been writing her own music, and most of what was on her albums since Deacon had left were songs she'd either written herself or with another songwriter. She had proved to herself that she could live life on her own too. The music had saved her. She and Deacon would always be connected through Maddie and Levi and they were learning every day how to rebuild if not quite a friendship, at least a comfortable coexistence.
Spending this time around Deacon had allowed her to see how he interacted with their children. It was different from the bits of time they were all in one place together, whether it was drop off or pick up or a birthday celebration or a school event. This had given her a chance to see him as a father and she'd been maybe a little surprised to see how much he'd grown into the role. It had been gratifying to watch. She also had to acknowledge that being with him for this amount of time had had some unintended reactions as well. Being around him reminded her of the 15 years they'd been together, back when love and the music had meant everything to them and had been the center of everything. She and Luke didn't write together. Luke didn't even write much on his own. They didn't tour together, although that would change. But their styles were different and their approaches to music were definitely different. Even how they parented their kids was different, something that had made her wonder how they would manage it.
She got to the road and pushed at the snow with the toe of her boot. The road itself was still slick. She also looked down the road towards the interstate and realized that it was hard to tell exactly where the pavement was and she knew it would be easy to make a mistake and end up off the road. She shivered, both from the cold and the realization that she wasn't going to be able to leave. Luke had been upset when she'd spoken to him earlier, getting a little pissy with her, something she had not liked. But there was nothing she could do. She would have to make the best of it. And she was also not looking forward to letting him know she wasn't going to get out before the next day, assuming the temperatures rose and the sun came out. Tomorrow's Christmas Eve. This is a mess.
Deacon
He had watched her walk down to the road and stand there for a few minutes. When she came back she walked straight into the house. And when the kids finally complained about the cold, they went inside as well. He didn't see her anywhere. He popped some popcorn and then he and the kids settled in to watch a movie. She didn't come into the great room until almost 4. She smiled a little, then settled on the couch next to Maddie. He looked over at her, lifting an eyebrow, and she just shook her head. He didn't know if that meant she wasn't leaving or that she had nothing to say. He did notice her eyes looked a little red.
When the movie was over, he went out to bring in more firewood. After the second trip, he noticed the kids were gone and she was still sitting on the couch, just staring at the fire. When he closed the door, she looked up but didn't say anything. He added a couple logs to the fire and then sat on the couch. He didn't say anything either, not sure what the right thing to say would be.
"I hate to impose, but it seems I'm going to need to stay another night," she said finally, sounding weary.
"Not a problem. We got plenty of room here." He breathed in. "What did he say when you told him?"
She looked at him. "I won't share the details, but he was not thrilled."
"I'm sorry."
She shrugged. "He'll get over it. He knows it's not safe to drive. I think it was more that I'm... here."
He nodded. "No doubt."
She sighed. "I know this isn't really ideal for either of us, but I really do appreciate your willingness to let me stay."
"Well, it ain't safe to drive. Even I know that." She gave him a tiny smile and swatted his arm. He took a deep breath. "You're right, it ain't ideal, but, you know, it's actually been nice having you here. And I know the kids have liked having you here."
She leaned her head back on the couch. "It hasn't been terrible," she said with a smile. "It's been nice to see you with Maddie and Levi. Not that I'm surprised, but it's great to see how much you love them, and to see you being a father." She smiled, maybe a little sadly. "You're a good father, Deacon."
He felt an ache in his heart. "Thank you," he said softly.
She looked over at the fire and breathed in deeply. "Do you remember when the last time was we were here at Christmas? Or were we ever?" She looked over at him.
He thought about that. "Maybe when Maddie was really little?"
She looked pensive. "You know, I always thought this would be the perfect place to celebrate Christmas. And if we'd been lucky, it would have snowed like this." She made a face. "Well, maybe not exactly like this, but to have snow on Christmas. That was always my dream." She realized what she'd said and felt instantly uncomfortable. "I'm glad you do this with Maddie and Levi."
His chest felt tight and his mouth felt dry. "They seem to like it," he said. She nodded and then looked away.
Rayna
She couldn't help but think that this was the perfect family Christmas. Except they weren't a family. They were from the standpoint that Maddie and Levi were their children and they had always felt like each other's family, almost right from the start. But when the two of them had been a family, they had been together. They had just been so inexplicably tied together. She had thought often that first year about how that had all unraveled or ripped apart or disconnected or whatever had happened. Eventually she thought about it less and less and then, when Luke came into the picture, she really didn't think about it at all. But being in this place, this house he'd bought for her, with their children, had left her feeling mixed up inside.
Technically they were still married. The paperwork was filed and it would be over before the wedding. She'd marry Luke and then they'd be off on their joint Honeymoon Tour. The tour would last nearly a year and take them all over the country and then to Europe, Australia, and Canada, touching down in Nashville just periodically. She thought she remembered that they would spend the next Christmas in Australia. It seemed crazy to her. In fact, it was a little overwhelming to imagine. She'd never toured for that long and had never been away from Nashville for that long.
As part of merging their lives together, Luke had persuaded her to do some branding with a women's clothing line that focused on a more country western look. She also had a deal with a women's shoe brand, that featured boots. Part of that had involved wearing the clothes and the boots and agreeing to spotlight them on the Honeymoon Tour. The clothes were fine, but not really her style. She was into rhinestones and bling on stage, but her casual look leaned more towards well worn jeans and t-shirts or sweaters, not the dressier casual they made. And the boots, well, the boots just weren't that comfortable. Luke had also talked her into doing a Christmas special for charity, which was televised. They had filmed it before Halloween and it had felt fake, not just because it wasn't anywhere close to Christmas. None of it was what she would do at Christmas. She loved to decorate, but everything at Luke's ranch, where they'd filmed it, was just too done or something.
The kids hadn't really enjoyed it either. They fretted about not having the things they were used to as well as being at the ranch, and Maddie had asked more than once if it had meant they wouldn't spend Christmas with Deacon anymore. And then of course there was Deacon. He had not been happy that she was including them, and she'd had to explain that Luke's kids would be there and it would seem strange if hers were not. He very reluctantly agreed to let them participate, but he had also shared their confusion about it, especially Maddie's.
This was more like what it would have been like if she and Deacon were still together. The tree they decorated as a family, with a mix of storebought, handmade, and family heirloom decorations. It wouldn't be one of those designer trees where everything matched or coordinated. The stockings would have been vintage, not shiny new. It would have felt homey, like it did at her house or here at the cabin with Deacon. It made her sad.
She could hear the faint sound of a guitar. Deacon had always had a large collection of guitars. Many were vintage – and expensive – but others were just guitars he liked. When they were still together, the vast majority of his collection was at their house. When they were still talking about a music room, his vision was to be able to display his best guitars there. He'd always kept some at the cabin, because they always made music at the cabin. Most often they wrote together, but even if they didn't, they always sang to each other. That was another thing she'd always enjoyed – sitting on the porch, or on the couch if it was cold, and singing to each other. They would sing old favorites, he would sing songs he'd written, or they'd sing one of the songs they'd written together that they knew they'd never put on a record or perform on a stage. Sometimes they even sang songs they just liked.
He had gotten off the couch and gone upstairs after the awkward little conversation about Christmas at the cabin. She didn't really blame him. She'd had a lot of complicated thoughts and feelings about being here too. She looked down at her left hand and twisted the ring on her finger. Luke always did things in a big way and he'd certainly done that with the engagement ring. It was large and ostentatious, although it was also beautiful. It was a promise of the future. When she thought about the future with Luke, she had somehow always thought about her life and Luke and his kids just fitting into that. But that wasn't Luke. Sure, he liked quiet nights alone but he also liked to be on the go, 'getting out among the people', he would say.
Maybe it was because she'd grown up in Belle Meade, grown up a Wyatt, but when she thought about her future she'd always wanted a simpler life. She knew being a country artist would mean it would be harder to have that simpler life, but she wanted to leave that bigger life on the stage and just be a wife and mom off of it. She wanted to be with her children whenever she could, watching movies or getting ice cream or making cookies. Luke's kids went to boarding school, which she couldn't imagine doing with Maddie and Levi. But he'd told her it gave them structure and that was what they needed. She had been clear that Maddie wasn't going to boarding school, but her life without Luke had been different. It had been simple. Once she and Luke were married they'd be on the road a lot, whether it was touring or special events or publicity. Much more than what she was used to. And with Deacon on the road a lot, it could be hard to do it all with the kids along.
She got up from the couch and walked over to the sliders. It looked like there a few patches of blue in the sky, which meant the skies could be clearing. She shivered a little, mostly because she could feel the cold through the glass. She and Deacon had always lived a simple life. First it was an apartment, then the cottage, and this was their getaway spot. They had always wanted the same things. Until they didn't. He'd been resistant to the house near Percy Warner Park and, when she thought about it, it kind of coincided with things becoming strained between them. It was true that she thought they needed more privacy, but maybe that was too much. She sighed. A house wasn't the cause of their problems. The truth was that she didn't completely know what the cause was. It started with his desire for a solo career, but it had morphed into something else, where he seemed almost desperate to get out from under her. And she didn't completely understand that either.
Deacon was complicated though. Always had been. It was one of the things she appreciated about Luke. He was not complicated. In fact, he was not much like Deacon at all, other than the music part. She appreciated that about him. It made most everything easier.
She walked back over to the couch and saw the pillow and blanket Deacon had brought down the night before over on a side table. She went over and picked them up and, after placing the pillow on one end, stretched out on the couch, covered herself with the blanket, and fell asleep to the faint sounds of Deacon's guitar and the gentle crackle of the fire.
She was standing on the porch, her arms crossed over her chest and her hands tucked in. She could see her breath in the cold air and the fading light, but she was still hot all over. That was why she was out here. Almost the second Levi had run up and told her to wake up, she had felt almost like she was covered in perspiration. Her face felt warm and when she'd touched a hand to her cheek it had felt like it was on fire. She was finally starting to settle down, but she was still having a hard time catching her breath.
He turned towards her, his eyes sparkling and a smile on his face. She smiled back, letting her fingers scratch the scruff on his face. His hand brushed the back of her shoulder and he breathed in deeply. "Do you know how much I've missed this?" he whispered.
"I do," she said. "So have I." He kissed her gently and then moved closer so that their skin was touching under the sheets. There were no more words, just gazing into each other's eyes. She could see everything he was feeling and she was sure he could do the same with her. She moved her hand up to the hair behind his ear, smoothing it back as she bit her lip.
He moved so that he was mostly on top of her, the sheets tangled around their bodies and limbs. He ran his hand slowly up her leg from her ankle to the back of her knee. When his fingers touched there, she heard her own tiny moan. He smiled at her again and she cupped his shoulder with her hand. She was so ready for him, feeling his skin against hers. She had needed this...
She made a noise, fighting to push back the memory of that dream. It wasn't the first time she'd had a dream like that since he'd been gone, but just like every other time she had one, she was left with feelings of anguish and confusion. And no more so than now. The sky was fast slipping from dusk to night and she didn't know what to do.
She heard the sliders open behind her but she didn't turn. "You okay?" he asked. She heard the concern and the curiosity in his voice.
She dropped her head but didn't turn. "I'm fine," she said.
She could tell he was still standing there, trying to decide what to do. "I was gonna start making dinner soon," he said finally.
She nodded. "Okay. I'll be right in." When she heard the doors slide shut, she squeezed her eyes closed, feeling the hot tears roll down her cheeks. What the fucking hell. She stood outside for a few minutes longer, then finally turned and went back inside.
Deacon
You know, I always thought this would be the perfect place to celebrate Christmas. And if we'd been lucky, it would have snowed like this. That was always my dream. There had been a heavy stillness in the air after she'd said that. And then she'd seemed to realize what she'd said and tried to cover it up by saying she was glad he did Christmas with the kids at the cabin. He'd felt it too. He understood though. They'd been basically trapped together for 2 days in a place that held some of the most poignant memories of their lives together. He'd bought this place for her. They had come together over Rayna's pregnancy here. And it was where he'd proposed. All she wanted to do was get out and drive up to see her fiancé. Luke.
After a long minute, he had gotten up and gone upstairs. He had turned the 4th bedroom into a music room of sorts. He had about 10 guitars at the cabin. 2 of them were downstairs and were the ones he'd often use if he was singing for the kids or was playing with Maddie. Rayna had given him several guitars but most of them were guitars he'd picked out for himself. A number of them were vintage, some valuable, others not as much. He had one of Merle Haggard's guitars, but it was at his house, as well as a few others that had belonged to revered songwriters in town. He didn't have a studio setup but he'd brought in one of the couches from the music room at the Belle Meade house and a couple of chairs along with a couple of tables for writing. He didn't use it often, but it was a comfortable place and he thought Rayna would appreciate the distance.
He checked on Maddie and Levi and saw that they were asleep, then he walked down to the other bedroom. He'd been working on a couple of songs as the Revel Kings tour was wrapping up and he spent some time on those. He wasn't sure what he was going to do when he went back to Nashville. He hoped he could get back to his regular spot at the Bluebird, although it had been a long time since he'd been a regular there. He'd heard they were looking for someone for the Opry band and he thought he'd check that out after the holidays too. In the meantime, he could write and he quickly got lost in melodies and lyrics and ideas.
He didn't know how much time had passed when he heard Levi racing down the stairs. He finished what he was working on and put his guitar back on its stand. He walked down the hall to check on Maddie, who was still asleep. He decided to wake her up, otherwise she wouldn't be able to sleep that night. He shook her arm gently. "Maddie? Sweetie?" he said. She made a noise, then slowly opened her eyes. He smiled at her. "You wanna get up? It won't be long before we eat dinner."
She sat up and rubbed her eyes. "I guess," she said, her voice thick with sleep.
"I heard Levi go downstairs. Maybe y'all can watch a movie or something." She stood up then and stretched, then headed for the stairs. He followed her down to the great room. Levi did have the TV on and she wandered over to the couch and grabbed the blanket that was there and curled up under it. That's when he saw Rayna, standing outside on the porch. He frowned, wondering what she was doing out there.
It had certainly been a strange couple of days. Probably not surprising, all things considered. He and Rayna had lived separate lives for a long time. When he thought about it, he knew that she had felt it more acutely early on. But as time went on, she moved farther on and now was ready to build a life with someone else. Ironically, he supposed, it had been in the last year or so that he'd felt the loss more. Some of it was Luke – a lot of it, if he was honest – but a large part was just watching her move on. He hadn't had any serious relationships. They were all casual, although some were more long-term than others, but it made him wonder why he hadn't found something more solid, like she had.
As he looked at Rayna, something about her seemed to indicate that she was troubled. He glanced at the kids and they were glued to the movie, so he walked over to the sliders and opened them. "You okay?" he asked.
She didn't turn to look at him. "I'm fine," she said, her voice a little muffled.
He figured she was thinking about Luke. Thinking about whether she could get out the next day. "I was gonna start making dinner soon," he said.
She nodded. "Okay. I'll be right in." He waited a second, then closed the doors and headed for the kitchen. A few minutes later, she opened the doors and walked back into the house.
